Why Aging Is About More Than Your Body: Purpose-Driven Wellness at Every Stage

In this episode of Operational Harmony, Nikki talks with Scottie G, a functional aging specialist and coach who helps people feel strong, capable, and purposeful at any age. They dive into what "aging well" really means — beyond just physical health. Scottie shares powerful stories about clients rediscovering passions, setting new goals later in life, and how emotional and mental fitness are just as important as workouts.

Find Scottie Here:

www.heyjustbe.com @heyscottieg @heyjustbe - all socials/@justbe.w.scottieg - IG

They also talk about:

• Finding purpose in midlife and beyond

• How movement, mindset, and mission work together

• Why serving others can restore joy

• The lessons Scottie learned from a long-term client named Dave

• How podcasting and passion projects fuel personal growth

If you're looking for inspiration on how to live with more intention, this one’s for you. It’s not just about getting older — it’s about aging well.

✨ Listen in and get ready to rethink how you show up for yourself — today and in the decades ahead.

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[00:00:00] Hi, my name is Scotty. On my social media I noticed Scotty G and I am a functional aging specialist. What is that? Aging isn't just the way you take care of your body like physically, it's also the way you take care of your body like mentally.

And then it's also why you find reason or purpose to be here. And so when you talk about aging well in a functional way that it works best for you, you have to kind of hit those three high points and it can't just kind of be one or the other like that them working together is what kind of makes it all work.

Okay. So how did you get into that? Well, I originally got into it. I started off as, I was a physical trainer or a personal trainer. And so I kind of got into it because I had a client, his name was, Dave. And, he started working with me when he was [00:01:00] 79 years old. And, he passed away, when he turned 91.

And I saw him all the way from 79 through 91. So I got to a real big, it was like a foreshadow of not only what my life is gonna be like, but what my parents' life is gonna be like and other people around me his life's gonna be like. And I got to see the things that he really struggled with in the last, 12 years of his life.

And it really made me start thinking about, well, if I'm really here to help people and help people be, we'll, just say healthy. What am I doing? My full job? So, I became a certified coach and I started working with all aspects with my clients. As an example, I have a client right now.

He's always wanted to be a barber, you know what I mean? But he just, has never taken that next step. And he came to me wanting to, get in better physical shape and mental [00:02:00] shape. But then once we kind of started working on those things, I was like, well, what do you wanna do?

Like, what do you really wanna do? He is like, do you, he has like a regular nine to five job. And he is like, you know, I've always wanted to cut hair. And I was like, well, how do we make this happen? And so it's a little bit cheerleader, right? Encouraging, but it's also understanding that a person, finding purpose.

Will also perform better in the other two aspects of their life and vice versa. So when you're working on your mental health and you're working on your physical health, you're in a better mental and physical space to go, man, I would like to learn how to skateboard, or whatever else it is.

Right? And even if you're working on your purpose or you have something you're passionate about, like podcasting, right? Mm-hmm. It impacts the other parts of your life. I think you could probably speak to that, right? Yeah. Podcasting, if you're doing it by yourself, does not leave a lot of time for skateboarding.

But that becomes your, not your purpose, but something that fills your cup that not might necessarily be like a [00:03:00] monetary thing, right? Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? And so, you know, so that's what I'm encouraging with like aging well, or functional aging is like, so how do we nail these really basic things that we need in order to kind of try to live as full of a life as you possibly can?

Because everybody's gonna have vices and things and fight depression and stuff like that. But this is a marathon, not a sprint. Mm-hmm. And so how do we prepare? Like, I wanna feel this good when I'm 80 years old, if I feel this good when I'm 90 years old. If I feel the way I feel right now when I'm 90 years old, I'll be like killing it, you know?

And I'm excited. It makes me excited about life because I know like I'm gonna turn 50 next year. And so I know unless I get hit by a bus. That I'm gonna be around, I think I'm gonna be around for a long time. And you don't wanna have, injuries and have your mental health be poor and not feel like you have a reason to be here, you know?

Mm-hmm. It's [00:04:00] very hard to stand back up when you already have the mental health and then your body shuts down and then you're starting to get to those ages where people are, calling you ma'am, because you're old and you're just standing there like, I did not sign up for this part of life. 

And so it's hard to keep going sometimes when that's staring you in the face. And so being able to stand back up and learn that there can be a purpose if you're doing right, is very important. Yeah, for sure. No matter your age. Yeah, I hope that the, you know, on like TikTok you'll see these old people doing TikTok dances or like dressing up, like doing like sneaker stuff or, I don't know.

I hope they're as happy as they seem to be on those TikTok videos because I think when they find something that they're interested in, that they want to do it, like it gives them kind of [00:05:00] purpose and hopefully they use it well. You know what I mean? Hopefully it's good energy and not negative energy of wanting to fill a dopamine hit.

Cause somebody wants somebody like a video. Hopefully it like brings them actual joy to do those things that they do, yeah.

So when you're coaching somebody. And they say they want to dance or whatever. Are you telling them, Hey, go through it on TikTok so that they can get some followers for it or No? No, no, no. I'm like, it's kind of like when, well, it's, my podcast doesn't bring in much monetary like money.

Right. And none. Yeah. I'm probably even running a negative for the things I do around here. So, yeah. I have to be doing it because I love to do it and I am passionate about it because it's not because of money, that's for sure. [00:06:00] Right. And I feel like that this thing that I randomly started in my garage with my friends.

Now it makes me a better coach. It makes me a better person. It makes me a better dad. And, my daughter has an interest in like singing, and we don't put her on the internet. There's no pictures of my daughter on the internet. We don't put pictures of her on the internet.

So nobody knows that she sings except for us. And there's kind of a part of, in this weird way, like think about like growing up and like your parents are on YouTube and so Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. So she knows what my podcast is, and when I have musical guests, I bring her in here and it's like her own little personal concert, you know what I mean?

Mm-hmm. Because she loves to sing and she loves to hear people play music live. And so, man, it's like this thing that I do for fun is just really filling up my cup and it's filling up my family's cup and that fills up my friend's cups. [00:07:00] You know what I mean? And like mm-hmm. I kind of at this point, I don't know, I don't know what I would, not what I would do without it.

Like, but it was like, it would be like really losing something if I just stopped right now. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? And maybe there comes to a point where I stop, but like it doesn't feel like right now it feels like it, it makes me better for everybody. Yeah. I shook my head, not because parents on YouTube, but those, family blogger things where the parents are actually, horrendous people.

I think there's like one ethical family blog out there and they don't actually show the kids. They just laugh about different things that their kids have said and they've done with their kids, that kind of thing. Or they're laughing, the two parents are laughing together or he's saying something.

But, I. They don't show kids like, even like bodies with a smiley face on the head. It's just their kids are in bed. They're sitting in front of the camera and being like, [00:08:00] so today, the 2-year-old got mad because I said no to filling the pool with jello type of, so like they're saying that kind of thing.

Well, I'm meaning that like she thinks I'm on tv. 'cause we watch YouTube on tv, so she'll go, Hey daddy, look, you're on tv. Just like all the cartoons are on tv. Just like other things are on tv. Right? So she has this right now, she thinks that I'm on tv, like other things are on tv and can you imagine if that was like your parent and what you would believe that you could do?

That has become something from this. But that wasn't an intention when I started. And that's just , in my opinion, it's like a cool like side thing, yeah. If you were on tv you might actually be making money. Just saying, yeah. That's what I need to tell her.

I'm obviously not on TV because I do not make money.

