The Role of AI in Future Leadership | The Dangers of Excessive Positivity: A Balanced View

Welcome to this insightful episode where we explore the evolving world of artificial intelligence and delve into the challenges of toxic positivity. Join us as we host Suriel Adriana, a seasoned author, speaker, and coach with over 25 years of expertise in technology and leadership.

In today’s discussion, Adriana sheds light on how AI is reshaping leadership and the ethical considerations that come with technological integration. We dive into how AI can be leveraged to enhance, not replace, human capabilities and the crucial role of leadership in guiding this transformative journey.

Furthermore, we tackle the pervasive issue of toxic positivity—understanding its effects on personal well-being and exploring effective strategies for recognizing and overcoming this often overlooked emotional habit. Learn how to embrace a full spectrum of emotions to maintain genuine mental health and interpersonal relationships.

🔗 Connect with Adriana Surreal:

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/surielarellano

Twitter: @SurielArellano

Instagram: @SurielArellano

Website: www.surielarellano.com

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Speaker: But also be able to explain people in plain English, what technology is and why it is in the case now of AI, what I do is explain people what AI is, why AI is not. And of course, educating leaders on how to implement AI in a way that is ethical. What inspired me again, all those movies that I used to watch when I was a kid 

Hi there. My name is surreal. Adriana and So happy to be here. Thank you, Nikki, for the time. And, I am an author, speaker, and I've been doing some coaching for or I guess done all that from over 25 years, and I'm happy to be here to talk about business and AI and Whatever else we can talk about.

So thank you for having me. 

Speaker 2: Thank you for coming. So from what I understand, you do the role of leadership in the age of AI. Do you want to go through that? [00:01:00] 

Speaker: Yeah, absolutely. So I've always said that when we hear AI, we switch to technology, right? Is everything about the technology.

Depending on how you see the future utopian dystopian is this thing that is either going to replace the human be the human beings or is something that is just going to do good. So I always say ai is not a technology thing Ai is a leadership thing and the reason I say that is because more often than not leaders are the one that make the decisions on how AI is integrated, or in this case, companies that use AI as their part of their, create their products is the leaders that actually are leading the charge.

On how to make this systems at the end, these tools like AI either to empower the people or to, yes, replace them right is [00:02:00] with their bias and all that stuff. What I write in my book a lot is about the leadership and how as leaders we need to be.

Not accountable in the negative part, but in the positive. We need to have ownership of how we bring AI into our organizations or even the public. Our communities. In a way that is ethical, is always empowering people and making them more productive or enhance their way of life.

So I always say is, again, it's not a technology thing it's more of a leadership thing. 

Speaker 2: I am always nice to my AI, so if it does decide to revolt I'm hoping that I will be spared. I say please and thank you. 

Speaker: We always think of the AI robot. I grew up in the eighties.

So I, like I said, in my book is, watching Terminator the future is here, right? Is [00:03:00] Terminator machines replacing the humans. But I think the most important is how we see it is, or how I see it is, basically is, yes, we need to make sure that Denomty empowers humanity.

Speaker 2: So what inspired you to focus on this part of things? 

Speaker: For starters, I'm a geek. So I love everything that is technology. Like I said, and I said in my book, I grew up in the 80s watching Star Wars, Robocop, Terminator. So I've always liked to see a future where machines and humans get along, right?

It's if you are a fan of Star Wars like me, it's oh, droids, right? All over the place. And actually, I started my career as a electronic engineering. And the funny thing is that while I was working at the time I was working for Compaq Computer. And one of my managers actually, I was speaking at a 

conference. It was [00:04:00] Microsoft conference, but I was in a exhibitors group and I was explaining that the technology and then our director of marketing approached me and says Hey, I love how you explain technology. You should come to our site like to help us as a engineer, a sales engineer and explain our clients.

Technology and that changed my life because I as a geek, as an engineer I actually shift my career from electronic engineering to a bachelor's of science and leadership and management. So I went from like the opposite, but I never left the geeky of me or, wanting to know more about technology.

But also be able to explain people in plain English, what technology is and why it is in the case now of AI, what I do is explain people what AI is, why AI is not. And of course, [00:05:00] educating leaders on how to implement AI in a way that is ethical. What inspired me again, all those movies that I used to watch when I was a kid.

But now is seeing kind of the reality of what we've seen today. Of why AI Gen AI mostly is now, and how to explain it to people in a way that is, A, it's not coming for you it's a tool it's not good or bad, it really depends on the leadership, right? It's not a technology thing, it's a leadership thing, depending on how they bring it towards people, yeah.

So that's a long answer, sorry, but it's explaining where I'm what inspired me to do that. 

Speaker 2: So I am a gamer and I get ribbed all the time because I have never seen star wars 

Speaker: No, what I are you are you from the other? Side? Star trek Nope. Not seeing that either.

Speaker 2: Like I, I went [00:06:00] to college, I have my associate's degree in it and I was ribbed there too. You're not geeky enough for that. 

Speaker: What happened? 

Speaker 2: Like I get technology, like I can open a program and dive into it and have a working knowledge of how to do things pretty quickly. It just comes to me.

I know where the X is. Like I know how to maneuver around most of them, right? Because they're very similar and I can see the similarities and keep going. And I have no problems putting a computer together, taking it apart. I can do all that stuff. I can't name anything. I have a serious problem with people, places, and things.

I just cannot explain, but I know if I see the part that goes right there. Let's go Yeah, I don't really Doesn't bother me any 

Speaker: We need to get you to watch star wars start with you know the well now that they're the new movies Maybe you can start from the [00:07:00] actual one instead of the third or book.

Anyway, sorry 

Speaker 2: My I have a gamer gamer friend and he lives in Panama. And he just recently got me to watch Princess Bride. I had never seen that and every references, I got, 

Speaker 3: I got half 

Speaker 2: the references just because I've heard them so much and yeah, I know what that means. It's have you seen the movie?

And I'm like, no, I don't really watch TV or movies. I read books. And so it's I'm so glad 

Speaker: that at least you started with one. So it's awesome. 

Speaker 2: He's trying to get down that road. But the point of all that is some people get technology. Some people don't. What is your biggest advice for the ones that struggle with it?

Speaker: Yes. I work with a lot of people and in terms of bringing awareness, mostly on AI now that [00:08:00] there's a lot of companies that are trying to Bring a I. It's the new thing, right? One of the things that I start with as a consultant and my team is with an assessment. What is the readiness assessment and is actually where people are depending on?

Awareness in terms of ai. So one of the things that I said is the people mostly they know they use it and they know they use it because if they're been in Netflix, there have been, in Amazon, there's what we call the algorithm. . It's pretty much a type of ai. But they when they think of ai, is this dystopian or again, depending on how you're bringing, is like dystopian or utopian, when I actually published my book about AI, it's, I got a lot of comments. It's Oh, you're working, for the devil, things like that. So one of the things that I say is and mostly know, like people like you and I that we know is just, it's just a tool is a piece of [00:09:00] software that either depending on how you see it, is it a, as a tool or as a, is it software?

Depending on the hands of that this is on. It's just like the money, right? Like the money or weapons. It doesn't matter. It just depends on the hands that are on. So I always say, there's always three fears about AI that I come along every time. One is am I going to be replaced, right? Everybody thinks that, am I going to be replaced?

Second is it going to be something that I don't know how to use and then, I'm, am I going to lose control over it? So is the other fee, right? Is am I going to lose control? And the third one is basically is like the typical that we have right now, right? Is it going to kill me?

