The Power of Perspective: Healing, Growth, and Self-Responsibility

In this episode, Fizza shares her powerful story of overcoming depression, self-doubt, and loneliness after immigrating to Australia. We talk about healing invisible wounds, creating safe spaces, authentic leadership, and the importance of surrounding yourself with positive energy. A moving conversation about growth, resilience, and reclaiming your true self.

Find Fizza Here: https://www.instagram.com/fizzalightofhumanity/ https://www.facebook.com/fizzakashifkhan/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/fizza-kashif-khan-a94480a1/

[00:00:00] Okay. Hi, I'm, my name is Phan and I'm a relationship coach, and I help immigrate professionals release self-doubt and awaken confidence to create happy, fulfilled relationship by connecting with their true self. Okay. How did you get started doing that?

I started it, I was doing it voluntarily for many years, and I was, it was good. When people listened to me, they take action and then I realized that, okay, I can be a good, amazing coach. So I get into this. And something happened with me too because when I came to Australia, [00:01:00] 16 years ago, oh my God, pretty long time now, 16 years ago.

So I, had depression anxiety because I born and brought up like a princess in a joint family system. But you come to Australia in a new place or wherever you go, you feel lonely. You have, it's a new environment, new people, new system. Every single thing is new and you get little bit confused, feel lost, and start doubting ourself that, oh, language barrier.

Mm-hmm. But for me, language barrier was not a big issue because, in my, family, we speak English and or do both. So where the loneliness, [00:02:00] that was horrible nightmare for me. I had no friend, no family member, except my daughter and my husband. And then I went to the doctor and doctor I.

Referred me to a psychologist and I went there, a counselor and psychologist. I went there and I was crying. I keep on complaining that I'm not happy here. I want, I don't have friends, I don't have family, blah, blah, blah. Oh, great. Complainer and doctor. And that lady said, if you're not happy, if you are having anxiety, depression, you don't feel like to eat.

Why don't you go back to your country? Why you come here? And I [00:03:00] took that one as it's triggered me that my family already bashing me, judging me by saying, this is your choice. This is your choice. This is your choice. And now another person, instead of helping me and understanding me, she's saying, why don't you go back to your country?

And I said, I did not. I'm not here to go back to my country.

And it was so shocking for me. Maybe I was expecting something else. You know, sometimes our own expectation hurts. Mm-hmm. So this is what happened with me. And when I came out of the room, I decided to be the person who will, not going to judge any, anyone [00:04:00] that day I decided that I'm going to be the coach or the counselor or therapist that create a secret place for people when they come to me.

They feel safe, heard, understood, and special. Mm-hmm. And that motivated me. I was on antidepressant. I threw that antidepressant in the toilet and flush it. And I said, bye-bye. Because depression and anxiety is totally new words. Two new words for me. I said, now enough, enough of whinging, complaining, living in the darkness because everything is in me.

And [00:05:00] from the very next day, I started taking my daughter to family daycare. Play school. Sorry, play school. Yeah, I noticed that other moms were sitting and gossiping and I was like, no, because I had a background in teaching, so I know how to involve with kids. So I get busy with the teachers over there.

I had fun with them. I start talking to them and they said, wow, you are from Pakistan. Your English is very good. You know why? Because people from, most of the people were from my country, they don't take initiative to speak English. When they meet people of their own community, they talk in Urdu only without realizing that it's totally unethical [00:06:00] to talk in other language if, if the third person is not understanding our language.

Mm-hmm. But that's their problem. And I said, yeah, I speak English. Ah, okay. You must be educated one. I said, what do you mean educated one? It's our choice. From there, I start meeting people. I get excited. I started going to community center. I. Started helping wherever I come to know that there is a workshop.

I was there with my daughter. I did not leave my daughter at home. I made her ready, put her in the pram and walked like Egyptian.

So in that way, I overcome my [00:07:00] depression and anxiety. And I get, make myself so busy in a productive way that I started enjoying my life. Mm-hmm. So I do wanna say something because I've had a lot of experience with therapists. I've had good ones. I've had bad ones. I've had awful ones, is the thing, right?

When that therapist said that, you know, why, why are you here? I don't think she was trying to say, go back to your own country. I think she was trying to get you to realize that you came to, or went to Australia for a reason, right? You left your country and you decided to be in Australia for a reason. It wasn't just a whim.

You didn't go there just to be there or whatever. You went there to, I don't know, live differently. I guess is the best way I could put it. 'cause I don't know either. I've never been to either [00:08:00] country. I can't say anything. But, instead of, I mean I know that it helped you like get up and go and that's great.

But thinking about it like that and if you think about the past and you're still thinking, oh, she was just a off, I don't think she was trying to be, I think she was trying to get you to realize, hey, I'm here and now I have to do this. Or what's my, what is the other thing I can go back.

I don't want to go back. Everybody's already mad at me 'cause I left. Why would I go back? Right. So that's kind of the nicest way I can come up with, to frame that. Because I've had people who are like, well, you moved here and you don't like being here, dude, I've never lived in the state that I liked.

