Stop Chasing Love, Start Building Great Relationships to Unlock True Affection - Ted Santos

**Episode Intro: “Why You Can’t Find Love – and What to Do About It”**

In this episode we sit down with Ted — author of *Here’s Why You Can’t Find Love* and a self‑declared “relationship truth‑teller.” Ted returns for a second round to pull back the curtain on the hidden economics and biology that keep so many of us stuck in dead‑end romances.

We’ll hear Ted lay out the staggering numbers: more than half of marriages end in divorce, costing U.S. corporations $300 billion in lost productivity and another $30 billion in taxpayer‑funded social services. He argues that the problem isn’t a lack of love; it’s a lack of **relationship skills and competencies**—the same kind of expertise you’d expect from a CFO before you’d hand them a balance sheet.

From the chemistry of oxytocin and testosterone to the “radio‑station” metaphor that shows how the stories we inherit shape our expectations, Ted reveals the universal truths he uncovered while studying human behavior across continents. He challenges the old script of “searching for love first,” urging listeners instead to **look for compatibility in money, health, parenting, sexuality, conflict‑resolution, and more**, and to develop those qualities in themselves.

We’ll also explore the cultural history behind how society’s attitudes toward courtship have shifted—from 1700s England’s failed experiment with “women choosing their own men,” to the 20th‑century sexual revolutions that left many navigating a sea of mixed signals and “game.”

If you’ve ever felt caught in a cycle of relationships that go nowhere, or wondered why the “love‑language” talk feels hollow, this conversation offers a no‑fluff, data‑driven roadmap to building the kind of partnership that actually produces love as a **by‑product**, not a prerequisite.

Grab your notebook, take a deep breath, and get ready for an eye‑opening, empowering dive into the mechanics of modern romance. 🎧✨

Sharmin Prince
Just join us in a quick breathing exercise so that we can be grounded and centered together by taking a deep inhale and a deep exhale. In and out. Again, in and out. Last time in and out. And back to normal breathing.

Now we've had Ted here. This is Ted's second time on the podcast. And this is a man who dare to tell the hard truth about relationships and dating. Ted is the author of Here's Why You Can't Find Love.

Now, if you ever felt stuck In a cycle of dead-end relationship, Ted's no-nonsense approach is a breath of fresh air. He doesn't offer magic spells. He offers a mirror, helping us to see patterns we need to break to finally make room for the love we deserve. Get ready for a conversation that is eye-opening as it is empowering.

Ted, are you ready for this conversation? I am.

Ted Santos
I wrote the book. We're going to do a Ted Talk, and I am Ted.

Sharmin Prince
Excellent. What was the inspiration behind this book?

Ted Santos
Our relationships are failing. That's it, bottom line.

Mitzy Dadoun
Your relationships or everyone you knew?

Ted Santos
Over 50% of marriages go to divorce. That's way too much for any society. And I know, so first I want to say thank you for inviting me back for a second time. I'm really honored.

And the first time we spoke, I spoke about business, but I'm sort of ambidextrous. I'm a guy who can talk about relationships and business and then connect them. And I'll do that now. The divorce, well, corporate America is losing $300 billion every year in workplace productivity.

And I think we spoke about it before. I think you know the answer. Do you all know the answer this time?

Mitzy Dadoun
You told us the last time.

Ted Santos
Divorce. So, divorce is not just as simple as people get divorces in Orwell. It's costing corporate America $300 billion in the loss of workplace productivity, and no one's really talking about it. In addition to that $300 billion, there's another $30 billion directly to the taxpayer because divorce oftentimes causes families to go into poverty and their social programs, it leads to crime and prison.

So it's costing us the taxpayer. And if we were to assume us the individual pay for it anyway, because if you have A large percentage of your employees who are distracted and they say people going through divorce and bad relationships, their productivity drops by 50 to 75%. That's a lot. And it's unsustainable for a corporation.

So what do you do? You start laying people off. And you don't lay off the people who are going through a divorce or really bad breakup. You randomly lay off people, which you can lay off people who may have been in a decent marriage.