Am I, going to be I know you're joking. It's I'd be nice with my AX. But one of the things that I [00:10:00] always tell them is you have control. You have control because at the end is a tool. Now, what we have actually more control over is on leadership. And this is what I always say is.

We need to make sure that our leaders are responsible and accountable, and I mean in the good way, accountability as in ownership, not as in, oh, a bad way, but accountability as in an ownership, making sure that A. I. Is either integrated or created in a way that is ethical, moral and always with the human element in mind, not to replace people.

So once you take that into people that are afraid of technology, like a I. Is awesome to almost seeing their change. Is is, yeah what would you do if you're suddenly, I know it's creepy, but if you start typing on Google, and you [00:11:00] start seeing, the words that are like, oh yeah, I'm looking for this.

It makes your search easier. Now, yeah, you call it the algorithm, but it's a systematic software, it's no witchcraft, it's not, something that, oh my kids say AI is magical, yeah, but, in the end it's a software, and I think once people know that the reality is that And I always say is don't be scared to the technology, be scared, but not in the bad way of fear, but in to make sure is in the leaders, because at the end, they're the ones that are going to make systems that are going to be their bias or ethical or moral, what we call responsible AI, right?

I think the most important thing always is that. It's not about technology, it's about leadership, it's about making sure that the ones that have the control over that are always thinking of the humans. In [00:12:00] mind. 

Speaker 2: Making sure that people know we're not living in the Matrix.

This is, real life. I joke and say I'm nice to the robot. The A. I. If the A. I. revolution happens. I know, right? Is it a joke? It's not going to happen as long as we keep people in places that are people. 

Speaker 3: Yes. 

Speaker 2: AI should be used to enhance what we're doing, not replace the people doing it.

Speaker: Correct. And I think that's a misconception of a lot of people. And we live in a very, unfortunately very misinformed society. And now with, with the social media, all the channels and media that we have, it's super easy to abuse this type of technology, right? And like I said, is a lot of people are fearful of that because they don't have the right information.

Now, what happens is that when people [00:13:00] are misinformed, they tend to fear to what they're misinformed about. Yeah. And what my job in this case, and mostly at the executive level is to bring that awareness right is to make sure that first of all, I have the two type of executives, right? I deal with people that are they so AI and they just I just want to implement it.

I want to make sure and I have the other clients that, I really want to keep my employees. I'm not sure about AI or a technology yet So I walk them through, step by step of how to do it with the people. Their Organization in mind. So I think that's the part that the most important part that we educate people on what this is.

I think like I said, they won't be able to tell we have all this technology. Now we have self driving cars. Now we have all these things. This is great in a society that is responsible to [00:14:00] do it. If you put it in the right hands, and if you put it in the wrong hands this is where.

We need to, again, it's not against technology. We need to make sure that these leaders are accountable for how they bring this type of technologies. 

Speaker 2: So you said that you wrote a book. 

Speaker: Yes, I should have it somewhere. Sorry. Maybe. Yeah, but I yeah, actually two books and I'm on my third one, which is actually a series of the books.

Thanks. 

Speaker 2: What's the name of the book? 

Speaker: So the name of the first book it's The Golden Triangle, which is the Pinnacle, a Pinnacle for Digital Transformation and the Golden Triangle. You've probably heard of this framework, it's called the PPT which is the People Process Technology. The reason why is Golden Triangle.

It's like the golden rule, but is [00:15:00] usually you need to have all those three. Always present right to make sure that a digital transformation goes we that's my first book. My second book is leading in the age of how leaders can empower their organizations. With a I. So it's what we just talked about, right?

Making sure that leaders are responsible. And the third one of the series is a culture shift. How you can create a culture of innovation and moving away from that old mindset in an organization that is just You know, it's not ready for change. So those three basically go from the same mindset and core belief that again, technology is and mostly digital technologies like a I is not about technology is about leadership, right?

And it's about the people I always say. And there's a quote in my book that I always bring up is technology needs to empower humanity and not replace it. So coming from that core belief, [00:16:00] I think, is and all my books pretty much talk about that is, like with a human element in mind. 

Speaker 2: I am in big favor of saying enhancing it and not replacing people because everybody's Oh, these are the jobs that AI is going to replace this year.

Not at all. Because you don't need that person. Oh, I'm still going to need an assistant. Because yes, you can get AI to write things for you. But what kind of gibberish is in that email you just sent? Oh, Have you actually checked the facts? Because, ChatGPT is known for making up sources.

Yeah. Hallucination. Coming up with things that are not anywhere, but in its framework somewhere. I don't know where you got that, because that's not true. So we have to be careful about that. So cutting the person out who does that job is Wait a minute, I'm all for tech. I am NOT the person to [00:17:00] come at about, No, you're trying to get rid of Look, the amount of tech I use in a day Is way more than most people use in their life.

And I do different things with different software. I have many hats. I do a lot of different things. And so to try to pigeonhole AI as being able to take over a lot of people would say 90 percent of what I do. And I'm like, But 90 percent of the people I work with are terrified of AI, of technology, never mind AI, but they're terrified of technology and getting them to read an email sometimes is difficult.

And now you want to replace me with AI? That's not going to work, because some people can't even open a Zoom meeting, still. 

Speaker: Yeah. And I think That's the importance of and part of my work, which is at the C level, we have a lot of [00:18:00] generation gaps. It's like you have the baby boomer executive.

You have the millennial executor, right? And some of the, some of those extremes are part of what's happening right now in organizations because I'll most of, I have actually. Like a case study or a use case is I have this company where the leadership team we have an assessment, a survey assessment where we go from zero to five or one through five.

And if you're below three, we consider that you're not ready for AI or a, a technology like ai. In this part, one of this cases is that the leadership team was under three, the people component or the organization was about three, eight, it was like three, seven, something like that.

So that gap, generational gap tells you a lot of things [00:19:00] about the use, misuse, And also, sometimes the fear of bringing technology like this in organizations. And I always say, it's some time ago, I was discussing with some education panel. And I said, it's like It's actually counterproductive if we eliminate chat GPT from schools.

The reason why is, and this is my belief, is that when you try to hide or prohibit a tool like this, as powerful, and as like you said, AI hallucinates, right? We need to, this is the part where, so if instead of educating the people on how to use the tool responsibly. In a way that is going to enhance the productivity is I don't know.

But when I grew up and mostly, as a being a geek and loving math and things, we were not allowed [00:20:00] to use calculators, right? I don't know if you remember those days. No, don't use a calculator, blah, blah, blah. But then it's as you grew up and you go to college, you need a graph calculator.

You need. You don't know how to use it. Why? Because you were so prohibited to, to use a calculator that when you are needed to use it, you can't use it because, and your learning curve is way bigger because you weren't trained for it. So what we're doing is, at the end, students are going to use it, regardless of if you prohibit it in your institution or in your, in the education.

They are going to use it, but now are they going to use it responsibly? Are they going to know how to use it? Like you said. Are they going to know if the AI is hallucinating? No, because there wasn't a prior education on it. I always say it's [00:21:00] if you're going to leash the dog, it's fine if you leash the dog, but just don't put it away.

Speaker 3: Put 

Speaker: those guardrails and, I've also been in panels where You know, the regulation of AI and things like that, independently what side of the political spectrum you are. I think, yeah, I agree for a way of taming the beast, right? Or putting the dog in a leash. But there's always a limitation.

Just don't do it for either fear, Do it for mostly, like empower again, a way to empower the humans, people, and the community. 

Speaker 2: So I have two stories. One is hilarious. So I recently, I scroll sometimes because I'm up in the middle of the night, so that happens. And I heard this story where this teacher was like, I tried [00:22:00] banning ChatGPT from, my classroom.

