Building Authentic Business Relationships and Managing Networking Anxiety

Welcome to another enriching episode of **Operational Harmony**! Today, your hosts Nikki and Tonya dive deep into the world of networking, focusing on how to build authentic connections that drive personal and professional success. We'll discuss the importance of education, overcoming self-doubt, and warding off societal pressures while finding the balance between offering value and maintaining boundaries in business interactions.

Tonya shares her insights from transitioning from a banking background to mentoring entrepreneurs, emphasizing the power of being a "power connector" and giving generously to build trust. She'll also reveal her strategies for managing referrals and organizing contacts using tools like HubSpot and her phone's notes section.

Nikki opens up about her own experiences with anxiety, hearing sensitivity, and physical touch in networking situations, offering practical tips like using earplugs, setting small goals, and gamifying tasks. She highlights the significance of rewarding oneself and staying positive, even when goals aren’t met.

We'll also tackle the prevalence of scams targeting the older generation and share personal anecdotes about networking experiences, from building relationships without immediate sales tactics to recognizing potential scams through gut feelings.

Join us as we explore the art of fostering genuine connections, maintaining mental health, and turning networking into an enjoyable and stress-free activity. This episode promises to be a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their networking skills and build meaningful professional relationships.

Tonya Gossage Socials:

https://www.facebook.com/tonya.gossage

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonyagossage/

https://www.instagram.com/tonyagossage/

https://www.youtube.com/@InfluenceandGrowthMastery

https://www.facebook.com/groups/influenceandgrowthmastery

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Welcome to Operational Harmony, balancing business and mental well being, where we achieve goals without sacrificing peace. I'm Nikki and we're joined today by Tanya. I'm going to let her introduce herself. 

Thank you, Nikki. It's good to be here. I'm Tonya Gossage and I'm the owner of Gossage Performance Consulting and my podcast is Influence and Growth Mastery and I train and help entrepreneurs grow their audience and grow their client base.

Thank you I do all things around helping you gain influence and Grow your business. I'm also a digital and affiliate marketer. So I love to mentor people, help you impact the lives of others. I came from a corporate background of banking of 34 years, and I decided I no longer wanted to be in banking. And what I was really good at was mentoring people.

Coaching people, building authentic relationships and helping people grow. And so I was really responsible for helping lots of people grow from what I'm going to say in this May. I don't want this to come off wrong, but really grow from.  lower positions and get recognized for what their skill sets were and help them get promoted.

And so I've really taken that skill set. I was good at finding diamonds in the rough, I'll say it that way, and helping them get promoted. So I've really taken that skill set. And really helping entrepreneurs today take what they're really good at and putting that to work in their business and building an audience and a client base and helping them grow their businesses today. 

I have seen some of the stuff you're doing and that's why you're here.  Oh, thank you. Thank you.  I have enjoyed working with you on some things and look forward to working with you on many more things.  Thank you, Nikki. I've enjoyed working for you with  and having you do some work for me. when I first met you, I remember going back to that day and, being in that virtual setting with you and learning some of the things that you do.

Definitely, tech, techie.  Was such a memorable moment for me and you and I clicked then,  and have been able to, bond and I would even say create that authentic connection, which I love doing. And we have been able to have a great relationship from that day moving forward. And so I really appreciate what you and I've been able to build together. 

I enjoy being on your podcast and I am grateful that you were able to come on to be my first guest. Yes. In my second episode. Yes. Yes. It's great. It's great to be here.

So today, we want to talk about, I love what you're doing your podcast on the business side of things and mental health. And so today I want to talk about building. Authentic connections and relationships with people and how that really transitions into entrepreneurship and how people can actually start building authentic connections and relationships  and how that can actually help you, begin to build your audience, build your business, and ultimately help you build.

Clients, and your clientele and I think that's where we want to start today. If that sounds good to you. Yes, very much.  Perfect. So, when you're out, Nikki networking, whether, you know, it's in a virtual. Setting or whether it is in, an in person setting and, coming off of the, what I would call the heels of,  the pandemic, even though it's been 4 years now,  people, sometimes still have difficulty  building relationships because, we were in that. 

Go, go, go mentality. And then  everything just stopped. If you will, I wanted to say, we just halted everything. And  we got into a situation to where we weren't able to go out and do things. We didn't really talk to people. We were comatose pretty much in a bubble. We were in a bubble.

Yeah. Yeah. And so then at that point,  we had to learn how to Communicate again. And so we started off in the virtual realm, if you will, re learning how to engage with people and building that no lock and trust factor again. And, 1 of the things that, some people that were, extroverted became introverted people that were introverted became extroverted because, all we had was social media and then, getting on virtual meetings and virtual meetings back then, you had zoom and you had a few of those other things that we had meetings around at, in the office setting and.

Wow. I mean, we started doing zoom meeting after zoom meeting after zoom meeting after zoom meeting, and that became the way and, you know, even for me, I was working, I was doing banking consulting and I was like, what are we going to do? Because I was in the person to person.  And I was like, okay, I got to move this training that I was doing to the virtual situation.

And so you had to learn how to build these connections with people. And so it was a little bit tougher for some to do it virtually.  But. You learn, what questions really to start asking people to start building those authentic relationships with people. And once you found, you know, that you could engage with somebody, and find a true connection.

With somebody, whether it was about their hobbies, whether it was about their family, whether it was about them, some about them personally, whether, they had some type of problem they were going through and you could literally relate with people about something. Then you started seeing that you could connect. 

For me, whenever I got into Alignable and a lot of people still don't know what Alignable is today, but it's a networking platform. I initially thought it was a social media platform and it's not. It's a networking platform. But when I got on  to Alignable and started having conversations there, Nikki, and that's where you and I met, I found.

Alignable. org. There that  some of my really good friends today, like you and I, I mean, we talk almost daily now. And we message back and forth all the time, even though we're colleagues and peer to peer entrepreneurs,  we started building true relationships because when we found out what problems people had, then we could start having conversation around Those types of problems and here's what I really found was you could start.

Recommending  various things to people and people didn't feel sold to.  And that's what I think in today's world. And this is where I've really, and feel free to, to interrupt and let's have a conversation around this, because this is where I've really seen the business changes happening  today and in.

And I'll even just say inalignable. We've adopted in Jason Integrity, which I've had on my podcast, adopted  this word called the goofball effect people that are still in this. Let's have a conversation and immediately go into the sales team. Strategy, they're called goofballs today, and we're trying to change that world  into you.

Don't be a goofball. You build a relationship today, a true connection with somebody when you start talking and conversing with someone at a networking meeting on a virtual call. You In a social media post, and when you do that, you start building a  true connection with someone, and that person feels the authenticity, if you will, that somebody cares about me, Nikki cares about me.