There's always something wrong with the state I'm in. But I'm still not gonna go back to wherever I just came from. That situation is done with now I'm here. so that's just the way I think about it. She might have had malice. I don't hear her tone. I don't hear her [00:09:00] voice to say that, but from my experience when I've gotten that, why are you here?

Conversation, it's mostly because they're going. You came here for a reason. You're doing it this way for a reason, and it's supposed to shake you up and get you to get up and go, I totally get you because we are very good meaning making machine. Mm-hmm. Yeah, because I was going through so much stress, burnout, anxiety, hopelessness, frustration.

So that is why I took her that intense in a totally different way. Mm-hmm. I've heard people say, well, go back to your own country, but yeah, there's a difference there. The difference of tone. The difference of the way the person said intent. And yeah, you're right.

I totally [00:10:00] agree. Now when I look back and I was like, no, she did not mean it. She was trying to make me think that you come here, you came here for a purpose. Find that purpose. And at that time I took it in a different way. I feel I get offended. Because I was going through my mental health issues.

And when you are going through mental health issues, no matter how sincere the person is, you get straight away, get triggered because of your own thoughts. Because of our own mind programming, because of the loop that we are allowing our mind to play the story. So I a hundred percent agree with you, Nikki.

Thank you for saying that. Because most of the people who listen [00:11:00] to me when they come to watch or listen to our post podcast, they will misinterpret that the way I did. 

So much. I've had therapists say that to me. 'cause like I moved from Tennessee to Washington state and I go into the therapists office. I was having a bad day. Right. It was just a bad day. Yeah. And I was fountain off at the mouth as I do. It's something I do, I know I do it, but whatever. And I'm like, oh, I hate this state.

Why does it have to be so stupid? Coming off and she's , go back to Tennessee. And I'm like, okay, Chico, first of all. I was right there ready for it and I was like, look, I've heard that before. You ain't using that on me. It's not gonna work. And so I had my moment, but I can be mouthy and I'll sit here.

I hate this. I mean, I live in Arkansas where my last name comes into effect with a last name Walton living in the northwest part of Arkansas. Like Yeah, I get that. [00:12:00] Oh, I have two questions for you. And I'm like, I dunno where John boy is. And I'm not one of those Waltons, I don't have the money for it.

This is the wrong state for me to have moved to because it's my last name. But I think it's a beautiful state. I like it here. Plenty fine. It's just, I get that a little bit more here than I do in other places. So it's just a thing. Yeah. And I get triggered by people going, fish jumbling.

You know what it's like? It's more like the way you look at things. The thing, the way you look at things you look at change. When you change your thoughts, you change your reality. Because it's just the way we look at things. The day we clean. Okay. I quickly share one quickly, one, story.

One story. I, yeah. I think this is the right time to [00:13:00] share that so people will understand that how we judge people. How we judge others. So there was one couple who, they live in an apartment and they, their dining table was just next to the, balcony glass door. So whenever, couple have their breakfast, the lady, his wife see the other balcony opposite to their balcony.

And the lady at that time always do her washing and hanging the clothes. That lady always mentioned to her husband that, Hey, she does not know how to do the washing. The clothes are very dirty. How she's hanging it, why she's [00:14:00] wasting the time and water. Look, the clothes are dirty and her partner never say anything.

First day, second, third. Fourth day he got up, he take the paper towel, he went out in the balcony, he cleaned the glass, only that portion where they see directly to the other opposite balcony. As soon as his wife came with the breakfast, she was like, wow, look, oh God, today the clothes are very clean.

Wow. I think somebody told her how to do the washing. I think she changed the detergent or maybe put some bleach today. Oh, they are? The white [00:15:00] clothes are absolutely wide. Her partner told her, come with me. And she said, oh, let's have a breakfast foot. He said, no, come with me. And they walked towards the balcony and he sh he showed the glass door, other side of the glass door, and he said, do you, are you noticing something?

He said, no. He said, no. Watch carefully. Look at this glass carefully. And she was like, oh. That one is dirty, this one is clean. He said yes. It's not her washing, it's our glass dirty. 

The way we look at things, when we change it, the things we look at change, [00:16:00] we only need to clean our lens. So for me, I game and there was a night where I was sitting there and I'm trying to heal people and everything's fine, and I'm like, there's a smudge somewhere. Why is this game have a smudge in it?

What is happening? And then I took my glasses off and there's a big old fingerprint in the lens and I'm like, yeah, that, that's why I can't see the health bar. So the people and people almost died. So maybe I should clean my glasses instead of worrying that the game has a smudge in it, because what, it's not gonna happen.

But yeah. Making, when I had to start wearing glasses when I was five, and so my mom told me that the first time I put glasses on, I was like, oh, I can see you because, I went, but I have a stigmatism and depth perception problems because of the stigmatism. So being able to see was huge for me.[00:17:00] 

Absolutely only ask those people who have some issues, they will tell you that how grateful we are, how blessed we are, that we have all those things that they don't have. I met someone who got hearing and hearing issues even that person cannot talk.

And when I was interacting with him, I have a notepad I was writing and he was replying that to me through writing.

And when he met me, he saw me. He was, his body language was so stiff, he was so stressed out. [00:18:00] And I get that from his energy. I get that from his body language. And I was like, okay, God, now show me how I'm going to make him feel that he's a special, especially human being, not that he got issues. And I'm here to help him.

