The Art of Decision-Making: Cutting Away the Unnecessary

This morning, as I thumbed through an old notebook filled with musings from the last couple of years, my thoughts turned to a theme that's been prominent in recent therapy sessions: change. The concept of "decision" intrigued me, derived from "incise," which means cutting away all but one path.

I reflected on a couple I'm counseling who are trapped in a cycle of constant bickering. In solo discussions, each hopes I can 'fix' the other. My advice was clear: transformation begins within. Like Gandhi’s peaceful resistance changed India without violence, we hold immense power to alter our lives by making firm decisions.

Take yelling in arguments—it's a choice; silence can be chosen over escalation. This echoes Amy Cuddy's book "Presence," where perseverance and decision lead to success—much like when I learned to surf at 60 by focusing not on the tumultuous waves but on the distant horizon.

Scattered notes reminded me of influential words shaping destinies—Denzel Washington being told he'd find fame or Tom Brady's self-assured claim as the best quarterback before proving it true. These stories underscore belief’s potency.

In essence, this podcast urges you to embrace decisiveness—to cut through indecision and focus tenaciously on your goals. If anger is your challenge, vow never to raise your voice again; adopt calmness and kindness instead. Remember that greatness often stems from relentless pursuit despite imperfections—a beacon guiding us towards personal mastery and respectful interaction with others.
 

This morning, I picked up an old notebook, that I just was jotting some thoughts down, and it spanned, I don't know, maybe a year or 2. I have notebooks all over the place, and sometimes I pick up old notebooks and just look at things. And the thoughts that I have this morning is I've been pondering this past week with a a number of clients that I've been working with in therapy sessions, about the changes they desire to make and how to go about it. I'm thinking about the word decision. Decision comes from the root root word incise, which means to cut away other options.

And if we look at the power we have inside of ourselves, our agency, the power to choose that sometimes I mean, I'm thinking of a couple I'm working with right now and they're just constantly fighting, constantly fighting, bickering back and forth. And so I work with them individually, and and I'm encouraging them to take a look at themselves, their history, their past relationships, their own individual triggers, where they're perhaps unresolved trauma lies and why they're so easily triggering each other. But they both are pointing the finger at each other all the time. And so when they're talking to me individually, if you can just fix him, and then he says, if you could just fix her. And and I say to each of them, I said, you guys, it's never gonna work that way.

You've gotta look inside of yourself and become the change you wanna see in the world. You've gotta look at yourself. And if we wanna change things about ourselves, we just sometimes need to make the decision to do it. Otherwise, you just go around the squirrel cage over and over and over again. Make a decision inside of yourself to change certain things and just cut away some other options.

It's not an option to yell. For example, again, in this in this relationship, they 1 triggers the other and raises the voice and then the other fights back louder. And I go, each of you have to be the 1 to make a decision inside of yourselves that you've got to change your your relationship. Quit pointing the finger at the other person. You can absolutely refuse to raise your voice.

You have that power within you. I decide not to raise my voice. Kinda reminds me of Gandhi. Right? He simply would not fight back.

Gandhi, the leader who changed, a whole country, India, nonviolent, but he didn't he didn't support anything that was wrong. He just wouldn't fight back. He would clearly oppose things that were oppressive and wrong, but he wouldn't violently fight back. If he was struck, he would not hit back. And it's in the process of doing that.

It changed the whole country. The power that we each have inside of ourselves is is just unbelievable, I believe. We are all capable of doing what we need to do. So I would ask you, look inside of your life and consider something that you've wrestled with for a long time that you want to change and consider that you really are capable of doing it. You're really capable of doing it and just make a decision to do it.

You know, I'm thinking of the book, Presence by Amy Cuddy. Wonderful book. And in that in that story or in that book, she talks about a lady who was learning to surf, and she kept falling over and over and over again. And there was an instructor showing her, you you know, the techniques, how to do it and so forth. And and she just kept falling over and over.

And finally the instructor just said to her, you know there just comes a point when we've given you all the information. You actually are capable. You actually have the skills to do it. You actually just need to make a decision to stand on the board, And that's exactly what happened. She said, Alright.

I'm gonna stand on the board. And then she got up, and and she was surfing. And I and I think I've mentioned this in a in a previous podcast, but I remembered this story when I was learning to serve for the first time and almost exactly the same thing happened. I just I just didn't believe I could do it. The waves of motion, the the balance that is required to stand up on a board with a 1000000 different variables, you know, hitting hitting you, as you're as you're trying to balance and stand up on the board.

And here I am 60 years old for the first time doing it. And I had an instructor do the same thing to me over and over and over again. And he said to me, you know, and and they said something interesting as he was watching. He says, every time you stand up on the board, you're looking down. And then and he says, next time, look to the horizon and point.

And and I kind of got irritated with him in my in my mind and go, oh, seriously, dude? It's gonna be that easy? And I just made a decision to do it. Alright. I'll do it.

And so I just took all that energy, stood up on the board, looked to the horizon, and pointed my finger, and I was surfing. And I was surfing, and I didn't fall. It it so much of it is just inside of our heads and what we believe about ourselves. In some of the notes that I found, on 1 on a page, like, for example, what we believe about ourselves that and sometimes we're listening to what others say. Denzel Washington, the actor, some lady said to him as a child, you're gonna be famous someday.

And so he believed that about himself. Tom Brady. Many of you know that the story of Tom Brady, 1 of the best quarterbacks of all time. He obviously did not have any better skill set than other people. He's 1 of the last quarterbacks chosen in in the year he was drafted.

And yet he somehow believed in himself, and he said, I'm the best quarterback you'll ever see. That's what he said to to the owner. I am the best quarterback you'll ever have. K? It came true.

Jim Carrey, he said this to himself. You'll do 3 great movies. You'll become so powerful, no 1 will ever be able to tear you down to believe in himself. So so he said those things about about himself. And so we just again, the bottom line of of this podcast, a launch I just encourage you so much to think about the word decision.

Sometimes we just need to make a decision and quit wallowing around. And why a decision can be so challenging is you want you wanna keep all the options before you. But the, again, the root word decision comes from incise, which means to cut away other options. When you make a decision, you have to cut away other options. But that makes you at least, powerful in 1 direction.

Make a decision on what you need to do and then tenaciously go after what it is that you decided to do. And constantly, keep that before you and and just keep and and and if you're less than perfect and keeping that decision, you just get up and you just keep trying over and over and over again. All great success comes from the iterative process, which simply means you keep trying over and over and over again. But at least if you have a beacon that you're you're focusing on that you can do it. For example, if you have a difficult time controlling your temper, your decision point is I will not raise my voice.

I will not raise my voice. I will learn the skills necessary. I'll breathe before speaking, and my tone won't ever reach, you know, a a high level because I know that triggers my spouse. And that it's just just the wrong thing to do. Sometimes some of the things we're doing, we just need to take full responsibility and accountability that it's just wrong.

It's wrong to yell. It's wrong to be abusive towards other people. Even if you're hurt, you can be diplomatic inside yourself and the way you respond to other people. Be kind. Be clear.

Let your voice be known, but do it in a respectable kind manner.