So have you had any. [00:09:00] Like super favorite aha moments with anybody or anything along those lines, where it's been like super great, not mentioning names or anything. We wanna keep, I don't know how you do your stuff, but I don't usually say anything about names, for that.

Well, like from oh no. Yeah, from a pure like business side of like what I do, but I think this is like pretty common a among like self-service, like types of jobs, right? Is that sometimes like people make decisions like not to work with you and it has like nothing to do with you. You know what I mean?

And the, our temptation is when someone says, Hey, I no longer want your services to get upset and mad about it. Mm-hmm. But a lot of times that doesn't have anything to do with you. You know what I mean? And a lot of times it's opened like new doors and better opportunities for something to go [00:10:00] into that space, you know what I mean?

Mm-hmm. But like my biggest aha moment just in general with the job of like functional aging is like when I realized that like at the end of like, I can say Dave, because, one, this guy was like, he was like my grandfather. He was like my, grandfather, I have his naval number like tattooed on my arm, like right here.

And this is just like some guy, like some old guy that I met at the gym and then now I'm getting his naval number tattooed on me. And then now he's like, kind of like replacing he's like one of my grandparents, right? Mm-hmm. And so I realized at the end. That you're just losing control of everything.

Your mind is going, your physical health is not well and stuff like that. And you feel so, you're like, golly, I just want one thing to go my way. I just wanna feel like I'm in control of one thing. And so there's these moments where it's kind of like people just need re you're like, this doesn't make any sense of [00:11:00] why you need this thing right now.

I gave Dave this, blanket and pillow for his 90th birthday, and he was so in love with it. And then the next day when I saw him, he was like, you gotta take this pillow and blanket back. And I was like, what? Like just yesterday you love the thing. And now like, I'm taking it back. He goes, just take it back, blah, blah, blah.

And I had to realize that, even though that was ridiculous to me mm-hmm. It meant something to him when you're losing like everything else, you know what I mean? And so even how we treat people older people is important too because man, like they're going through it. Like, you know, they're really going through it.

'cause it's right there at the end, you know? Yeah. I tend to stay away from them when they're old. Hey, I think that's, you know what, I think that's a pretty, that's a real normal thing. And I remember being a young person, like a younger person, and I don't, it's so weird to say, I'm being scared of old people, but it just, you're in such a different phase of your life, right.

But as I get closer to it, like as my, [00:12:00] I get closer to it, I'm kind of like, oh, now I get it. Someday somebody's not gonna wanna hug me either, you know? No. I had a traumatic event happen because of a 72-year-old man. So all, no, that's totally different. Men kind of got put into that lump and now I don't trust, like I, it's, I know it's not their fault and it's something I'm working on, but, it's pretty much like hammered in as deep as it can go that old men are not to be trusted.

And it's one of those things that I'm working on, but I don't know how I'm supposed to get it outta there. Hey, one, trauma is a tough thing, you know, but two, kudos for you for just trying to work on it because, you could let it, you could let it impact your life, but you're doing something positive to make sure at least that it doesn't impact it more than it could, you know?

I used to be in tears. If I ended up in the, in a room with somebody who was that old, it was really bad. Now I can go to church where, if you don't know this, [00:13:00] there are a lot of old people at church. Yeah. Oh yeah. A lot. And so, but I can go and be there. But I have almost flipped my lid when I thought one was touching me.

I had somebo, I had my hair out of the braids and just down, and somebody put their hands on my shoulders from behind me. And, they were, and then somebody said, oh, your hair looks so beautiful. And I am stiff as a board and about to, lose my mind because when I sat down, there was an old guy behind me and now I have hands on me.

So I about flipped out, but it ended up being his wife and I was able to calm down once she removed her hands from me. And I didn't swing elbows 'cause it's very easy for me to swing elbows when people touch me from behind and I'm not expecting it. So I did good. I didn't like injure anybody. But for a split second there, I about [00:14:00] to start yelling and it's only because I really thought that some dude had his hands on me.

I've said it before in my podcast. I don't like being touched and I surprisingly don't like being touched when I dunno who it's not. Not surprising at all. I could see that. I could see how you get to there. So, yeah. But, it's a thing. But for, I have empathy for them. Because they're not the person who did the thing.

Right. Right. I just, I have my issues and I realize that. So I try not to blame or get involved too much because of my own problems.

Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it all down, but, no, you're good. Like now we're all gonna cry kumbaya. It's fine. And it's not like that. I go and I do, I, and if I saw a problem that I could help fix, I [00:15:00] would still help that person. I'm just not gonna go out of my way to be like, hi, how are you?

Or anything like that, because there's that thing at the back of my brain screeching at me that there's a problem. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. But I, I'm not. All that to say that I know that, you know, old people are all, it's not all men, right. So it's not all old people, it's just a thing.

And, that doesn't mean I don't think they need care or help. Yeah, absolutely. You had a traumatic experience and, you're trying to work through that and, man, I appreciate you sharing. That's a big part of it. You know what I mean? Just sharing and like trying to work through it.

Mm-hmm. Now that I've made everything super awkward, um, it's not awkward. It's not awkward around here. Those kind of conversations on my podcast are not awkward. We have 'em all the time. So I'm just [00:16:00] comfortable. I guess I'm more comfortable being in 'em than maybe everyone. I don't know.

Well, for me it's, so a couple weeks ago, like a week or two ago, I can't remember, it's the before times. That's all I remember. And, this guy wasn't, he didn't meet me to record a podcast, so I sent him a note that was like, I'm sorry that we missed, whatever. And he sent me back this long email that like, he had like, been combing through all of my podcasts and had grabbed pieces of information that I shared and put them all in an email.

It was creepy as hell and I would be a lot more scared if he was in the us but he's a Aussie, so he's in Australia, and I was just like, okay, this is interesting. But, to have all the things you've said, over a lot of podcasts put in front of you, you go, oh wait, maybe I'm sharing too. [00:17:00] So you're just kind of the first one.

I think you're the first podcast. Since I got that email and it's just been, it hit me a little bit. 'cause I'm like, okay, like I know I share my podcast because it's part of what I'm doing. I'm trying to show that, hey, yes, I have problems. You know, I have my own business. I have mental health problems.

So that's why my podcast is centered around business and mental health because those are the two things that I want to help people in. Like, dude, I want the next person coming up to know that. Getting help is the answer. I have been through so much therapy and it has helped so much because the fact that I was just able to talk about what I just did without me being almost hysterically in tears is a huge improvement over like five years ago when I couldn't even do that.

That's [00:18:00] awesome. So being able to work on yourself, being able to be in business and work on your business, is important. And I don't wanna stop sharing my knowledge just because of some weird dude in Australia who sent me an email that kind of creeped me out. It's gonna happen.

It was just the first one to happen. It's just getting past it, it's taking a little bit longer than I thought.

So with what you do, where do you meet people? Like how are you, do you do social media, pushes? Like how are you meeting the people that you coach? So I'm pretty old school with it, the majority of my clients are referrals. Like they're referred to me by current clients that are having long-term success and they realize how important these [00:19:00] things kind of are.

I get clients do come off of social media for sure. I use all my avenues. I try to be, it's so easy to get lost in this big old world of the internet and everything. I try to make it real as easy as I can to be found.

And so, I'll do it. Not anything, but there's a lot of things I'll do just to make it like super, super easy, are you on Alignable? I am not. What is that? Alignable is a, networking site so that you can connect with other people oh, nice. Yeah. No, that kind of thing.