I'm here to understand him. I'm here to support him. How can I make him feel that he's unique? He's a special, and he's like me. So I open the door because we have a separate room where we take people for interviews or, discussing their issues. And I said, please come because I use signed language.

Because he don't understand. He can't even hear or speak. So I said, please come in. And [00:19:00] he was like, and he, pointed it towards me. And he wanted to say, you go first. And I said, it's okay. You go first. And as soon as he enter, he looked at me and I said, because I started using sign language.

That he understands better rather than verbally saying it. So he sat down and I wrote it, thank you for coming. Thank you for your time. And I put that in front of him and he read it and he looked at me and he was like.

And then I wrote it again. How was your day? How's your family? And then he started writing. I started making him feel that he's important for me. And then I came to the, I started to the point when [00:20:00] I feel like he is comfortable enough now, because his heartbeat was so fast, his face was so red and stiff.

I was like, no, he's upset that I'm going to judge him. And I said, I respect you. You are very special human being and you are so amazing.

So this is, treat everyone as you want to be treated. And trust me, that is the game changer. It's not about always about me, me, me, me, me, me. No, no.

It's about how you are making people feel when they come to you, when they [00:21:00] interact with you. Are you going to be? Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me egoistic person or empathetic. And there is a difference, Nikki be between, there is a very thin line between empathy and sympathy. People don't never, ever sympathize with anyone.

You don't know what they're going through. They don't need your sympathies. Sometimes your our sympathies offend people. 

Because they're already going through so many things, which they are. It's not, they showed it through unspoken words. 

And people are suffering silently because of the judgment, because of fear of rejection, because of fear of manipulation. People are very [00:22:00] good in manipulating, oh, first they were like, oh, you are this, you are that. You are this such a beautiful person. And then they start taking benefit.

What do you think, Nikki? One of the things that my church does is you're supposed to minister to each other, right? So like, you'll get a ministering assignment and you're supposed to, make sure that person's doing okay and help them if they have problems, that kind of thing. This relationship should be genuine, but I was assigned to you, but I still wanna get to know who you are as a person.

Even on top of that, I had somebody in one of the states I lived in before who was very fake and forced, and you can tell when somebody [00:23:00] is like fake trying to friendship you, and it's forced because it's like, oh, goodie, I'm gonna do this. And I just, it just hit me wrong. And I was, I don't want nothing to do with this lady.

Like, Nope, we're good. I don't need you to come near me. But on the other hand, I've had people who have done it right and who have made me feel like I actually matter. So I don't like to be touched. I don't want people touching me. It's, I look at all my podcasts. I think I mentioned it once, a podcast.

Good on you.

And so my thing is, like when I go to church and stuff, people won't talk to me because I don't wanna be touched, I guess. So it becomes this thing. And so last Sunday I ended up saying something because somebody mentioned, yeah, my sons have a piece of paper and they doodle on it during church.

And I'm like, yeah, I have a [00:24:00] whole iPad that I played games on during church because I have to be doing something, or my brain will literally shut off and I'll fall asleep. Those are the two modes with me I have to be doing, or I'm asleep and it's not like a good thing. So I'll start snoring. It's awful, start making weird noises in the middle of church.

But, I have headphones on because I have sensitivity with my hearing and stuff. And so I look like the weirdo, I'm the oddball out at church because there's nobody else is like me, right? And somebody mentioned that their son gets weird looks because she lets them doodle during church.

And I went, yeah, that's a thing. Like I know people look at me and they see me with my tablet, this is fully talked out with the bishop. I'm not doing anything like that. I've not gotten approval for like, this is okay. And I'm still paying attention. I could still tell you what they're talking about.

But [00:25:00] it's within my comfort zone. And, just because I don't want you touching me doesn't mean you can't talk to me. And somebody went, Aw, I'm like, now I'm gonna beat you. Get over here. Who said that? Because making that noise doesn't, that's unnecessary. I'm not asking for fake sympathy or even sympathy.

I'm not asking for anything. I'm just letting you know that, hey, you can still talk to me, even though I don't want your grubby kid friendly hands on me.

I hear you. But again, there are some times when if there's an event, right? Or somebody's doing something, I wanna be invited to the thing. 99.9% of the time I'm gonna be like, no, no, thank you. I'm gonna stay at home without people. There's always that 1% chance that I might say yes, and I don't get invited to anything.

I sound so pathetic right now, and I don't mean to, so I [00:26:00] have friends. 

It is difficult sometimes to get people around you to understand that even if you don't like one thing, it doesn't mean you don't like everything. Exactly. Because they, all of a sudden it's all of a sudden it's, oh, you're putting fences up. Oh, yeah. Because I don't want you to touch me. Yep. I'm sorry. What?

I hear you.

I see you. Yes, some of it is in how I portrayed myself because I have the headphones on and I'm paying attention to a tablet and people are like, oh, she's not listening. Yeah. I have the headphones on because I can hear your son six rows back chewing on his Cheetos. Okay. And saying, mommy, oh, it's a cocky.