She's asking true questions about who am I? What do I want to accomplish in my business? Where do I want to go in the next?  You know, year, well, even earlier than that, 3 months, 1 year, 18 months, 2 years, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years maybe. And when you start doing that to me, I feel like you care about me.  And then when you want to know, well, what are you going to do to accomplish that?

Well, then I even feel like you really care about me and then you start offering suggestions or something like that. Then I start building this trust factor because you're not trying to sell me. You're offering suggestions. You're offering solutions. You're offering, you know, those types of things to help me to build trust with you.

And you may even say to me, you know what I have. I have this checklist of seven strategies, or I have this ebook, or I have this thing that I think might offer you value. Would you like to have it? I'm like, wow, Nikki provides me so much value during this interaction, whether we're on a zoom together.

Or we're on,  a podcast together, or we're in this messenger conversation back and forth. I see the value, Nikki, that you're trying to offer me. And so, that's where we build this.  true, authentic connection that we're having back and forth. And I don't look at you like you're some goofball  wanting to sell me initially and take my money.

I'm looking at you like you're trustworthy. You're authentic. You want to offer me value. And  when you do that,  then I'm more apt.  To listen to you and what you have, if you do sometime down the road, do approach me  for  more value or  try to make me an offer, or you ask me to come to your webinar or. 

You know, whatever that might be, or you have an affiliate offer that you say, Tonya, I've been using this thing, whatever this thing might be, software platform, whatever. I would like for you to take a look at it because I think it might be helpful in your business.  I'm going to be more apt to listen to you,  you know, because,  you've provided me so much value. 

Grant Cardone has this thing that he says all the time, and I believe it 100 percent is give, give, give, give, and give some more. And when you do,  that's how you build   more and more authentic relationships. And, you know, I learned that,  when back in my banking career, when I would meet with vendors.

If I was not able  to  do a relationship with them, because maybe the bank wasn't ready for whatever it was they wanted to do, if I could refer them to somebody else, I would, or how do you time that?  How do I time that referral? Yeah. Well, so if I, because I went to a lot of conferences and things like that, you know, I might have already had a discussion with somebody that I might know was in the look for something like that.

And I could say, you know, I know for a fact. That we're not ready for that. We're just not set up. We're not ready. But I know I had a conversation with someone that is looking for that.  And then I could do an introductory email or even a phone call. Now, if I did a phone call, I would not set that phone call up until I contacted or emailed the person to say, hey, I'm getting ready to do an introductory call.

Are you open to it and I would get their permission, but if I did a, an email, I would just, you know, launch an email and say, hey, I want to introduce the 2 of you.  You know, this company has this to offer, and I know you all are looking,  and I would like to  introduce the two of you  so I would know that they were looking  if I did not know they were looking, I would let them know.

If, and when I hear of someone looking for, this type of business, I will definitely keep you top of mind. And so one of the things that I did. Was I kept, a list and you said before you had a spreadsheet. Yeah, that's what I started to say was I had a spreadsheet. Back then I had a spreadsheet now I use, HubSpot.

And so I would put them in there and I would just put, you know, the name of the person that I used and I would put notes about, you know, our discussion. And I kept. Their business cards.  And I have to tell you when I left the bank, I had three boxes, their card boxes, business card boxes.

And I took all those business cards with me. And when I left, I went into bank consulting and I sat down in my floor here in my office one day and I separated all of those business cards into Priority. Oh, no.  Yeah, yeah. I did  , I did. I separated those into business Priority and I.  This is a company that I'm going to reach out to because I know what their service was like and what,   the realm of what I'm going to be doing in my consulting business.

So they're going to be somebody that I want to partner with.  In what I'm doing. And so I,  and so this is what I tell people when I get them on a call with alignable, this is one of the top pieces of advice that I give everybody. So those of you that are listening to this podcast, I want you to write this down, grab you a piece of paper, pause this.

Podcast and write this down because it's so important and this is how you build your network. And this is how, we've always said your network is your net worth. And sometimes it is. And people used to tell me all the time, I can't believe you don't charge for this. And then I was like, I'm going to start charging for this because I'm going to teach people how to do this.

So this is how critical this information is. Is what you want to do is you want to build your list.  Of top people that you meet and there's a young lady  in North Carolina. She and I've had this conversation and she is excellent at doing it. She sent me a referral introduction yesterday  that I have got to follow up on before midnight tonight.

I've got to follow up on that  because she sends excellent referrals  and she's got this process down. And so here's what it is. When you meet people, you need to, whether you use a spreadsheet, you use a CRM,  you use business cards, whatever it is that you create as your system,  or you have an electronic thing on your phone, business card thing on your phone, whatever your system is.

But when you meet people, you put their name, the name of their business, a few tidbits about them.  In there and kind of where you met them and what it is that they do and whether or not you would refer them or not.  And so, for example,  the name of your business is Nikki's office. But that's not what you I mean, that's what you do.

That's the name of your off your business. But what I would do is I would put in the notes. 

And then I would also put  managerial responsibilities  for small business owners and entrepreneurs. And then I might list some things that I know you do. Social media management. You know, all of these things that I know that you do. And so what's critical about that is if I run on to Susie Jones on the street and she asked me, who do you know  that does video and audio editing?

I not only, this is why spreadsheets are  cumbersome. Yes. And they're not really automated. But what you do love about spreadsheets is the search feature, because it comes up in so many of those fields 

is because when you search,  I can go into that sort feature or whatever, and I can, when I search, I can get not only you, but I can get 10 other people that do audio and video editing. Okay. So whatever system that you're using, whether it's Trello boards or whatever, it doesn't matter as long as you come up with something that is good at editing. 

I also like  putting you as a contact in my phone,  because when I put you as a contact in my phone,  in your company name, so I put your name and I put your company and then slash slash. I put video editing. Your company name is so long because it's searchable.  And then people that do video editing. It comes up in the company name. 

And so I'll be honest, I'm kind of switching. I mean, I love HubSpot, don't get me wrong, but if I'm at a conference,  it's much easier for me to throw you, put you into my, it's so much easier to put you in my contacts  than it is to write you down on a piece of paper. Come home. Try to put you all that stuff in her spot. 

It's just so much easier to put you in my phone right then because so many people want to exchange right then and there and whether we exchange a text message. Right then and there  we can do that and then I can, you know, create a contact and then put all my notes right there. I'm getting to where  I have more than 1 system and I want to merge what I have in HubSpot over to my phone contacts.

Does that make me have thousands of phone contacts? Yes. But I think I had rather have everybody in my phone contacts at this day and time because.  It just seems much simpler, because when somebody asks me out on the street, I can give it to them right then and there.  And if you're at home, you can go into your thing and have the whole list up there and you can look at different options for the same person.