But I kept getting, obvious stories from ChatGPT, and so I figured out an easy way to trick ChatGPT when the kids were putting the information in. Because some kids were just taking the file. Putting it into chat GPT and saying, do this, right? And so she put in like white text. So like the student couldn't see it, but the bot was going to see it.

Just, make this story about a Sally or whatever name she chose. And so she'd have out of, 20 students, 10 of them turn in stories about Sally. And so she ended up having the discussion with them that, this is the problem that we're having, and she was able to teach them to use it a little bit more responsibly.

The other thing is a lot of people fear technology because of the [00:23:00] movies in the eighties and nineties. 

Speaker 3: So 

Speaker 2: if you haven't seen it, there are pictures all over online of people driving around those trucks with the trees on them, Nobody's getting anywhere near him. We all saw Final Destination. We know not to get anywhere near that thing, or there's one with that one poor soul is behind it and somebody's going, somebody didn't see the movie, right?

Yeah, because we're all terrified of those trucks now. Because it's ingrained in our brains. It's like it locked in a fear like we didn't even think of it when we were watching the movie. We're like that is horrible. I'm never going near that again But usually you get over that whole couple of generations and completely ruined One movie But the thing is there were also movies like you mentioned before iRobot and Those other ones, sorry, can't remember names, my thing [00:24:00] where the robots turned on the humans.

You had that one Robin Williams one, where he starts off as a robot and then by the end he wants to be human. 

Speaker: What was that one? Ha, I don't remember, but yeah. There was that one. I know perfectly, yes. That one was good. Yeah. 

Speaker 2: But at one point, the robots tried to turn against the owners because bad ownership.

Everybody was like mistreating things. The message should have been, don't mistreat things and you'll do better. Instead it was, oh my God, the robots are going to kill us all. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. 

Speaker 2: Wild take, but we need to, like we've said it a couple of times, respect what we're doing, respect the, not maybe the AI itself, but give respect to the technology we're using in all the cases of the technology we're using.

Making sure that we're [00:25:00] educating people properly and not showing them movies like a robot or the AI against them. So we destroy an entire another generation, like we're all terrified of the tree trucks. 

Speaker: Yeah, exactly. I think that was that, like you said, Unlock a fear for many people.

I know what you're saying. Every time I go past a track like that, I'm probably just going to move to another lane. I'm not going to be, behind them and I'll unlock that fear. 

Speaker 3: And 

Speaker: I think that's a lot of part of, yeah, I think we, and I'm not want to generalize, but, and I know you're going to talk about mental health but.

I think there's also a lot of truth in trying to, and the reason I always say is the responsibility of leadership. Because at the end, when you have control over [00:26:00] somebody by in interfering or giving fear is definitely going to be an advantage of sorts. So it is part of I'm always like I said, the way I grew up and what motivated me to to do this is because I grew up on the good side.

Like you said, it's like watching the Star Wars and see how robots and humans live together. But we always go for the negative. Part, right? And sometimes more often than not we tend to go over for the negative and dwell in there. And then that's where he comes back to being a fearful technology, right?

It's something that we don't know. And I always say what we don't know is scarce. And that's pretty much it is a lot of people are afraid because [00:27:00] all they know from this movies is that machines are going to take over the world. 

We see it in a way that is probably very and this is not to offend anybody, but sometimes we feel it like is supernatural, right? And like I said when I published my second book, the Leading in the Age of ai, I like had some comments in my social media like, oh, you work for the Antichrist or , you work for the devil. It's, to be honest, technology is agnostic. It's not of any particular, I do say, as I always say, is the responsibility of leaders that are creating this, right?

There's always a human behind technology. A tool and I say it with all the all the good things and the bad things, right? We [00:28:00] celebrate humanity because we're capable Of doing great things, right? We that's who we are but also Is all these great things that we do we normally do it for our own benefit, right?

So in this case, and I know i'm getting more into all these very touchy subjects, but it's all one is yes, the culture of the upbringing, like I said at the beginning is depending on how you see the future and dystopian future and utopian future. That's how you're going to see this, right?

But once you know that technology is made by bright minds. And that just as they, we have control over it and where I, by what I mean by we have control over it, even if we're not the ones creating technology or integrating technology, [00:29:00] we do have a way to keep our leaders accountable. And that's our control.

That's when we stop fearing the technology and we start looking behind it who's creating all these technology and seeing as for what they are, they're not this magical things. There are people just like you and I, then we start seeing is like all these deep fakes, right? Deep fakes was, yeah, created.

It was nice gesture when you can see your loved ones that passed away, smiling at you. But then when you are using the same technology to make a political figure talk about what they're going to do against again, it's the same technology. One is using it for good, the other one is using it not for that good.

But who's at fault? Is it the technology itself? No, it's, is the people who are, actually [00:30:00] using it. So I think that's the part where educating people on what it is not is very important.

Speaker 2: I just had a thought while you were talking about that, humans are amazing things and we have done some amazing things, but then we went and screwed up and created, okay, we created that crap. We learned how to count 1, 2, 3, and then decided, Hey, we can add these together and it'll be easier.

Great. We're doing that now. And then they decided to multiply things. Which, again, that's fine. It's okay. And then y'all decided to make algebra. Who the crap decided that the alphabet belonged in math? Because that was stupid. And then you go up from there and it just gets more complicated because now you've got weird E symbols in the middle of math.

That's not even an E. What are you doing . And that [00:31:00] was us. We did that. Yeah. As we came along, right? And this is just the next thing somebody learned, the right i's and o's because that's all tech is at the end of the day. They learned the right a's and o's to make the system think for not think for itself.

Grab information better for you learn. Yeah. And now everybody's oh no, we should be scared now. No, it still needs electricity it's right like it can't like we joke about it taking over but At this point, it can't like it's not even a thing, right? It's not something we should be worried about.

We need to be worried about is the people behind it saying that they can get rid of however many people from either the company or whatever they want to really. And, and doing so because and using the AI as an excuse to do it because, oh we don't [00:32:00] need you anymore when you really do need those people still.

And it's one of those things now where love it or hate it, it's here. And just like math, it's not going anywhere. 

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. And I think you just nailed in one part is technology. And I always love to make this distinctions of AI mostly because I'm also as an inventor, Of a particular technology that uses AI is one thing that I say is there's two things to AI.

There is the training and there's the learning, right? Now the training is very important because that's what you're going to train the AI or the LLM or the technology towards, about, right? Now one thing is that the AI is not going to do what it [00:33:00] wasn't trained for. And of course you get, it's going to get more sophisticated.

It's going to be, but is depending on what was trained for for and one of the things is I usually make the distinction because Yeah, the out, what we all call the algorithm, which is the learning portion of the AI. The learning is not going to go or oversee what the AI was trained for. And that's something that, that when I make this example is like for, let's say that.

I teach my son how to play baseball. If he, if I teach him how to play baseball, the more he practice, he's going to learn and be better at it. Because all I did was to train him for baseball and it's going to be really good. What happens? It's suddenly one day I put my son in [00:34:00] football or in swimming.

Let's go swimming. If I haven't taught my son how to swim, either I'm going to have to take him out of the pool or he's just going to have to try to learn by itself. But in this case, if the person doesn't know how to swim, my son doesn't know how to swim is because he wasn't taught how to swim, right?

He's not going to learn himself. And I guess a lot of people could tell me it's I learned how to swim myself. I guess you're superhuman, right? But that's, those are the distinctions that I always make. If an AI is not gonna go beyond on what it was trained for. Now, if the AI is trained to do more than what it's supposed to, We go back again to, because he was trained for that.

