Building Self-Confidence Through Accountability

If you're lacking self confidence, the answer to strengthen strengthening it comes from intentional actions that you hold yourself accountable for. That's how confidence truly grows. that you succeed at doing things and then you gain more, self belief. One of the most dangerous things we can do to people is constantly build them up when they're not accomplishing anything. like, participation trophies. You know, we need to teach people that you need to earn something earn, not given. And some I I'm working with a young man right now. Wonderful young man. but he has zero confidence in anything right now. And his response to me says, I just don't have any motivation to do anything. As I look at my life, I I'm just never really been good at anything. He's in his mid twenties right now. He's goes, I'm just not good at anything. I was never really good at school. I was never really good in sports. I was never really I'm just not good at anything. I'm not really good in relationships. I had one relationship with a girl, but she broke it off with me. So it just kind of kind of in this victim mentality. has 0 self esteem, then we go, okay. So what's the answer? So when I when I visit with him this past week, I go. Well, okay. So let's just look at the fact of your life. No. You haven't really accomplished anything. Have you? Grades were c's, d's in school. Yeah. That's not a lot to be proud of. Is it? Never really, you know, threw yourself into anything completely. just kinda sat and gave a half baked baked effort ago. k. Let's just accept that fact. You should feel kinda crummy about that stuff. Why why why do you expect that you would feel great about all of that stuff? So the answer lies in, let's set some small intentions. This is what I am going to do today. Small and simple thing. Maybe it's and for him, it's reading 10 pages in a book. Okay. Read 10 pages in a book today. Begin the process of building your self esteem. Educate yourself. Why is it that and maybe it's it's part of the human condition that we look at other people who have been extremely successful, and and we envy them, and we believe we should just be there. See, people like some of the jeff Bezos for Elon Musk. Do you know why they are where they are? they they have gotten where they're at because they're obsessive workers. They do things. I remember hearing a story. I think Jeff Bezos figuring things out and how things worked. That his mom said he had everything hooked up in the house. You know, wires going everywhere, ropes going everywhere. If you open this door, that one opens. I mean, it it it was just that he was engaged. It's setting intentions and engaging, having faith to try things. to be okay with failure. When you why is it that when when we think we're going to school that we should understand everything perfectly the first time? One of the things that I do, right now is I mentor a group of young single adults who I'm in I'm living in Florida right now. And in in the summer, have a lot of individuals come out and do summer sales. They're doing solar sales and things like that and had a group of about 20 come out this year and spend the summer here with us. and I would meet with them weekly and just kinda, as I said, mentor them and talk to them. 6 of them Totally engaged with me. They reached out at other times during the week. Can I talk to you? Can I ask you some questions? Can I tell you some of the struggles I'm having. And, you know, just this past week, they they went home. They went to different parts of the country and going back to college, and I was reflecting on that group of 20 and how these 6 individuals made a significant impact on the group because they were fully engaged. They were trying things. They would get up and do give speeches. They would they would they would constantly be be working, but they were engaged. And the other, you know, 14 or so just kinda would sit back. that come to meetings and they wouldn't talk. They wouldn't participate. They were just kinda sitting there. And I I and when these 6 left, they all came up and every one of them made their way, through the group to come and give me a hug. Goodbye. Say, thank you. Thank you. This was an amazing this was a healing experience for me to be here in Florida during during the summer for some of them are going through some different things personally. And and then I was reflecting on that on on the way home from our meetings and I'm going, you know what? You guys made a difference. Such a difference because you engaged. You tried. You were intentional. You just didn't sit back. And those those individuals who sat back I don't even know who some of them are. I don't even know their names. Even though because there's there's anyway, it's just there's There's something to setting intentions. If you want to build your self esteem, we've got to be willing to risk Love something that Helen Keller said life is either a daring adventure or nothing. She has something else. I'm kind of butchering the quote, but it's like security does not exist in nature nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. You know, it's it's no, choosing not to engage is no better than just outright exposure. I mean, in developing relationships with other people, learning to be strong and efficacious and refusing to be a victim in a relationship where someone is trying to exert power and control over you. Yeah. All of us, we have to learn to navigate through, relationship issues, but maintaining your integrity maintaining your core, your honor. And that's very, very difficult for some who have never had that or who are raised in an abusive home. And so the blueprint or the model for any relationship is abuse. And and so that's what they expect. but I want to clearly say to you that we do not have to live in abuse. We do not have to take that. We should never abuse another person. Never dominate an exercise control unjustly. Yes. You need to share your opinions. You need to make a difference in a positive way, but always allow people to make their decisions and choices, but but not in a controlling manner, but also at the same time refuse to be a victim. Do not subject yourself to that. And and if you find yourself in relationships that make you feel uncomfortable, a little queasy, like this person, you have a gut reaction that this person would not be safe emotionally to when you first start start seeing signals, pay attention to those. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, meaning it's way, way easier if you pick things up early, to make the needed changes in life rather than trying to to get out of a relationship once it's you got chained into it. And if you've been an abusive relationship in the past, you have the power to get out, you do have the power to change. Today is a new day. and then use that information and that experience as you continue to move forward in life. Constantly evolving, constantly emerging, to become the very best person that you can be. That's the quest of life. Right? For us to find just to be the best that we can. to keep trying to keep emerging. And and to realize that that the only thing we ever really have is movement and change, but there's so many wonderful things to experience in life. New relationships to develop. And if you find yourself stuck, find that Helen Keller quote. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. And, anyway, today's a new day. You've never lived this moment yet. No matter what has happened in the past, everything you've experienced has brought you to this moment in time, and the best is yet to come. Perhaps that one of the coolest experiences that you've ever had is coming today. I encourage you to choose to believe that To just look at obstacles as any obstacle in your life is an opportunity to learn and grow, Don't take things too seriously sometimes. Develop a healthy sense of humor. refuse to be a victim, get over things. I mean, I'm saying don't give so much attention to past negative things. intention, living your life intentionally means that you are choosing to look to the future rather than being consumed by the past. It's a choice. And the way our brain works, it naturally pulls us to ponder the past negative things that happened to us. We're we're set at a default level that way. Understand that. but choose to be intentional, set small and simple goals. And when you start to achieve those goals, then your confidence starts to begin. to grow. And then you become stronger, line upon mine, precept upon precept here a little, there a little, just a little bit at a time, but be moving in a positive direction. Just begin today. One small simple thing that you can do.