Yeah. Cause you have the more visible version at home. Yeah, I really like putting it in my contacts. I've really started doing that more, because sometimes I have to say, well, when I get home, I'll pull up my HubSpot  and can you have some of that on your phone? It's just much more cumbersome for me to do it that way.

 I love it in my contacts and I really. Reverted to that because also you have the notes section, but as long as I know how I'm going to look for you is in the company name, and then I can put the rest in the notes  because I can just I can have your email there. I can have, you know, if you've got multiple phone numbers, I can put that there.

And but that.  I tell everybody it doesn't matter who you meet. You don't know when you're going to need that person. And,  I put where I've met you so that I know,  because I'm not gonna, I'm probably not gonna remember your name. But if I remember what conference I met you at,  and I'll say conference, I can go through my list of conference, if I search by conference, I can go through conferences.

I just try to put multiple things that's going to help me remember.  People and  your network is you don't know which influencer and if they're an influencer, I'll put influencer in there somewhere. I just want multiple ways and Nikki, it has served me for years. It has served me for years and so I use a dot card.

Have you ever heard of those? Yes. I have a plastic card where I can tap it on the other person's phone and they have my contact information. It automatically gives them a picture, which. I think I might need to update to that to actually be of me and not my dragon.  And it gives them all my social media contacts, my email phone number, all of that.

So that's all in their phone. And, I had some space to put some of the things I do. So they have that in the search. So that,  automatically fills all that information out for somebody else on their phone.  Instead of you having to save my information, we just have to, make sure that you know how to use your phone and save the, go through the,  save buttons.

You have to hit. Yes,  yes, I mean, and, you know, not everybody's going to have a dot card, but absolutely. If people did carry that around, that would be phenomenal. But I do tell everybody that I meet.  It's so important. I mean, having those cards that I brought back for me, it's, I can't tell you how many people still to this day will reach out to me and say, do you remember that vendor? 

That we used or banks will reach out to me because they know I worked at the bank. Do you have anybody that you would recommend? I have that information. And so you start to be looked at as a power connector. You start to be looked at as, an influencer in the connecting world. And. And I've been looked at that as that type of person for a long time.

And, there's just something about being able to connect people. And,  you want to be able to do that. You want to be able to be a connector of people because it levels you up. In the entrepreneurship world to be able to have those connections and to be able to say, I know somebody that can help you.

I may not can help you, but I know somebody that can help you. Yeah, and it's just powerful.  So going back to making the connections, I know that sometimes I'm not the best at communicating. So how do you, start the conversation and get some of their needs out?   So, actually, I have a list, I keep a list in a notebook.

And so it's repetitive.  It's repetitive. And if you would like, and you want to attach it in, your show notes or something like that, I'd be happy to provide it. But some of those, yeah, some of those are like, what's going on in your business? what are you trying to achieve in your business? 

What's blocking you from achieving those in your business?  And then you ask what's blocking you, but then you ask what's stopping you.  And so some of the things you know, they'll answer it, but then you ask it another way. And then  when you're having conversations with people, you're trying to find out from them, what are their problems?

And you're trying to find out if you can actually help them.  And then if you can't help them, you're also thinking, because you're going to know, as you're asking these questions, am I able to help these individuals?   You're going to be forming thoughts in your head. If you're not able to, who do you know that can? 

And if nobody comes up off the top of your head, you, I don't necessarily, I mean, for you, I might, but for somebody that I just met, I'm not going to get on my phone right then and start trying to research who might could help them. But I might say to them, I might have a source. That can help you, you know, give me till tomorrow or give me a couple of days, depending on my schedule.

And let me see if I can come up with somebody that I might can refer you to and then,  excuse me, if I can, I will tell them, you know, let me get back with you. And let you know whether I can refer you or not refer you. And, you know, oftentimes I can think of somebody and sometimes I just can't, you know, I'm like, I just off the top of my head, I can't come up with somebody in your field because it's maybe it's not in an area I've dealt with.

And, I will tell you that there's been times. When I've reached out into my group, I've occasionally even gone to my Facebook group. And have said, does anybody know anybody that can do this and people have responded and you help me with that website  yeah. 

You got me connected to somebody who helped me way faster than I would have liked. Because he fixed the problem in  two minutes and I was like, okay, I should have been able to solve that then. But you know, it's just for me, it's all about being resourceful and just trying to find out if, I can help people or not.

And  is everybody going to go through the steps that I go through? No, because  I'm just going to tell you,  not everybody.  Wants to  spend their time helping other people, they're going to look at it like  I could be making money for myself.   Rather than  trying to make money, I look at it like  my entire goal.

Is to be impactful and to offer value to people.   Some people are like, I want to be making money every hour of the day. And so I'm more about impact and value and the more impact and value that I give the money comes back to me. And people then send me people in return. It may not be those people, but it comes to me. 

And so I just have a different perspective because I enjoy helping people and providing value.  And I've never, well, let me back up. I started to say, I've never had anybody take advantage of that. I have. And you just cut those people off, you know how to do it and you just cut those people off and you just say, I can't support,  you I can give you so much support.

And then at some point, I have to start charging you for the support.  And so, there's some people you're willing to help at no cost.  And then there's some people that at some point you have to. Send them an invoice, you know, yeah, but people don't take advantage. Most people,   there are apples in every bunch.

So,  basically with, our connection, we started off in Alignable at a meeting, and then I did your podcast with you back in  March.

We'll put that link in the show notes as well so that people can go Yeah the cross reference and  I think that was the 1st time I really started talking  to anybody about a lot of things  publicly. So that was interesting for me.

1 of the things that I've come across, especially lately, because, you know, we're in Arkansas when we just had that tornado that  destroyed half of downtown  but,  I was just in the car with a lady who gave me a ride to an appointment.  Which isn't normal. And she was talking about how somebody came and knocked on her door and told her that there was hail damage on her roof and wanted her to let him up on the roof to double check.

And she's like, there was no hail here.  No, thank you.  And she's like, I think that might have been a scam. And I'm like, the fact that you're doubting tells me that you need more information.  So as background, I work with a roofer.  Of course, he's in Tennessee, so he can't help anybody here in Arkansas. 

But,  the big difference  is,   both of the, the 3, 4 companies in Tennessee that I know,  they don't use ads. They're not knocking on doors. They use networking.  They completely use networking to get, you know, they network with realtors and with insurance companies and all that to get the, the customers for, Themselves and  that works out really good for them.

They have really great businesses and I'm I am proud to be working with them on that So then you turn around you come to arkansas. I'm like we had somebody knock on the door here Of course,  he was like, yeah, you guys have hail damage Why does every conversation in arkansas start off with you have hail damage? 

