Embracing Conscious Choices: A Path to Personal Growth

🎙️ **Unlock Your True Potential: Confronting Life's Greatest Challenges**

What if the next five years could change everything for you?

In this transformative episode, we dive deep into personal growth and resilience. Drawing inspiration from Bronnie Ware’s insights on living authentically and Shakespeare’s timeless advice to "be true to oneself," our host shares powerful anecdotes from their journey as a mental health therapist. Reflecting on classic tales like Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" and real-life struggles, we explore how our environment shapes us until we consciously choose our path.

**Key Takeaways:**
- The impact of environment vs. conscious choice on personal growth.
- How envisioning your future self can drive present-day actions.
- Practical steps to confront anxiety, depression, addiction, or lack of confidence.

Tune in now to discover how you can start making courageous choices today! 🌟

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#PersonalGrowth #MentalHealth #SelfImprovement #PodcastEpisode

I love the following statement by Bronnie Ware in her book, The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying says this, and I want you to think of this statement as it relates to you and your capacity to think independently and to choose for yourself what's right and wrong and to live your life accordingly. Again, back to what Shakespeare said, this above all to their own self be true and as night follows day then thou canst be false to no man. This is this is the statement from her book. We are all fairly malleable, bendable creatures really. While we have the choice to think for ourselves and have free will to live the way our hearts guide us, our environment has a huge effect on us all, particularly until we start choosing life from a more conscious perspective.

And as, as a mental health therapist, as I've spent thousands of hours working with clients 1 on 1 or in couple sessions and group sessions. It just it's just so clear that we take on the ideas and thoughts of other people, of the environment, so to speak. And notwithstanding all of that, when we when we kinda come to ourselves, we realize there's a place within us that we are independent of all other human beings in a sense that we have our own thoughts, our own dreams, our own desires, and then trying to figure out for ourselves as we personally reflect on our lives. What is it that we choose? What do we choose to do about our anxiety, our depression, our addiction, our troubled relationships, our lack of self confidence?

And the question that I ask you to ponder with whatever your main obstacle is right now, what is the next step that you need to take in confronting what is right before you? Oftentimes, what I have individuals do when they come into therapy, because most, well, people who come to see a mental health therapist, they're coming for a reason. They're stuck, they're frozen, they're they're they're depressed, they're discouraged, they're struggling with an addiction, they're in a horrific relationship, they have no self esteem, etcetera, etcetera. They're looking for answers. And then I will say to them, where will you be 5 years from now if something doesn't change?

And I have them really in their imagination go forward, how old they will be, how old their children will be and, and write that down. What, what is it that they see? And it reminds me of the classic tale in Charles Dickens book, A Christmas Carol, right? Classic story of Ebenezer Scrooge who was living a life that really wasn't going in a positive direction. He was mean, cantankerous, making a negative impact on people.

And at the very end of the story, you know, he was visited by 3 ghosts. The ghost of Christmas past, so he was able to see all the things that had done in his past. Some of the stuff that got him angry, stuck, and frozen, and where it the impact he was having on the world right now. As I'm saying this, each one of us can look at ourselves in this respect. And then the most critical part is that he met the ghost of Christmas future, and he showed him what was going to become.

And I believe all of us from this moment on, as I look into the future 5 years from now, kind of drawing on the concept of quantum physics, meaning it's a sea of possibilities. I believe that 5 years in the future, there are countless numbers of ourselves, our future selves that we can become. Think about that for a minute. 5 years in the future, there are in infinite numbers of potential projections of yourself and of myself. What will be be 5 years from now?

And this is where Ebenezer Scrooge or Ebenezer Scrooge Classic line. When the ghost is showing him, and I'm drawing this from memory, so I may not get the words exactly right. Ebenezer Scrooge says to the ghost pointing to his tombstone saying, yeah. This is where you're gonna be. And he said something to the fact that these things that you show me, definitely, if I continue to act in the way I'm acting, will foreshadow certain ends.