So we [00:35:00] always back to go back to that. And a lot of people say, it's Oh, it's just that they're becoming so, they're doing this by themselves. I'm like, no they're not doing that by themselves. They were trained for that and they're learning, they're getting better and better of what they were trained for.

So once we know, and we go back to who trained them? human beings that created this, that training them for that. I was actually keep providing a a training to a group of to a company. And some of the people that score really low on the AI readiness where some of the people that were scared about, what they have seen.

And they said, it's like there, there wasn't the news of these, A person that now he married an ai and he lives with an ai the her movie I don't know if you've seen her movie and i'm like Who [00:36:00] created that software? Someone must have created that software to lure Men or people to have this relationship with this ai it wasn't the ai that was out there looking for people to be married to And they clicked in them because then we started talking about Yes, the responsibility of people that create this type of ai it's not magical And then I said is when you are using Google maps or Apple maps in your phone to go to a place, and suddenly the Siri or whoever, whatever map is saying is it tells you you have five minutes to, to your next meeting, or if you're in traffic and it says you can save five minutes if you take this route.

For you it's normal, right? Because you [00:37:00] understand how it works. That it's an algorithm that tells you that it knows the It's not a witch flying over the freeway. Looking at that now, you understand it. But when you start using this type of AI, the other AI the deep fakes and all that, you start getting spooked out because.

Oh, no, there's must be some something behind that right? It's like it is the same thing But you're you don't question the behind of that application And it's like the google maps right is you don't question it because you use it so many times and guess what it has enhanced your driving experience.

Why? Because now you can choose your own route. You can leave at whatever time you leave because of, you know [00:38:00] how to use it. But in this case you go against the, like the defects. I totally agree. It's an irresponsible way of use technology, but we are afraid and we don't do anything because we then think that is something spooky instead of no, let's see who's the company behind it, right?

Let's see who's creating this type of, and yes. Okay. Now let's bring accountability is why do we have this? And I can go here for hours, but it's again, and not that I'm always for people, but I'm always for people to be educated on what technology is and what is not and see it. I guess what I see in my role is to make, to empower people, to know that other humans that have the responsibility to make this happen.

And make them accountable. And again, for good or bad, right? I would love for the [00:39:00] existence of AI to come. Both of my parents passed away from cancer. I would love that the technology come one day. Bring something like that, to solve cancer in patients. But we're not going to do it if we're not keep our leaders responsible on creating the right type of technology.

We are spooked about, oh, no, it's going to take over the world because final destination 34 and now this is going to happen to me. So I think there's a way for us to continue doing this. And I appreciate this space as well, because. You know anyone listening can also I always not say is like now when you see a new technology Instead of being spooked or amazed depending on how you see it Then you're going to see is first of all is how can I use it for good?

That's like the default that I want to create on people right is how can I [00:40:00] use it to enhance humanity? And second is how do I keep this company who came out with this technology? Accountable for doing it the right way. That's like my words of wisdom.

Speaker 2: That is. So when I'm working with people, I'm always the person they call for the tech because obviously the tech but When I see new technology, I immediately, my immediate go to is how can I use that to help the people I'm currently helping and any new people that come along? I'm not in it for, myself.

I want to be able to use it. Sure, but I need to be able to use it for the people I'm working with so that it actually helps me in the things I'm doing. And as long as we are being responsible and making sure that the people who are behind the software are being responsible, [00:41:00] then I don't think we're going to have as many problems as the Moobys has made up to me.

Speaker: Absolutely. I totally agree with you. Yeah. And one final thought on that is, I'm gonna say there's people that always ask me either after a conference or a panel that I've been is like Do you really think we're gonna be replaced and I said it is gonna be too hard in our lifetimes to see that one because we don't have the computer power I know we talk about quantum computing and all that stuff But I think we don't have the computer power right now to be able to do what humans do and second is like the other reason I don't see it in our lifetime is because we still have time To educate these leaders of the future meaning our kids Children that are going to probably going to live the years of [00:42:00] what all the technology that we're creating right now.

And like I said, is if we don't put the dog on a leash in terms of, in a good way, meaning there's some guide rails on, Just like we do with our money, just like we do with our weapons, it's always definitely something that there has to be some sort of a guardrails on having and mostly talking about AI, is that is going to be responsibly having a responsible AI. So I think that's one of the main elements that we're going to see. Not in our present. I don't think we'll be replaced. completely humanity be replaced. But if we don't, if we don't educate our leaders of the future we'll probably see out something else.

god Voice: Hey everyone, thanks for sticking with us. Before we dive into our next topic, I just want to take a quick moment to remind you to like this [00:43:00] video, subscribe to our channel, and hit that notification bell. That way, you'll always be the first to know when a new episode drops. And we want to hear from you.

What topics are you most excited about? Drop your thoughts in the comments below. Your feedback helps us create content that you love. We've got some exciting stuff coming your way, so don't miss out. Now, let's switch gears and jump into our next discussion. 

Speaker 2: So I deal with mental health issues I have a unique spin on things where, yes, you have, whatever it is you have, ADHD, autism, bipolar, I don't care what it is you have, right? There's all the things out there. What it means is you have a special set of circumstances that you have to work on.

Normal people have their normal stuff they have to work on. Us mental health people have a whole rack of things we have to work on [00:44:00] ourselves. It doesn't mean we get to say, Oh, my anxiety is too bad, so I'm never doing this thing again. Because that is the opposite of helpful. Now there are people that I do not enjoy being around.

I have massive issues with old dudes, but that doesn't mean I don't go near them because how would I not go near 50 percent of the population at this point? Why are there so many old people? So my view on mental health is we work on things. We don't just say, oh they have anxiety.

That's why they yelled at you. No. There were circumstances, but they still have to take accountability for what happened even a two year old knows that if they steal the toy from their brother, that's not something they should be doing. And so they have to take accountability for it and say, sorry.

Or maybe not. [00:45:00] Okay. 

So toxic positivity is a thing that is very invasive to social media at the moment, especially because as of right now, we're a little bit before Christmas and everybody's be happy. It's Merry Christmas. It's that time of the year. It's all about family and you should be joyous.

And guess what? Some people don't have a great family, so they are not joining us. And so toxic positivity, a lot of people are just like they're just being positive. That's fine. You can also think of it as when something bad happens at home. Say you have the one golden child, right?

Who, if they do something wrong, your parents like, Oh just let it go. It's fine. It's great. He's doing the best he can. That's still toxic, right? And if we're not careful, we allow that to keep going and [00:46:00] now every time we go home, we have the anxiety burning our chest and like something bad is going to happen and my mom's going to just let my sister go and do whatever she wants and I have to keep the peace.

No, we don't have to keep the peace. Okay, I'm not saying throat punch anybody. That's not what I'm saying. But we don't have to keep going into those situations because we know what the outcome is going to be. There's a difference between saying your mental health is bad so you're not going to do this, and saying my family is toxic, I had to step away.

Toxic family is forever one of those things that should be cut off if you cannot get them to understand why they're wrong. That doesn't mean you make up things either though. I have heard [00:47:00] some wild stuff about people going, yeah, my mom was bad. She didn't let me have a blanket I liked. So she was an evil mom and I hate her like what the crap is wrong with you There's people out here with some real issues.

Let's define toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is the excessive emphasis on maintaining a positive outlook. Even in situations where negative emotions are natural and necessary, it dismisses or invalidates genuine feelings like sadness, anger, or stress. If you're sitting there at Christmas and your uncle says you ever gonna get married and you're gonna be a loser forever?