I can hear all of that while still hearing him up there and the kid over there yelling because of whatever. And the people over there whispering because why are you talking in church? You know, I know [00:27:00] what's happening around me. The headphones are there so that I minimize that because they don't need to be paying attention to every mouse in the place.

Yeah. Yeah. I get you.

'cause it's so good for people to judge. It's very easy. The, I think the easiest thing is. Easiest thing is to judge people. Say whatever you feel like to say because it does not require any energy, money. I swear. If mouth got a pin code that or a something. If our mouth was like ATM that you [00:28:00] only say when you put the pin code or you deposit $1, $2 per word, whenever you say that, you know what I mean?

Yeah. It's just imagine how careful people would be. Because this has no lock and this tongue has no bone. But I emphasize on, but sometimes our words, if they cut our heart easily, which that sharpest sword can cut it. Only few sarcastic words. Act [00:29:00] like a sharp sword and give invisible wound.

And if you are not going to heal yourself, you will face invisible. You will carry the invisible bleeding within you till the last day of your life. So that is why it is mentioned, and it is proven now that words have power. Words have energy. If someone keep on saying, I'm doubting myself, I'm doubting myself, I have a bit of , doubting myself, what message we are giving to our mind.

Yeah. And what we are vibrating, what we are vibrating, what we are giving in this universe, we receive the same, we connect with [00:30:00] those people who doubt themself and it become our tribe. So tell me, Nikki, are we going to evolve in life with positivity? Not if we're in an echo chamber where it's all coming back at us from other people.

Exactly. That is why it is important to surround with those people who help you to evolve. No matter you are going through depression or anxiety, connect with positive people who are already doing something or already achieve something in life which you like to achieve. Because who said that, show me your four friends and I will tell you about your life.

Is it, I forgot the name, but I read that. Show me your four friends. I will tell you about your [00:31:00] life. Our surrounding counts, our friends counts. It is very important to choose our friends wisely. Because if you are surrounded with people who are chain smoker, who are drinkers, who get addiction of something for how long you protect yourself, you become the third one or fourth one.

Yep. If I don't know too many people who do it. But if you stand still when you're at like a, like a garden party or a family event where there's like a whole bunch of different people and married couples and whatever, stop and stand still and look around at the different groupings of people because you're going to have little pods of people within the family unit or whatever, right?

You [00:32:00] end up with, that group of moms or whatever is over there gossiping about everything and the whatever. And that's grandma, mom and daughter all over there doing their thing together. Then you have the kids of certain age groups being together and like you can see the mannerisms that they all share because they're the ones hanging out together all the time.

All the dads are over at the grill saying something stupid about how the meat looks good, even though probably none of 'em have done that before in their life because not everybody barbecues. You have a couple other, fringe groups, whatever, but you can actually see how society breaks up if you have a big enough group, because you can see like that age group is together.

That age group is together. Okay? So that's gonna be the same outside of your friend group. Those age groups are gonna hang out and they're gonna start doing the same type [00:33:00] things. Moms of all kinds are gonna get together and somebody's gonna bring up the fact that, labor was difficult.

And that's gonna end up with that whole conversation happening for the hundred and 50th time in this event. Not that it's a bad thing, none of it is bad, except for those times when there's, the rotten apple somewhere who decides to start doing stupid stuff. But, but you can see like within just like a fa like I said, like a family reunion with 50 people.

You can see how society breaks up because it's gonna happen in your house. You're gonna see, oh, gen X is doing that type thing. Oh look, my kid is doing that kind of thing. Wonder why, you know. Exactly. You can, not everybody does it. I used to sit on the fringes of family, get togethers like that because we didn't know anybody and my mom wanted me to hug everybody.

And even as a kid, I didn't wanna be hugging nobody. I didn't know. Yeah. And so I just kind of sat off to the [00:34:00] side and I would watch people like sit, like everybody who kind of acted the same, gathered together in their own little tribes. It was, I'm a weird person. No. Saying it's a bad thing. I'm just saying I'm definitely weird because not a lot of people like spend that time to do that.

No, you are not weird. You have your own standard and you have your own choice and it's okay. What? You don't like it, you don't like it? It's not weird because you are respecting yourself and you don't want to be the part of that group. How many times can one person say, the last time I saw you, you were less high?

Like, come on now, I don't care. That's not your son. It's gonna be a long time before you see me again. [00:35:00] Yeah, that's, it sounds like a threat. But my mom regularly went out of touch with her family and so we wouldn't go for years and we'd come back and they're like, oh, touch Grandpa Joe. And I'm like, I don't even know who that is.

But it always amazed me that I could see the groupings of people and they would make the same groupings if they were in a different situation because it's the same things over and over. Yeah. And it doesn't matter if your guy is a lawyer or a pig farmer. You put him in front of a grill and he's gonna be like, that's a great piece of meat.

I don't know why guys say that

now. I totally agree with you and I totally hear you what you mean because

if you really [00:36:00] like to see the real faces of people go in the parties especially barbecue one in, that's in the parks. And watch out what they are talking, what they are discussing, it'll be a little bit different in Australia. 'cause they put the shrimp on the Barbie and stuff like that.