And now they are having financial problems, which could then lead to divorce. So it's the self perpetuating cycle. And that's a lot. Three hundred billion is a lot.

You don't hear it on the eyewitness news. You don't hear it anywhere. We're sort of ignoring it as though it's not happening yet. It's costing us.

And that's not even talking about the. mental or emotional trauma that it causes to the individual, you come out of generations of broken homes, people start to be afraid to get married. And now we have marriage rates at the lowest they've ever been. And then that creates all kinds of other problems.

But if we could look at divorce and do something about it, we could get our society back on track and have less division between us as citizens of the US.

Sharmin Prince
Thank you. Thank you for that, Ted. Where did the title of the book come from?

Ted Santos
I couldn't, I was thinking and thinking, I said, what's a title that may get people upset with me? So I had created that one.

Sharmin Prince
Okay. And have you had that reaction that where people are upset with you for the title?

Ted Santos
Some people, Mitzi asked, you know, have I been through bad relationships? No, I, in the book, I talk about how I started studying human behavior. And I specifically wanted to understand women from the age of nine. So I, I have, I've lived in several countries.

I've dated women from every continent. And I've wanted to see, are there things that are universally work in relationships, regardless of age, generation, or geographic location? And there seems to be certain universalities that work in relationships. So me writing the book, It's not a reflection on me doing soul searching in a confessional.

Since there are so many universal principles that work, I wrote a book to make that available to people.

Mitzy Dadoun
So why don't you highlight for us some of those universal truths that you've found, and then we can kind of come back and have a conversation about some of those things.

Ted Santos
Well, do you all remember the radio station?

Sharmin Prince
Don't go there yet, yeah, but okay.

Ted Santos
You're asking me, you're asking me to get into it. Okay, go

Sharmin Prince
ahead, yes.

Ted Santos
I think maybe we should slow down a bit, right? Yeah. So you ladies can get to that radio station.

Sharmin Prince
Because that's, That's a brilliant analogy that, I mean, I have a question and it's all the way on, I think, page 41. So we have 40 pages to catch up.

Ted Santos
Okay, so let me give you the punchline of the book that's not explicitly written. Love has nothing to do with creating a great relationship. Love is a byproduct of a great relationship. if you haven't developed the skills and competencies to create a great relationship, then I have a very uncomfortable question, which is, if you don't have those skills and competencies, why do you think someone should love you?

Mitzy Dadoun
Right. One must love oneself and know oneself.

Ted Santos
Nope, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is, We go into relationships backwards. We go in looking for love.

Love me, love me, love me. Love, all you need is love. We have songs, Hollywood, love saves the day. We hear all this stuff.

And we are not learning how to find someone who's compatible with us. And finding someone who's compatible, if there are relationship skills and competencies that make a relationship work. And you are looking. So instead of looking for love, looking for someone who has those skills and competencies to make them work, and then you want to make sure they're compatible with you.

So how do we manage money or is there compatibility there? How do we take care of our mental and physical health? How do we want to raise children? Are we compatible sexually?

How do we resolve conflict? Are we compatible there? So if you, if you're looking for someone who has all those in a really good way, then you have to make sure you've done the same. You've done the work also.

Otherwise, you're expecting one person to carry the relationship. So if you want to be hired as a CFO of a billion dollar corporation and you don't have the skills and competencies, you've never taken classes on finance and accounting, You're expecting to be hired for something for which you don't have the competence to do the job. Perhaps you're an engineer, perhaps you're an architect, perhaps you're an attorney, but you're not a CFO. It's no different for relationships.

And so we don't really talk this way. We go in looking for feelings of love. And I actually talk in my book about how Biochemically, we secrete all kinds of hormones that make us feel good, and we confuse that for love. And then we're in divorce court.

Sharmin Prince
I love that you started there, because it's a concept in the book. And I remember when I was reading it years ago, I said to someone, if you marry for love, you're marrying for the wrong thing. I was attacked because it was in a public forum. And while I'm reading, I'm like, but this is the undertone of what Ted is saying.