I'll have to check that out. Yeah. I've gotten clients through there. That lady, I said that I was on her podcast earlier this year or last year. I met her through Alignable. Oh, nice. Yeah, I took that out for sure. Yeah, there's all sorts of really good people on there and I use it a lot to network it networks better than,

linkedIn, everybody is still like tied to LinkedIn because they think it's this great place, but all I've [00:20:00] ever had on there are people who are spamming about MLMs. So I don't know how good that is. I've never gotten a client from LinkedIn. I've gotten like four through, Alignable. Yeah, I'll definitely have to check it out.

And you can find me on there also with the Nikki's office thing. So if you do that, I'll for sure give you a like, oh yeah. Awesome. So all of my clients come to me through word of mouth. I get somebody who will randomly call me and go, Hey, and I'm gonna say Dave because I work with a couple of them.

I have two Daves that I work with, and both Daves at one point had. Adams that they were working with. Oh, wow. And so sometimes when I got on the phone with an Adam, I had to go, wait a minute, which one are you Again? I had to make sure I was calling the right one for the right person. It was very confusing for me.

For them, they didn't care 'cause [00:21:00] they only knew about their Adam. For me, it got confusing. But, Dave, the guy that's helped and been there for me from, way back, he gets in the habit of just telling people my phone number and telling them to just contact me. And so I'll get a phone call and I'm like, hello?

And they go, well, we were told that you could do, you know this, you could help with, our tech. And I'd be like, well, yeah, who are you? Where did you come from? You know, cotton Eye Joe type thing, like what is happening here? And they go, oh yeah, Dave told us that we could call and that you could help us set up something with, their technology.

I'm like, yeah, sure, not a problem, but okay.

And then I called Dave and he's like, oh yeah, I didn't tell you about that, did I? And I'm like, no, [00:22:00] not even a little bit. So, it gets interesting when you have word of mouth. I mean, it's wonderful because he does, he is one of the people who's gotten me a lot of my clients because he will seriously go out there and just be like, Hey, Nikki can help.

Oh, that's awesome. I also realized this week that the people you're not paying attention to, the people who are connected to the people you're working with. That, you don't think are paying attention to you and you are not really paying attention to them. They could be in your corner a hundred percent.

Because I, asked in a group chat, Hey, do we have, any testimonies on this topic? And this guy was like, yeah, my wife shared one last night and I can talk about some of it today on the call if you want. And I was like, sure, yes, please. And he got on the call and he was like, Nikki is one of those people that you don't know, you know, [00:23:00] because everything that's going right is being done right because of Nikki.

And I'm like, what? When I, because like I downloaded the recording to, clip that part that he did for me. And, I saw that text and was just like. I don't think I've ever talked to him before.

So where did this come from? So, that was a humbling moment. 'cause it's like, oh wait, you know what? The people around me is getting bigger right? Without me being aware that it's getting to be bigger. And so it was an interesting moment yesterday. That's awesome. So I want to hear more about, your functional aging.

Like what I actually, that topic, what I do like inside of it? Yeah. So. I kind of have this theory, that it's kind of like a [00:24:00] triangle, right? And the base of your triangle is your mental and physical health, right? And then the point of the triangle is actually your metaphysical health or your purpose, right?

Or like something that, like I said, that like it fills your cup because it's not like a monetary type thing. It's something that, drives you. And with a lot of my clients, I'm just trying to get them to nail down these like very basic things. So it's like when it comes to like their mental health, I'm just like, well, how are you making time for yourself?

And what are you doing with that time? Right? At a very basic level, right? And when it comes to their physical health, I'm like, how are you making time for your physical health? And what are you doing for your during that time? And is that the best thing that you should be doing for you as a person that is you?

Right? So as an example, if someone doesn't like going to the gym. To, that's great. That's totally fine. But we have to find a way that something you're interested in that moves you physically so that so you can keep movement. Because [00:25:00] ultimately as we get older, it gets harder and harder to move.

You know what I mean? And once you stop kind of moving, that's where other things can kind of set in. Depression sets in, because now you can't go see your friends because they have to come see you. Things like that. Right. And so then if you stack, you get those two things going. Hopefully that, gives you a solid base to have some sort of like purpose or something you like to do.

My Dave, played golf, right? He played, tennis. He would go play bridge all the time. And ultimately those things fell off like one by one because his physical health started to fail. So then that started to impact his mental health, right? Mm-hmm. So it's important to keep yourself good so that you can have these things that you know love to do, right?

So how do we get those things? In my opinion, or the way I think about it, it's through learning, serving, and creating, right? So if you take your physical, your mental and your physical, you're the base of the triangle, right? And then how do we bridge that? Well, we bridge that by creating. And so what does that mean?

It goes [00:26:00] well, create time for yourself and create all the things you do inside that time for yourself and create time for your physical health, or sorry, your mental, and then create time for your physical health and what you do there. So you go, I get to choose how I'm going to work out. It's not that I have to work out.

It's like I get to choose, even if I just go on a walk, like even if I just find a way to just move my body, it's, I'm choosing those things, right? And that's how you create a life that you like with the things you can control. Because the majority of the stuff we get upset about are the things we can't control, right?

And if we put more focus into the things we can control, then we feel like we're more in control of our life, right? So then we go, okay, well how do we bridge our mental. And Metaphysical Health, right? We do that through learning. We talked about it earlier. You were like, I got like 5,000 books. I was like, oh, that's so awesome.

She's investing into her mental and metaphysical or purpose of things you like to do. I think maybe even said something about , wanna do a podcast, or, [00:27:00] I wanted to do this, so I just got on YouTube. I call that YouTube. You. I mean, it's such an amazing, YouTube is such an amazing tool to just learn stuff and just like, I don't know.

It could be like little mini documentaries all over the place, right? So that's that bridge, right? So then we get down to the last part of how are we bridging our metaphysical and our physical, right? And that's through serving. So, and I always look at serving others is, there's a famous quote by Muhammad Ali that is your rent paid on earth is by your service to others.

Right? In a nutshell is what he says. And serving others isn't necessarily like. I have to be serving someone. It's just how do I provide service? Like if I'm going into a place and there's someone walking up behind me, I can just open the door for 'em. That's a service to another person.

And those things, in my opinion, it's a physical act you do that impacts how you feel, or you see the world. Mm-hmm. Because someone else maybe sees the world a little bit better. [00:28:00] And that gives you, I man, again, going back to Dave, like everywhere we would go, he would say hi to every single person.

Like, he did not care. He would say hi to everybody and some people would just straight up ignore him, but it didn't stop him. He just kept on saying hi. You know what I mean? And I remember feeling bad, but like, I felt bad because I was like embarrassed for him that some, but he wasn't embarrassed about it.

Right. So it was filling his cup in some way. And so now I try to do that too. I walk into a gas station and I'll just ask the guy behind the counter like, Hey man, how's your day going? And sometimes I get into a wild, long ass conversation and sometimes I get nothing or doesn't even acknowledge that I spoke.

And so I just don't, that's not the reason why I did it. I did it because that's my service to others in how I show up for them, how I show up for other people. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. So, uh, yeah, that's kind of what I coach and preach. And I do that in, numerous different ways. I have [00:29:00] like physical routines for my clients.

I encourage them to do a lot of their own mental health and mental work, but we can do it to get those kinds of things to some, you know what, here's an example. Some days people come to work with me. In a physical way, we're gonna do like physical exercise or something like that. But man, when they get here, their brain is so fried from work, or their girlfriend or their wife, or their husband, or their kid or their dog, or, anything that, it's just like, well, you know what?