And who they are including and who they are avoiding. this is the life experience in Australia. And it's not about my experience only, but I heard from so many people as well that if you are a dentist, if you engineer, if you are a doctor, no matter where you go. How many people you met, they will give you more importance [00:37:00] because you are a doctor, you are engineer, you are dentist.

And some people don't accept less than that. They don't allow, they don't allow how anyone less than a doctor, dentist, or engineer in their associates in their social circle. They only cons, they ask only three things. First, what you do, what your partner do,

what do you own your house or are you renting? Third one is what? Yeah. About their cars. Three things. Co house and car. [00:38:00] They don't care who you are as a human being. You are totally unacceptable in their circle. And I'm saying that with conviction because I am in so many women grow group, even in men's group, I'm so sorry to say Nikki, but men are not that stupid.

Like women standards to choose their friend is totally different.

Totally different. I have Gucci bag, I have Chanel bag, I have all these things. I do not, but it does not matter to me anymore. I don't use it anymore. I don't want people to meet me by [00:39:00] looking at my branded bag. I don't want people to meet me by my, by looking at my branded dress. I don't wear branded clothing.

I've never owned a Chanel anything. My bag is, from the Notebook company online and it is for people who love reading. So mine, my little one. See? Oh, so cute. Forced to socialize, born to read. Oh yeah. From where you get it. Is it your customized bag? Yeah, it's got my name on it and it's got a wallet that looks the same.

My name didn't get put on it for some reason, but yeah. Oh, where you get it, Nikki? It's so cute. I get it. I've got it from, it's called the note bags, NOTE [00:40:00] bags.

I have another one that has like bookshelf type things all over it, so it looks like it's got books like this. So obviously I like to read and so, it's got a bunch of them. My next one is gonna be one that has a dragon on it.

I get all the time I get asked, oh, who did your bag? I would love to have a bag. Okay, go have one. They're so cool. The next one I get is gonna be one of those ones that says, I'm a book dragon. I'm not a bookworm or something like that.

I don't remember what they say, but yeah, so it's, I love those bags and yeah, that's pretty cool because I love it. And I would, I used to call myself, I'm not a sponsor. Sorry, I'm not a sponsor. I, this is not an ad. This is not covered. This is just because I like my purse and it's not a Chanel [00:41:00] purse.

I used to call myself black sheep of my family. Because at that time I was full of anger, or better to say, resentment, hurt, sadness, fear, guilt. And as I started moving towards the journey of healing and diving within myself by taking professional help and investing in myself, 

not a rebellion change to rebellion, to passionate wonder women, because I was that moi Wonder women. And I love that. And I feel like, oh, this is me. But wonder women with the balance of masculine and feminine energy, not only masculine that [00:42:00] vendor, women got the prominent masculine energy.

And it's very important, Nikki, that the balance of energies in each and every one of us play a very important role in our life. If our, especially in females. If our masculine is high, we attract the man that is more into feminine. What does it mean? It means that person is not alpha masculine.

It's not ready to take the whole responsibility of his family

not behaving like a [00:43:00] man. Man means a strong, powerful, because this is what God made man protector

your guide, your shield. If he's not protecting you, if he's not supporting you, and you are like, me, me, me, me, me. I'm the one who support family. I'm the one, I'm the one is ma is your partner going to feel safe with you? No. He feels more like controlling rather than having emotional space.

And emotional space in our relationship is very important. When we don't have emotional space, we feel so suffocated, and when [00:44:00] we start suffocating in our life,

doubts start bombarding here. I'm not good enough. My parents don't trust me. People around me don't trust me. They don't allow me to do, take actions. They don't allow me to take decision of my life. They don't allow me. We get into blaming game. Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame. And we are very good in blaming people rather than taking the responsibility of our life that no matter what, I am a hundred percent responsible for my life, whatever had happened is happening and will happen.

It's because of me, because I am a human being, not a [00:45:00] robot. I don't know whether you come across those. Ladies or not. But often people come to me, especially women, they wanted to fix their partner. And I said, what does it, what fixing means to you? I want him to stop silent treatment. I want him to listen to me.

I want him to cook for me. I want him to do this for me. That for me.

And I said, how about, did you ever get into conversation with him that What do you want and what he wants?

Did you ever [00:46:00] try to have a conversation with him and try to find out what is his love language? People don't know what is love language. People don't know how to talk. We never talk. Before you get married, you should talk about who is supposed to be doing what in your eyes in a relationship. Well, you get too serious about somebody.

You need to know how they're gonna view your relationship. Are you just the one that just does the dishes all the time and he's gonna be the one that takes you out once a week so that you don't have to do the dishes? Or is it actually going to be a partnership where you're doing the dishes together or one night he does it?

One night you do it. I know my rule is if I cook, you're cleaning. I'm not doing both exactly. But like you can still be in the kitchen with your partner and like [00:47:00] talking to them and hearing about their day, whether that's with your feet up, now that you're done cooking and they're doing the dishes, or opposite, maybe he cooks so you're, he's sitting down and you're doing the dishes so that you have that conversation.