Right? So we were not socialized to look for compatibility mentally, financially, and all the other areas. We were socialized to feed the oxytocin in the brain.

Ted Santos
Exactly.

Sharmin Prince
Right. But so now, how do we help women who are listening to this podcast to have or experience a paradigm shift when it comes to relationships?

Ted Santos
So we're almost doing the sequel to the book now. Okay, okay. So you said you thought I was going to fill it with statistics and research and all this. So now I'm going to give you some.

In England, in the mid-1700s, they tried something. So let's think about your question. What are we going to give women? So what are the skills and competencies?

And what will you take from home? So part of a parent's job is to prepare their children for life. And do you want your daughter to be alone? If you do, then there's a way to raise her to make sure she's undesirable to every man.

There's a way to do that. And even if she likes women, she can be undesirable for human beings. There's a way to prepare her to be desirable for the person for whom she's compatible. So we've done that.

And for millennia, your parents arranged or had a huge impact on your choice of a spouse, especially for a woman. In the mid 1700s, they decided, I don't know if this was an intentional social experiment, but they decided to let women choose their own man instead of having the influence from their parents. Do you know what the outcome was of that? Perhaps you ladies know about this already.

Do you know what happened in England in the mid 1700s when they decided to let women choose their own man?

Mitzy Dadoun
Nope, you'll have to tell us.

Ted Santos
Over 50 percent of the children born were born to single parent homes, single mother homes. Like 53 percent. So the way it went was. women could explore.

And well, let me see if I like this guy. Maybe I like this guy better. And the guy would, before sex was only available through marriage. So now that the woman can choose, she can take her time.

And the guy says, I want to have sex with you. And she says, we're not married. And he says, well, I love you. And she says, well, what if I get pregnant?

Well, I'm just going to marry you. I love you. and they have sex, she gets pregnant, and he's gone. And that's what was happening in the mid-1700s.

Well,

Mitzy Dadoun
that's

Ted Santos
the point I want to get at. I guess they went back to, they learned that wasn't working, so let's get parents involved. So because what that shows is the man can tell the woman what she wants to hear, and she's gonna feel good, and he can have zero commitment to her. And now the woman's left holding the baby alone.

Fast forward, here we go. You know, the late 50s, we had the beatniks. That was the beginning of the hippies, you know, the rebellion in US history. And most people don't know we had a sexual revolution in the 1920s, during the roaring 20s.

Promiscuity ran. They called those women flappers. But you get coming into the 60s, like the perfect storm, people are rebelling against the war. You have marches with the black community.

So you have all this rebellion happening and a slogan, make love, not war. So promiscuity starts up again. The 70s was rampant with promiscuity. So the idea of your parents being involved in your choice of a spouse was off the table, like the mid 1700s.

So once again, women are now being able to choose who they want. And men can say once again, I love you, I'll marry you if you get pregnant. And that did happen with that was our culture. But Women could choose whoever they want.

And so that made it for men. That's like shooting fish in a barrel. So you want to choose me and me and me. So we'll all give you a try.

So perhaps as a society, it may be wise to have your parents much more involved in a choice of a spouse because the guy can tell you what you want to hear. We're kind of trained to do that. And Hollywood doesn't make it even easier because, uh, There are certain characters in movies for which women may have an affinity, and if a guy is a really smart player, he can just sort of act out and emulate that character, and the woman's going to have an affinity because that character's familiar, and it's easy to deceive her.

But I know

Mitzy Dadoun
women- I love that difference between the trailer and the movie. And it was like that with my ex-husband. It was like the trailer of the movie when we were dating, and once we got married, they were completely different movies. Like, very much to that point.

But going back to your sort of thing about the parents being involved, I mean, back then it was very much a, they weren't trying to find a good match necessarily for, their children, they were trying to find somebody who would further them financially or provide property or it wasn't about compatibility, it was about functionality. And those are two very different things.

