Ever caught yourself sounding just like your parents—and cringed a little? You’re not alone!

In this episode, Kim and Jill dive deep into the funny, frustrating, and sometimes heartwarming ways we inherit parental traits—whether we want to or not. They share personal stories about recognizing these patterns in themselves, discuss how generational “normals” shape us, and explore the power of self-awareness in breaking (or embracing) family habits.

Key takeaways:
- Self-awareness is key: Noticing inherited patterns gives you the power to choose what stays.
- Generational wisdom isn’t all bad—some habits are worth keeping!
- Shifting perspective turns old annoyances into opportunities for growth (and laughter).

Tune in for relatable laughs and practical tips on navigating those inevitable moments when you realize… yep, you really are turning into your mom or dad!

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Hello, lovely listeners, and good morning, Kim. Good morning, Jill. Good morning, everyone. Today we're going to talk about those lovely parental traits that we have been recognizing in ourselves lately. Do you remember when you were younger and you were like, I'm never going to do that. I'm not going to be like my mom. Oh, I can't believe she'd even do that. And then here we are doing the same thing. And for those of you who are listening who haven't had that experience yet, it's coming. Yes. It happens to everyone. It's kind of like a cosmic family joke.

Yep. It's okay. When I was younger—and I shouldn't say younger—when I was having my children, I had certain characteristic traits that I did not actually want to pass down onto my kids. And so I asked my kids when I was younger, said, if I start doing this and they don't recognize that I'm doing that, please let me know. And they were a little bit fearful to say anything to me, and I said, no, it's okay. Please call me out on this because I don't want to be like my mom or I don't want to do what my dad did.

And so I'm like, I need help because I'm not going to see it. I'm not going to recognize it right away. And so they started doing that over time, and it helped me recognize the patterns a lot faster so I can shift them and say: does it work for me now? What my parents did—that I thought was a bad thing growing up—maybe it's actually a really good characteristic or a good pattern or something that's really positive and helpful; then I'm okay with it. I let go of the judgment.

But there's still some of those things that people say: oh, you just look like your mom. Yep, I did. Yeah, right. I think it's those patterns—you know—that's what it is. It's like we grow up seeing what we see. And regardless of what it is that we're seeing, there's something in us that will call that "normal." That's what we compare everything to; that's why we call it normal. It's normal because it's our experience—even if it's crazy wild.

We'll go and see what someone else is doing and say—say you grow up in a house that's really wild—and you go to someone's house—a friend whose family is really chill, really Zen—and you go there and you're like: that's really weird! Like, it's spooky because it's so quiet and you go home and it's wild and loud again, and you're like: oh, this is better; this is normal.

And it's—you know—it's like there really is no normal; it's a pattern; it's something we got accustomed to. And that's what happens when we look up to our parents: we're seeing patterns and we're emulating them in large part even if we're not aware of it.

And the beauty is when we see those patterns—that's really a gift—like when you catch yourself and you're like: oh, I'm acting like so-and-so (whoever it is), a lot of times what comes with that is the cringe—yes—but it's actually—it really is a gift because you're seeing a pattern and it's just bringing it into your awareness.

So the fact that you're seeing it is amazing! I think what's really new and shifted is that we can now see those things and we can modify them. Where I think in past generations it was much more challenging for people to have the opportunity to modify things—they could do it—it just was more challenging—where things seem to move quite rapidly now.

So we can change things that we're not thrilled with and even amp up the things that we are! Because certainly—it's funny how we pay so much attention to the patterns that we don't like—yep—but what about all the good ones too? Because there were good ones too—there's no doubt—there had to be at least a couple!

There are—and I think back to my grandparents—and when I would hang out with them—they would have their set ways that they did everything—they're like: well this is how it's always been so this is just what you do if this is what works.

Here we are now in this generation saying: it worked for you in that time frame—so we are becoming very much more aware of all those things and looking at them and saying: yeah, it definitely worked at that time—I cannot judge that—but I may want to actually use that because it did truly work—I’m going to carry that trait forward—I’m going to carry that pattern forward—I’m going to be like: wow—that actually—I was judging that back then but now I'm like: wow—that was actually really beneficial! Like they had a system down pat that worked; why break that?

Yep! You don't throw everything out from a generation—and it's too kind of interesting—in our society over the years—we have this divisiveness amongst all sorts of things in our society—and even amongst generations—this generational divide—and it's really quite sad because—like—you know—grandparents and grandchildren relationship is amazing.