I don't think it's really gonna benefit you today to put extra stress on your body. We should probably just go for a walk and maybe just look, talk this thing out. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Just like see where you're at on it. I'm glad you showed up today. I'm glad you didn't like miss today, because the consistency is what makes a difference, right?

Mm-hmm. And a lot of my job is reading my client and trying to coach them the best I can on that particular day. And so then sometimes, I'll be working with a client physically and we'll start having a con a conversation about, that's how it started with my client [00:30:00] that, was going to barber school.

It was just like a con, a random conversation. I was like, Hey, just wait. What do you wanna do with your life? What do you know? Genuinely cur curious and I always wanted to be a barber. I was like, well, why aren't you not, why aren't you doing it? We're like, oh, I thought about it, but like this, that, and the other.

And I was just like, let's just do some research. Let's see what we find. Let's see what we can ask. Let's see what we could do. And now, he's gonna start in the next like couple of months and you can hear it in his, you can hear it in his voice. He's like a different person.

You know what I mean? But that all started by him coming to me looking for, some physical health stuff, I agree with serving others, however that is for you, my caveat with volunteering or serving in any way that you were doing. So that does not include a camera. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. I don't know if you're gonna go give a homeless person a hamburger, please don't stick a camera in their face. That's incredibly rude. That's not a service to others. That's a service to yourself. Yeah. That's not where that's service to you. Like [00:31:00] now, I can't think in this moment where that would have value.

Maybe there's some value, but like in this moment, I can't think of anything. And also, if you're in the busy in the service of others, I don't even think about my phone in that moment. it's not even on my mind. I'm too busy. I'm too busy trying to pass like, good energy onto somebody else.

You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. No, no, that's good because I, it's one of those things that grates my gear just as bad as it does your apparently. Oh yeah. Because like I've seen those things on Facebook or not Facebook, on, on videos where they're like, we're gonna go give some homeless people that you know, items on Amazon.

'cause they'll deliver in an hour. And I'm like, okay, not here, but why do you have a camera if you're actually interested in serving the person and helping them in whatever way, a camera should not be involved. That's right. And for me, that's biblical. So it can mean whatever it means for anybody else, but like for me, it's, because [00:32:00] God says to help people, and then if you're helping people and you're showing off, well then you're showing off to the world.

And that's where you're getting your acknowledgement. You're not going to get it in the next slide. I feel like, okay. You can tell. So I'm a believer, so this is how I'm gonna speak, but you can also, like, you could just speak to the universe. You could believe in almost anything. Mm-hmm. But like, you have to understand, we're on this spinning rock.

There's something bigger than us that's happening that connects us and makes us move. And in animals, you see it everywhere. So even if you don't believe in God, you have to understand that. You don't get to feel the connection of the energy when it, when you do something really nice for somebody because you, if you're on your phone, because you're not present with yourself to feel it.

You're gonna feel a, it's like you're feeling more of a dopamine hit than more of a like this. Wow. This is what it means to be a really good person. And I get to do that. I have an opportunity to do that. And maybe if I do that, the next person [00:33:00] will do that. I don't know, that's not my responsibility, but I can control the fact of how I treat somebody else, even when someone's treating me shitty.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Sorry. Even when somebody's treating me crappy, right? I can control what I do and how I respond and ultimately that doesn't let me get bogged down on other people's stuff, and that's something, to go back to the aging thing, that's something I learned from Dave is that he was pretty good at that.

But then at the end, when you start losing control of all the things that you know, 'cause he had to stop driving. All that kind of stuff. It just, it starts to bog you down and then you, it gets, you get kind of depressed and sad, you know? Mm-hmm.

So where do you go from here? What is your ultimate goal? Oh, man, I have so many, I have so many goals and they all seem ridiculous, but I just put 'em out [00:34:00] there with the thought that 

Hold ideas in case the opportunity comes up to execute one of those ideas. And I already have an idea about what I want to do, right? So I wanna write a book about this whole concept that like I'm talking about because I. You can go to the real scientific end of all this stuff, of how we age well, and you should eat this and do that, and only, drink kale from a straw or what, whatever, crazy stuff you could do about aging.

Or you could meet people where they're at and what they're willing to do and just improve their life from the life they have. Instead of saying, well, if you don't have the maximum life, if you're not living maximum life, then you're not living a good life. That's not true. If you're living your maximum life, hopefully if you're maxing out your own stuff, then you should, that's a hundred feels like a hundred percent to you, even if it's somebody else's 50%.

You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. So I wanna write a book, but I ultimately, I would love to [00:35:00] have, I've never told anybody this, I mean, really, other than my girlfriend and she thinks I'm crazy. I would love to have this land where I could have like a retreat, like three little tiny homes and people could come out and do like a weekend retreat and just try to find a way to in a couple of days, like just change your mindset maybe about how you look at like that.

There's so many people that are younger than me that act like they're already dead. Mm-hmm. And it's kind of like, man, that's sad because man, you're younger than me. You got a long way to go buddy. You know what I mean? And what if something I could do or say could impact a person to really wanna make a change?

Like what if I could use all this positive hippity dippity and someone, it really impacts someone and someone really wants to make a change for life. How great would that be? What a great gift that I could give to somebody that's not, it's. I, it's not even mine. I'm borrowing it from somebody else.

Somebody else is helping me do all this, something bigger than me is [00:36:00] helping me. I'll do all this. I'm just being a, I'm just a vessel. Just like to give it out to somebody else. And that's a great feeling to be able to do that for other people. You know what I mean? So what if I could do that, a retreat style thing and then have my podcast out there and have a cool building and a cool place for my, my girlfriend and my daughter to make music.

'cause now apparently they're both gonna be musicians. My girlfriend is a musician, but my daughter wants to be one. It would just be a wonderful to have our own space like that. So my business, I hope, evolves into a thing that can impact people on a short term because not a lot of people are gonna, not a lot of people are gonna be like in my long-term clientele,

And then once you're in my clientele, I'm not saying they're there forever, but like most of my clients kind of don't leave, not in a way of I'm part of their process of how they take care of themselves, and it's a great honor. You know what I mean? And so how can I impact people on a shorter note that maybe could help them, 

yep. That [00:37:00] sounds, pretty cool. It sounds, I don't really know what to say. It just, it sounds huge to me. It sounds bigger. I, it's organic. I could do, it sounds way bigger than anything I could do. And I always look at it like this. It's okay, so this is a gigantic dream. I totally agree with you.

Also, I got so much time too, I realized that like when I really started living my life in the last 10 years, I was like, man, like. There's so much of this left. Like one of my kind I like this dude lot, I like Anthony Bourdain. I like how he approached this thing.

He didn't write his book, his, the book that made him Anthony Bourdain. He didn't write that till he was like 45. And I was like, oh wow. I'm just, and then I was like, I'm just three years behind, or something like that, and so yes, it is a huge dream, but I'm going to point my ship in that direction and I'm probably gonna hit a lot of really cool islands on the way to Fantasy Island, 

there. And there might be an island I might go, well you know what, I'm [00:38:00] gonna stop here for like about five years. This seems like a good place. Fantasy island's far away. I might need to anchor it for a bit. You know what I mean? And I understand that's, that even if I never reach Fantasy Island, it doesn't mean I didn't succeed as my business.

I think to have the business I have right now and be able to impact people the way I do right now. Is a great honor. it's crazy. I get paid to do this from a business monetary standpoint, I'm so grateful that my clients believe in me so much to pay me the way they do. You know what I mean?

That's what, if you're gonna work a job, if you're gonna have a business, make it something that, that you're into. You don't have to necessarily be in love with it, but if you can find a balance of being in love with it and making it a viable business, that's where you really win.