But tell me that these are things that maybe only in other words, that they don't have to be this way. If my actions change now, tell me that the end will change also. Say that's thus with what you show me. And then as the story goes, he awoke the next morning, he was still alive, and he made changes. And then it showed the impact, the positive impact that he had on others.

He and he gave the funding necessary for tiny Tim who was gonna die to to get the medical attention that he needed. It's it it it it ripples out. But I want you to take a look at your life. And I can draw. I can draw on the experience experiences of my own life.

When I I've tried my best in the past to avoid hard things. It's, it's still a challenge. And I'll be, I'll be quite frank and honest with you, even doing these podcasts. Every time I think of doing a podcast, I want to avoid it. I want to run from it.

So many insecurities inside of me. You're not going to sound good on a podcast. Nobody's going to listen to you, against all that stuff. I've been I've been wrestling with this stuff my whole life, but it started when I was a child. Anyway, not not not to delve too deeply into that, but I lived a lot in fear.

I don't know where it came from. Perhaps transgenerational trauma. There's a lot of stuff in in my grandparents, great great grandparents where there was some significant traumas. Because I had a great life growing up, but yet for whatever reason, I was afraid. I was afraid.

Just wanted to avoid things avoid things at all costs. Well, got to a point in my life, I was able to accomplish some things. Even getting through high school, I don't even think I read a book. Honestly, I never read one book. I had some street smarts, so I figured out a way to navigate through and do whatever I needed to do to read and write.

No. Not read so much, but write enough. And I did read, but never read a book from cover to cover, but and enough to get through. But I played sports, and and that helped me. But then I then I tried to live in the world of kind of kind of like this what's what's being pushed upon us right now, diversity, equity, and inclusion.

I avoided meritocracy. This is ridiculous. Why can't everyone be treated the same? Why can't I have what my friends had? I was in when I went to high school, I'll tell you, the guys that I went to high school with were amazing, very accomplished.

All of them have been extremely accomplished. Guys I played basketball with, they've accomplished amazing things in their lives, all financially independent. And and they were raised in families based on meritocracy. And I was just kind of in the coattails watching. I happened to be one of the better athletes, so I was able to to swing in on that.

But what as it came from school to to school work, I I could care less about that. I was always in the lower classes. Same grade, lower classes. They were taking calculus. I was in math b just because I I I just I never studied.

I never did the work. I wanted to avoid it for whatever reason. Like I wouldn't wouldn't able to do it. But anyway, long story short, I was 33 years old. I was married at the time, Four children working 2 jobs constantly.

My wife was babysitting. We were doing everything we could just to put bread on the table, but I didn't do anything to merit more more of an ability to make more money. And at the time, this was back in the 19 nineties, I had this this prompting within me and and through the years, man, you need to go back to school. You need you need to finish college. Played a couple years of junior college basketball so that out of high school so that but I could care less.

I just had went to class because I could play sports. That's that's all I cared about. And but I I was struggled with that. Never really having a dream of the future, just kinda going through the motions, so kind of in that stuck and frozen state. And, anyway, it got to the point where I was totally depressed, totally discouraged going, I I, you know, doing construction work, didn't like it at all.

And and I attempted to go back to school a number of times, and I'll tell you, this is a struggle I had. It it actually took me 14 years. And on my 7th, 7th, 7th attempt of going back to university that I finally graduated with my master's degree. Start, stop, start. Just became too hard.

Stop, start, stop, start. Can't do it. Can't do it. Start, stop. Wife got sick, had thyroid cancer, need to drop out, need to, you know, millions of obstacles.

And then a mentor of mine that I really respected, very successful businessman, I was 33 years old at the time. I did have a 2 year degree, an associate's degree at the time. And, again, 33, had 4 kids financially going from check to check. And I was just lamenting to my friend as as he was familiar with me all going through up through my high school years and was very supportive of me. He was just like, I mean, I had a lot of opportunities with with potential sports.