 But like this roofer Goes, I can go take a look. I'm like, first of all  I'm not the one who makes those decisions. So no, you're not getting on the roof. Second of all, I work with a roofer. You're being awfully pushy. And he's like, Oh, so you can help them through the process.

And I was like, yeah, I'll help them with the exact mate and anything else they need. And he just kind of looked at me like I was the dumb one because he didn't know. The basic software that you need as a roofer or construction person working with insurance. And I was just kind of like,  yeah, I'm going to recommend they work with you. 

So,   how bad does it have to be before you're looking at the person cross eyed going and you want me to what ? I know it took a long way to get there.  That's kind of like, is there are people who you look at them, at 1st meeting and you're like, wait, you're in business for yourself.

How successful are you?  It was like, I'm not doing business with,  what does it take for you to get that feeling right from the bat and to know that the person you're talking to is not somebody you want their information because you're not helping anybody. You're not sending him to anybody. Yeah, I think, I mean, you said it right off the bat.

First of all, it's. 

 Do you have knowledge about what those people are talking about? And then the second thing is your gut.  What is your gut telling you about  the individual?  And then I think thirdly, I'm going to say something that,  probably a lot of the people that listen to the podcast, they may or may not know anything about.

Yeah. is human design, you know, the way we process our own information, and how we make decisions because we all process information differently. Some of us can make  really quick judgment calls  and some of us have to delay making the decision because we have to think about what  just happened.  And they got to sleep on it,  so I think maybe not making quick decisions if you're one of those type of people, but  when you have somebody that it approaches you like that, and quickly your gut.

Is telling you this person's off because you have some background information like you do you work with those kind of people and you know that procedure that just happened is not normal,  you know, I had, I was going, I was looking for,  a receipt that documented my, dog's, Vaccinations this morning in my personal email, because I have to upload it to a website that was requiring the information.

And when I was looking for that receipt, I saw an email that supposedly come from. booking. com to PayPal and it was a refund for 15. 70 that was denied because I didn't claim it. Well, the minute I saw it, I had the gut check  that was fraud because number one,  It didn't look like all of PayPal's other  emails that I get.

And number two, it talked about a flight refund that I requested through Booking. com. And I've not flown anywhere in over a year  and Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You got a 15 discount from a flight ticket? What flight ticket is 15. Yeah, it was a partial. It was a partial. Oh, okay. I was about to say, wait a minute, that's even more fishy.

It wasn't a full refund. It was just a partial refund on something, but I knew because I have knowledge. Number 1, I have background knowledge in security from banking.  Cause I worked with the team who sends out the phishing emails and I have two PayPal accounts, you know, so I get emails from PayPal and I also work with booking.

com. So I just knew  from the way  I hadn't knowledge. Number one, Also, my gut immediately told me this is fraud. This is phishing. And so, I can make that quick decision. And then as I looked further into my emails, they had made multiple attempts to try to get me to click on these links and this email and even had attached what was a fake A PDF document that was supposedly a receipt.

Well, I wouldn't get open that either. No, no,  no. So, you know, to your question,   when you have knowledge about certain things and people, try to   take you down the wrong way, even if they, you know, present themselves as an entrepreneur or a coach or try to get you to buy a course.

I think we smell it. I think we smell fraud,  from a far away. I think the people that get taken are the people that they don't know what they don't know. They've not ever had any,   they've not had any education. or exposure  to those types of things. Had that fraught, I'm going to call him a scammer. 

You know, if he went down the street and knocked on maybe an elderly person's door that, that doesn't work with, anybody in insurance, work with a banker, work with another roofer. Or anybody in construction or, you know, some of those types of people.  She might would have let him on the roof.  Because she didn't know what she doesn't know.

She's not had any type of education in that surrounding area. So she might could have gotten taken and people do all the time. My mother in law  probably would have believed that person,  and let him take advantage.  So  when it comes to those fraud type things, I think that they target a certain set of people.

Mm-Hmm.  , and I don't wanna say this the wrong way and offend you, but that are at a certain age.  Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . You're right. They do. Because once you get to an age or  people who are in the older generations.  I am saying this very carefully.  No, I get it. I don't want to offend anybody,  but the point being is some of those people, they don't know computers.

They don't know it. They don't know anything about computers and then them are the ones where you see on your Facebook, where they get scammed into putting that stupid post that you.  Facebook is going to change the thing. And if you post this, they won't do it to you. 100 percent if they were going to do the thing, they're going to do it to you no matter what you post. 

 And we were talking about that because you had posted something in Facebook after you had gotten 1 of those. And so I've kind of noticed  again. No offense that I'm not in that age group yet. I'm quickly getting there,  but I'm not in that age group yet where I'm starting to get all those scammy things.

I do get some because you know, everybody gets some, I have one email where I've gotten like a hundred of them saying that they're  from  zoom. us, but except it's zoom. com and I'm like, yeah,  that's not the site. That's fake, you know, or they have that extra trailing whole bunch of space and numbers and stuff.

So, I do get some words. I do get them occasionally, but I have noticed that, the older generation is getting them a lot more and they're falling forward a lot more and we have gone completely off topic.  Well,  it's worth it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but we have gone way left of center.  It's okay.

It's still business,  but  I think it is because they lack the knowledge around.  Around that, but that's why I try to take the opportunity to educate and educate those people because they don't know they don't know what they don't know that post 100 times.  And I'm just going, okay, can we remember this is not something we need to repost. 

Now that I've just stuttered for the 7th time.  Once you see that post, you don't need to repeat it,  just because it says to repeat it doesn't mean you have to. This is not that chain email that used to get people. But  be just,  if you don't like it, keep going.

If it's saying do this or Facebook's going to do that. Guess what?  Facebook's gonna get you if they want to get you  100 percent of the time. You'll find out later when somebody actually reads the Terms of Services that you were supposed to give them your first child. Mm hmm.  You're exactly right. You're exactly right. 

Didn't nobody have time to read that Terms of Services before we grab everything? Like, they're on everything. I'm not reading that.  Although I do wonder how many times I've given up. Something to a company that I'm going to regret later  well, and this is a little bit  off topic.

 And when it comes to networking, your mental health needs to be kept in check.  A lot of what they were saying are the problems. It comes down to 2 things anxiety and fear. 

You have anxiety that you're going to talk to the wrong person  or you're going to talk to the right person at the wrong time and put them off or you're going to, join a conversation that's happening and not say anything because you don't want to interrupt. And so nobody ever actually sees that you're there. 

And then there's the fear, which is again is the same things. I just said anxiety and fear go hand in hand. You start to fear something you doubt that you can do it. You doubt. You could be the most confident person in the world and then you're in a new situation and you let that little nag little fear get in there and all of a sudden. 