You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Where you feel like that people pay are paying me because they really find value in what I do, versus feeling like, well, there's nobody else, or I'm holding them under the gun, or [00:39:00] whatever other kind of bi, stuff that feels like it's not good business, 

also, this is nothing like corporate business. Like this is not, none of this philosophy is corporate business philosophy. Like I run a small business, and so I also get to run my business how I want, and so that this is what I choose.

This is what makes fields the best to me, and then, my clients come in that work for corporate companies and then they tell me stories about like corporate business. And I'm like, that's just cra. Sorry, that stuff's crazy. That's crazy. I can't believe that they did that. And that goes on.

And that lady told you that? I was like, how do they, how are you not communicating this? And it's just not, it's just not like that. And it would drive me insane if I had a job like that. I'm sorry. It would be it would be nuts. Yeah. I have already explained, in other podcasts that I have never been in corporate, 

I have, I'm undiagnosed, but I probably have like a DHD or autism in there somewhere because I have sensory issues and texture issues and stuff like that. But, the big thing for me is my [00:40:00] last name starts with a w guess where I sat in class in the back. Mm-hmm. I knew exactly what was going on in the classroom with every single student I knew who was picking their nose.

I knew who was reaching in their bag for their notes to cheat on the test. I could see it all, guess what I wasn't doing? Paying attention, the test, paying attention, that kind of thing because I was too overwhelmed by everything going on around me. If that was a classroom and I was in smaller classes for a long time because, I was in special ed.

So like 10 kids in front of me. Can you imagine me in a cubicle park? I'd go absolutely insane. I could actually hear everybody's conversations. I'd know who was doing, who at all. Not much work would be getting done. [00:41:00] So I am not for corporate. I do, I work with people who do all sorts of different businesses, but my main thing is I am trying to help them with their tech, with their social media, with the tasks, the little tasks so that they can work on their business instead of in it.

And you met your own need by going, I'm gonna work on my own. I'm work from home. I'm not gonna work corporate. You know what I mean? Like a lot of people, they either won't take that chance. They're not comfortable with the monetary kickback on doing the thing that they want to do.

You know what I mean? That's the thing about like being a musician, right? Mm-hmm. Or being an artist, you could do those things, but also your lifestyle's gonna be very different than someone that makes, unless you become a very successful artist and musician. And so are you cool with that?

Are you cool with that lifestyle? And that's the thing that I really had to understand even with my own business, is that I make really good money for what I do, right? Mm-hmm. [00:42:00] But I don't make endless amounts of money either, right? And so I have to, I have a daughter, she goes to a Montessori school and that costs us money and we have bills and all the things.

And my girlfriend is a musician of piano teacher. And with that income, we have to live under a certain lifestyle. But I would rather live inside that lifestyle and have my hand have family be happy than to turn my business into more, to drive it or make it corporate, at least on like my end.

Yeah. I have the same thing. Do I wanna get bigger? Yes. Will I get bigger? Heck yeah. Will I have PAs and bas that are doing some of the smaller stuff? Yeah. Will I be the main focus of my company? Yes. There's not gonna be another Nikki because there's not another Nikki. I don't know anybody who can do the things that I do.

I don't, I know people who can do some of the things that I can do. This person can do that thing, this person can do that thing. That [00:43:00] person can do that thing. But I'm the jack of all trades. Swiss armine. I can sit down and I can figure out what's going on with you and what you know, where your tech level is and understand exactly what you need.

But, on the other hand, I'm not, I can be blunt. So I'm not everybody's cup of tea. I'm not rude. I'm not one of those people who are like, yeah, I'm blunt and you just have to get over it. 'cause I'm just gonna tell you that your hair looks awful. I'm not that, can I really quickly, can I say who likes people like that?

Nobody. Not me. Nobody likes it when you're like that. So people that do that just don't do that. Nobody likes that. I'm more than, I'm straightforward. So if I'm coming to you because I have a question, I might forget the, Hey, hi, how are you part? And just go, you, what is this?

What did you do? What exactly were you thinking that you did this? [00:44:00] Because what? And then the person will be like, hi, Nikki, how are you? I'm like, oops, sorry. Hi. Now what did you do? Because I have the question. It's a valid question, but I do kind of forget to do the niceties sometimes.

And if it's the sixth time I've talked to you in a day, I'm not saying them. So, well, it's obvious that you're a very intelligent person and a lot of times really intelligent people, like when they're doing like work or business, they're like, I'm here to do work or business. I'm not really here to do anything else.

You know what I mean? And so they kind of forget the hey, how are you doing today? Kind of stuff. 'cause they're like, Hey, I'm here to get work done. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Because they're in work mode, so I can totally appreciate that, so there's always that. But I do work with people I work with have been with me for the least amount is a year.

Oh yeah. Wonderful. So ever, once people get into my orbit, they don't tend to go [00:45:00] away. I did have, every once in a while you have somebody who drops away, but. That happens in any business. That's right. But most of my clients are long-term, and that's because they see the benefit of having somebody who they can go to and be like, how do I do Zoom again?

Well, that also just speaks to how good you are at your job. You know what I mean? If you were turning and burning people, that means that, you're probably not giving 'em the service they feel like they deserve. Remember when I was talking about my old, we're talking about the old service thing?

That's a really good example. Inside of your job, you're serving these people and you're serving 'em so well. They don't want to go anywhere. Now you do get paid to do that, but you serve them in a way that they feel like they're being served. Otherwise they would just go find somebody else, you know?

Hey everyone. Thanks for sticking with us. Before we dive into our next topic, I just wanna take a quick moment to remind you two who like this video, subscribe to our channel and hit that notification bell. That way you'll always be the first to know when a new episode [00:46:00] drops, and we want to hear from you.

What topics are you most excited about? Drop your thoughts in. The comments below. Your feedback helps us create content that you love. We've got some exciting stuff coming your way, so don't miss out. Now let's switch gears and jump into our next discussion. 

I didn't really know what functional aging was when I picked this topic as we joined this podcast earlier. So I picked creating a personal energy budget. So this is basically the spoon theory all over again, but it's said differently, right?

So let's say that you're given 10 spoons in a day and it takes five just to get outta bed. Well, you still have five to go do some things. You're not gonna get everything done, but there are some things you can do. And by doing those some things, you could [00:47:00] gain another spoon for tomorrow because now you've gotten a little bit stronger because you're doing.

I could tell you that 14 years ago, my world shattered completely. My mental health shattered, everything shattered. And, I wasn't doing well at all. But, I had two spoons to use and one of them was just waking up. and so it was very difficult for me, but over time, I caught back a couple more and was able to do more.

Some days, even if I had the 10 spoons, waking up took nine, realizing that I was still where I was and it hurt just as bad. So it was awful. I moved to try to distance myself from that situation [00:48:00] and, ended up in an even worse situation because I ended up living with somebody who I know is a big evil narcissist and is very verbally abusive.

And she turned physically abusive though her family doesn't believe that she was. And so you take those spoons that you thought you had and you end up in a situation where everything's gone to pot and you try to do what you can, but some days it's not you using your spoons, it's somebody stealing them because.

They don't have the whatever, right? So they're trying to steal your spoon so that they can still live. That's what a narcissist does. Basically, they gaslight you into believing that you're worse off than you are so that they can feel better for themselves. What is that? But besides stealing a spoon, [00:49:00] so you feel worse, they feel better, they gain a spoon, you lose a spoon.

