Navigating the Crossroads: The Art of Decision-Making

Struggling to make a decision? Discover how cutting through the noise can lead to clarity and confidence. In this episode, we delve into the complexities of decision-making with real-life examples, including a man torn between past and future relationships. We explore the concept of "incise" — cutting away other options — and how it relates to our emotional well-being. Plus, hear an inspiring story from Amy Cuddy's book "Presence" about surfing as a metaphor for life decisions.

Key Takeaways:
- The power of making definitive decisions in overcoming indecision.
- How focusing on your goals amplifies success.
- Insights into creating habits through intensity and repetition rather than time.

Tune in now to learn how decisive action can transform your life!

In this podcast, I want to talk about some of the issues that have come up in working with a number of clients and one in particular who's having a very difficult time making a decision. The word decision, if you break it down, comes from the Latin incise, which means to cut away other options. It's very, very challenging sometimes to decide on something. I am also reminded of the scripture. I think it's in Joshua in the Bible, right? How long halt ye between two opinions? If the Lord be God, follow him; but if Baal, follow him. Anyway, we have so many options before us.

The young man that I'm referring to is in his 30s. He's gone through a divorce. But as he has gone through the divorce, he realizes that he never really is able to divorce himself from his ex-wife. They're still friends; they still talk to each other on a regular basis. He was struggling with some addiction issues at the time, which kind of led to the divorce. But they've never really been able to let each other go fully, and he still connects with her and still provides a lot for her in their settlement. This has been going on for like two years now, and he's still kind of providing for her.

In the meantime, he's found a new relationship. This person has also divorced and never thought she would find anyone else. Yet they hit it off and are having a good time together. He goes, "Oh my gosh, I never knew there could be anyone else," and she's feeling the same way. She has a couple of kids, which throws another issue on the table: Is he ready to be a father? He doesn't have any children with his first wife.

As I'm talking with him, he's just caught in the middle, and he can't make a decision. Our whole therapy session was focused on discussing the word decision. He talks about being emotionally dead—emotionally numb—unable to move forward in life. I said, "Well, it's because you're not making a decision." Or, oh, you are making a decision. There are really three decisions: You're either going to get back together with your ex-wife—which she has also indicated is a possibility—or you're going to move on to your new relationship or you're going to continue to vacillate between the two where you are right now.

Then I would say, how is that working for you right now? And he's absolutely miserable. So he's kind of like I said; he's dead inside because he's having a difficult time moving forward. Here's the challenge with making a decision: It's like FOMO—fear of missing out. He cannot have his cake and eat it too. Sometimes you just have to make a decision and then shut the doors to the very best of your ability and move forward.

This reminds me of a story told in Amy Cuddy's book "Presence." It's a great book; I love it! There's a story in here that I can personally relate to about an individual learning to surf in heaven. If you've ever been surfing, you know it's really challenging. The few guys you see on TV surfing in Hawaii have been doing it for years and years and years. But if you've never surfed and think you can get on a surfboard and catch a wave—good luck! It just doesn't happen.

A lot of work goes into it—tons of trial and error—and it's very challenging to learn how to surf; it's exhausting physically! I went surfing for the first time when I was 60 years old; I'm now 65! But I'll tell you this story from Amy Cuddy's book "Presence." Her teacher had basically done everything he could do for her until she decided that at some point she just had to stay on the board.

She recalled it was an astonishing experience how great a difference simply making that decision and being tenacious about it made; where she'd been falling most of the time, she began to catch every wave! Pleasure built upon pleasure—the certainty of her ability amplifying with each new trial.

Her experience suggests that we might have the recipe for success backward. Advisors often tell us we have to be confident about our decisions—that decisions come at the end of an acquisition process—and simply ratifying an inner truth like "I'm confident I can do this." But in fact, it goes the other way: Decisions create confidence—that's what I learned on my surfboard.

Let me tell you a little bit about my own experience. I was in Costa Rica with a group at a retreat spending a week together doing amazing things down there—including learning to surf! At first, I didn't really want to do it but went along because the rest of my group was doing it too. Being athletic most of my life made me think I should be able to do this—but it just didn't go that way!

It was not going well at all! We had some really cool instructors who taught us right from square one what to do. After about an hour and 15 minutes out there—usually when groups go out for their first time they don’t let you stay out more than half an hour—I had been falling every single time without catching one wave! The instructor kept teaching me over and over again some techniques; however, nothing seemed to stick until he said something that changed everything.

He told me that every time I tried standing up on my surfboard, I was looking down at it instead of looking ahead toward shore—and next time when I got up on the board he wanted me to put my chin up and point my finger toward shore! 

Exhausted and slightly irritated by his advice as I remembered Amy’s story from earlier, I finally stood up while pointing toward shore—and lo and behold—guess what? Suddenly—I was standing on my surfboard moving forward through water! 

I couldn't believe it—I was actually surfing! It felt amazing—even if only for eight seconds or so—but what an incredible experience! The same principle applies here: Make a decision; look forward; focus; stand on your board.

One day I'll do a podcast or maybe even YouTube video about this experience because unbeknownst to me at that moment we had one team member capturing photos from shore using her high-powered camera—and she captured me standing proudly upon my surfboard pointing ahead while enjoying those brief moments before falling back into water!

Now back again—let’s take stock: The purpose of this podcast is for you all listening today—to examine areas within your life where maybe you're vacillating between opinions or options—and recognize how powerful those decisions truly can be!

If you've ever heard about Napoleon Hill's timeless classic "Think and Grow Rich," you'll know its core principle emphasizes making definitive decisions regarding goals worth pursuing! 

Another fascinating book worth mentioning is "Atomic Habits" by James Clear—he discusses changing habits while debunking myths surrounding how long it takes (30 days? 45 days?)—that’s just not true! What matters most revolves around intensity & frequency focused upon desired outcomes—not arbitrary numbers!

In closing—mental health hinges upon keeping our prefrontal cortex online while learning emotional awareness—the rider versus horse analogy teaches us how important rational thought remains when navigating life’s decisions rather than succumbing solely based upon emotion alone!

So take heed from today’s discussion—reflect deeply upon any indecisiveness preventing movement forward—it creates unnecessary suffering within your life! Remember: We’re free agents capable of making choices—even amid challenges faced daily—we must cultivate positive attitudes fueling determination towards achieving meaningful goals leading ultimately towards peace & joy throughout our journeys!

Lastly—a couple quotes worth sharing before signing off: 

“Throughout history it has been the inaction of those who could have acted—the indifference of those who should have known better—the silence of voices for justice when needed most—that allowed evil triumph.” —Haile Selassie

“The only way for evil triumphs is when good men do nothing.” —Edmund Burke

So ponder these thoughts as we wrap up today’s podcast episode—you possess power within yourself capable enough not only deciding but acting upon those decisions leading towards fulfilling lives filled with purpose & direction!

I hope everyone has an amazing day ahead!