Ted Santos
Not really, because that's what compatibility is. For some people, they say compatibility comes down to the compatibility of family values. So, uh, If you're just looking for financial security, the family that's more well off is going. This is why you hear people say, well, the wealthy only marry the wealthy because they're incompatible with other people.

Their family values are not the same as the average person.

Sharmin Prince
I want to go to page two of your book.

Ted Santos
right to the beginning.

Sharmin Prince
Yes. That's where I want to start because I, I wrote on that page, the rules of engagement. I think it's the second to last paragraph or the third to last where, um, at the same time, I also, I've also seen women say that they only want sex from a man after they get to know the guy, they like him. then they claim the rules have changed because feelings are involved and this can be messy.

And I wrote the rules of engagement because there's so many women who get into that situation and you'd hit it on, it was like bullseye because There are one set of rules in the beginning that this is only for sex. But I think years ago, I interviewed a woman saying that there is no, I think, I forgot what it was in, an acronym, like sex without affection or love, something like that. And when affection and emotions get involved, they want the rules to change and

Ted Santos
it

Sharmin Prince
really becomes messy. How do you speak to women who, in the beginning, accept that this is only for sex, but then the sex got really good,

Mitzy Dadoun
and

Sharmin Prince
emotions getting involved and now you want a relationship. How do you speak to those women?

Ted Santos
So women secrete more oxytocin than men and they secrete it faster. It takes men longer to secrete oxytocin and oxytocin is the bonding biochemical. And testosterone blocks oxytocin. Men have more testosterone, so it's easier for men to not have that oxytocin high.

And so as a woman starts, and sex is a great way to start the secretion of oxytocin. You can literally start the secretion of oxytocin through great conversations. It doesn't only have to be sex. I mean, women secrete enormous amounts when they're pregnant, when they're breastfeeding.

So your bodies are designed to bond. And a man's body is designed to sort of hold back the reins on the bonding. So I don't know if nature was thinking, in case of emergency, and there's one man left and 100 women you have to, or two men and you have to impregnate these women without feeling too attached. But it seems nature set up something like that.

So women need to understand that the neurobiology of men and women are not equal. So if she goes in looking for sex, there's a chance she could bond with the guy and the guy doesn't see her that way. And she will feel used and it's unfair, but just neurobiologically, the man is not going at the same pace that she's going.

Sharmin Prince
Thank you.

Ted Santos
You're

Sharmin Prince
welcome. I'm moving through the book. You mentioned affection, acknowledgement, validation. And I wrote, can I say these are love languages?

Ted Santos
No.

Sharmin Prince
And explain why.

Ted Santos
Because love languages is just a way to, a lot of people will hate this. That's a way to secrete a person's dopamine and oxytocin. It has nothing to do with building a relationship. Oops.

Sharmin Prince
Okay. Can acknowledgement. Let me just move on from that because you, you just dispelled or I'm just going to say it as it felt for that moment, attack some people's belief system about love language.

Ted Santos
That's why I hesitated. And I have looked into it, so I understand it.

Sharmin Prince
For acknowledgment, do you think acknowledgment can be taught?

Ted Santos
Good question. I would say yes, and I would say we live in a country that's acknowledgment starved, even in corporations. I see with executives, it's like, hey, your people just went through the fire for you, and you don't even acknowledge them. It's like, oh, we're not done yet.

So you're in a relationship with someone, You hear both sides, but I only date women, so I can only speak, I won't say I can only speak, but women will say, well, you can't tell a guy he's handsome, his head's gonna get too big. If you tell him he's intelligent, you know, all these conversations that we believe we can't acknowledge the person for something that we value because we believe their head's gonna get big. and they're going to leave us or cheat on us. And so as a result, we starve the person of how we really see them.

Sharmin Prince
And

Ted Santos
I'm sorry. And the justification is while I'm with you, right, that should be enough.

Sharmin Prince
But isn't that a communication problem and a problem with how we were socialized, not to acknowledge others and let them know how great you are, how handsome you are, how good you are.