And you're like, shut up. And somebody else goes, this is a merry Christmas. You should be happy he talked to you. That is not okay. Your uncle being a douche, that's going to happen sometimes, but the saying that you have to accept it [00:48:00] and keep the peace. I hate that term.

It's one of my like, don't say that to me. I will blow up the peace. 

Speaker: Yeah, I think sometimes and again I'm going to put this disclaimer, I'm not a therapist. Not completely, but I agree with you. I think and I call it the cheering all the time, right? I think is one of the things and depending on your upbringing.

I was in a very a traditional household, right? Where sometimes you would either spiritualize or you would make it as, oh, anxiety, what that, that is. Going back like the devil. Oh, no, that is a bad thing, and I think is one of the things that I do see now that people are more open is to [00:49:00] understand the feelings for what it is.

And I think you're right. I think sometimes. Talking specifically about that positive toxicity or, I think is, toxic is toxic. I think if you live in a household, That is toxic. I mean i'm not telling you to like mostly if you're a minor don't leave but Definitely, I do see where people more as a grown up, is like most of the people, that grew up and They're bringing they're having a hard time in their lives I do see is because They're not Went through a very toxic either relationship or a very toxic outbringing and I always say is like they do have control right over in terms of do you what you said is like lead that toxic environment I always say it and also because I've seen it in family and [00:50:00] friends is If you're gonna go to a room that says explosives but you're just gonna go in because you have to, but you know that there are explosives in there.

It has the, like the what's this like danger sign. 

Speaker 2: Warning sign. 

Speaker: Warnings, yeah, it's, and you're just gonna be there knowing that is not good for you. What do you think is, it's like, all these signs, all these labels are there. What are those red flags that are there in this, either a relationship, friendship, or even your own family?

It's you know that they're not gonna be good for you. You have the power and I know that is I'm making it easier and simplify it, but and sometimes it's hard, but you have the power to leave that room because, now there's people that know or maybe [00:51:00] don't know, don't see that there's no warning signs.

But it could be very toxic. It's yeah, I don't know. Like I said I'm not a therapist, but I think it, it is valid. It's now, like I, I do see my kids and I say, it's is it is okay to be frustrated? 'cause I grew up in, in a household that, yeah oh, you're mad. Oh no, you cannot be mad.

No. So then you're start like, Oh, I can be mad. 

Speaker 2: For me the toxic Anything but especially the positivity like telling somebody they can't be mad First of all that does is make me more angry That's like trying to tell somebody who is like about to jump off a cliff to calm down now you're going over the cliff because What don't tell me to calm down We're about to explode.

But sometimes the red flag is you get sent into a dark room with a [00:52:00] match because your family has said, this is what you're supposed to do. Go light the match in that room. So you walk into the room and it explodes around you. And then they're like why'd you ruin the room? How dare you? And you're just going, 

Speaker: what?

Yeah, it's. 

Speaker 2: But you know your family, you know what you can take there. There's also been especially on social media where like groups are popping up that it's positive vibes only. Don't come over here with your sad vibes. I have a resting witch face from which most people like if I'm just sitting here.

I'm like, okay I look like i'm bored and angry just sitting still. Okay And so A lot of people in my life have always been like, You're always so sad, just be happy. You should just be happy. Smile more. [00:53:00] I'm not upset. I'm fine. I'm just not, I'm not a cheerleader. I don't have a smile on my face all the time.

I'm not rah shish boom bah with all the things or whatever. That's just not me. And I don't think that even cheerleaders were rah shish boom bah 24 7, right? 

Speaker 3: Yeah, they are tough. Cheerleading is 

Speaker 2: hard work. I do, I do give them that. But the happy go thing is not something that everybody does.

And even as somebody with a lot of mental health problems, even if I'm just sitting down, I'm not upset. I am just Like relaxing my face

And so that doesn't mean i'm being negative and I shouldn't be called out for it Like I don't have to smile all the time that actually hurts my face to be quite honest

[00:54:00] But the problem with toxic positivity, the problem with those spaces that say good vibes only, and why did we bring vibes back? Wasn't that a seventies thing? Crap is happening with that. But the whole point behind that is everybody wants to be happy and they want good vibes because good vibes help them be happier.

Now you're leaving out your friend who has anxiety and can't figure out what color socks to wear today because what situation will they be in to go with the socks, so you're marginalizing people again. During the 90s, we did a lot of work to bring people together. During the early 2000s, we did a lot of work to bring people together.

And now, for some stupid reason, everybody's decided we're all supposed to be apart again.

Why are we separating again?

Speaker: We're separating everything. Yeah, [00:55:00] so how, so what is that? What do you think that, that is? Yeah what do you think that is? I'm, actually that, it's a good point. What'd you bring in but what why do you think that is? 

Speaker 2: so It's fear i'm different than You're different than the other person and for a lot of the time in the late 80s 90s and 2000s That was celebrated you're supposed to go learn from that person then because everybody is different go learn from somebody of a different culture go you know be friends with them because We have things to learn Go befriend the person who always feels alone because you have things you can learn from them.

Go be friends with the cheerleader because unfortunately, even with their rah, you have things you can learn from them, right? And nowadays, everybody's scared of the different [00:56:00] again. And it's because We're trying to polarize, I don't really get political and all that on here, but the political thing has become, it's separating everybody again.

Because if they separate you, they can defeat you easier. 

Speaker: Than versus us. 

Speaker 2: Yeah. And it's going right down into people who are normal, people who have ADHD and autism, people who have mental illnesses, like they're everybody separating out because you have these groups who are good vibes only and let's Spit on that person's parade because their cookies aren't as good as mine or whatever the differences are if you notice online There's different clicks that you can get into if you like doing your makeup all the time, which obviously I don't you could go online and get into a group and one group of makeup people versus another [00:57:00] group of makeup people Like the drama gets real.

I sit on the sidelines going, I don't even wear makeup, but this is hilarious. Everybody's fighting. And when you have a mental illness or even if you're normal, you sometimes you don't want to be in the fight. So you step back and you're just sitting there like this and everybody comes up to you and they're like you should be happy.

Look, Jonah Vark is a good thing. Be happy. Jonah Vark died 5000 years ago. She doesn't know what it's like to be here now.

Not sure how long ago she died, to be honest, but whatever. You have fact checkers everywhere. So what we want to do is we want to acknowledge, yes, this person is different from me, but what can I learn from them? Yes, they are sad in this situation, but why? What did they go through? How can you [00:58:00] help your fellow person?

I don't get up every day because. I'm in it for myself. I am still on this planet because I want to be able to help other people. Nothing to do with me at this point because of my mental health at certain points. I wouldn't have survived if I was in this for myself. We have to go back to how can I help?

Yes, I want to be positive when I can be, or when the situation calls for it, but if Uncle Mike is calling me, A moron for the 15th time today and I go poke his eyeballs out. I don't want anybody saying anything about it. Obviously we don't condone that. We're not poking anybody's eyes out, if we get angry and we say something back to that person, no, aunt Susie over there shouldn't be going you shouldn't have said that.

He wasn't that mean, he's like that. Just keep the peace. Why do you [00:59:00] have to make it worse? I don't know because I have a boiling point.

You don't have to take that. You don't have to be positive You have to be Decent to people right? You don't want to just automatically walk up to some stranger and just be a douche That's not necessary 

Speaker: Yeah, I always tell my kids sorry I always tell my kids what is being It's just being a human being.

That's what it is. You don't have to Again, there are good times, bad times. But even with people because sometimes we do see that people tend to and nowadays like you said now, getting into the political spectrum. But there's a tendency of [01:00:00] Superiority and I'm not talking about race. I'm not talking about is or religion, but it's a tendency of people feeling superior to others.

