The Art of Lasting Change: How Mindful Agency Transforms Our Lives

Ever wondered why real change feels so tough—and what it takes to make it stick? In this episode, we break down the five proven stages of change and explore how your mind holds the key to lasting transformation. Drawing on insights from Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz’s "The Mind and the Brain," we explore the distinction between intention and attention, the benefits of practicing restraint, and how embracing discomfort can rewire your brain for success.

Key takeaways:

- Discover each stage in the process of meaningful personal change  
- Learn practical strategies to manage cravings, habits, or addictions  
- Understand why mindful attention is essential for rewiring your brain

Tune in now if you’re ready to harness your “free won’t” and become the conductor of your own life

The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius said that the chance to progress or regress turns on the events of a single day. I'm thinking of that quote in conjunction with what's become known as the stages of change. So much of. Of course, my focus as a therapist is trying to help people with this elusive thing called change—change. Changes in behavior, actions, relationships, and so forth. How can they change their spiritual life if they want more spirituality in their life? How do they find it? What is this process about?

So again, the stages of change is. There are five stages. First is pre-contemplation, meaning a person is unaware that they need to make a change and is not interested in making one. And if someone suggests making a change, it's met with resistance.

Stage two is something called contemplation. Hmm, maybe I do need to take a look at something. Perhaps I do need to make a change. But they're not quite ready to do anything with it.

And then the third is kind of moving forward a little bit. They've contemplated that they need to do something a little bit different. They're trying to figure out how to do it. It's called preparation and planning. How might I make this change? Should I reach out? I've tried by myself many times to overcome this addiction, these relationship issues, my anxiety, my depression, and I'm not making much progress. I think I need to take action and address the issue.

Then the fourth stage is action. I'm actually going to do something. I'm actually going to call. I'm actually going to start an exercise program. If I want to get healthier, I'm actually going to start doing something, watch my diet a little bit differently.

And then, after the person finds something that works, the fifth and final stage is called maintenance. This can be the most challenging stage of all. And because of our human tendencies and human weaknesses, it's not a fixed state. So when someone... It's an elusive state. So, no matter how good we are, we don't completely stay in maintenance. We occasionally slip back into previous, unwanted behaviors. We need to make peace with that a little bit—not beat yourself up too harshly if that happens. It's all part of the process.

Real change may require repeated attempts, but there's something holy and refining in such striving, too—the striving to overcome, the striving to learn. Pick yourself up and keep moving forward. And that's what Angela Duckworth in her book called Grit—you get up and you just keep trying.

But the more you refine this process, the more time you actually spend on maintenance. And if we do not watch it constantly, we can easily fall back into previous patterns of behavior.

So I want to talk about one of my all-time favorite books—I think it's one of the best books ever written, really—it's called The Mind and The Brain by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz. And man, there are so many profound insights in this book.

One concept I want to highlight in today's podcast is that the mind and the physical brain are distinct entities. The physical brain is the plastic, hardwired part of us that has certain connections and channels that have been developed through the process of our mortal life and negative patterns. Traumatic events can lay the groundwork for us to become stuck and frozen in certain places.

And we keep repeating things over and over again in so many different varieties of that—whether it's addictive tendencies, anger issues, depression, anxiety—we just seem to be the same over and over and over again. We wake up and we're just the same, struggling with the same things over and over again.

Now, in Dr. Schwartz's work, he draws on the concept of quantum physics and many of these deeper—what I call spiritual—concepts, particularly in relation to the mind... And I'm not attempting to define or explain quantum physics here, all right? But just a part of it is that the mind has the capacity of free will and a free won't.

And this draws back to Viktor Frankl's classic statement: everything can be taken from a man but one thing—the last of human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

And this is the point between a stimulus and how we respond: free will, free won't—a space—in that space is our power to choose our response; and in our response lies our growth and our freedom.

And one of the things that I have found very useful in the clients that I work with—and it draws on what Jeffrey Schwartz talks about—is this concept of attention: attention must be paid.

And when we pay attention to something, the brain actually changes.

Dr. Schwartz's work was significant because he dealt with clients who struggled with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). He taught them a process of being able to identify when they had an obsessive thought, whatever that thought might be: "Oh, I need to flip the light switch 15 times in 15 seconds before I walk out of this room." The brain—the hard wiring of the brain—is simply misfiring, so he taught an individual to recognize that and be able to identify it, name it, call it out: "There's my brain—my hard wiring brain—doing just what it does." It's kind of stuck; he called it brain lock.

There's an impulse for whatever reason—and we don't understand how or why this happens—but there is a trigger, an impulse (whatever the obsessive-compulsive disorder), and it relates to addictive tendencies also.

