Understanding Addiction - Lean Into the Pain

In today's podcast, I want to address the issue of addiction, kind of explaining how an addiction develops, what an addiction is, and then what to do about it. So as we grow in life, we come across many different experiences. Experiences that hit a certain part of the brain in the limbic system called the nucleus accumbens. That's where the highest concentration of dopamine receptor sites or or at least that's where the flood of dopamine seems to originate from. And we experience things.

Drugs, alcohol, pornography, whatever it is. Those type of things are pleasurable to that part of the brain. It's just the way it is. It's natural. It's it's it's the normal response to how the brain works.

And then as we have science has been able to understand more fully how that limbic part of the brain works, right, 3 prime directives, survive by avoiding pain seeking pleasure. And as we go through life, we come across things. We experience things that create pleasure. And then and then after our brain, also in the limbic system, it's a little place called the hippocampus mainly involved in memory. So all of the things we experience, the brain remembers.

So it remembers what it's like to take your your first drug, your first drink of alcohol, come across sexuality for the first time in puberty, the brain remembers how exciting that is. Then we go through the normal process of life, which is hard, which is stressful, which is very complicated, whether it's dealing with relationships or a myriad of other things. Okay? And then the the when we experience difficult things, there's many acronyms that we use in the addiction field. 1 is BLAST, blast, stands for being bored, lonely, angry, stressed, or tired.

And through the years when I've asked clients, well, how often do you feel in one of those states? And they just smile and go, well, all the time. The question is, when do I not feel in in one of those states? And how the brain works naturally, it doesn't like those states. And so you see the setup?

And so when you're dealing with the realities of life, that they're hard, they're challenging, there's many obstacles, the brain by nature wants to avoid that stuff. It wants to find a a way out of any type of pain, emotional pain or physical pain. So when we come across experiences that create pleasure, the brain will go back to them. And so let's just say, I'm I'm working with an individual right now who who is struggling with medical marijuana. And that, it was prescribed for sleep, not for any other physical pain.

K? Just for sleep. I don't know why the doctor would do that. And, anyway, she's become, in her own words, completely addicted to it. And for 3 years, has not been able to go more than 2 hours without using before we started working together.

And it it was destroying her life. She was sneaking around at work, going to take a puff. She was driving with it in her system. And, anyway, she said, I'm just so tired of the way it's making me feel. So this is how addiction works.

We experiment with something, and then you keep doing it. And through a period of time, your tolerance increases. And then then as you continue to use, you start to come come in contact with negative consequences. You don't like something about it. It's like like this one individual that I've been working with.

Amazing. And she's just such an amazing person. And she's tormented by it. She's literally weeping and crying. She says, why can't I stop?

So I explained how the limbic part of the brain worked. It will always wanna go back to that. It's trying to protect you. It's not trying to it's it's it's kinda it's what the beast part of the brain is just doing what it does. And when you try to yell at it and scream at it, it simply is counterproductive and makes it makes it crave more.

And so, anyway, so back to the development of an addiction. Then you have negative consequences, and then you make a commitment to stop. From the prefrontal part of the brain, you're saying, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm just I'm done. And as I've heard that story a 1000 times, and and then they go back to it despite the negative consequences.

And that that right there is the sentence that, like, this is an addiction thing. If you've made a commitment to stop doing a certain behavior over and over again and you repeatedly go back to the behavior that's creating negative consequences, you have an addiction. There's something that's out of control. You're not able to direct your behavior from the prefrontal rational, logical, judgmental part of your brain. It's the instinctive part of your brain that's driving your behavior, and that is what drives people crazy.

We do not like to have our freedom taken. We do not like to feel that we are controlled by something. And so as I just thinking of these this particular individual that I've been working with, just to see the the the complete sorrow and heartbreak on her face as she just she just starts weeping during sessions and and and lamenting. Why can't I stop? And so we clearly address the reality.

There's an addiction here. This is the part of the brain that in explaining it. And I and I believe and I've learned through the years that if you can help people understand what is going on, how it's connected in in in her case and in most cases with pleasure and then sometimes associated with covering up her trauma. And in her case, it's very interesting. She was in an abusive relationship, a bad relationship with a guy that they used together all the time, and he broke broken off with her.

Said horrible things to her. Like, I just don't wanna be with you. You're not the one I wanna be with. And so they broke off. She's moved on with her life, but she's hanging on and and were able to identify her use was associated with trying to hang on with him in a subconscious way.

And so we identified that. We did EMDR, eye movement desensitization reprocessing with some of her past trauma associated with that. And here's an interesting side note with EMDR. Often, after EMDR is is done in a session, the week thereafter, sometimes 2 weeks, life becomes a little more difficult. It's like you stir things up, like she said.

And after our EMDR session, the the following week, we've done a few sessions. It's just been really difficult. And then then something shifted within her. It's like the brain was trying to, unpeel layer after layer of of what she was really dealing with and how the addiction was associated with a real bad relationship that was not good for her. She was able to identify that.