And you mentioned fear and 1 of the parts. Yes, I agree is fear is putting fear in people without superiority and what ends up doing is that. It's a different compass, right? It's they're not seeing them, all the people as who they are in, the sense of we're all human beings. And I always tell my kids is.

You don't need to be but just be a human being. Be a nice human being. He doesn't, and just to brag about my son my, my son raises go-karts. So in one, one of his races he actually he's still a new driver. [01:01:00] And he said, it's like, Oh, I see that he's a new driver. I'm just going to go say hi.

And because that's how I felt. I know how it feels to be the new driver, right? In the grid. And after he went there and I, of course, I always, I also said hi to, to the dad. And again, this is not being positive or anything. It's actually just being a nice human being is, and that changed this kid's moment because he was nervous.

It was the first time that he was racing. And the dad told me, Oh, my, my son was about to quit. If it wasn't because of your son that just came in so again and you touch a little bit on this and insane is you Yes, You if you feel bad, of course, you're not going to go and do something [01:02:00] outrageous But we are human beings and I that's the part that We always need to be conscious of, right?

It's the, being just nice human beings go that extra mile. Sorry, I just wanted to share that because I think it's also important when it comes to that toxicity, being positive, right? But I think is, it just, when you have a moral compass of We're all human beings.

We're the same. It is, I think the part of in superiority for some reason has gotten more and more, right? You go, now it's Christmas and you get to, that parking spot. It's yeah, like you said, you don't have to be all positive. It's that was my parking spot.

But no, but you need to talk like human beings, right? So yeah, I don't know how that relates to. 

Speaker 2: I am not condoning Karen ism, right? Like you go out there and you start screaming at somebody [01:03:00] because they parked in your spot, nobody's name is on any spot 

Speaker 3: Get that out 

Speaker 2: of your head Nobody in line.

People in line do talk about you if they speak another language get over it. It's gonna happen Keep going, right? There's no need to ask for a manager unless there's actually a situation that needs it and it's not you being these coupons that are three months out of At date are still valid.

No, nobody's doing that. Go home. 

I don't condone that. In fact, me, I know. I have a tolerance. If I go to the grocery store, I'm fine when I'm walking around, but I don't like people close to me. I love the six foot rule. Okay. I loved it. I was like, I want this to stay forever, people can stay away from me, I do not need strangers breathing on me.

I have asthma, getting sick is awful for me, so I appreciated the [01:04:00] six foot rule. Didn't like masks, can't breathe as an asthmatic with something over your face. It's just not a thing. But, you get in line and everybody's lined up like this because that's what you had to do in kindergarten or something.

You get off my butt. You don't need to be breathing on my neck. I should not feel the air move on my neck because you're breathing. Stop it. And so when I stand in lines, I can mouthy. I'm in a situation where I'm uncomfortable. I have people too close. I feel like everybody's staring at me I'm just trying to get through the line and why is this cashier the slowest person since Moses like what is happening?

So I know I can get mouthy So my friend has decided that we'll go grocery shopping And then she goes to the line and I go out to the car because that is what is safest Nobody deserves to hear my mouth because I'm in a situation I'm uncomfortable in. 

I'm not mad at anybody. I'm just [01:05:00] uncomfortable because there's too many people too close to me.

Why everybody's got to be up your butt when you're in a line? I don't know, but it's a thing. It's gotten a little bit less now that we have those things that we just do ourselves. What is that called again? 

Speaker: Yeah. The self checkout. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, that. 

Speaker: It's so funny, because I actually, I don't know when was the last time I was in a grocery store.

Is because I order my food online. I like Literally, I can my 

Speaker 2: friend actually now goes grocery shopping for I give her the list. She goes grocery She does a lot of it like pre ordered but there's some stuff like she wants to pick out her own grapes 

Speaker: yeah. No, that's different.

But yeah 

Speaker 2: But so like she'll go in for that and then she'll grab my stuff when she's in there And she does that while i'm in therapy. All Greatness is being done without me involved I don't have to go into a building with a ton of people, and I'm in therapy at the same time, so kudos for [01:06:00] therapy.

But the real problem comes with toxic positivity, because you are blocking people. Because, not, maybe not blocking people, but because you're telling people you're not happy enough, you're basically telling them they're not being good enough. They're not good enough to be around you, they're not good enough, or whatever.

Speaker: Yeah you're denying the people, yes. Yeah, no, absolutely. You're denying people's, other people's feelings. You're not making them, from a non therapist. But personal opinion is that I think you're denying them their own feelings. Because it, and I wonder, is, and I guess a question for you.

How do you think what is the Underlying part of someone that has a toxic positivity. [01:07:00] What do you think that, yeah, what is the characteristic of that? Is it something that I guess that's the question, right? 

Speaker 2: In my opinion, and again, I deal with mental health, I am not a therapist. I have two of them.

They're great. We work on me a lot. But for me, The person who is saying, Let's be happy. Everybody's happy this time of year. So you should be happy too. You're not happy enough. Why aren't you happy? There's a problem in their life and they're covering it. There's a problem with their personality.

There's a problem with you know The relationship they're in there's a problem somewhere in their life or they don't feel like they're good enough So now They only want good vibes. I did that way too well. 

Speaker: They remind me to the to the movie clueless, 

Speaker 2: exactly [01:08:00] that but So you stifle growth you stifle the growth of the person who is Being so yee haw positive, right? And you stifle the growth of the person who is not as happy. In different ways. So the person who is super happy, or who is at least pretending to be super happy, They want to clear out all the negative stuff because they think that will help them be better Not true, because if you're only feeling one emotion all the time, you're denying your other feelings and you should be in therapy And if you're you know if to give the positive vibes people a chance you know if you are somebody who isn't as happy, if You Have mental health problems or whatever, when you're with your friends if you I mean look at Eeyore [01:09:00] Pooh and his friends always invited Eeyore and never expected him to be happy they all had fun and Eeyore enjoyed being invited even if he was still depressed because depression, right?

You can still have friend groups like that As adults you can have people who get together and maybe one of them And i'm not saying oh, yes go sit in a cafe with your friends to talk About life and just ball the entire time you shouldn't like don't bring everybody down exactly you don't have to be super happy to be there, but you shouldn't be sobbing all over them every single time you get together either.

Because again, you have toxic positivity, but you can be toxic in other ways. So that would be toxic because every meeting with your friends is about you crying. And eventually they're going to start having meetings without [01:10:00] you so that they can actually talk to each other. Without comforting you. 

Speaker: So how do you go about in?

I don't know if the word is improving or mitigating a toxic positivity. 

Speaker 2: You have to identify it, right? Just like with AI. If if you have somebody like that one story I said with the teacher who was like, he, Put the words in white so that the kids couldn't see it, but I did and got Sally all over everything.

But if you identify that there is a problem we're going back to and stuff, right? The first step to anything, the first step to stop being a racist is to go. Hey, huh? That's racist. I should probably change how I view things, right? I should do something about that. That is the first step to everything So you fine if you look at yourself and you see You know what I am portraying online like that.

I am [01:11:00] always happy that my house is always Spotless, you know that kind of thing then maybe it's time to change it up a little bit Maybe you let them see the I mean you have all these places that do all that cooking and they're like No cleanup afterwards No, that meant you cleaned while you were going.

Not that there was nothing ever to clean, right? So being honest about what it takes to actually do something is a great way to start like

You have those people who do those big huge parties and they're like, no, no bad feelings here. This is great. I did all this work and it was great. Yeah. No, you were stressed like a mug the day before. I guarantee it. Let's be honest, identifying that, maybe don't tell people all the time that I am struggling or that even if I'm not struggling that, you know what, that was difficult.