But knowing, like if you go into a relationship thinking, oh, we're gonna be equals, and this person that you have chosen, at least for the moment to be your partner is oh, nah man, she's the chick. She's gotta be barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen doing the dishes and clean, doing all the food and cleaning the house and No thank you.

No thank you. Let's not, because that's gonna end up with somebody getting a soft pan in the back of the head. With or without consequences. Right? So like you have to, if you go into a relationship and you're just like, oh, I love him so much, and it's so perfect. You are not [00:48:00] on in reality, like nobody's perfect, no relationship is perfect and oh, we talked about everything and nothing.

No, you didn't because you obviously didn't talk about anything that mattered. Who was doing the dishes every night? I'm sorry. I'm really stuck on dishes and I don't even do dishes. So there you go. The thing is,

people idolize those who people idolize, those people who show the different reality on socials, especially Instagram. It's on all of them. Everybody's like, oh, TikTok will show you how not to do a video. And Instagram will tell you not how to, not to do dinner or whatever, but you can get those same images and stuff on Facebook.

You can get those same videos everywhere. It's social media added thing. What you're seeing is somebody's best while you're at your worst and you should not be comparing the two. [00:49:00] Because somebody who says they had no dishes after cooking this big, huge meal, that's because they wash the dishes while they were going.

Some people can actually do that, not me, but like some people can, some people don't have to use every pan in the house to get a dinner done. Again, not me, but like why that is me and you. And even if they don't clean as they go and they're telling you got this done, and 20 minutes or less and no, no dishes are dirty.

If you actually believe that you're an idiot. Sorry, I probably offended somebody, but there's no way you should be believing that because there's going to be dishes that are dirty. They just didn't show those in the finished picture. Exactly. If you are, if right now I will show you my room, it's total mess.

But it's okay. It's okay. [00:50:00] Whenever I'm not, I stop being harsh with myself. I do 10 minutes cleaning of my room every single day and whenever I clean it, I feel like, oh, I need to throw that. How many things I threw? I have no idea. Because we love to do safe things. That one day I will use this one day, that day never come.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Better to throw it. And when I showed my room to my, one of my heer, because I have my heer, I have my business coach, I have my, I have so many other coaches. Mm-hmm. I showed my hela my room and she said, whoa, what's going on in your room? And I said, I think this is reflecting my mental estate these days.[00:51:00] 

So when I lived in Washington state, one of my therapist remarked that she could tell how good or bad I was doing based fully off of how my hair was doing. Yeah. That week. Because if it was a bad week, if I had a rough week, the week before my hair was in a knot, there was knot. It was a big, huge knot.

It was whatever. If it was a really good week, I went there and my hair was down and it didn't have a knot in it. And then I moved to Maryland and I met Kim and she puts my hair in French braids every week. Yeah. So that I can get through without killing my hair. 'cause my hair is like down on my waist

and it knots if you blink at it wrong. So it being in the braids is a way better deal for me. Yeah. So,

but yeah, she literally would be like, you're having a bad week this week. And I'd be [00:52:00] like, how can you tell? Because, when you're in it, you're not thinking, oh, I didn't break, I didn't brush my hair this week. Right. It's, you walk in there and your hair is,

it's poofed. And, then again, I'd walk in there another week, oh, you had a good week. And I'm like, what the, why are you doing that? Think your hair is brushed. Oh gosh. Because your hair are brushed. It was true. If I was having a good week and I didn't brush my hair, then I wasn't obviously having a good week.

Because if I was having a good week, I had the energy to brush out my hair and keep it brushed out. If it was a bad week, I didn't have that energy. I didn't have that time and space or brain. So it was very, I had, I was in the fog real bad. My, I didn't have my brain at the mo at the time, but like, that's why I would be like, what do you mean?

'cause now [00:53:00] I'd be able to tell if I walked into a therapist office, so they, oh, you had a bad day. I'm like, no, I have brains. Good.

Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. Because this is how people perceive. And when we were small kids, I have six. I have, I am the fourth one. I have, my mom has six kids, right? Whenever we get sick, whenever we feel down, and like you mentioned foggy and feeling not good, don't brush it. Brush your hair, don't change the clothes.

So my mom, whenever we said that to her, she was like, okay, [00:54:00] I give you one hour. I want you to brush your hair, take a shower, change your dress, and come out of the room. Otherwise, I'm going to throw, I'm bringing, I'm going to bring the ju of water and I'm pouring, I'm going to pour it on your bed if you will not come out.

Mom, I'm not feeling good. Why you are repeating that again and again, that you are not feeling good.

Get up why you are repeating. You are not feeling good, you're not feeling, you feel good. The only thing is you are lazy today. Little bit slow down.

But what about your school homework? What about the other stuff? What about your, play time [00:55:00] and me and my younger brother, we were on the bed. Okay. Mom gave us one hour. It's still 30 minutes left. Okay. 20 minutes left. Left 15 minutes. And as 15 minutes left, first I went to the bathroom, take a shower, get ready out.

Then my brother and my mom was like, how you feeling? Yeah, okay. See, I told you to have shower, get ready, have perfume freshen up yourself and you did it. And I was like, thank you mom. And now after coming to when I came to Australia, I. I thank my mom for each and every [00:56:00] single thing. I used to call my mom Hitler.