When I finally got away from that situation and I was in a place where I could kind of heal a minute, at first I wasn't anywhere particular. It wasn't that I was in an, all of a sudden, this is an amazing place to be it was, I'm not in a bad place and or not so bad. And so I had the chance for my brain to kind of come back and I got more spoons, but at a faster rate because I was, you know.

I was still doing the therapy, I was still doing the things I needed to do, and it was finally at a point where there my life wasn't fighting against me. It was kind of neutral for a little while. And so I got enough spoons finally that I was like, you know what? I can start helping Dave again.

I can [00:50:00] start like actually helping Dave because when I was in the one state and I was helping him, I was overwhelmed by the stupidest of tasks, right? He'd want a list of people that, you know, from his Google, calendar. And I would completely freak out because it took me like a month to do because I would get so overwhelmed trying to do it.

At this point, I was taking calls from customers. I was learning more systems. I was, using new software. I knew the software he had been given a year ago, better than him within a week. And I just kept going. Each new challenge gave me more spoons to be able to keep going and to come back from that was not as simple as going, okay, I am better now.

It wasn't as simple as going to therapy and talking it out. [00:51:00] It was systematically piece by piece, putting my brain back where it needed to be so that I could function at all. And it wasn't easy, but, it's possible, right? Like you can come back.

Yeah, so basically the spoon theory is, everybody has a certain amount of spoons that they have. They're theirs every day, and different tasks costs a different amount of spoons. So getting up and taking a shower for you might be a two spoon deal and you're fine. Whereas for, me and in the past, that would've taken every ounce of my day away, I'd have gotten up [00:52:00] and taken that shower and called right back into bed to sleep again because I didn't have any more energy.

What you want to do is, first of all, when you're trying to gain more spoons, you're not supposed to use every single spoon you wanna use. Most of them leave like one or two behind so that you have, you can build up the energy from that, to be able to do maybe something bigger, in the future. Do you have anything?

Yeah, I'm this, I that I love. Okay, one, why did you pick the analogy of the spoon? Because, I've heard it before. Okay. I don't remember where, but I've heard the spoon thing before and you were, we were talking about way earlier you said, a gamifying. Things, [00:53:00] right? Is that mm-hmm. And so this is kind of a way of gamifying it, right?

Well, no. So for gamifying it would be, yeah. Explain, yeah. At least from what I did. So for, in the case that I did on my previous podcast where it was networking, you decide on your way to your networking event, I'm gonna talk to at least three people. Your person that you know at this event, like the one person you know you can go talk to, and they're not too big of a deal to talk to.

That person doesn't count. These are three other people that you either don't know or you don't know very well. So it's kind of difficult to go talk to them. And so you decide, okay, I'm going to talk to three people. And then you go in and if I talk to those three people, maybe I can go out to the movies this week.

Oh, okay. Money, depending, that kind of thing. So you get a reward for doing the tasks that. You do. So if you said, three [00:54:00] people and you talk to three people, then you get to go to the movies. Oh, okay. You can do a lesser reward if you talk to one or two people. So maybe you do movie night at home instead of movie night out because you went, you showed up and you talked to at least one person beside your favorite, person at that event.

So maybe that helps. Well, when you, but that's gamifying. Because when you were talking and you were talking about the spoons and the addition, its attraction of spoons. Like, I just started thinking about like Legend of Zelda. That's the first thing that came to my mind. And you get more hearts and they fill up the hearts and dah, dah, dah, dah, whatever.

And I was like, oh, that's what she meant by like gamifying. Is that like, you know, she's kind of in her mind, she's gamifying like her hearts, but like that you were saying something totally different. Yeah, so gamifying is again, like getting a reward for doing the hard thing so that the next time you're incentivized to go, because hey, maybe this time I'll get to go out to the movies, or there's a movie out that I [00:55:00] really want to go see, but I have to do this networking event and talk to maybe four people this time, this, you know, in order to do that.

And so you go and you talk to your four people and it gives you the dopamine. 'cause now you've got this big reward for doing it so that it's a big enough reward to make you come back the next time. Yeah. That makes sense. But you could see how, you could see how I got confused, right?

Mm-hmm. Yes. So the spoon thing is, the spoons represent your energy bar, right? In a game, right? So like, if your energy bar is full and you know how some games, if you run the energy bar just goes. Now you're like walking all like, okay, I'm going. You know, that kind of thing. That is what the spoons are.

So if you're full energy sometimes for some people taking a shower, brushing their hair, that kind of stuff, you know this what a normal person would call [00:56:00] easy tasks so that they do every morning. That's not so easy for somebody with, who's suffering horribly with the mental health problems. So that would be running for them at Mach two.

And so as soon as those things are done, they have no energy and they're back in bed and they can't move. You see, like there's part of me, like if I think about like we're, the spoon theory, right? One you said, you said at one part you were like, you said if someone takes your spoons.

And I was like, in my mind, I was like, nobody's taking my spoons. Like, I was like, like I was like, I, you, you're gonna let somebody take your spoons. Like I'll give you a spoon, but you're not like taking it. You know what I mean? And not from a aggressive way, but in a boundaries way of like, this is what makes me a good person for you.

You're not just gonna come up and like take it. You know what I mean? And that shows you where it was. Yeah. Where it was them taking it. I didn't [00:57:00] have any of the energy to have any boundaries that Yeah, there were. Yeah, there were none. But then the other thing is that if we're using a spoon theory every day, right?

I don't wanna say one gets taken, but we'll say you lose one accident. You know, I always think about that. When you're playing a video game and there's either like a glitch or like you just get like hit like in a dumb way and you're like, man, that should have never happened, right?

Mm-hmm. That's what one of those is when there's like a, when someone takes a heart or takes a spoon or there's a bad transaction on a spoon, it could simply just be like, man, that's just kind of a glitch in this whole thing that I wasn't really expecting, but that's kind of a one-off.

I'm not gonna let it, I'm not gonna let it change what I'm doing moving forward. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. I think that's a real important thing because like in that spoon theory. When you're trying to keep those full and whole, right? That's literally how you take care of yourself and how you show up for everybody else.

So you need to manage those [00:58:00] spoons like they are the most expensive thing you have in your life. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. And it sounds like, one I wanna give kudos to you. It's, it sounds like that you went through the thing and now you're on this other side, and now you understand how important a lot of these things that we're talking about are.

I appreciate you sharing that. That's tough to share, things like that. That's awesome. Yeah. Both my mom and her best friend who I ended up staying with in Washington State were narcissists. My mom was also medically neglectful. Me living with this person, was not easy at all.

And getting out of that situation was what was best for me, but I was terrified of it for a long time because I didn't wanna end up homeless. I didn't want to, my anxiety, my mental health could not allow me to be on the street. Like I couldn't do it. Like literally [00:59:00] couldn't. Even if I'd have been better off, I just couldn't do it.

And so, until it came to a head and I had to leave and I didn't end up on the street, my sister came through for me, the best sister ever. Right. That's amazing. That's awesome. She came through for me and she got me across, the state within a day. She got me on a greyhound going across country within, I think it was the day after it happened.

So can I ask a question real quick? What are Greyhound buses like now? Are they nice? The last one I was on was in 2017. It was pretty nice. They have wifi? It is supposed to, but I think it only does that if you're on the ones between cities. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt. I haven't been on a bus in a long time and I've heard that they're like, they're almost like airplanes, 

they're like really nice. They're more comfortable than airplanes 'cause Oh, that's true. Your airplane seat is very narrow. Yeah. Very fair. Very fair. Sorry, I didn't mean to [01:00:00] interrupt. Greyhound buses are also a lot safer for you than they are for me. The thing with mental health and with spoons.

