Unpacking the Path to Personal Growth

Unlock the secret to self-confidence and resilience in this transformative episode! Dive into insightful conversations with clients facing profound challenges, including a remarkable 17-year-old battling self-doubt despite her charismatic presence. Explore why confidence captivates us and how our cultural obsession with perfection can lead to vulnerability. Discover practical strategies for building mental strength through affirmations, embracing discomfort, and achieving epic goals without leaving your hometown.

Key Takeaways:
- Embrace a "can-do" attitude: Cultivate toughness and capability amidst life's challenges.
- Balance is key: Combine cardio and resistance training for optimal physical health.
- Manage emotional eating: Recognize the impact of calorie intake on weight management.

Tune in now to redefine your path towards personal growth, resilience, and true self-confidence!

In this morning's podcast, I want to share with you a couple of experiences I had this past week in conversations and sessions with clients that are really, really profound and powerful to me.

Yesterday, I met with a beautiful young lady, 17 years old, just a great personality when she smiles. She's actively engaged in sports in her high school, captain of her team, just a very powerful, charismatic person. And yet she seems to have the self-destruct button where she just has such a difficult time looking at herself and seeing what a great person she is, how powerful she is, and how she lights up a room when she comes into the room. What is this self-destruct button that so many of us seem to have and wrestle with?

Confidence is so extremely attractive. And I notice in my conversations with her, she's talking about some of the challenges. She goes, "Oh, this past couple of weeks have been the most challenging weeks that I've had in the last year." I go, "All right, well tell me some of the things that are happening." The intensity of her emotional struggles, what's going on inside of her is astounding. If she could just see how she looks on the outside.

One of the things mentally strong people do not spend a lot of time doing is dwelling in self-pity. And the second she goes into self-pity, as I've noticed with many others and even in myself when I've gone there in the past, it's so unattractive. It's like it's immediately almost a little bit repulsive. That's why social media influencers are always seeking those who are confident; we're always seeking those who seem like everything is fine. We're craving that. We're attracted to that which makes us very vulnerable to deception.

How can we find that more inside of ourselves and just be okay with who we are? To be okay not being perfect at the outset, in the beginning of life—as I'm working on with this beautiful, gorgeous young lady—I say, "Man, we gotta start the foundational affirmation." She's working on a lot of affirmations. And I said one we need to really nail in there: "I'm tough, I'm capable, I can manage this situation."

It's so attractive when people have an air about them, a presence that says "I'll be okay; I'll be able to handle this situation again," right? If you've been following these podcasts right from when I started these podcasts—the traits of the mentally strong include a can-do attitude: "I'll find a way," "I'm tough," "I'm capable." Learning to have confidence in ourselves.

The next trait I would say is a healthy sense of humor. I believe a healthy sense of humor is one of the greatest gifts an individual can have. A healthy sense of humor makes it possible to just chill out when you need to chill out. Because we're imperfect humans—we're going to fail sometimes; we're going to slip up sometimes—and I'm not advocating that we excuse that or don't hold ourselves accountable. But we don't go catastrophic with slips or because we're less than perfect.

That's when you kind of roll with things. Have a healthy sense of humor and you just don't go into self-pity. Self-pity is so destructive and there's kind of an ugliness to it; it's not attractive.

So again: can-do attitude—"I am tough," "I am strong"—healthy sense of humor, and then zero victim mentality. The strong don't believe the world owes them a living; they want to earn things.

I think one of the greatest fallacies—and a lot of this is going on in our culture right now—is that the greatest harm we can do to a person is to give them things without earning it. There's a whole big movement in our culture just to give people things like they deserve them.

The world doesn't owe us anything. Where do we come up with this idea that just by being alive I should have everything that I want? I should be living in a million-dollar mansion? I should be equal with this person and that person when they haven't earned it?

Look at those who are in shape physically: How do you get in shape physically? You earn it; you work hard; you pay the price; you watch your calories if you want to lose weight—that's the bottom line.

There's no diet; there's no specific diet that works long term—research is so clear on that. I read research just yesterday: 97% of those who go on diets to lose weight weigh more a year later. They get all excited at the get-go—"Yeah, I'm gonna do Atkins," "I'm doing keto," "No carbs," "No fat," "Just all protein," etc.—none of that really works long term according to research.

I'll tell you what does work specifically with your weight and physical health—which is the core of who we are as human beings—is the amount of calories you take in.

Calories are just another word for little forms of energy. Food gives us energy. If we take in more energy than we expend, we'll gain weight—bottom line.

You lessen the energy you take in and expend more energy exercising; immediately you begin to drop some weight. So you earn it.

Okay? So again: can-do attitude ("I am tough," "I am strong"), healthy sense of humor, zero victim mentality.

And the fourth thing is when bad things happen—when things break down—man, I'm aware of three individuals who had car accidents this past week: totalled cars—three people I'm acquainted with—and then they pick up and move on.

I was talking to one guy; he's just like, "Yeah, yeah—I totalled my truck yesterday." I go, "Well how are you?" He says, "Nah, I'm okay; just a little bumped up." Then he went on with life: "Yep, I totalled my truck; I got in an accident; I'm not going to sit around and bemoan it; I'm not going to feel sorry for myself; I gotta pick up and move on; we'll figure it out; continue moving forward."