Now, after coming back to Australia, coming to Australia, moving here, I realize that no, she was not Hitler. She was preparing all of us how to handle this whole world, how to face people, how to face the challenges. That is why whenever I feel down, even when I was depressed, my mom's voice ac echo in my ear, get up, get ready, go out.

Change the room. Leave the room.

But [00:57:00] as a child, we gave different meaning, but when we changed the pain into pleasure, the way we look at things in the past totally change because I realized through. The process of healing therapy and all this transformation that self-doubt, nobody forced us to doubt ourself. This is the meaning that we give to our thoughts.

This is the way we perceive things from people, and the meaning we give to those words that we perceive from people, and that we start doubting ourself. For example, [00:58:00] if I will someone tell me, okay, why I'm giving my example because that make her easy to understand. When I was people pleaser, I was a very, very favorite person.

I was a favorite person of everyone. When you are everyone's favorite person, it means you are a great people. Please.

I used to be that everyone. Visa, visa, visa, visa, and I was like, wow, I feel very significant. And when I was significant. My ego was here on my head that fees are Visa. I did not realize, Nikki, that [00:59:00] is my own insecurities, that I'm a people pleaser. I had a fear of rejection.

I had a fear of loneliness. I had a fear of judgment. And whenever I dress up, and if someone say, ah, this color does not suit you. Oh, you look so ugly. No matter how well I dress up, somebody gonna get decked. Let somebody tell me I look so ugly, I'm gonna rumble. I don't care if you say, oh, that you shouldn't wear that together.

I've had people say that, and I don't mind because I'm not a fashionista. I don't care. Look fine to me. Oh, I shouldn't wear it. Okay, I'll switch it up next time. I'll do something different. I don't know, whatever. Or I don't care. I like this. But, I have massive problems with people communicating either verbally or non-verbally, that they feel I'm stupid [01:00:00] or that they feel that, you know, I've done wrong by them.

I don't know. I have issues with that because I'm not stupid. If I did wrong by you, I probably, I a hundred percent. Didn't try to, it wasn't, and if you actually have a conversation with me, we could probably fix it. But you're over there in your fields and that's fine. I'm gonna let you stay over there 'cause No, yeah, I totally get you.

And when you give importance to what other people are saying to you,

you are giving the control of your life in their hand. You are handing over your control to them visa. This scarf does not look good at, why don't you change it? And visa, stupid Visa [01:01:00] went to the wardrobe and change it. Visa. This color does not look good. Okay. Change it. Because I gave the control of my life to them.

Fiza, look at your teeth. Ah, did you did not brush your teeth. And then, excuse me. And I seal my mouth like this so nobody can see my teeth. I was laughing because I was, everyone was talking to me. All of a sudden, some, somebody from the somewhere come to me and they said, look at your teeth. You did not brush it.

And every single person who was standing with me, they looked at that person and it said, [01:02:00] oh, weird. Actually, that person was jealous because everyone was talking to me. We were laughing like a crazy, we'd laugh in such a carefree manner that it'll blown away the ceiling. And that person was sitting in the corner looking at us because of significant, we are, we does, we don't belong to her because she choose not to include herself in our circle.

And I stopped talking and laughing. One of the person noticed that, and she said to me, Hey, what's wrong? I said, nothing. [01:03:00] No, you took you, that hurts you. Right. I said, who the hell is she to say that? What if my natural, this is my natural color.

So why you fiza? Why you are trying to prove her? Why you are validating that this is your natural color. You don't need to. I said, but I feel so insulted that she said it in front of everyone, and I'm doubting myself. Am I look ugly? Seriously, I forgot to brush my teeth. Am I look awkward? So no matter at what stage of your life you came across, you will come across people who don't like you [01:04:00] and they will say something.

That upsets you for a while. If you heal yourself, that upset you for a while because you are a human being. You get into doubt for a while, just for a moment. But if you did not heal yourself, if you did not fix your invisible bleed wounds. Then that push you in isolation. 

There's a difference between healed person and unhealed person. Yep. Healed person, or the conscious person. Take things for a moment. Not to the heart. Not take it personally. [01:05:00] Yes. It upsets us. Yes. It make us feel yucky for a moment. However, when you release self-doubt and awaken your confidence by connecting with your true self, by knowing who you are, by knowing what you like, by knowing yourself inside out, that this is my natural teeth color.

Everyone has different colors and those who got a sparkly white, like, milk. It's not natural, not usual, natural at all. It's all what we call that.

V something. Begin with VI forgot that name. 'cause there are so many, there, [01:06:00] there are many technologies now and there are many treatments with artificial tooth or the layers here. And that cost $30,000. Yeah. And my message is be you. The rest will gist. Yeah. So I am, me, myself, and I. Yeah. And the rest will just around me.

I lost my teeth because of my mom. She got me braces when I was in ninth grade. And about six months afterwards, she decided to stop paying for them. And so like the wire came off after a certain time. All the rubber bands and stuff, I had bra, the metal parts of the braces on my teeth until while my teeth decalcified and were breaking apart.