Ted Santos
Yes, you could say that because there are Maybe you could say social classes that are much better at that. It's saying, hey, wow, you're really brilliant. I mean, I, you know, they're like, I didn't expect this. And, you know, people judge books by its cover often.

Just to me, it's kind of a funny story. It's my personal story. At some point, I was what you would call ripped. I had great mass, and I started training on a bicycle to compete in races.

And I was out on a bicycle, and I was dressed like those guys in Tour de France, so you could see clearly how my body was formed. And I met a woman that day on my bike, and she just happened to be in law school, and very smart woman, Ivy League undergrad. And she said, when she looked at me, she said, this guy does two things. He goes to the gym, and he looks in a mirror.

That's it. That's all. And she nicknamed me Shallow Man. Her approach to me was I was this shallow guy who only works out and looks in the mirror.

And that day, she didn't know that I had a decent portfolio in the stock market. So I understood what was going on in the stock market. And when she said she was in law school, there were a couple of things happening. legal and financial.

And I said, hey, so what do you think of this? You know, you're in law school. She said, oh, and we had a decent conversation. I said, well, what about this or this other thing?

And so when I asked her, well, I brought these, you know, not normal everyday subjects up. She said, I thought you just read the paper. You got lucky and read the paper that day. So sometimes we prejudge people so there's nothing to acknowledge because we see them a certain way.

So if you dress a certain way, right. So she had this whole story in her head about the value I would provide to her. In the end, we ended up living together five years. So clearly she had to change.

the way she saw me, but it happens. It happens.

Mitzy Dadoun
Well, we all bring to any relationship headship

Ted Santos
is

Mitzy Dadoun
what I call it, because of things we've gone through in our life and everybody brings in their different experiences into a relationship. I remember, you know, when I got together with with my husband, we were getting ready to go on our honeymoon and there was a hockey game he wanted to see. And I was like, so let's just watch. Why don't you just watch the hockey game?

And when it's finished, then we'll start on our drive. It doesn't matter. Like if we get there at seven or if we get there at nine, like what the heck's the difference? And he's like, no, I'm not going to.

I'm not going to fall for that. I'm like, what are you talking about? And I said, just watch the game and enjoy the game. You want to see it?

I don't care. Like what? He goes, but it'll come back and haunt me. And I'm like, what are you talking about?

It'll come back and haunt you. And in his previous marriage,

Ted Santos
with his

Mitzy Dadoun
ex. She would say, oh, yeah, why don't you do that? And then for the next 20 years, she'd be like, oh, yeah, well, you did this and you did this. And I'm like, I understand that, but that's not who I am.

I'm like, if I'm telling you, go ahead and do it. It doesn't bother me. I'm telling you, go ahead and do it because it doesn't bother me. If it bothered me, I'd say, no, it's important to me that we end, you know, in the in the beginnings of our marriages, we were going through that and having those conversations.

You know, it took a while to sort of what's the word I'm looking for, kind of separate from past experiences that weren't good and just be who we are in our relationship. And it's that being honest with yourself and being honest with who you're with about what you really mean and say.

Ted Santos
You're right, you're taking us into the radio station with that. But what I'll say is this, people have all, unfortunately, we very much live as a society by slogans. So you hear people say, oh, you have two ears and one mouth, you should listen twice as much as you speak. That doesn't help people.

We never train people how to listen. people take for granted that because they can hear you, they actually know how to listen. And that's a great example of someone who's not listening. So this is what happens in relationships.

We have preconceived notions, and we don't listen to you. We're listening to the conversation we're having about you and trying to line it up so we can say, yep, that's it. So I'm going to I heard what you said when you said your husband was responding to his ex-wife. What I want to say is a lot of times a guy would never have experienced that except he's heard about it.

He's heard about it so often that he thinks that's just the way women are. So you need to be prepared for that. So that would be a great example of a guy not listening to you. He's listening to all the advice he's gotten from men and boys throughout his life.

Sharmin Prince
I wonder if you're looking at my notes because you spoke about listening. And my next question to you was, what is affectionate listening?

