Struggle: The Pathway to Personal Growth

Struggling is essential for growth, and this episode dives deep into why obstacles are invaluable. Join us as we explore the profound wisdom of Thomas Paine's quote on value and challenge, while drawing parallels between mental health struggles and scientific experiments like Biosphere 2. Learn how opposition shapes resilience in both nature and human spirit.

Key takeaways include:
- The necessity of struggle for personal development.
- Insights from Marcus Aurelius on turning obstacles into opportunities.
- Understanding "learned helplessness" and overcoming it with hope.

Tune in to discover how embracing life's challenges can lead to strength and transformation!

Good morning. Hope this podcast finds you well. What I wanna focus on today, comes from a quote from Thomas Paine, who says, what we obtained too cheaply, we esteem too lightly. 'Tis dearness only that gives everything its value. So thinking a lot about just what I've been dealing with this week with a number of different mental health situations with clients.

I wanna talk about the value of opposition and how that it's just absolutely necessary for us to struggle with things in this life. It's the only way we grow and develop. I'm thinking of a story I heard it a while ago about this experiment called Biosphere 2. It's out in Arizona. It's where the scientists wanted to create this perfect environment disease free, struggle free.

Just soon if, you know, they can just create beautiful plants and vegetation. And so they created this amazing domed structure where everything was purified. Water was pure. No viruses or anything that did the best they could to keep that stuff out and something very interesting happened the trees that grew in this environment when when they grew the very top of them started to bend over, started to fall. And as you think of it, what's missing in that environment?

It's it's struggle. It's opposition. It's wind that dives that makes the roots dive deep into the ground. And and again, I'm thinking of a quote by Marcus Aurelius One of the the most powerful men in the world at the time and he said impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.

So think about our think about how crazy we are about sports in the world, whether it's soccer over in Europe and around the world, football in United States, basketball, baseball. And we look at our sports heroes as someone to emulate. But the only way they got to this place where we're going, wow. That's amazing what they've done is through extreme opposition. There's an opponent, an opposite force that is trying to compete against them.

And it's only through this competition. It's only through pressure that beautiful things are made. And yet, here's the challenge psychologically. That when we come up against challenging things, and we're not able to understand them quickly, not able to overcome the obstacle that is in front of us. Many become too discouraged, too depressed, and they lose hope altogether.

And when you lose hope, it's like there there there's a you just kinda and and this is what I've noticed in a number of individuals I've been working with is kind of like a hopelessness to where it freezes them. They're paralyzed. The word that a couple of clients that I worked with this this week use that I feel like I'm paralyzed. I'm hoping. I'm trying.

I've set my vision out there that we've talked about because I'm a big believer. And you've got to be able to look into the future. You gotta be able to create something in your mind's eye and to believe, even if it's a teeny bit, you gotta be able to believe that you can achieve, climb this Everest that you're facing. But there's this term that, a researcher, Marty Seligman, coined. It's called learned helplessness.

And here's the challenge and the danger of coming against opposition if you don't have the right encouragement, the right support, and the right help is that after you fail in your mind's eye or slip or fall and don't seem to be able to to overcome something as quickly as you like to, there's a part in the human psyche that goes, you're never gonna be able to do it. So why try? It doesn't make any sense to try. You're wasting energy, and that's a horrible spot to be in. One of the most discouraging places that I've ever had to deal with as a mental health therapist is working with someone who has fallen into the valley of despair and We just we can't get around the fact that there is gonna always be opposition.

So we need to reset our mind towards not hating it. It's like embracing it, being grateful for the challenge at hand. And I know that sounds almost impossible to do sometimes. I have a friend who just got in a horrific car accident. She was a passenger and there was a head on collision.

She was in a coma for 30 days. Didn't even think she was gonna survive. And And I just you know Visited her in the hospital this or she's in a care center right now Trying to move forward and when I didn't visit her we talked about what she she's going through. She's she's totally laid up Big huge cast on one. She was trying to explain to me all the bones that were broken in her body And I lost track Sin I lost my femur I Broke my hip.

So I had a I have a hip replacement now. My left foot was broken The tibia was broken that on and on and on and yet as she was laying there in the care center she she had a smile on her face. I can't wait to get out of here. Now my quest is to be able to get out of bed, get in the wheelchair by myself, and be able to go to the bathroom by myself. And then I'm going home to be with my kids.

