Destinations Do NOT Exist - Life's a Journey

I love the quote by Henry Miller that says one's destination is never a place but a new way of seeing things. You know, if you think about it, there really are no destinations. They're just There's just a journey and sometimes a lot of emotional suffering is created by always trying to reach some place as if when we get there, everything's gonna be fixed and solved, and this place doesn't exist because whenever you get there, you're there and you have to go, okay, now what? What's next? The same is true in relationships and that's why every single moment is so critical every moment counts. Every look at another person counts. You're always preaching a sermon or your sermon. You're always preaching your sermon how you carry yourself, how you walk, whether you're at work, at school, at home, And, you know, my wife and I were having a conversation the other night, night of, a couple of bands. We we grew up. Our high school years were in the 19 seventies. And we're wondering what happened to a couple of the bands. And so we did some research on them and, and, and saw how they had had internal Discord or arguments, and then the bands fell apart. We loved their music and they were on the top of the world, you know, hitting the top of the charts and stuff like that. And and just sitting there almost in mute disbelief going, how did this happen? What happened that you have someone producing stuff that's so positive, so good. It's making a difference in the world. They're reaching the top of charts. They're reaching their goals, and then all of a sudden, someone gets offended by something. A word is spoken, a deal goes south, something happens and then everything falls apart. That's where we get back to this idea of life is just a journey and it's what we learn or are learning in the process that's the most significant thing for us to be looking at. It's the same, it's the same thing with those who struggle with addiction issues. It's like, well, what's the destination? like this imaginary place where you don't struggle at all with things anymore, such as an illusion. You'll always struggle with some triggers here or there. That's the very nature of life. And, and, and I was talking to a client earlier this week And he's in his early twenties trying to figure out what he wants to do with the living with with himself for a living and just struggling with all of those ideas that we all go through in the process of life. And he is thinking about going back to college. He's done a done a little college, and they go, well, what, what even interests you? And in our previous conversation, it was like, well, nothing really. which is the dilemma for him. And then in our last section, he says, you know, what interests me is maybe doing what you're doing. maybe becoming a psychologist, a therapist, a mental health therapist, helping people. I'd really like to do that. And so we talked about that a little bit, but then he said something interested. Yeah. But I, you know, and he's struggling with some addiction issues and he goes, but I I just, you know, Man, I have so much work before I could ever do anything like that. And I and I said to him, well, what do you perceive that a mental health therapist is. I mean, I said, and I told him a story of in an agency where I used to work at. There, we were sharing offices with, a fairly established mental health therapist. And she was doing marriage and family therapy. That was, that was her specialization. And then after a little while, it was like she was kind of shutting down her practice and we're going, wow, what's What's what are you gonna do with her life? What's going on? Well, long story short, she was going through a divorce. Going through a horrible situation herself Didn't does that mean that she can't be a good marriage therapist because she's struggling with issues? And and that's when I said to my client, what do you what do you think of me? So you're looking at me like this this mature man, whatever, is like, got it all together. I don't have any issues. I don't deal with anxiety, depression, any relationship issues with family members, etcetera. I've got everything completely put together and go, I go, yeah, I am really in a good place. I mean, I've done a lot of work, but the reason that I'm in a good place is because I've adopted the mindset of adapt, improvise, and overcome obstacles are simply opportunities to look at, and learn from, and grow I refuse to be a victim of anything. And when bad things app happen, I don't dwell on it. I continually learn from them, put them behind, and I move forward. It's a mindset, but challenges will continue to come throughout our life I think sometimes we get caught in this loop that we're looking at someone who's arrived, whether whether it's a professional athlete or whatever, even even those who achieve the highest level in their particular sport, They only they're only able to sit with it for a brief period of time and then what? It just starts all over and then it's like okay, where do we go from here? So just want to Have you just ponder on that that there really are no destinations? There's only the journey. There are destinations. Yep. There are stopping points where we can look, reflect on our lives, the decisions we've made, how they've impacted us, but, I love the mindset of going forward. Like, I'm, I'm working with a wonderful young lady right now. We just went through a divorce. There's in the process of going through a divorce and she is, you know, found a new relationship, but this guy only wants one thing. It's like, and she says I'm not ready for that and it keeps pressuring her to be physical. And she goes, I'm not interested in that right now, but he just keeps relentlessly doing that. And so in our sessions, I'm getting her to look forward to the future. Where are you gonna be 5 years from now? What is the ideal outcome that you're looking 4 or 1 year or 2 year. There's no magical thing in in 5, but then we go back to this statement by Marcus Aurelius. when we face any situation, everything that we face from day to day. Just simply ask yourself this question. is this the right thing for me to do? And so when I ask her, I say, okay, so you're gonna go meet with your new relationship guy, and he's gonna be pressuring you to do certain things. Just ask yourself the question, and she's set really good boundaries. And I compliment her and her amazed that she's been able to do it so well. And I encourage you to simply keep asking yourself the question before any action It's it's it's becoming more aware and mindful is, is this the right thing for me to do? The second she was talking about you know, she's really was in a depressed state today, and it was like and she looked around, you know, we're doing Zoom sessions, but she says my partner just a mess. It's a complete mess. And so we talked about feng shui and the movement of energy and and how it may be helpful for her mood to actually just get in and do the work regardless of how she feels to clean her apartment. and just do the thing. Like Ralph Waldo Emerson said, do the thing and you shall have the power. is just clean up. And, and then I asked her, and I said, but, so here's the question. I'll just ask you this question. Is it the right thing for you to do to clean up your apartment? And she looked at me, she says, Yes. but I said, how do you even know that? She goes, it's just a feeling a sense that I have. We all have a conscience. We all know simply what we should be doing, but sometimes we just need a little nudge To keep moving in a positive direction, do not let emotions lead the way emotions are like the weather, they change, focus more on right actions, small and simple things to do. And so her quest today she was going to clean up her apartment. She was gonna fold her laundry. She was gonna get that going. And, and so her depression level Instead of being on a scale of 1 to 10, she was about 7, 8 today. Maybe it'll go down to a 6. when she walks into her place and at least it's clean.