Four Questions Everyone Asks When Seeking Help

Unlock the secrets to impactful teaching with this inspiring podcast episode!

Join us as we delve into a story that profoundly demonstrates the transformative power of teaching and connection. Discover four essential principles everyone seeks in a teacher: understanding, care, capability, and willingness to help. Through the lens of Marva Collins' extraordinary journey, learn how empathy and motivational interviewing can foster meaningful change from within.

Key takeaways include:
- Understanding others enhances trust and fosters genuine relationships.
- Motivational Interviewing empowers individuals by supporting their self-efficacy.
- The right internal dialogue can transform lives.

Tune in now to explore how these timeless principles can make you an agent of positive change!

#PowerOfTeaching #MotivationalInterviewing #EmpathyInAction #MarvaCollins #InternalDialogue #TherapeuticPrinciples #Caring #SelfEfficacy #BeliefInChange #Education #GordonBruin #MindMatters 

Good morning. In this morning's podcast, I'm reflecting on a story I heard a number of years ago, and it made a tremendous impact on me. I want to share it with you this morning, and it has to do with the power of teaching. 

In order for someone to teach, four things need to happen. These four things I've experienced that everybody is searching for. Here they are: First is, do you understand me? Second, do you care for me? Third, can you help me? And fourth, will you help me? That's what we are looking for when we are searching for answers and seeking to be taught. We're always looking for more information in our lives, whatever it is that we're dealing with. As a therapist, people reach out to me or a doctor because they have an issue; they have something they're not quite sure how to fix, manage, or deal with. So they look for a professional, right? As if there really is a final answer on the issue at hand.

Life is very complicated. I was reading something the other day that indicated there are about 500 different forms of therapy out there—500! This particular approach or that particular method—as if one particular thing is going to work for everybody. After doing this for a number of years, it comes down to the foundational concept that there are just certain principles that all good therapists use. The most important really is the relationship that one has with another person.

Do you understand me? This fits into a certain best practice in the field of psychology called motivational interviewing. Motivational interviewing is basically a meta-analysis, meaning taking tons of different studies on what works in helping people change and move forward in life in a positive and productive way. It concludes that one form of therapy isn't any more significant than another; they're all based on certain principles which include empathy—do you understand me? A client has the experience of feeling understood by the person they're with. This could be with any relationship.

So try this the next time you're with someone you might be having a difficult time understanding: put yourself in their shoes. Ask yourself the question, what might it be like to be that particular person? We have in us the capacity to do that; we have what's called mirror neurons where we can see something—that's why we can watch a movie, see the news, or check social media—and we get drawn in and have an emotional response because we can feel things from another person's perspective.

Back to the first principle: Do you understand me? We're always seeking to be understood and feel that someone gets us—a very challenging endeavor in our world. Next is, do you care? Do you care for me? Do you love me? Are you full of compassion and kindness and encouragement?

The third principle is: Can you help me? Meaning, do you have the knowledge or expertise regarding whatever issue I'm dealing with? This is another tough issue; many people won't reach out for therapy or go to a doctor because they think, "I don't believe they know how to help me." They don’t trust that anyone has information that can truly make a difference, and that belief alone can keep people stuck.

Then we come to the fourth principle: Will you help me? Back to the story of a teacher I came across years ago—an amazing story about Marva Collins. Marva Collins was born in 1930 in Alabama. Her father was African American and her mother was Native American during a time of great discrimination. Her father told her that the best she could ever hope to be was a secretary—that was the glass ceiling of her day—but she didn't want to settle for that. There was something inside her that believed in herself; she wanted to make a difference.

Living in an inner city surrounded by poverty, drugs, and divorce, she had great compassion for the children in her area. So she decided to start a school. She rented a small office—just a couple of rooms—and began teaching local children whose mothers brought them to her. Miracles began to happen.

She became such an effective teacher that Ronald Reagan reached out to her eventually and asked if she would become Secretary of Education for the United States; she said no. Then George Bush Senior asked her as well; again she said no.

What did she do that made such a difference? You can find an old segment about her on 60 Minutes—just Google it and watch it. When these kids would come into school, Marva Collins truly understood what they were going through because she experienced it herself; she was credible. Those kids could look at her and say, "She gets it."

Did she care? Obviously! She was committed and met with them every day. Could she help them? Absolutely! She had the knowledge as their teacher.

And would she help them? Yes! She was there every day encouraging them with powerful affirmations about their potential. This goes back to something I've discussed repeatedly in these podcasts: a foundational principle of mental health is internal dialogue—what we say to ourselves.

Marva Collins taught these kids how to monitor their internal dialogue and say things that would change their lives forever rather than accepting what they experienced at home or in their community daily. On the first day of class, she would tell them things were going to be different—that they were going to believe in themselves—and then she'd say, "I believe in you." 

She encouraged them not to blame others for their circumstances; miracles began occurring from there. As they walked into school each day, she'd say things like "Welcome to success" and "Goodbye to failure." She instilled in these children the belief that they were born winners and that she wouldn’t let them fail.

Imagine those little kids hearing such empowering messages when no one had ever spoken like that before—especially given their difficult circumstances where no one taught them self-belief! I recall watching that 60 Minutes segment ages ago; Marva would have them repeat mantras each morning as part of their internal dialogue:

"This day has been given to me fresh and clean; I can either use it or throw it away. I promise that it shall be used—not lost—I will be superior in my ability—in my thoughts—in my deeds—and in my actions." 

You could see these kids repeating this affirmation over and over again—it started instilling within them this sense of self-efficacy: "I can actually do something." Marva taught these children phrases like "You have a brilliant mind—use it!" 

They later followed many of these children as they grew older into adulthood; several returned for interviews recounting their stories of success—they had become articulate, well-rounded individuals who thrived despite adversity.

So I want you just to ponder those four concepts: Do you understand me? Do you care for me? Can you help me? Will you help me?

All of us have the capacity to grow and develop—to overcome any situation we might struggle with—but it's founded on these principles of finding someone who believes in us. If you're dealing with a child or anyone else struggling in your life instead of being critical or judgmental or trying to push them towards specific directions—just stop! Try understanding more fully what they're experiencing.

Motivational interviewing defines itself as enhancing people's probability of changing from within because lasting change must come from inside—not externally imposed changes where someone feels forced into compliance out of fear without genuine trust established between parties involved.

Some basic principles behind motivational interviewing include expressing empathy (the very first step), developing discrepancy (understanding where someone currently stands versus where they'd like to go), rolling with resistance (acknowledging innate tendencies against being told what-to-do), supporting self-efficacy (empowering individuals' choices), asking open-ended questions (creating dialogue), affirming past successes (reminding individuals they've achieved difficult tasks before), reflecting back what you've heard (ensuring mutual understanding), summarizing conversations periodically (reinforcing clarity).

These principles are incredibly challenging yet vital since conflicts arise when everyone seeks acknowledgment—they fight fiercely over differing perspectives even though both parties might share similar beliefs at heart!

If only we could slow down enough during disagreements just long enough first—to try understanding another's viewpoint without needing absolute agreement! Outright conflict rarely resolves anything constructively but often leads instead toward further alienation among friends/family members causing breakdowns within relationships themselves—nearly half resulting ultimately within divorce statistics!

So think deeply about those four principles today: strive actively towards understanding others better while expressing sincere care/willingness alongside capabilities available towards helping achieve desired outcomes together!

I hope you have a blessed day today! Remember: today is indeed most important day ahead filled countless opportunities awaiting discovery ahead—those around us need our support too! Realize your purpose exists here now—not waiting idly upon others' initiative—all change begins within YOU!

Have an amazing day ahead!