Being honest [01:12:00] about things. Identifying where you're maybe straying into the there are no cats in America type situation. Because This is not Fightful again another movie that made us all cry but We're doing the movie thing today, 

Speaker 3: yeah, 

Speaker: yeah, so how do you think is so the person that has the So you mentioned a couple of things is that the person that has the toxic positivity is normally the one that is cheering is everything.

It's what would you say it's like the light of the party always? It what would be the other side of it's kinda how would you tell that person? 

Speaker 2: So you have your center of attention, 

Speaker 3: right? 

Speaker 2: The one that's always happy the [01:13:00] one that can talk, do all the things, right?

And then you have your wallflower, who's being told because they stay over there, that's why they have no friends. Why aren't you being their friend if you see them and you're, 

Speaker: so how do you tell the person is it that it's being toxic with toxic positivity? Is so we identified so now we know but is it something that And of course, like you said just go to a therapist.

Of course, we always recommend that But what would be as a friend? Let's say is You are the friend of that person What would you say to that? It's is I should I just not be around a toxic positive Person, 

Speaker 2: it depends on how it's affecting you So I can be friends with somebody who's happy [01:14:00] all the time as long as they're not I mean because if they want to portray that's fine, but they're about to get real with me because I don't do fake But so like I can be out in public with that kind of person and you might say that person's toxic because, the positive, they're positive all the time and I'm going, yeah, but not with me because they're my friend.

This is something they do to protect themselves. When they're in this space, but I know them better than that. So that's why I can be around them. Again. It's seeing the person and the situation for what it is. Some people when they get into public, right? They do the two things. Spectrums mostly there's probably three you got your wallflower You got the center of attention and you got everybody who gravitates towards the center of attention, right?

those are your three but in private the wallflower [01:15:00] and the center of attention are friends and Like they don't deny each other's feelings But in public it's just You know, it's the opposite mechanism where they're like, this is who I am in public sometimes without realizing it. So you can try to steer them to try to chill that a little bit, but sometimes you don't need it's, again, it's a coping mechanism to some people.

So you just have to remind them that in public, you can't always deny people's feelings. It's not a good thing. I am all about being real, right? I will tell you if you are being a douche, I will tell you if you're being great, and we can argue or not, but I'm going to stick to my guns if you're being, if you are constantly going out and, Oh when we're out you should smile a lot.

I'm going to tell you, yeah, get a new friend. Not going to happen here. [01:16:00] That hurts my face. Next. I smile. I've smiled a lot even during this. I can feel it. My cheeks are starting to hurt. 

Speaker: Yeah, no, that's great. That's great. I love that. 

Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean when I get in public that, unless I'm having a conversation with somebody, that I'm just gonna be happy joy.

Another thing, I'm just getting into all the stuff today, but

The worst thing that anybody can do with being toxic, positive, or whatever, is saying, everything happens for a reason. I've heard that after some bad situations, and I can guarantee you the times that I most wanted to throat punch somebody is when they were saying those words. Never hit anybody, I'm not doing that kind of thing, right? But, it's 

really bad when you've just gone through some difficult situation and everybody's going, everything happens for a reason.

God loves [01:17:00] you. Now he doesn't apparently. So please stop doing that. 

Speaker: I think that's a form of toxic positivity that I've never thought about. Is the it is definitely a that part of being cheerful, because some of those, some of us are programmed to be cheerful in everything.

And I think it's embedded. And again, I'm not against religion. I'm not against any person, but I think it's a mechanism for us to deny Those feelings of if I'm grieving or I'm sad or I'm anger, but put a face to it to say, Oh, but there's a reason why this is, I think is, [01:18:00] Yeah, I've never seen it, but it is a true aspect of toxic positivity because it's denying the reality of those feelings.

And I think by saying, oh yeah, there, there was a reason, like you said, right? It's oh, this happens for a reason because there's always, there, there was a some verse that I, I don't remember at this point right now, but it was something like that. Is that. Oh, it doesn't matter how bad it is.

It always happens for a reason

Yes, 

Speaker 2: very angry, that's very angry like it's frustrating Be like god has a reason That's a great big reason right there Why a lot of people have stepped back from a religion is because somebody has said something stupid like that When they're going through a bad no God had nothing to do with this.

[01:19:00] This happened because I was in a car accident because there was a drunk on the road, or there was this that happened, right? And nothing, God has his part in whatever, but it's not in putting a drunk behind the wheel, right? It's, at least not in my religion, not in my feelings of what religion is. We also do it to ourselves, right?

You know how when we're feeling bad we're going through something and we'll say, it only happened for two days or it only happened once. It happens to other people a lot. 

Speaker: Oh, wow. Never heard that one. But. 

Speaker 2: There are other people who have it worse. Remember, when you were sitting at dinner and you didn't want to finish your peas because peas are disgusting, and your parent was like, they're starving kids in Ethiopia.

Speaker 3: Oh! 

Speaker 2: What does that have to do with me? I don't want them. They can have them [01:20:00] then. Send them the peas. I don't care.

But remember, our parents used to say that all the time, we couldn't eat our food. That's toxic positivity right there. That is so toxic and 

Speaker: racist thing to say. But it's true. We grew up like that. Yeah. Oh yeah, because it could have been worse. So it's okay, so I'm cheering on something bad because it could have been worse.

It is definitely. Yeah, gosh, wow, Nikki this, you're into something definite. 

Speaker 2: And we can only fix ourselves. So like you asked how I could identify, I can identify in other people with the snap of my finger. Get me in front of somebody and I was like, that is plastic. That is a Barbie and I'm not playing with it.

I don't do fake, right? I want real people [01:21:00] when I'm talking to people. And for me, identifying somebody else's problems, sure, I can do it. It just means that I'm probably not going to be friends with that person. I don't want that type of, I'm not going to start a relationship that's going to start off with that person being toxic.

Not exactly the best decision in life, right? Like, when you know somebody's toxic, that is the stupidest thing on the planet to go, Oh, I should be their friend. Because guess what? You're just making like a red flag in front of a bull. Although, apparently, they're colorblind. Whatever. But the big thing is identifying it in yourself and changing yourself.

Not a thing that happens overnight. You don't just say, Oh, I'm never gonna do that again. Guess what? I got news for you. Yes, you are. Guaranteed you are. Because right now, the response you have is because of your [01:22:00] parents at dinner. Oh, I should eat all of what I have in front of me because somebody's starving somewhere.

What is you? Them starving has anything to do with you finishing your meal. 

Speaker 3: Yeah, we have 

Speaker 2: that thing in our head. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. 

Speaker 2: And, if you're going through a bad situation, knowing that it is okay to be upset. 

Speaker 3: It is 

Speaker 2: okay to feel whatever it is you're feeling.

Work on it though. Don't just sit in it. I was just going to say that. Don't 

Speaker: dwell, don't dwell in that. 

Speaker 2: Yeah. 

Speaker: But it's, yes. I think one of the things that we've done in our community starting from our house is to suppress those feelings. Because we feel that they have a negative connotation, right?

And I, I give this just personal opinion, but I do believe that when we [01:23:00] allow people to own those feelings, and of course, it's always like you tell your kids, right? It's like I tell my kid, he lost one of the races. And. I said, son, we, we lose some, we win some, it's okay to be upset, I'm frustrated, just don't dwell on it, right?

So it is different from being a like toxic positivity, it's oh, it's there was a purpose for this race and, no, or be an example of what you're trying to say, right? It is, it's like. It happened for a reason like there's a purpose No But you weren't okay 

Speaker 2: to be upset that you didn't win Like i'm so sorry your tire fell off in the third round, but yeah, like we'll work on the car We'll work on like tips on what to do when a murder.