Is everybody thinks, that tasks are the same amount of spoons for everybody. Mm-hmm. So if it takes you one spoon to go take a shower and brush your hair and brush your teeth type thing, well then why can't you know Joe Smith get out bed in the morning. He should just be able to get up and take a shower.

At the very least, you know, he doesn't take showers for weeks and then he takes one and then he won't take another one for weeks. It's called the, there's first of all, there are very dark points when you are, when you have mental health problems. Mm. There are very dark points where just staying alive is the only thing [01:01:00] that you can do.

Mm-hmm. And I congratulate anybody. For staying alive. Absolutely. So they are fighting the fight. What they don't need is for when they come out to get something to eat or drink, and all they hear is, well, guess who decided to show up What you're finally done laying in your bed, how are you helping that person want to get outta bed?

By acting like that, I feel like we can all agree that's not helpful at all. So, you know, saying, Hey, can I cook you a real meal Instead of that, Pop-Tart, you know, maybe they'll take that, but like it's baby steps at the beginning. I am telling you, I laid in [01:02:00] a bed. Barely being able to function for four years, man.

And the only thing at that point that kept me alive was the chance at seeing people again.

And so it's hard. It's hard being that tired. It's hard that the fact that you go to a grocery store because how, whoa. You live alone and you have to have food and you get home and you have to put it all away and then you can't move for a week. Especially with my autoimmune. You add that in. I was in absolute agony because of the fact that I went to the grocery store.

After having [01:03:00] no movement. It's not that the person wants to do that, that they are just fighting demons. You can't see they can see them. Have you ever seen somebody with a mental health illness draw? Like, draw a picture? Mm-hmm. Or paint pictures? Yeah. I feel like I have, but yeah, they are usually, unless they're like sneaky pitchers, they're usually not sunshine and rainbows.

They're usually not those ones with unicorns and fairytales, they're going to be on the darker side of things. They're gonna have demons in them. They're gonna have shadows and very little light. They're looking for a release of emotions in that art, for sure. Mm-hmm. They're showing you what they're seeing when they're fighting in their head, darkness and demons.

At some point, those bad thoughts that you have in your head become demons. They become [01:04:00] breathing, things that are trying to tear you apart. It is not an easy task. Is it worth it to come back from that? Totally. Oh, there's no, there's no greater feeling than slaying your demons. If we're gamifying this, I mean, we could talk about that all day, you know?

Yeah. 

And gaming at one point kept me from doing stupid stuff too. Amen. And so I have a couple of things. One, if you are dating a gamer and you get mad because they're spending time playing a game, who's the idiot? You know what you signed up for. Right? Right. Complaining and only letting them play for an hour once a week is the stupidest thing.

They're not a child and you should grow some panties 'cause this is not right. [01:05:00] I hear it all the time on Mike and I don't play Call of Duty or any of those things play Wow. Where people are pretty chill. But they need some time to play. It's not an hour long game. Mm-hmm. Learn to play the game with them.

They'll teach you, they would be ecstatic to teach you how. Spend time together that way. Or if you have no interest in games, just let him have some time. It doesn't mean he's trying to be, oh, I don't ever wanna talk to my girlfriend. 'cause that's not true. He's ECS static. He has one.

But I play World of Warcraft and Sea of Thieves. These are two of the most time sucking games on the planet. My friend James Swain, sea of Thieves, he always talks about it. Yeah. It's fun game. He loves it. Mm-hmm. I love that game. It's [01:06:00] fun. I get to be a pirate. I get to be on a ship. I get to be greedy.

I am greedy. 'cause we go to pass some Flos and I'm like, oh no, something's going. Stop the ship and we'll go get the floaties, because I am greedy. But at the same time, those, I mean I did, I played C ths last night 'cause there's some new, there was a time sensitive like, task that we had to go do where, it was fun, right?

But it took two hours. Right, and this is a one, like one event type thing. Like we weren't doing something that was, bigger or whatever. We were doing a quest basically, that didn't finish it, just the one thing. We had to go to a couple of different islands, and so that took like two hours because there's no easy button.

You have to go [01:07:00] sail between islands and there's time involved. And so to tell somebody they can spend just, you know, I mean, I do that after work to calm to, first of all, to break myself away from work because I can be a workaholic. My friends, my friend will be like, I haven't seen you all week. Where were, where have you been?

I'm like, I had things and stuff and things, and he's just like, you need to play more. And it's an so it's that, but for people with mental health problems, who can barely get outta bed if they're playing games, it's not that they want, it's not us. There's a line I feel. But usually it's because this is something they can do probably from bed where they're nice and comfortable.

And it doesn't [01:08:00] require anybody to have expectations of them except whatever's in that game. I know if I go into See a Thieves, I'm expected to keep my eye on the horizon. I know I am expected to dig up Treasure. I. There's no emotional attachment to any of that, though. If we get attacked, we can leave.

We had to end up doing that at one point last night. 'cause people came after us. But, what were you stealing, by the way? We weren't stealing anything. We, y'all just hanging out and we were finishing a quest. We had some stuff on our ship and, two Reapers got a little bit too close and they saw us.

And, yeah, they decided that we were lunch and one of 'em like followed us forever until we just, we ended up having, we left because we weren't like fighting them. We didn't have the stuff to fight them. We just didn't have the, supplies to fight. So we were trying to run away and it didn't work.

[01:09:00] They kept following us. So we You got away, right? Leaving game? No, we left game. Oh. Because we didn't have anything to fight and it was just gonna be us dying over and over again. So we left. And that doesn't sound fun. It's really not when that happens. But,

The point is like, that distracts me enough. That is funny enough that if somebody come, if my friend pops into Discord and is Hey sin, let's go do this thing. Sure, I can put my work away to do that. It's eight o'clock at night, I can stop working and I go and do. But somebody with a mental health problem, they go into a game.

Even if it's a solo game, well, there's nobody else. So maybe they're doing Star New Valley or something. They're probably going to be getting every single possible thing you can get in that game just because it's not emotionally triggering to play that [01:10:00] game. nobody is saying, guess who decided to show up?

Right?

Nobody has that for them. There is a line where it becomes too much, like if they're not going to the bathroom or, you know, that kind of thing. But if they're playing and still like doing their stuff that they're supposed to, those little things that they have to do, then that's one thing because they're trying, do you know what that game does?

Do you know what reading does? Do you know why I have over that 5,000 books in my Kindle library? Because being in a game or being in a book, you can't be in here. Mm-hmm. And in here, if you turn around, you have a dark, cover that looks like it has a skeleton on it. It's black and little light. Oh, that is, are you talking about like right there?

Yeah. Or down over here? [01:11:00] No, I can't see that one. I can see the first one. That first one. That's a Return of the Jedi cover. I don't particularly, I haven't seen them all. I saw one, but it's very go, it's very ghostly and very skeleton like. Yeah. But like, that's scary to a lot of people.

Right. That's kind where I was going. So that's like a scary place. That's what's happening in somebody with a mental illness's head. It's scary in there. Mm-hmm. Why would you want to sit in your nightmare? You know, when you're having a nightmare, you tend to wake up. Right. Because your brain is saying, Hey, get outta like, wake up, stop this thing from happening.

Except for when it's a mental illness, you can't get it to stop Waking up doesn't stop it. The nightmares follow you. I have PTSD, so like they literally follow me, right? So like you have that darkness in your head. So [01:12:00] you're playing a game. Like see at Thieves is like really has those pretty sunsets and sunrises and stuff.