You're not as confident as you were 2 minutes ago and you're wondering, does this person want to talk to me?  They don't care about my business. My business is tiny. There's this big. I don't matter. They matter. So, for me, because, meeting new people is not my wheelhouse.  I do a lot better with virtual meeting people than I do with in person, but,  1 of the things I have to do before I walk into the meeting online or into the room in person is like,  talk to myself, but not in a weird way.

 I'm not doing the okay.   📍 ​ people. It'll be fine because that's not what we're doing. But  you want to kind of hype yourself up.  If you have music that you enjoy the most, play that right before you go in,  I have ringtones set on my phones specifically so that when my phone goes off.

Because my normal reaction to a phone going off is man, somebody's calling me.  I don't want to answer that, but I have silence. I'll   📍 ​ you.  On my phone, because that makes me smile. So when I answer the phone, instead of getting that attitude, my voice is at Harvard, and people are okay with whatever, even if I have to tell them, no, thank you.

I'm not interested. I don't have a car. I don't need a warranty.  Mm hmm. Apparently, I have a house somewhere that my mortgage is about to be up. Okay, thank you. Can I have it now?   Where is that again? 

You know, I,   have been talking to somebody online for  two years now  that, similar situation has anxiety about.  A power connector  connects people all the time, loves,  I thought loved people  networks very well  virtually, but can't meet people face to face literally goes into an anxiety attack to meet someone in person,  almost can't do it.

And I was shocked  because they, their presence is so  the word phenomenal, virtually phenomenal. You would have never known that they can't meet, because they're afraid of, what somebody might think.  They're too tall. They're too short. They're too fat. They're too skinny. They don't look what the person thought they were gonna look like.

I'm like, I never even dreamed  somebody would be thinking of those things, but they do. Yes.  And, you are who you are. If they love you virtually, they're gonna love you Physically in person but these are the concerns that people have. And so I could see where there's has to be a lot of mindset work then.

And so I guess it's, I mean, it's, we all deal with certain things we have to do mindset work on. I mean, I know for me, when I was losing weight, I had to, I had all these lies that I believed. And so I was like,  You know, I am a size blank. I weigh,  X number of pounds. And  I said that constantly. I hate sweets.

I remember praying, Lord, please take the desire of sweets. Even if you have to make me sick, I don't want to like sweets anymore. And now sometimes when I eat sweets, I get sick and I'm like, Oh, I wish I hadn't. Have eaten that because I feel sick and then I have to remember, I prayed for that and then  I did it to myself.

 But what you're saying is so true because sometimes when I get on a virtual meeting, similar to what we're doing today, recording this podcast, I have to say, you rock, you're going to, you're going to,  you know, you're going to beat this. You're going to, You're going to be full of confidence and you're just going to, you know, you're going to kill this thing.

And you're like, you just said,  we use the word kill, but in a positive way, and  you're going to be successful and you're going to, you talk all these positive things to yourself so that you can go do what it is that you have to do because maybe your mindset is telling you something differently. 

 A big 1 for me, a big problem. I have well, I have a couple of problems, but, you know, I'm not normal.  Yes, you are.  You start saying I am normal. I am.  So, I have hearing sensitivity and I have the desire to not have people touch me.  When you go to a network meeting in person,  people want to, shake your hand,  or they start hugging you. 

And like,  get off of me. No, but at the same time, you want to make those connections. So you have to do the thing because you're not going to say 2 seconds into meeting someone. Oh, yeah. No, don't do that.  Then you're throwing up this big wall. Not that I need to,  and I'm not a germaphobe. It has nothing to do with that, but it does have to do with the fact that I have a choice. 

I haven't always had a choice. And so, in my mind, I put that barrier there where I'm done letting everybody just do what they want with me because I am me and I get to do what I want. Yes. I have just as much agency as the next person. And so I don't like being touched and notice.  If we're ever in a group, and  I speak to, like, the whole group, and I say, I have a problem being touched, yadda, yadda, yadda, two minutes after that, I'll have somebody walk up to me and do the, um,  I want to touch you,  touch, touch, touch, I'm not, I don't, I want, no,  and, like, Their brain can't handle  that.

I don't like that. So,  they go to touch and then eventually they have to, like, at least, like, poke my arm and 

 I'm just sitting there laughing because, like, I can see the war in their face, you know, where they're like, I want to respect her decision, but at the same time, I have to  touch her in some way.  Wow, that war. I really don't, but I can see it and I can, you know, in that case, I'm too busy laughing because this has gotten to be hilarious at that point.

And so we can make a joke and we can keep moving on,  but it's always hilarious. And for the next little while, somebody will walk up to me and go, okay, I know you don't like to be touched. How are you doing today?  You'll have to remind me if we ever meet in person, you'll have to, the minute I get out of the car, you'll have to say, Tonya, remember, I don't like to be touched.

Because I am a huge hugger. I am a huge hugger. And so you'll have to,  Tanya, no, stay away. I went to Tennessee at one point to meet up with the people I worked there with there.  And, we're all meeting at this place. And I had warned everybody, I thought,  ahead of time, remember, I'll hug Dave, but I'm not hugging all of you like Dave has special privileges because Dave is Dave if you remember from my podcast He's the one who helped me through a lot of the stuff  Like I forgot and this one guy comes walking up.

He's like, how are you? Great? I'm so glad to see you  Everybody else like I'm looking at everybody else like I'm like Separated from  this point,  looking at everybody else and they're frozen, just like, I bet they are.  And so  somebody finally went, dude, it's like he was hugging me for like,  ever. And I'm just standing there like. 

What's happening?  I wasn't expecting it because I thought I'd warned everybody. I didn't tell him.  That was my own fault.  Somebody had to say something like, dude, she doesn't like being hugged. And he went, oh, oh, I'm so sorry. After like a 3 minute hug.  Fine, might as well get the hug with David if we're going to be all touchy right now. 

It was like a whole on minute where there's like 6 of us standing around and all of us are staring at him like what is happening?  Wow.  I bet that was a long time. So when I walk into a networking meeting and I know,  I know, right? With  100 percent certainty that I'm about to be touched.  Or somebody is a voice is going to be in an octave.

They, some people have a voice where you're just like,  shut up,  shut up. Now,  no more talking. Ever don't do it  and so I kind of have to, like, psych myself up in those moments. Like, okay,  you know, better. You can't say anything you can't let it show on your face. I'm like, I am quite sure that for seconds at a time when somebody speaking that I can't stand the voice  certain people who know me.

We'll know that  I'm hurting because they're looking at me and they're laughing at me  because they know  that I'm sitting there.  Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.  . So it's just the tone. It's sometimes it's the tone of their voice. So like  there was a lady in Maryland,   her voice.  It was like gravel, but high pitched at the same time. 