That's what I'm working on right now. So that's what's right in front of her, That's her op that's the only thing she needs to focus on right now. This is what I need to do next. And that's always the question, isn't it? Wherever we're at in life, whatever we're facing, whatever you're facing, every situation is so different.

The question is, alright, what now? Keep moving forward. One step in front of at a time. We one of one of the things that I have come to totally believe about life is we just don't have all the answers to everything here. We're just not meant to.

Whoever our divine creator is, our father in heaven, for whatever reason, we are meant to be in this school of challenges, of suffering. Whether it's with a relationship issue that you're having right now. And usually it's just a combination of things. Right? There's so much going on in life.

Life is dynamic in the sense that it's always moving. There is no there is no there is no stable stuck place. It's always changing. I've noticed that, you know, I have grandkids that are living close by and I noticed how fast they're growing and it's they're changing. And I remember one of our beautiful granddaughters whenever she would come over to our house should want to Play games with us would play card games, or Yahtzee or anything.

We just always come on. Will you play a game? Will you play a game? And would always sit down and play games. And I remember turning to my wife one night, and I said to her, let's enjoy these moments because it's it's gonna change.

She is going to reach the point where she's not gonna wanna play games all the time. She's gonna become more interested in her friends. She's gonna become more interested in going out and doing other things. And sure enough, that has happened in the natural course of time. She still looked beautiful as she ever was.

But when she comes over, it's not like, hey, can we play a game? Can we play it it just it's changed. And it's supposed to change. And that's the truth with every aspect of our life. Our relationships are changing day by day.

They never really completely stay the same. And if we don't watch it very, very closely and become mindful and intentional, there's a default system that's naturally in us psychologically where we always default to the negative and to the negative things of the past. It's way easier to focus on the negative things of the past than it is to hope for things in the future. That's why I believe Albert Einstein said imagination is more important than knowledge. We have to be able to dream.

We have to be able to see things in our mind's eye. We have to be able to just just take one step forward in the direction of that dream. And never and nevertheless, no matter where we're at, it just there's always seems to be this natural place of longing to do more, to create more to fix some of the challenges that are confronting us. Now, sometimes we need to just, you know, pause for a little bit. That's okay.

Sometimes we need to course correct and change the direction we're heading on in life. I Know so often I have heard through the years this this idea of never give up never surrender You know what that I don't think that's that's a that's a healthy view There are times you need to give up on something or surrender if if you're heading in the wrong direction It's okay And no doubt if you're pursuing a particular goal, you've got to have that mindset to work through things, but you got to have the wisdom to discern. Do I need to really continue doing this? Or do I need to switch courses? The real question is that you keep trying towards something and eventually you'll find your thing.

See we all have different different skills gifts and talents And we struggle when we're not sure what our gifts are, and we're trying to fit into a box someone else says we should be in. You should study this. You should be that. A lot of times parents do that to their I know what's best for you. You need to go to law school.

You need to become a dentist. You need to become a doctor. But what if I don't really wanna do that? Well, that's what you need to do. You know what?

And everyone needs to figure that stuff out for themselves. But I think the highest form of evolution for us as individuals is to keep working on on refining your particular gifts and skills, finding them believing in yourself and quit trying to please everyone else around you. So, anyway, just wrapping up this brief podcast today. What stands in the way becomes the way. We're supposed to have obstacles.

Don't ever think that That you're not gonna be faced with something There's a million different variations of that from day to day But embrace that reality love it Go right into, just I like to refer to it. Just go right into the middle of the storm. Just dive in and do the best you can and and not become too frustrated in the process. It's not supposed to be easy, so it's okay that you're struggling with some things. There's purpose in it.

And as you continue to move forward, you do grow. You will become stronger Because of it. Well, I guess that's That's an option, right? We can we can let things break us Or we can learn from them and pick up and continue to move forward The direction you're heading is more important than the speed. Do not be so hard on yourself.

If you're not seeing the results that you want, keep trying. Keep moving forward. The answers will appear a little bit here a little bit there and It's just meant to be that way. So carry on Strive to put a smile on your face with whatever it is you're you're facing right now. Trust in your innate capacity to overcome the obstacle that is facing you right now.

I know that you can do it.