Ted Santos
So one of the things men really do love about women is the the sort of softness in your care, the softness in your voice. So even if a guy is upset about something, women don't understand how much power your femininity can have with a man. Like the slogan, here's a slogan, music soothes the savage beast. So men will have testosterone.

We have another biochemical called vasopressin. And when that binds with testosterone, it's like, I don't know if you ladies will understand this analogy. It's like putting nitrous in your car. Do you, do you understand what I mean when I say that?

Mitzy Dadoun
No.

Ted Santos
Okay. So, um, You can run a race car with gasoline, and then there's something called nitrous that will mix with it, and the combustion is much bigger, and the car accelerates almost like a bolt of lightning. So when vasopressin and testosterone come together, it's like that. So this is why you'll see men have such a significantly more or higher capacity for aggression than women.

And they have found that when women have abnormally high or too much vasopressin, even in the womb, those women generally turn into alcoholics, drug addicts, prostitutes, criminals, because the woman's biology is not made to handle that level of vasopressin.

Sharmin Prince
Wow. So, let's propel forward to the radio station. What is the radio station, according to your book?

Ted Santos
It's what you've been given. So, por ejemplo, si yo quiero hablar con ustedes en otro idioma, yo creo que You can't understand me, yes or no?

Sharmin Prince
I don't speak Spanish.

Ted Santos
Ah, you speak French. Okay. So, I said if I speak to you, the two of you, in another language, you won't be able to understand me. You only understand the language that was given to you.

So the radio station is like that. You're given the facts of life, you're given, and within that, there's even a language. So by language, I'm not talking about Mandarin, English, Portuguese, or French. I'm talking about the language and how you see yourself and see the world.

So you could have two women and one woman says, I can't wait to meet the right guy and show him how loving and affectionate I am. And then there's another woman who says, all men cheat. It's not a matter of if, it's when. And those women, if everything about them looks, education, body, the things, same social class, Those women will have two different relationships, even if it's with the same guy.

Because what they're listening to is this radio station that says, all men cheat. It's not a matter of if, it's just when. And that's the way men are. And the other woman is listening to a radio station.

You could say it's on a different station, a different frequency that's saying, if you want love from a guy, you have to be loving and affectionate. But then there's the third woman who says, I really want to develop myself. so that I'm really compatible for the best man that I can get. And I want a man who's also done the work on himself.

And that's a third, that's a very different relationship. But those three women are speaking three different languages, although they are all speaking English.

Mitzy Dadoun
And the same is true of men as well.

Ted Santos
This is a human paradigm. It's a human paradigm that we're all given the radio station. So in the simplest, if I take it in the simplest way, in our waking hours, we wake up to a radio station that plays and we can't turn it off. So when someone wakes up and says, it's Monday and Monday sucked, they didn't make up the notion that Monday sucked.

They inherited, they were given that. that Mondays suck and Fridays are better than Monday. It's a day. We randomly named it Monday.

You go to another language, it's Lunes or Segunda-Feira in Portuguese. So it doesn't matter what you call it in another language, it's randomly a day. And what we've done is we have a radio station playing that says Fridays are better than Monday and Mondays suck. And so when you wake up to a radio station saying Monday suck, there's a way that you engage Monday that doesn't look the same as when you engage Friday.

So your actions are shaped by the radio station and you don't even have anything to do with the conversations being played on the station. And a lot of times we think, This is just who I am and how I think. When you can peel back the layers, you'll see that the voices that you're hearing usually are not your own. Because you didn't make up Monday suck or Friday is better than Monday.

Mitzy Dadoun
Right. And that goes to your conversation about the difference between thinking and having thought. Correct. They're very different things.

Thinking is when you're creating something new and starting versus thoughts are. the stories that have gone on and then you're hearing them again. Good.

Ted Santos
Very good. Yes. Thinking that which you've never thought would be thinking and having thoughts is all the things that you've seen, you've been exposed to, you've read, you've heard, and you could be rearranging the thoughts in different sequences. Really, actually, that's really what AI does.