I'm not going into self-pity and self-loathing and so forth.

So again, back to this tendency we have to push the self-destruct button—I would encourage you to take a look at that; take your finger off the self-destruct button.

You are powerful; you are capable; you are tough. If you're listening to this podcast, look at all the things you've been through already in life—you’re still here; you're still standing—even if some of you think just barely—come on! You are capable. You have the ability to get through whatever you're dealing with at this time.

One thing the American Psychological Association would recommend for all therapists to tell their clients—and I 100% agree—is as we're trying to deal with our mental health we've got to get our physical health under wraps.

I read a couple amazing books this past week and a half by Michael Easter—I love these books: One's called *The Comfort Crisis* and then *Embracing Discomfort*. These talk about what has happened to us as human beings—that not much is demanded physically anymore.

Our world has turned into this emotional battle we're dealing with: anxiety, depression, and so forth.

One key to taking back our mental health is getting our bodies re-engaged in life—doing hard things—pushing hard things—pushing ourselves.

And I'll tell you one greatest hack: physical exercise.

That's been one staple of my life because I sit a lot doing therapy sessions—for years it's one non-negotiable—I get up and exercise every morning.

I've tried everything: weights, swimming, running, tonal machine exercises—I do everything right—but there's one exercise that has made more impact on my life where I feel stronger overall—in my core and every other way—and it's called rucking (R-U-C-K-I-N-G).

It's made me feel better—I have no tears or torn muscles—and it's simply walking with weights.

I think it was in 2023 or 2024 many major publications like GQ magazine and The New York Times published articles calling this exercise hack if you want better shape—it burns two or three times as many calories as running does.

It's simply walking with weight—you can google rucking—you'll see these rucking packs where you carry weight while walking.

I've been rucking for a while now—I can't even tell you how much better I feel all over.

I still do other things—I lift weights; swim a bit; do sauna and spa treatments—but rucking seems like icing on the cake because it works every part of your body with extra weight on it—that's what our ancestors used to do when they hunted—they carried food back to camp.

Anyway—check it out! Rucking doesn't involve fast jarring motions like running does—and most runners have difficulties with knees or feet or calf muscle tears if they run too much.

Rucking is amazing because none of those injuries happen but it's perfect cardio combined with resistance training.

Some people hate cardio; some hate resistance training—but I'm telling you from experience—it’s great for both!

I come to gym every morning—and maybe I need care how I say this—but there's this lady who runs spin classes:

She gets on bike and spins hard; probably could ride 50 miles on bike—but her upper body looks weak and flabby because she only rides bikes—not any strength training.

Others lift weights but do no cardio—they don't look good either.

Just my perspective: if you want to look healthy—you need both cardio & resistance training—that's what our ancestors did!

Another hack for physical health related especially for weight management:

75% of our weight depends simply on amount we eat—not so much what we eat but how many calories consumed!

A calorie is unit form energy—all foods list calories per serving size—you can observe daily intake—and you'll be stunned by emotional eating habits!

80% eating is emotional eating—we overeat often because we seek comfort!

We must be comfortable with discomfort!

The healthiest strongest among us embody restraint—as Thucydides (great Greek general) said:

“Of all manifestations of power restraint impresses men most.”

If urge hits fridge 80% time it's emotional stress—not body needing food!

When we eat emotionally—we add weight—that’s why belly fat accumulates!

People overweight mostly because they struggle dealing with discomfort!

One favorite quote from Brutus Hamilton (track coach for US Olympic team back in 1940s):

“It’s strange irony those who work hardest subject themselves strictest discipline give up pleasurable things for goals are happiest people.”

That rings true!

We need comfort being uncomfortable sometimes—to manage discomfort toward goals—it won’t kill us!

I'm big believer doing epic goals! Do something big!

I've friends who've climbed Mount Everest multiple times or adventured worldwide—but that's not me—I don’t want Everest or ocean adventures—even though Florida’s home—I don’t like ocean!

Saw 19-year-old kid sailing solo around world—not me either!

But epic journey doesn’t require traveling far—you can start hero’s quest right where you live today:

“I’m starting rucking today! Just getting 20-pound vest & walking one mile”—that’s challenging enough if never done before—or

“I’ll lose 10 pounds next month”—counting calories—that’s Everest for many due emotional eating struggles & discomfort learning process—

Learning “I’m okay being uncomfortable about food intake”—won’t die! Body will change limbic system rewires itself—

When making changes life goes well first week honeymoon phase then system fights back says “Forget this!” Mine was chocolate chip cookies—I love them!

Started naming calories per cookie (150 each)—trying below 1800 calories/day—

Usually after 3 hours exercise I'd eat four cookies & milk (~800-1000 calories)—no wonder gaining weight!

Perfect combo managing intake + physical exercise = success

Physical health helps manage mental health—body & mind connected cannot separate

Confidence comes when act better feel better look better—the mirror doesn’t lie—you know it & so do I

Confidence attracts people—you’re always preaching your sermon by example

So take stock: what changes can YOU make? What do YOU want?

How strong is your signal? If not making changes needed strengthen signal so YOU achieve your goals

Power of choice extreme most precious gift cannot minimize

All right—have an amazing day!