He actually made some comments, and he was a very respected individual that, you know, I could very easily been in the professional ranks of things with a little bit been a little bit different. And not that I paid attention in high school, but then, you know, as I looked at my mom kept all of of the newspaper articles and stuff when I was playing college sports. Like, I mean, I had a letter from Mike Krzyzewski, one of the all time best basketball coaches, you know, when he was recruiting the at least that I was on it. I mean, I never talked to him, but it was like I had a signed letter from him and a lot of other division one coaches and stuff. And so, I mean, there was a potential to do some great stuff, but that didn't that didn't happen.

And, anyway, I was talking to this friend and I was going, man, I I'm just not making it in life. Things aren't good. I was kinda like the Ebenezer Scrooge looking at my future going, this is not good. And I said, I gotta go back to school. I have this desire to go back to school.

I said but I said, I can't go right now. I'm 33 years old. I'm 33 years old. How in the world can I go back to school right now? And he and he said something to me that changed my life.

It was my Ebenezer Scrooge moment. He says, if you don't go back to school, Gordon, and finish your degree and do what you're being that's being impressed upon you to do, where are you going to be 5 years from now? And I looked at that and I go, I will be in exactly the same spot, but it's gonna be worse. I'm gonna be more depressed, more discouraged, financially unable to care for my family, hating doing what I'm doing. I'm gonna be a miserable human being.

And so I'd right then and there made the decision. I said, I'm gonna do whatever it takes. I made a decision, cut away all other options. The word decision comes from the root word incise, which means to cut a cut away all other options. Talked to my wife.

She's just the neatest person in the world, so supportive. And she says, I 100% support you. We'll do whatever we need to do to get through this process. And so I worked full time, went to school full time. My parents set me up.

We were able to move back in with them in the process as I was navigating through all that. And I went through school. I didn't I graduated when I was 37 years old. And then I did whatever I needed to do to get my license. That was another obstacle, but that changed my life forever.

So now I am going on 66 years old, still seeing clients online, love working with clients online, trying to help them navigate through the challenges that they face, drawing on on the experiences that I've I have had to to be kind of a guide. They have to find their own way. But you see back to this concept of meritocracy, Everything I have now, I'm fine. I'm financially independent. I figured out a way to do it, but I worked super, super hard.

And so the things that I have, it it came from hard work, you know, and and this whole woke thing and and people thinking that, and people would look at me and say, man, you had all the privilege in the world. Let me tell you about my parents. My dad was a milkman. He was a blue collar worker, no college education. He came from, you know, his father when they came from Holland, his father told him when he thought about going to school back then this was like in the 19 forties or something.

And he says, why would you wanna do something like that? Go out and work. Don't waste your time going to school. Go work. Ain't that interesting?

And so my dad always felt a little bit he should have done better. I should have done more with my life. I should have tried hard to see there some of those regrets again. But yet wonderful man, somehow they provided a way, a living that I was always taken care of. But he worked hard, blue collar work.

But it's like anyway, need anyway, that's enough of all that. But I'm just telling you that earning things I'm telling you from my perspective, it's it's the thing that's gotten me through life. No one handed me anything. I worked for everything. I took out student loans.

I paid back all my student loans. No one paid for my education. Yes. My parents helped let me move. They were wonderful and kind and they let me move in with them, but they didn't have the financial resources to pay for school.

So I had to take out student loans. So I 1,000 of dollars in student loan debt, but I felt that was in my best interest to do that. But I worked hard and I'm not. And nowadays, you have to find your own way. The world has changed since then, but figure out your path.

Everyone's path is a little bit different, but whatever it is, trust your intuition, trust your gut. If there are things you need to change, have faith in yourself and it's supposed to be challenging as we muddle through life day by day. But I again, I love the concepts of striving to be brave and courageous, to fight your demons, to go slay dragons and never give up on yourself. Just do do things one thing at a time. My process of going through school when I say that, no.