It's it's thoughting. AI is artificial intelligence is not intelligent.

Mitzy Dadoun
Right. It's building on previous thoughts.

Ted Santos
Well, right. It searches for what it already... We give AI what it could know, but AI won't create something that we don't know we don't know. You would actually have to think to uncover things you don't know you don't know.

And that could be a lot of uncertainty for people. A lot of people are uncomfortable with uncertainty.

Mitzy Dadoun
Right. And then there's another thing you said there. Negotiation requires you to understand what the other person wants. That requires great listening without presuppositions.

If people would listen to one another, they would find relationships are very easy.

Ted Santos
Yes.

Mitzy Dadoun
Right. And that is so true, because as you say, like that active and affectionate listening to your partner and to anyone, never mind your partner, but to people in general, when we're having conversations, that is such a critical aspect of any relationship that will

Ted Santos
thrive. Right. Right. So when in a relationship, you're negotiating, so someone says, I want X and you can ask, well, you know, why do you feel you need that?

Well, I need it because X, Y, you know, ABC, but I won't give you X, but I can fulfill ABC and I'll do it this way. Are you okay? Because I'm still going to give you ultimately what you want, but I may not be able to do it this

Sharmin Prince
way. I wanted to compliment you on the comparison on page 48 and 49 with the movie Barbarians at the

Ted Santos
Gate. Henry Kravis.

Sharmin Prince
I think the comparison to intimate relationship was brilliant. And if you're listening and you want more and you want to know the details of that, make sure you go get Ted book so that

Ted Santos
you

Sharmin Prince
wouldn't even ask him to unpack that. But, and this would be my last question because of time and on page 55, And I just want to read that. I have to read that. People get fired from jobs every day.

That doesn't stop them from seeking employment, I said. There's that. So what attitude, Susan said? Not really, I said.

Life has risk. If you really want to avoid all risks, stay home alone and never leave the house. When a woman has poor criterion for a man, it may be because she is not sure of what she wants in a man or a relationship. Because she does not know.

She is an easy target for a player. The player is someone who's got game. Women have been indoctrinated with the idea that men must have game to get her. In the woman's mind, having can be a sign that the man is making effort.

Women believe they are worth a man's effort. What most women don't realize is that men who have game have it because they have to. That is so profound. I need you to unpack that a little.

I mean, it's clear as day, but I still, and it elicited a laughter from you. I mean, I have other questions in the book, but that would be my last.

Ted Santos
Well, what do you think I was saying in that?

Sharmin Prince
I think that you said that what we see as game in men is a necessary skill

Ted Santos
set. Okay.

Sharmin Prince
That's how I interpret it. That's my perception of what I read. And I highlighted it in red because

Ted Santos
I think

Sharmin Prince
it's profound.

Ted Santos
What do you mean a necessary skillset?

Sharmin Prince
You mentioned a player. Right. And you also mentioned that women have been indoctrinated

Mitzy Dadoun
to

Sharmin Prince
be attracted to, to like men with some game.

Ted Santos
Okay.

Sharmin Prince
So if the man don't have game, he will be left alone on the shelf. So if, if as a woman, I mean, if we are all indoctrinated to look for the skill set of game, that's what we're looking for. So I think every man, what you said that the man And please, please correct me if I'm wrong, where you that women believe they are worth a man's effort. What most women don't realize is that men who have game have it because they have to.

Ted Santos
Men who have game have game because they have to. And the tough lesson that women learn is they have nothing else except game. They're completely

Mitzy Dadoun
incompetent.

Ted Santos
I'm sorry, say that again, Mitzi.

Mitzy Dadoun
I find guys with game the least attractive. I want, I don't want, I've never been attracted to the player type personality or what have

Ted Santos
you. That's

Mitzy Dadoun
just not compatible with who I am.

Ted Santos
There's nothing else to offer except game. That's it. And so when you're in your empty relationship with a guy who only has game and player lines, you're wondering why you're not fulfilled.