I could not with her. Her voice just as soon as she started speaking the very first word out of her mouth. I was already irrationally angry and wanted her to shut up.  But also if it's in a crowded place, like, if it's a big networking meeting or like a conference, like you were saying, I'm less likely to go if it's a conference because I know there's going to be hundreds of people.

Right. I'm going to have to, like, squeeze through people and like, that means touching  and the noise levels get to be high. And then it's like a chalkboard going down my veins. I am like I said, I have my issues but So the voice thing just being too loud and so I have things that I can do  To lessen that  I have some ear plug things that bring the volume levels down to a place without muffling the sound So that I can still talk to the people i'm talking to and be fine And if it goes above if the noise level is still too high You I have  so many headphones. 

Me and Bose get along great. They are not a sponsor, but I love their headphones.  I have spent way more money than I have ever should have.  Well, you have to do what helps you.   So when I walk into those places and I know, hey, there's gonna be like 30 people here. There's gonna be a lot of noise.

There's gonna be a lot of people talking to other people.  I have ways that I can cut those noises down. So if you have a problem like that, where you have noise issues, then you take care of it. You don't leave it to somebody else. You're not going to tell everybody else. They have to be quiet. You have to do things on your end.

Like, I can't, I mean, yes, I want to tell the person whose voice is annoying me to shut up. No way I would ever do it unless we got an argument. And then I really would be like, okay, you need to shut up because your voice is annoying me. I'm not in this argument anymore. You want to argue? Let's do it by email. 

I can do per my last email. The best of anyone 

So  make it fun. No matter what you do, when you go into those networking meetings, even if you don't have anxiety or you don't have fear, if you don't make it fun, make it a quest, how many people are you going to talk to  before you get to have ice cream on your way home?  Heck yeah, that's a reward I'm after.

Give me the, you know, give me that sonic blizzard, right?  Is it the sonic that's called a blizzard? I don't remember. Anyway. No, blast.  There's a blast. Yeah. Yeah. It's the Dairy Queen Lizard. Yeah. Yeah. See? Yeah. I just know that I like them. Doesn't mean I know the names of anything. So if you talk to 10 people at this networking meeting, because there's 10 people there, maybe your reward is you get to have an extra hour of free time in the.

Evening, like you'll give yourself that extra time away from everything,  right? And so do that gamify things, gamify your life. I mean, I have to make,  okay. I do QuickBooks  for some people that I work with  and  QuickBooks is not a rah, rah, shish, boom, bop program. Where you're dealing with numbers and numbers are not fun.

Right?  So 1 of the things I do is I'm like, okay, if I spend an hour doing this.  I for sure get an extra hour of gaming in tonight. I'm gonna start earlier. I'm gonna have my fun because I'm bored out of my board.  I'm doing it. I'm doing it properly, I hope.  And for the best of my knowledge, I'm doing it properly.

I have people who double check my work.  But, you know, that way, if you're gamifying,  Even the most boring of things can be fun because you're rewarding yourself for it. So, you may have anxiety, you may have fear,  but if you allow the fun a chance, you might be able to move past enough. Like, your friend who has problems in person, if he could,  going to the meeting, In person you play music you like or you listen to that serial killer drama that you've wanted to listen to for the last week 

Right. So you listen okay, so he's in his car and he's on his way to the thing  I don't recommend sitting in silence I don't recommend that at all because that's going to give your brain the time to get to work  right and then by the time you get to the building you're  Like you're about to have a panic attack and you haven't even opened your car door yet.

Yeah. So I recommend music.  If you listen to music in your car, then music  or listen to the serial killer drama or whatever. Maybe you listen to gospel dot com or something. I don't know whatever.  Listen to something.  I'm not quite sure what people do if they don't listen to anything in their car. Y'all are a different breed.

I  have to have my music going. So yeah, you can do self development. You can have something happening while you're in the car.  Going to something that you feel is going to be,  something you're fearing or you're not looking forward to because of your anxiety or whatever.  Going in silence  Is your  death kneel, right?

You're about to get your head whopped off because you're walking in the most anxious. You could be because, what is it? Idle hands are the devil's play thing.  Let your brain be idle enough like you're driving somewhere. Sure. You should be paying attention to the road. Yada. Yada. Guess what?  You have 100 percent capacity in your brain at all times.

Sometimes we can only do 50 percent of the work or 20 percent of the work because mental health is a thing, or we're doing, you know, you can only multitask so many things at once, right?  But, If,   so for me,  if I'm doing a low concentration task,  my music is bumping  And I'm listening to am I the butthole posts  from you know from youtube so that I can keep my brain Going at levels that like I can't do if I'm just doing the task and I'm bored. 

I'm so bored I don't want to do this anymore and I get 15 minutes in and i'm done because  I haven't  made my brain concentrate enough. So if you turn the music on or you turn on the podcast that you like, hopefully this one,  and  you listen to that as you're going to the event, you are 60 percent more likely to go in  less anxious, not saying you're going to be anxiety free.

Cause that's not a thing. It doesn't happen for me anyway,  but you're at a place where you're like, I can be a little bit better about this. Okay.  You have noise sensitivity, make sure that you have your  different ways that you deal with that, because everybody who has a noise sensitivity knows they have it and has different ways of dealing with it.

So you have your earplugs. I have some really cool ones  that I can't remember the name of that I love.  I will rock those things out because they cut down on the sound and they don't muffle the voices.  Which is good for me, because I don't want to be in a fishbowl,  but I need you to be quiet to be able to do my thing. 

I can listen to my music at full blast, but the organ at church is just a bit much, you know, that kind of thing are screaming babies  are always a thing. 

So then before you walk in that door, have a goal in mind. If it's your first time in public. After a very long time because we did all just come off of that.

Right? Then, or it's your first time in a while because you had decided that your anxiety was just too bad. I can't do this. Try again.  Right? With these tips. So 1, you're going to have music on on your way there, or you're going to have something playing. Don't give your mind time to concentrate on anything else.

Think to the music, you know, really, make sure that part of your brain is actually engaged in what is being said, okay, so now you're there, you have your earplugs in if you need them, however, whatever that looks like for you. 

Maybe you have fidget toys so that your fingers are always helpful. I have mine. Again, love this thing.  I couldn't do little spinners because it took too much of my brain power. These things,  I can flip it around real good and I love this thing.  Which you can tell because, like, the paint is coming off. 

 So, have your fidget toy if, you know that you're gonna need something for your hands to be doing.  Know yourself  if you take stock of yourself and you know what you need to do to lessen your anxiety to bring that fear down a little bit.  Take your anxiety medications 15 minutes before you get there.