Every single class was like going in slaying a dragon. Every single test. And then I finally got to the point where I was acing tests, doing it all on my own. Which thing in high school I never experienced because I never put forth the effort. Expecting something from nothing is not good for your mental health.

Courage and confidence comes from self efficacy, meaning that you do hard things, that you work, that you put forth effort and that you you're true to yourself. And even then at the end of the day, there's never there's never a time when it's when it's perfect. You know, I'll end, with this. I love this statement from Thomas Jefferson. So again, everything that's happening in our world and our country right now as it affects the world.

I'm going back to the founding fathers of the Great Republic of America, Thomas Jefferson. He he as I'm reading, I'm I'm reading his life, he's still he's he's he's just a fascinating individual. And and this is he he wrote a note to himself. Let me just read this. At some point during the year before his elevation to the presidency, So remember Thomas Jefferson actually became one of the presidents of the United States.

He he wrote an uncharacteristically personal note to himself under the title of memorandum of services. Now imagine this, Thomas Jefferson, who I look at today as as one of the most brilliant, intelligent, useful people that God ever put on this earth. And this is what he said. I have sometimes asked myself whether my country is the better for my having lived at all. He mused to himself, I have been the instrument of doing the following things, but they would have been done by others, some of them perhaps a little better.

He then went on to list a curious version of his public accomplishments, placing the dredging of the Ravana River alongside the drafting of the Declaration of Independence, importing olive plants from France besides the efforts to end the slave trade. Anyway, that's crazy. Right? So here you have this individual, and I think it's instructive for all of us, No matter what we do, no matter who we become, it's still there's a part in of us that's always looking for the future. I think that's the way we're built.

Listen to this again. I have sometimes asked myself whether my country is better for my having lived at all. Thomas, I would say to you, yeah. It is and the world is. And now and now in the year 2024, we're gonna draw back on your life and your words to help us do the same thing that you did and maintain the republic somehow, some way as the same forces are at war that have been at war from the beginning of time.

And as we strive to, in this period of time, maintain our mental health, I I believe it makes it it it begins by making a choice. And I encourage anyone listening to this podcast, make a choice to be brave, make a choice to be courageous, make a choice to confront your dragons, whatever they are, and choose the right course. Nobody can tell you what that is, but you have a place inside of you. It's your conscience that will guide you, that will lead you, that will tell you if you will listen the right thing for you to do at this moment. And and and in wrapping this podcast up, I love the deep thinking of the Greek philosophers, Aristotle, Plato, Socrates.

And they there's this word that kinda describes everything that they were struggling for. It's called phronesis, p h r o n e s I s. Phronesis means the application of wisdom. And relate this to kind of you deciding listening to your conscience, your Ebenezer Scrooge moments. What what do you need to do right now?

So the application of wisdom is this, doing the right thing to the right person, which is yourself. Doing the right thing to the right person for the right reason in the right way at the right time and in the right place. Now is the time. Today is the most important day of your life. Now is the day of decision.

Now is the time to have the courage to do the things that you need to do to set your life in order. Face your dragons, don't run from them, don't be collapsed by them, don't be frozen in fear because of them. You have the capacity with you to stand up and continue to work on whatever it is you need to work on day by day. And again, as I've said, being a man of faith, pray into God for help. Don't be frustrated if you haven't gotten your prayers answered the way you want to in the past.

God's ways are not your ways. K? He has a purpose and a reason for everything he's doing. I've known many individuals that I've worked with where they've they've given up on God because they they think they just need to need to ask something, and it should be granted into them in in the instant. It just doesn't always happen that way.

I believe he has enough faith in us to work things out ourselves, and he wants us to be strong and courageous. Anyway, those are the thoughts I would like to leave with you today. Have a great day. Be strong and be courageous and do whatever you need to do to start earning your your ability to be confident inside yourself through work.