And when—to call that a divide—the things a grandparent can teach a little child—and the things a little child can teach a grandparent—and then the generations in between thinking there's certain things within each one to hold onto—to continue on with because it's tough; time tested; it worked—we don't have to reject it all.

And that's the same thing with our patterns that we see within our parents—but I think the challenge really is to pick one; pick one pattern—yes! Right? Yep! And basically be with it.

It's not so easy to even pick a pattern that you see of your parents in yourself and be with it—I mean—that was pretty—I think pretty far along and enlightened if you came to make that request of your children: call me out—and all of a sudden they were a little fearful—like—I don't know about this.

Yep—but I can get their fear because—even when we ask people right now—this challenge: look at a pattern—I can feel the little bit of shakiness and discomfort—like: oh—I don't know—we're not supposed to call our parents out.

Yeah! Yep! And it's not—you know—we call it "calling out," but it's more being in awareness like that enhanced awareness so then we can make a different choice or decision at that moment.

Yeah! Yeah! And it's gotten that negative connotation behind it in the past—and now we're like: okay—I’m just recognizing this; thank you; thank you mom and dad for showing me this.

I think it's really important to extract the negativity—the negative attitude—the negative frame—the whatever around it—

Yeah! It's such a gift; it's not that you have to deny the negativity—it can be there—just go deeper into it; if your first response with it is real negative just go: okay that's negative; set that aside and go a little bit farther into it—

Yeah—is there any particular... I'm going to call each other out on this... Is there any particular memory or pattern of your mom or dad that you do—that you judged in the past—or you're like: oh my gosh!

Oh my God—there’s one right now—that I still do. When my mom talks she will talk something—and she often will not give the subject; like—the subject is in her head—and I do it as well!

And when people do it to me—I'm like: give me a subject!! What are you talking about?! And then I do it... I'm like: oh my God! I'm not giving a subject... Like... Oh my gosh... Oh...

Yep! Oh that's funny!

And I used to be so annoyed by it when it would happen... Now I just laugh about it because...I still do it! I do still do it—I grew up with it; she does that—to this day! My mom is in her 80s; she still will start talking and not give you a subject!

So—I mean—it’s been part of my life—my whole life—and it's just... yeah...I catch myself... I'm like... sometimes still get annoyed... most times though—I laugh—and I'm like: all right—all right...

Yeah pretty sure introducing a subject may very well be—a point of awareness—for the rest of my life!

That's it—you’re laughing about it—and you recognize it so you're not judging anymore—you’re just: okay—it is what it is—

That's exactly what we're meant to be doing with it—

Some of those things you're not going to be able to change—

Right—and the best thing—the most amazing experience around it actually—is when I get what I call "a whole experience." Like—I remember conversations with my mom where she didn't give me a subject—and now all of sudden I'm on the other side (the perspective)—I'm the one not giving the subject—and I'm seeing someone else's response to it—it’s really fascinating—to play with that!

So you're shifting your perspective around—that's when becomes entertaining—

Yep! Yep! You have to shift your perspective of it—you have see through other people's eyes—other experiences—

If you're only looking at through your eyes—it’s probably going remain annoying—

Yep.

How about you Kim?

Oof... Huh? ...I have too many...

There was... Okay—it’s almost like—I do opposite—it’s very odd—

There's certain things yes—I do—but when younger my mom used yell lot from downstairs or from another room—you weren't in same room so she would yell—or start talking—you’re like: can't even hear what she's saying—

So in this timeframe now—with my kids—I wouldn't yell—I would purposely—in my head nope—not going yell them because yelled at—

So almost—in negative way—I would get very frustrated myself because have walk downstairs talk them person—

And I'm like why's bad? That's good thing go down talk person—

Because got mad yelled as younger child another room but now getting mad walking—not following pattern but walking kids talk them—it strangest thing ever!

Wow...

What beautiful thing came up lifetime are cell phones—instead yelling across house—you just pick up phone text kids now problem solved!

But wanted yell from another room very quick almost want do with kids would husband he'd be can't hear then he would get so frustrated can't hear from another room gotta talk here pattern kept going back forth until became peace understanding okay get up talk somebody person don't have yell across room get up

Interesting

Yeah these things take while sort sometimes just won't sometimes never really get sorted just aware awareness enough

When most challenging quite honestly become destructive patterns completely unaware ever seen someone watching interact someone else destruction interacting oblivious think normal comes again observation wow

So if have start asking other people love trust love trust patterns notice

Yep accountability partner

So pick one today play easy try stay negativity intense judgment frustration let be what

Yeah Well thank Kim Ah thank Jill Thank everyone Yeah All right until next time