But for portions of the game, you're in darkness because it's nighttime and you're trying to figure out just what the crap is happening because you can't see where you're going. Right? But that's what's happening to somebody in mental health. They have those brief moments of sunshine, right? Those brief moments where everything is beautiful and they're they, you know, and they're doing something.

Then it's back into the dark and they have to survive somehow. The way I did it is I got the hell outta my own head. I was reading because as long as I was reading, those characters were playing in my head, not my crap. Right? As [01:13:00] long as I'm playing that game, it's not here because you can't play Sea of Thieves and be paranoid about other people finding you, and at the same time, having those dark things happen in your head, you literally can't do it.

Not in survive. Mm-hmm. Right. So that's an escape. And if you're telling somebody that. Their escape is a waste of time. You're telling them that they're a waste of time. Hmm. That they don't matter. That their wants and needs don't matter.

And I don't think enough people know that.

I think people do know [01:14:00] and they're aware of it for themselves, but they don't apply that awareness to everyone else. Mm-hmm. Right. And so. It's not that they don't know, but maybe they're just not in touch with it because they're not in touch. 'cause they don't understand that it happens to everyone else too.

And where empathy and sympathy comes in for those things. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. It's like you were talking about earlier. You come outta the room and someone says, Hey, thank you know you finally got up, or whatever. What might really motivate that person is go like, how could I help you today to get something done that you want to get done or something that you could do?

Or how could, is there something I could do that maybe would give you a spoon back? Mm-hmm. When he talked about giving a spoon or whatever that in that moment, you have an opportunity to give somebody a spoon instead of taking one away from 'em.

Which it sounds like that's kind of what happened, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. So say you have dinner every night at the same time. Somebody in your house is dealing with depression or whatever they're [01:15:00] dealing with, right? And all of a sudden they come out and sit at the table and you didn't put a play setting 'cause you didn't think they were gonna come.

'cause they didn't Usually that right there says that you don't care if they come to dinner, you don't really want them there because you didn't actually put a plate there. You definitely don't have the expectation that they're coming, for sure. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so what could be useful is having that plate there and maybe not saying, thank God you're here, or even kind of acknowledging it or making it a big deal, but just passing them whatever food is on the table and like keeping up the conversation is normal and letting things happen.

You don't have to make every moment about them. They would probably appreciate it if you didn't. Some of them not gonna lie. There are some that want all of the attention and all of that. You have to know your person. Right? But [01:16:00] like in my case, if I go out to eat dinner and like, there's no play setting, oh, okay.

That means I can't eat, so I'll just go back in my room,

right? Mm-hmm. No, no, no. They didn't want me to come out, so I'm just gonna go back in my room. But usually, at least here, for me, there's usually a place set they usually won't, if it's something they know I won't eat. Like if they have barbecue, they know I'm not gonna eat that, so they're not gonna put a place setting down.

Right? And it's not because they don't want me to eat with them, it's because they know I won't, because I don't like the food that they're having. But they always try to knock on the my door and ask me if I want what they're cooking and stuff like that. But I'm a very picky eater and I buy my own food to supplement the fact that I don't eat everything that they eat. 

Say you're all sitting in the living room [01:17:00] and somebody, the other person comes in, okay, there's a space for them to sit down. They sit down and all of a sudden, where you guys were happily talking a minute ago, you stopped talking. Well, now they feel like you're talking about them.

And now again, you don't want them to stay because obviously you were talking about them and they should probably leave. Like these thoughts don't come across some people's minds because they're like, this is no, they would never think that. That's exactly if, okay, so I'm not trying to say that everybody with mental health problems are paranoid, but they kind of are a little bit in that they're looking to be wanted, right?

They're looking for those tiny little signals that people get up above without realizing it on whether or not they're fully supported and if they are fully wanted in the situation [01:18:00] they're in. And I can tell you it feels like crap when you know you're in a situation where you can't change it, but the people around you don't want you there a hundred percent.

So, and I'm not, so, I'm not saying anybody's paranoid, but they, they read body language better than you know. And if you become stiff every single time they come around, they're going to see that. They're going to realize that you just don't want them here. They're going to react in kind and they're gonna spend even more time in their room.

The more you're relaxed and welcoming, the more you're going to have them, staying out with you, staying to eat, staying to hang out in the living room while a movie is happening, that kind of thing. You're helping them in that case because they're stepping away from their comfort zone, and this is still in comfort, right?

[01:19:00] Like their room is there, safe space, but yet the house is still should be a comfort for them. But it becomes a war zone when you think that nobody actually wants you to be there when everybody's snarky about every move you make, and that depletes spoons because now you don't know what you're supposed to do.

You're too depressed to do this, you're too depressed to do that, and now you're too depressed to leave.

Then it just spirals from there because then they're doing less and less and every time they do something, somebody's still making that snarky comment.

Was that your experience? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was. I have been dealing with depression since I was very young. I have C-P-T-S-D, I [01:20:00] have like the long lasting stuff because my childhood was a mess. And even if I was just hanging out in my room reading a book, if I walked out to see what everybody was doing, it would be, oh, so you're gonna spend time with the family now?

What are you two? Good for us, it's a book. Read one, maybe it's a stupid reason to get in trouble, but yeah, I would get yelled at because I was spending too much time reading. Well, you were, it sounds like what I'm hearing you say is you were really never shown love from the very beginning, ever.

No. Mm-hmm. I fully understand that my mom did not love me. Or could it be, could you say she, she didn't know how to, she knew how to love my other sisters. Oh, at least one of [01:21:00] them. But she did not at all love me. She didn't even touch me after I have psoriasis, which appeared when I was five. She never touched me again after that.

Do you know why? She would make faces if I got too close to her. She was completely disgusted by my skin. Hmm. That must have really been hurtful. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Now I'm on shots and I have like one spot on my entire body. Let's see those beautiful arms. Hold one of those beautiful arms up. Look at that. Nothing. Yep. 

Okay, so is there any other things you'd like to say before we close this up? I would just like to say thank you so much for doing this, and thank you so much for following up.

I think, I don't know if we were talking and we were on camera yet, but you were talking about just like bad [01:22:00] experiences with people where they say they're gonna do one thing and they don't do, they don't do another thing. And people not showing up and stuff like that. And I just appreciate that you are here and you're on time and you're a great interviewer and you love to talk and I just had a really great experience, you know what I mean?

And that is very valuable to me. And when I spend my time, so when people don't show up or they don't, taking people's feelings into consideration, that's, it's like, it sucks. You know what I mean? I can't do anything about it, but it sucks. So I just really appreciate you being so cool, setting this all up, following up, allowing me to do this.

This was a, this was awesome. This was fun. Okay. What is your podcast? It's called Just Be with Scotty G. And is that only on podcast sites or do you put it on YouTube as well? No, it's on YouTube, Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Okay. Yeah. You don't have it everywhere. I don't have it everywhere. I can only really, for what I'm doing, I can manage these three little things, and I [01:23:00] know there's a much easier way to stream it out to everybody.

But I like my pro, I like my process. It's, think of it as like it's my video games, sometimes my getaway in which I can decide the way I shape and mold this. And I've had a bunch of people, like I don't wear headphones on my own podcast. We just sit here in my garage and we talk, right?

That makes my audio engineer have to do a lot more work, and he always complains about it, but I always tell him like, this is my art I'm creating. You know what I mean? And so yeah. So like I put it on just those three. I also do like another podcast, it's called Mix Tape Therapy.