When we have a trigger—a temptation—to act out a behavior that from the prefrontal part of our mind we know is not going to be in our best interest—we know there's negative consequences—but this impulse is so strong that we just don't seem to have the capacity or haven't trained ourselves yet—strengthened—the prefrontal (the conductor so-to-speak) of the orchestra of all these wild thoughts in the background.

We haven't ever been taught how to strengthen the conductor so that he can manage all these thoughts and these triggers that come from moment-to-moment throughout our lives—and this process is going on all the time—that...the question then becomes: what are we paying attention to?

And let me explain the difference between intention and attention: Attention is whatever grabs us and we're kind-of focused on moment by moment; intention is an act of agency where *I am choosing* to focus on this particular thing; *I am choosing* to set a goal—to accomplish a certain thing—and then my attention is going to be fixed on this intention.

For example: "I'm not going to smoke a cigarette for the next 60 minutes." That's my intention—and so my attention would be make that signal stronger than noise—just practice restraint—just practice it a little bit.

If you're not at place where you can totally give it up (whatever issue it is), practice small steps: "Oh there is my compulsion/craving—to smoke a cigarette as an example." Then an individual... Just what do I do with that thought? I recognize it—I call it out: My brain is just doing...my pleasure centers...my limbic system (hippocampus mainly involved in memory)—it knows how to feel good based on past memories—and so it's giving me an impulse—to get out whatever state I'm in: bored, lonely, angry, stressed or tired—anything that causes us feel uncomfortable...

Same exact scenario could be used when—we feel compulsion go—to go fridge get some food...

Research suggests about 80% time we eat—it's emotional eating—we don't need it; our bodies don't need it—and that's why there's...we have such issue with obesity/being overweight in culture because we have so much food; food as medication—it provides emotional relief from stress—and so learning proper relationship with that...

So same thing—you get craving—you’re doing some work—you have a craving: "I'm going go get some chocolate." Say: “Ah! There's my brain! Do I really need chocolate? No—I don't need it—but I want it.” Okay! Acknowledge: "I'm going practice restraint for five minutes before go get my M&Ms," or before I—you know—again putting off smoking for 60 minutes; if that's too long 30 minutes—whatever—just experience noticing trigger (whatever might be), acknowledging/naming—it...

These are my words; Dr Jeffrey Schwartz goes into...he has different pattern way he explains but for me I'm just drawing what works for me from his work...

But you name trigger/call out: "There IT IS" (capital IT). My limbic system driving me certain behavior—that I know from past experience has not been helpful for me—and so I'm going try process restraint/free won't—I choose NOT do this thing right now—and I'm just going sit with for period time—noticing how feel...

And this draws me back another amazing book called Embracing Discomfort by Michael Easter—we need learn—to if really want make progress life/achieving worthwhile meaningful goals set ourselves—we need learn make friends/be at peace with discomfort—it’s just part process—it’s okay—instead being frustrated, uncomfortable go “man! This awesome! This work!” It’s work!

Now here's interesting thing—and then what Dr Jeffrey Schwartz pulled out his book/research—is when able to practice free won'ts (“I'm not going do particular thing being tempted/cravings hitting me”) —our brains actually begin process changing—that’s why called neuroplasticity—the brain actually changing moment-by-moment/day-by-day...

The more practice restraint—perhaps why Thucydides (great Greek general/philosopher) says “Of all manifestations power restraint impresses men most”—being wise actions/looking long-term outcome behaviors rather than focusing instant gratification...

Most of those things that provide instant gratification don’t really satisfy the deepest yearnings of the human soul...

So takeaway from podcast—I would encourage you rest day just PAY ATTENTION when you have cravings go eat—or smoker smoke—or use drug whatever...Just notice craving when hits/stop period time intentionally “I choose NOT do thing right now” —just embrace discomfort little bit/just watch happens process time...

If continue practice this—maybe do restrain five minutes today/maybe tomorrow restrain seven minutes/next week 20 minutes/then 30 minutes...and then you keep process up—as your confidence begins grow based on your actions/past experience...

Anyway—that’s takeaway! Encourage you to practice restraint meaningfully/mindfully as relates to food/substances/even impulses, get/check social media/just restrain, realize your MIND is a really powerful thing—not your PHYSICAL BRAIN...

Your physical brain based past experience has learned what creates pleasure/so sending mind impulses act—but mind maybe not aware enough its absolute power say NO—I choose NOT DO THAT—I choose TAKE CONTROL ORCHESTRA SO TO SPEAK—I am conductor here—not you—and I know consequences these behaviors/I’m tired consequences—therefore CHOOSE—all powerful part minds we really DO HAVE POWER direct/change physical brain...

That’s a powerful thought!

Anyway, have an amazing week/amazing day/talk next time!