So that by the time you get there, it's got you in that chill zone that you like, you know, not recommending anything else because we're not doing drugs here. That's right.  And then when you're in there, have your goal right? So I'm going to talk to three people and I'm going to get this awesome reward of something.

I like doing  not another chore. This is not and then I get to go home and do the laundry  and it's not. Okay. I'm going to talk to 2 people here and then I'm going to go to church in an hour.  No, don't do that to yourself. Don't go into a high anxiety thing and then turn around and go into another public event. 

No,  you're not going to be okay.  You're setting yourself up for failure. And the more you fail at something,  because you've done that, the more you're going to recess back in and say, okay, well, I can't go out in public anymore because I get too anxious. It's just so bad,  but you had 3 networking meetings in 1 day.

What are you doing?   That's dope.  Who's your poisons? Know yourself,  right?  First person you should talk to at any networking event is somebody you already know.  That helps get some of that, oof, I'm, look, I'm, Tonya's here. I can talk to Tonya, and I'll be fine.  Yes, Tonya is great.  And then I can move on to people who are more scary because  I have had that boost of, hey, I'm here and I'm talking to people. 

And if you're one of those people who doesn't want to interrupt a conversation,  I have been to way more than one networking event where people are standing in a circle around,  because two people are talking back and forth and people are waiting their turn.   Listen to the conversation.

If you have something that you can say that will add value to what is being said, interrupt.  In a polite way, don't just say, oh, no, no, no, that's not how you do that.  Right? You can say, you know what? I have a piece of advice. If you'd like,  the best way to do that is to do it this way. Because if you do it the way you guys were just discussing, you, you may be thought of this broad, 

or,  oh, I know somebody who can help you.  I have this person that I'm connected with in this other networking thing that I do online, and they would be a great fit for what you were just talking about.  Here's my email,  send me an email, and as soon as you do, I'll get you that, you know, I'll set up  an email so that you guys can talk, or if you want, I can do a conversation. 

Over the phone. However, that would work for them.  You're helping them.  So my big need in life  Is to help people.  i'm not in it for money. I'm not money motivated at all Yes I do need a certain amount of money to make sure that my bills are paid and that I have the insurance I want and all that kind of thing but Other than that, i'm not money motivated.

I'm not going to be sitting here going Oh, I need to have another 500 this month  Or, you know, I want to go get that goal for 500 bucks. No, because you know what even if I tried for that 500 bucks  I'm going to miss it by about that much and it's going to piss me off 

because I'm going to know that I missed it by that much.  I'm just going to be upset about the whole thing.  You're going to go over it by that much.  I'm going to overthink that into the ground and the next time that thing comes, I'm going to lose by this much because I've done overthought  it and only corrected for that much and lost everything else.

I did  not anymore. Not anymore. Good.  Yeah, when you have anxiety, when you fear new things. Yeah. The best way to go about it is to make sure that just before the event, you do something that is fun for you. So listen to your music or your. Your podcasts  or you're learning thing. If you really like to learn that much, listen to Charlotte Dobre  or other people who are comedians on Facebook and stuff and who are really funny.

I've heard some really awesome stuff from a lot of people, but like just follow them.  If you're the passenger in the car, watch the video as you're on your way there and laugh, have fun. Don't think about what you're going to do  just before you walk in that door and you say hi to the 1st person. You have to say hi to.

That's when you set your goal. Don't think about the goal at home. Don't set the goal at home  when you're in front of that door,  take a deep breath,  hold it for a 2nd, and then let it out  and then go.  Okay, where I'm at right now, I think I can talk to 2 people  and then.  I'm going to go do,  I'm going to go,  to the theater because there's a movie.

I want to watch  X Men and  Wolverine or something's out. Now that people look, I'm so bad. I don't watch movies. People leave me alone.  Don't come for me.  Twisters,  I'm going to watch Twisters. And so.  You know, give yourself that thing, but  set it low at the door   and then  every time you double that. So, instead of talking to 2 people, you talk to 4 because you're super good today. 

That's 2 movies this week you get to go see if you have the money, or maybe you do it, you know, twice this month instead of the week, whatever,  but you have an extra reward that you get because you've doubled it.  Now,  here's the opposite thing. You don't want to get on yourself if you only talk to one person, 

because you were there. You made it there. You talked to someone. That counts.  So, go to the movie anyway, or have a lesser prize. So,  I don't get to go there, but maybe I can go to the grocery store and pick up some popcorn and have movie night at home.  Right? So, you do something, but it's not quite as big because you didn't quite make your goal,  but the big thing is don't get on yourself.

Because if you start yelling at yourself, you have that conversation in your mind. Why didn't I talk to another person? It wasn't that big of a deal. It was only one other person. Why couldn't I just talk to one other person?  Because you weren't ready to.  Sometimes we have to realize that we have, you know, there's that spoon theory thing that's going around.

You don't have enough spoons. You ran out of spoons before you got to two people, and that's perfectly okay.  You went to that event, you talked to a person, you get some kind of a reward. Just maybe not as big as what you thought when you were thinking you were going to do something bigger, right?  But you don't want to turn around and start that whole thing in your head because that conversation that you have in your head is what happens the next time. 

Why can't you just talk to one person? Well, now you're not going to be able to talk to one person the next time because you've done crap on yourself so bad  that you don't want to talk to anybody.  You've built that fear back up.  You've made it a living, breathing thing.  And that's only gonna smack you in the face.

It's only gonna make things work. 

You can't do better or be better if that voice in your head  is speaking demon tongue.  That's true. That's true. If you're spitting at yourself, I mean, I've done it, like, don't get me wrong, I am not perfect. My mental health has been a journey and I hate that word because everybody uses it now, even AI. 

Right? Everybody's saying, Oh, my journey was this or my journey was that I'm not one of those people,  but it wasn't a journey. I was fine and great. No, it took me years  and took me years of working on myself. To get to a point where I could start to open up. And it took meeting someone who is like the embodiment of peace. 

Him is like the calmest person on the planet somehow

But like with her in the room  I can defeat mountains.  That's right. I can do things that I can't push myself to do when I'm alone.  That's great. Maybe you need a friend.  Maybe you need a partner.  Now remember, you don't want to turn into Bonnie and Clyde.  Right? You don't want somebody who's going to make your mental health worse, who's going to make, you know, the 2 of you together are now a murdering  crime spree waiting to happen.

That's not what we want. We want to connect with people who maybe are doing a little bit better than us, or maybe we're both working to the same goal,  or maybe they are just the best friend we've had  for the longest amount of time that we can remember. So. I'm a military brat.  I was born and raised all over the country. 