And and then and then we talked about something that I think is so critical to understand. And when when overcoming an addiction, there comes a period of time when you've just got to and I know this sounds a little weird. You just gotta lean into the pain. You just have to sit with it. And as as we were talking about this in one of our previous sessions, you know, it says, look.

You're all a part of you is always going to wanna use again. Your brain is just doing what it does. It's not bad. You don't need to yell at the limbic part of the brain. You just need to go, oh, there you are.

I understand how you work, limbic system. I acknowledge that. I'm not gonna fight you. Thank you for trying to take my pain away. But and then and then just acknowledging and this is what I said to her.

It says that and just acknowledging to yourself from the prefrontal part of the brain because the limbic system doesn't really use the same language. It uses feelings and emotions and drives. And so I said, just acknowledge in the prefrontal part of the brain, they're saying and play the tape all the way through. I know that this particular addictive behavior does not does not give me what I'm really looking for. It does not provide lasting peace satisfaction.

And and and and then that and then back to the leaning into the pain, I said, so you're always gonna have it. Jack Tim Trippie, the developer of Rational Recovery, uses the the the cognitive behavioral tool of when a trigger comes, just you name it it, capital I t. Instead of saying, I want to go use again, I've got I've got to have my weed. Say it it, my limbic system, a part of me that does that by nature craves that and wants that. I don't want that because I know what it's doing to me.

It's clouding my mind. It's messing up my judgment. I feel crummy in my head after using all the time. And and so I I wanna break free of that. But so just keep that thought in your mind when the craving hits, and then just sometimes you just have to sit with it and lean into it.

As we talked about that, what that's like. And I said something really interesting will happen. If you're able and I and and not if. I says you are capable if you choose to just sit with it. There will come a time when you're bored, lonely, angry, stressed, tired, and it's hitting you, feeling like it's going to absolutely take control of you.

Just acknowledge it, call it out, put your arm around it in in a sense, and just sit with it. Just sit with it. Sit there and just say, oh, there you are. I'm not gonna do what you are telling me to do, but I'm also not going to yell at you and scream at you. I'm just gonna sit with you.

And and and then and I remember the session where, we got on and and and many, many sessions we have had previous to this particular session when she says, I wasn't able to do it this week. I I used you know, first of all, she said, I just wanna go 6 hours without using. And I was able to do that one day and then went right back into it. Anyway, this one particular session she got on, she says, I've been completely sober for 7 days, and I feel like it got a a totally new person. I said, well, what what happened?

How did that happen? And she says, I did what you asked me to do. I just leaned into the pain. I just sat with it. And I go, yeah.

Isn't that interesting? And you didn't die, did you? She goes, nope. And she says, my thinking is clear. I threw away all my paraphernalia, and I'm I and now now we can start working on some other stuff as as we continue to move forward, you know, with her life plan and and some of the other obstacles that she's facing right now.

But and and I've seen this a number of times with individuals that I've worked with. So I think it's just important to understand that there's no such thing as a one and done. This is life. She's gonna continue to struggle. And so in our sessions, and after after that session, I I said, okay.

So what are you gonna do when the triggers come again? She goes, yeah. I'll just sit with it. And so and so the dance of life. Right?

So the reality that there's no such thing as one and done, there's just living, there's just commitment to striving to live a healthier life, but I just want you to know that it's possible. I'm telling you this individual, if you were to sit down and listen to her months ago, you would say there's no way this person's ever gonna get better. And I'm telling you today, she's clean and sober, free, has not ingested any any marijuana. And it and it and it really did just happen like that with her. Now does that guarantee that there's not gonna be a slip down?

Of course not. Not with anybody. But I also know individuals who were addicted to OxyContin, opiates. I'm thinking of another individual that I've that I've worked with. He he has been completely clean and sober for at least 5 years now.

So it's possible that the process the process of healing sometimes just requires leaning into the pain. Pain isn't going to kill you. The cravings aren't gonna kill you. They the limbic part of the brain won't make you think that you're gonna die, but you're not. And if you're able to sit with it for a period of time and the limbic system understands you're not gonna go do the behavior, all of a sudden, it'll find something else to spend its time and energy on because it's not gonna get what it wants.

And so it's well, let me let me see if I can figure out something else. I'm gonna go out in the garage, and I'm gonna work, or I'm gonna go out in the garden and work. And as you do that, life becomes increasingly more manageable, and and it just becomes better. So, anyway, I just just was thinking of that this morning. I hope this podcast comes out okay.

I'm super early in the morning, and I'm driving to the gym and just had those thoughts in my mind. And and, hopefully, the recording is good enough that, we'll be able to to get this out to you. Hopefully, it will be helpful. There's someone out there in the universe. Just know that things are possible.

Change it possible. Sometimes miracles do happen, and just hang on to that thought and believe that miracle can be you and can happen to you.