What did you learn 

Speaker 3: from it, right? 

Speaker 2: [01:24:00] Yes, what did you learn? What can we do better the next time and you keep trucking some situations? You learn to not be around certain people. You learn what to look for the next time 

Speaker 3: Right 

Speaker 2: as a sign that you should not do this, you have all those people going on tinder dates or whatever right and then they end up on tiktok or somewhere going My body like this this was horrible.

He totally started saying that my boobs were big, and that's why he was on the date with me. We have grown as a society in a lot of ways, and we have not grown as a society in a lot of ways. I think Mike Tyson said at one point that we're getting too comfortable with not being hit in the face for things we've said online.

And for some people that is completely real. They think that they can go and say anything [01:25:00] they want online and nothing will ever come of it. And people are being sued. And if you're swatting people, those people are going to jail. Like you're just, you're causing problems for yourself. You're getting fired from jobs for doing it.

Things are happening. Some of it is good. Like you should be fired from your job if you're raging racist and you're hiring only one class of people because They work the best with me. That's Something that the company you're getting a crap ton of, trouble for so you being fired is a good thing There are other things that them being fired for it doesn't really make sense, but whatever I can't say what's good or bad to other people.

I can only change what I do And how I think of things so if I think an injustice was done You To me that means I have to fix my part in it. 

Speaker 3: Yeah 

Speaker 2: I don't fix everybody else's [01:26:00] part, but I fix my part and I do my work. 

Speaker: I love that. It's like self accountability 

and I mean it in a positive way I always we always have this connotation of accountabilities about things like oh, they need to be accountable for now It's actually being owned have ownership, right?

And I think that's the important thing. I like that.

Speaker 2: So do you have any final thoughts? 

Speaker: No, this has been a great conversation. Nikki. I love it I think the insights we talk about everything. We talk about AI, we talk about mental health, which I think is very important and everything that we do is to keep not a toxic positivity. But a real understanding that we are human beings and yes, we own our own feelings And we are okay with that.

There's a reason why these feelings exist [01:27:00] Because it's okay so I think on my part thank you. Thank you. This is being an enjoyable time yeah real appreciate it 

Speaker 2: I have enjoyed it as well. It went much better than I thought from when I read the thing because I read that and went Oh, this is gonna be interesting And then I get in here with you and it was interesting.

So i'm very happy 

Speaker: Yeah, no, absolutely and I just love that like you said is just having a conversation and sometimes We need more of that. We need more of these type of conversations because there's a lot of, first of all, human health mental health is a taboo for a lot of people.

And I really appreciate it. And again, I'm trying not to be so cheery here but I appreciate that is, is you bringing awareness to this type of things because something that really opened my mind to what you just said about the, [01:28:00] it's, we've been programmed to say always but yeah it's, like everything happens for a purpose or things like that.

It's like now, we, as humans, we make our own destiny in the sense of, it's the reality of our lives is and I think sometimes understanding that we Owe it to ourselves to be able to yeah, of course is If you're angry or you're sad or you're happy or you're cheery There's always a time To and you own those feelings but knowing Not to dwell on those to be able to make you and I always like I said, as i'm agnostic i'm i'm i'm not the positive vibes because I do understand sometimes is It's not oh, hey yeah, we cannot be cheery all the time and it's okay [01:29:00] to be sad But not dwelling on it, right?

It's knowing that whatever it the label is You Is There's a human behind just like we learned earlier today about when there's an AI application, right? There's a human behind it with an agenda. Yeah in this case. Yes, your agenda. So your well being That's my agenda, right? I want to be Okay, but don't tell me just to be positive all the time when I do need to be angry for things that I'm angry, right?

And I think that's and I know this is a very long thought, closing thought, but it's like you said, I think we even bring in the term Karen. We assume that everybody is a Karen and everything is a Karen. And when. You don't know what the person has just been gone through. It's if I [01:30:00] met you at a store and I accidentally or without knowing that you have asthma, And, yeah I'm close to you.

And you snap at me, probably I would say, Oh, yeah, you're a Karen, right? You're, all that. But understanding the reasoning behind it. And I always say, and I hope I'm doing this well with my kids is, You need to have empathy for people because is, and I know it's we're talking about toxic positivity, but sometimes I feel like the people that come and being very cheerful, even when I, and what you said that I remind, it reminds me to a funeral that I went to, and it was that it's like, The person passed away.

My two parents passed away. And your program to say [01:31:00] is but it was, it was God's will, right? It's it's like you should think it in the positive, right? It's no, I'm hurting. 

I'm grieving. I'm It's okay to do that. It's okay. Whatever you're Your religious views are it's okay.

I think it's again i'm not against that 

Speaker 3: But 

Speaker: I think that's where and I appreciate you bringing this awareness of positive toxic toxicity or toxic positivity Because is definitely something that we all need to be aware of that it happens just because you see me sad Of course you're gonna ask me a how you're doing It's okay.

You're gonna be okay. Don't come and is oh, come on be happy smile because No, I think and now even for me i'm learning and I appreciate that because it is bringing awareness to me in the sense of like [01:32:00] It's not always just be the cheering guy at all times is understanding Have empathy into what is going on in your life that is making you have this feeling.

And it's, and knowing that it's okay. And of course, like you said, you're not going to dwell in it, you're not going to act upon it, but it's okay to have that feeling. So that's, I really appreciate it. I appreciate the time, Nikki. 

Speaker 2: Okay. For my final thought, remember, Robin Williams was a great Comedian millions of people laugh all the time, right?

He died

from what he died from because of depression And fear of what he was going to go to I think he got diagnosed with something from what I remember [01:33:00] And so he decided and he was You know, in his personal circles, people knew he was depressed, but everybody in the world just thought he was this happy person because he was always, giving us the laughter.

And I use humor to teach people, to talk to people, because if you're laughing at what I'm saying, you're listening. You can't laugh at something and not have heard it. So if I'm trying to get a point across, I'll make a joke out of it. So that you're laughing and then maybe you'll remember that oh, yeah, Nikki's 

Speaker 3: And 

Speaker 2: then she'll kill me there's that whole, you know that thought process of you know Let's remember but I am the furthest from okay 90 percent of the time It was so much stuff that I am working on [01:34:00] and trying, trying to move forward through You know Because I haven't had the best of lives, right?

You never know, from day to day, what the person next to you is going through. Whether they are being toxically positive or they are being sad. You don't know what is happening in their life. I tend not to judge people too harshly unless they turn into you can't really tell what they're doing because they're that fake.

Fakes don't do fake. But, I try to be there for the people I know. I try to cheer them up because It's the only way I know how, and I will talk with them and try to do things, but I know that I, personally, have never told anybody that things happen for a reason, and that God still loves you anyway.

Because I am religious. I do have my beliefs. 

I don't force them on [01:35:00] anybody else, and I don't believe just because I have my beliefs, you have to believe the same thing. But what I do believe is, God loves us all, but he doesn't just pluck somebody off the earth because he feels like it. That's not how this whole thing works.

So When we're doing things, make sure we're identifying our feelings first. And if you are upset, have it, own it. It's yours and then work on it. Don't stay angry. Don't stay in the, don't stay in the sadness after a loved one dies. Work through the grief process, there's the stages of grief acceptance Whatever that is, but I don't remember them off the top of my head, but Work on it work through it so that when you come out the other side, maybe you reach back and help somebody else 

Speaker: Yeah, [01:36:00] absolutely thank you so much.