Ep. 260 Dealing with Toxic Shame with Neena PEREZ

Have any of you ever dealt with shame?

“John Bradshaw said that toxic shame is the greatest form of learned domestic violence there is!” and if anyone has dealt with or has witnessed domestic violence you know that it leaves a lasting impression.

Toxic shame refers to shame that sticks around and starts to contaminate the way you see yourself, your circumstances and those around you. Toxic shame keeps us from doing things that could make us feel better in life.

Toxic shame can be the result of trauma as a child that has left you with feelings of unworthiness or not being good enough. Or it can be something caused by a decision that cause lots of pain and hurt. (like having an affair, like being in repeated damaging relationships, losing everything after you have gained so much) I realize that I was starting to have a bit pf anxiety over this recession that make it worse, because I lost everything in 2008 nine and that was a very tough time and I was very ashamed of it.

Toxic shame keeps us from doing things that could make us feel better, such as exercising, going to therapy, seeking out a mentor or even just asking for help in general.

Asking for help requires vulnerability and courage—two things toxic shame will do anything it can to prevent you from having. Toxic shame also prevents you from loving yourself fully by constantly telling you that no one will love you if they really knew who you were underneath the facade (which is simply not true).

Toxic shame is like an internal bully: It tells us lies about ourselves, so we don't trust ourselves enough to take action in our lives or pursue our dreams.

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