Respect Choices: Letting Go of Others' Decisions (92) - Dailys SHORT with Kim & Jill

You've been there, right?  Offering advice, only to be met with excuses. It's frustrating when others don't seem to want help, but remember, their choices are their own.  Let go of the need to fix them.  Sharing your wisdom is a gift, whether or not it's accepted. Focus your energy on your own growth, and trust that others will find their way.  It's a daily practice, this letting go, but one that brings peace.
 

Hello, everyone, and good morning, Kim. Good morning, Jill. Good morning, everyone. What is our message for today? 

Today we're going to talk about those things you say to people or things, places, experiences—the things that you might say out loud. And you're trying to give your judgment or opinion or just a thought that you're expressing out examples. So I was at a family function recently, and there was somebody who was having some concerns in their life and they were talking to me. I was educating them on some alternative choices that they could consider in their life. I thought it was very open and receptive on their part. I wasn't sending anything through judgment; it was just knowledge that I was providing to them. I was saying, "Here you go, here's an opportunity." 

However, they had an excuse that they brought up right away for that opportunity. So I gave them options of different ways to go through that excuse. You could tell they were stuck on their excuse. That's fine; I let it go. Then I heard later on that this person was complaining about their concerns to another person. That person also was giving suggestions, and they had excuses as well. They acted like they never even talked to me about that issue also. 

I heard about that, and I can guarantee most of you have gone through something very similar before. It's like, how do you handle that? How do you handle the piece of them continuing to do the "woe is me," the victim mode while you're sitting over here? I gave them all these options; I don't understand why they're not doing them. We get judgmental, we get frustrated that they're not willing to help themselves, and we also get sad to see that they're not willing to do the help for themselves when we have all the tools and resources that could potentially help them.

It's kind of like when there's a medical procedure. Okay, wow! They're showing me Jehovah Witnesses. When they go to the hospital, if they need blood, they do not accept blood; they will choose to die instead of receiving blood if that's what it comes down to. That is their choice, and it may anger some of the medical professionals in that situation, but they have to honor their choice.

That is what today's message is about: honoring other people's choices. Honor their decisions and just let it be. You sent the message that you need to send, and it's up to them to be open to receiving when they are ready to open and receive it—not up to you to push their buttons or make them do something they're not ready to do. It's part of the journey; no doubt about it.

I heard a little tidbit this morning: if it becomes a wound or wisdom, that's our choice—your family member's example: wound or wisdom. You were, as you put it, educating and sharing without what I call barbs. You didn't have barbs in there; you weren't trying to manipulate or guilt-trip or do any of that stuff you had said—that just want to be real clear—that's what you mean when you're saying educating: take this or don't; it's up to you.

That particular person chose a wound, and that is our choice too—to do that. Looking back on my life, I am the queen of trying to convince people not to wound themselves but rather take the wisdom instead. It didn't work so many times because you have to do—like you said—you have to let it be. You share; then you have to let it be.

I have personally learned that I was far more fixated on helping other people heal their wounds and engage wisdom than on my own healing process. Finally shifting that focus has been crucial for me: I'll do exactly what Kim just shared—put it out there—and then let it be. They don't always succeed at that, but I definitely have that intention and do my best with it.

Most of my time and energy now goes into sorting out my own wounds and wisdom rather than dealing with other people's stuff. That's kind of like a hidden message in yours that I picked up on—I'm not sure if others got it—but that's swirling around in my mind is something I've said many times: Kim, you do certain things very naturally sometimes without even seeing them yourself.

You're like, "What?" I'm not picking on you; I'm just saying you have this natural talent for laying something out there for someone and letting it be—meanwhile—it took me decades to learn how to do that!

That's not a judgment; it's just pure observation—it takes work and practice! The more I've had to just let go—in my head—I had to tell myself this is their choice: why are you judging their choice? It involved a lot of self-talk—telling myself it's okay for them to choose whatever path they want.

I don't need to be the one who fixes them; it's a daily practice! It's not like we nailed it one day and then we're done—we never have to attend again! It's continuous tending; it really is!

That's how we're wired as humans: if we don't keep ourselves pointed toward more productive habits, we'll default back into unproductive ones. Years ago someone described it as being like a jet plane: if you very slightly adjust the nose of the plane, you'll end up at a very different target.

What I'm hearing from you now too is like—you’re daily keeping the nose pointed at the direction you choose—the destination you want—not one by default or accident.

I love it! 

Sweet! Well, thank you, Kim! 

Yeah! Thanks Jill! Thank you everyone! All right—have a wonderful day—and until next time!