I have been to or lived in every state in the U. S. except for Alaska and Hawaii. I've never been out of the country, but I've been all over this one, okay?  And so I'll have people ask me,  who have you known the longest?  And I'm like, 

Wow. Um,  some people like, yeah, I've had my best friend for 40 years and I'm like, you're 42. Yeah, we met when we were two years old. I am. Nope. I don't know anybody from that far back, except for my sister.  But make sure that whoever you are with that you both build each other up.  Not to do evil, but to do good  And move towards you know move towards those goals together  be there for each other like oh, I have a network meeting today Can you come with me?

Sure, will you come to mine tomorrow and then you both go to each other's and you're just there  As you know  the stuffed animal support,  right?  So you're there to be the soft and squishy that they know they can talk to you  And you, you can talk to them and guess what? You've just networked in an extra group. 

Bonus points. You get to go to the mall today.  Do people even go to malls anymore?  I just went this weekend  to my granddaughter,  all of it, about an hour.  But why like gamifying life is the best way to do it. I don't know who came up with that term, but I've been doing it for years. And then I heard that and was like, Oh, wait, yeah.

Yeah.  That for sure that makes sense like I get that I'm totally with that because  Even if your reward is I have cookies at home and I'm gonna get some milk and I'm gonna eat my cookies  I'm gonna cuddle up in a blanket and be on the couch and not cry  Right But  i'm gonna do something for me. I'm gonna do that self care  So, if you,  you do what you need to do, you set your reward  and then follow through with it.

 And then if you don't reach your goal,  don't kick yourself too bad. Just say, okay, next time,  starting over next time. And then the next time you set your goal again, and don't lower your goal, just because you failed it the 1st time. Otherwise, you're going to fail again,  because more you step back, the more you're going to end up back at home, unable to meet people in person.

So true.  Never lower the goal.  No,  but if you don't make the goal,  it's not the end  of the world.  Nobody's dying because you didn't talk to 2 people.  Okay, so go talk to 2 people  and if  there's conversations going on and you can't get in anywhere, go back to your friend,   go back to the 1.

you knew you could talk to when you went there,  go back to talking to them. It's not 2 people. But they're going to have, like you, I know that if I go to a networking meeting with you, and I stay hanging around you, I'm going to meet everybody there  is everybody's going to want to talk to you.  So, I will be fine if I just stay there and then walk away once my people limit has been met, like, okay, you're on your own.

I'm gone.  Sometimes what's uncomfortable. Is talking to someone knowing other people are standing there waiting to talk to you and you can't get away  from the 1 you're talking to so that you can go talk to others.  Such a feeling I've only been networking this year. Okay. I only started networking this year before that.

I didn't think it was something I could do. I put such a big importance on, you know, like I said,  but I didn't think I needed to.  I have,  Dave is a networking God. Not really, but you know what I mean? Like he knows people that know people who need help with something and he will like, you know what?

Nikki can do that.  Nikki can do that.  90 percent of the people I work with  are people that he's gone. Hey, Nikki can help you.  So I didn't think I needed to network. And then I kind of got to the point where I'm like,  he's in his sixties. 

I think maybe, just maybe.  I need to start networking, because if he kaputs,  I'm kaput, and I don't want to be kaput. Right. Exactly.  No, it's so critical.  It's so critical. And when you step back and look at it, it's really so easy.  It's so easy.  Just asking a few questions and adding value.  So, here's an example of what  can happen if you're around me, 

let's hear it  our 1st in person meeting for alignable. Right the very 1st 1 where we had that lady from lineable come.  1 of the girls there was talking about how she posts like, 12 times a day spirit. Radically on social media, and I'm like.  I turned her like she wasn't talking to me.

She was talking to somebody else and I was like, you're not spreading misinformation with me standing right here.  That is not how you do social media.  No, I turn around and I said, it is better for you  to post once a day   and hit it every single day.  Then it is for you to post 12 times a day 1 day and nothing for 3 weeks. 

Read that out  and she was like, really? Yes. Yes. And then she goes, well, what about groups? I know I have to talk to people in groups. I'm like, yes, what about it? And she's like, well, they don't let you advertise. And I'm like,  no, you should not be advertising. You  shouldn't even want to. What do you mean?

You're there to help people.  If you help people, they're going to go. Hey, I want to know this person.  If you put information out there that helps somebody with whatever their problem is.  Right. I'm in groups for psoriasis and I have told people point blank.  That thing didn't work for me.  I'm allergic to that shot.

But  I have been able to tell people.  No, that's not a normal reaction. Go to your doctor.  Or yes, that's pretty normal,  you know, whatever. Don't worry about it. Then you have everybody who's like afraid of anything medical Oh, yeah,  I use natural weeds and things. How do you think our ancestors stayed alive? 

I have a point  dude  Let me just say that Your ancestors didn't stay alive if they had the same illness as we do  Guarantee you especially with as widespread as mine can be  That as soon as the crops went dry, I  wasn't gonna make it through the season, okay?  I guarantee you, I did not survive at any point.

You know, they would have gotten rid of me. However,  they would have, banished me from the tribe, or just thrown me in the lake, or whatever, however they wanted to, they'd have gotten rid of me, because I was strange and different, and you're not allowed to be strange and different when nobody has food and the crops are dry. 

Your ancestors didn't survive by putting berries on their arms and legs. 

I'm sorry, but  our ancestors had to do something to survive. Yeah, they survived by not having this.  This developed later because I guarantee you  the people who did have this  off with their head. 

Yeah.  Yeah.  Yeah. But  helping in those groups and putting input in and answering people's questions and, you know. Talking to people and being active when you do that, that is 1 thing.

But if you go into a group and you're what did you call it earlier when somebody wants to sell right off the bat a good ball? Yeah, you're making some people want to be a goofball even in those groups. They're like, no, but I have to advertise. It's I mean, I want to make money now.  I have to advertise because I want to make money now.

Well, I'm guaranteeing you, if you go into that group and tell them, Hey, I can do this for you. First of all, they're not going to care. Second of all, one of them admin, especially if you went into a private group, which is what you have to do if you want to get anything across.  And they're going to kick you.

They're going to kick you out. Because you have just done exactly probably what their rules say you're not allowed to do. Every single one of them say don't advertise.  There are some groups out there today that you can pay to play. You can pay them a fee to advertise, but you're going to pay.  You can't go into free groups and advertise. 

They're not out there.   So it's just been  it's a wild.

Yes,  Nikki, thank you for allowing me to be on your podcast.  It's been a pleasure being on with you and, learning and talking about building authentic connections is again, something I firmly believe in and talking about how. Mental health connects, with building authentic relationships.

I definitely agree. There's people out there that freeze up. They have anxiety around building connections and like you said, talking it up. Doing  those things to get yourself prepared before going out and doing those things definitely brings value.  To yourself  and preparing yourself for those activities.

Okay. You have a good afternoon. Go succeed at something. You too. You do the same.