I had to get all of my teeth pulled the rest of the way out when I was like 33, [01:07:00] 34 because they had decalcified. And the infection was starting to leak down into my neck and up into my, big, huge parts of my face were swollen at different times from, the infections I was getting. 

That's when the braces were taken off of my teeth. Well, they weren't actually, I lost my teeth with the braces. Some of them still have braces on them. From the time I was like, what, 14? When they got put on, I was 32 when? 32, 33 when my teeth got pulled because I was having such bad infections. That's how I got the scar.

They cut my lip when I was under anesthesia. 'cause apparently I moved while they were, smoothing down my gums. Oh. So, yep. But I couldn't get anybody to take the braces off. They kept saying we have to go back to the original people. The original people wanted me at 18 years old to pay $5,000. [01:08:00] They were mine the fact that I wasn't in the same state anymore at 19.

So Yeah. And I get all the time. Oh, she must have been on drugs. No, I was never on drugs. I never did meth or anything else that took my teeth from me. It was specifically my mom and her med medical neglect. Oh gosh. Sorry to hear that. No. I would've much rather have teeth that are a different color than to have none at all due to circumstances I couldn't control.

This is what it do. I would love to be able to eat cashews. I can't eat cashews anymore. See, this is what it is. Ask those people who don't have what you have. And my teeth were way, my eye teeth were like up here and bulge down because they were, and they were trying to get them to come down with the braces, but they never [01:09:00] finished happening because the braces weren't doing what they were supposed to.

Yeah. When my daughter was in year eight, their front teeth like mine. Front teeth was overlapped and here overlapped here overlapped. And I was like, no, I asked my mom, why you did not fix my teeth? Why you did not think about having my brace having braces. For me, my mom, my parents have no, time because they were so busy.

Because we used to live in joint family system, joint family, and my mom and dad. My dad was the eldest one, and my mom is the eldest daughter-in-law. Six kids, [01:10:00] family of joint, family of nearly 30 people, often my uncle and aunt visiting us every single weekend. Oh, thank you. Go home. And my grandparents live with us.

My mom said, we never think about that. And I said, yes, mom. That's why I choose, no matter how much it take, I will not neglect my daughter's teeth because I don't want her to complain at any stage of life. That mom, you neglected me. I can't even a smile. I don't have a confident smile. And [01:11:00] I discussed with my husband, and my husband said, we don't need it.

I said, no, there's no question of need. This is must, I'm not going to pay. I said, I'm only discussing that with you. We are going to pay together

because I, and then I told him, I said, look at my teeth. This one is overlapping. This one is overlapping. Yeah. I wish my parents pay attention to that. And it's not that my parents they neglected us. No, no, no, no, no, no. They have their own style of caring and loving and look after and pampering us.

My dad took us to one of the best dentists in my country because I got some issues with [01:12:00] my teeth here. And he said that we need to take off this teeth and this tooth and we need to put the crown in. And my dad said, okay, go ahead. He got his different style of caring, but at that time he did not get a thought that there is something called braces because it's not very common on those days.

It's not mean that my parents did not look after us. No. They gave the best of the best. Again. I'm glad you had that. Sorry. I said I'm glad you had that. Yeah. But we are very ungrateful because of our expectations. We hurt ourself. No, when I say my mom was medic, medically neglectful, I mean she was medically neglectful.

[01:13:00] Yeah. Everyone is ne everyone is different. And I'm not negating that you are wrong. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because it's not expectations versus reality. It's, oh yeah. Health versus dying, exactly. Exactly. Everyone's experience is different. I had to fight my mom for 45 minutes to take my sister to the hospital when she was showing signs of appendicitis and her appendix, just after they got to her burst.

So like she should have been in at the hospital way before I started arguing with my mom to get her there. I finally had to threaten that I was gonna call the nine one one anyway. And they were gonna come get her because she needed to be in the hospital. And that's what made my mom finally move.

'cause other people would judge her.

I'm glad that you had great parents [01:14:00] and maybe they just didn't think of braces and that's fine. 

Hey everyone. Thanks for sticking with us. Before we dive into our next topic, I just wanna take a quick moment to remind you two who like this video, subscribe to our channel and hit that notification bell. That way you'll always be the first to know when a new episode drops, and we want to hear from you.

What topics are you most excited about? Drop your thoughts in. The comments below. Your feedback helps us create content that you love. We've got some exciting stuff coming your way, so don't miss out. Now let's switch gears and jump into our next discussion.

For the business side of things I wanted to talk about, is leadership something you're born with or can it be taught? What are your thoughts on that? It's inborn, however, some people get the realization with the passage of time [01:15:00] and some people, and you get the. Environment, which help you to evolve with that.

Or some people born with it, however, their environment, their system, their people, they did not give them a chance to evolve. They born with it and they die with it. They don't own it because of the fear, because of the doubts, because of being different from others in their family. And the fear of rejection that, oh, if I will do something differently to lead

my whole family, my system, my friends, my colleagues, they'll reject me. Or they will become my enemy[01:16:00] 

for me. Everyone got the leadership quality. This is inborn Nikki. This is, and when you come to know that it is up to us how we will take the ownership of the leadership. Leadership does not mean that you control every single person. No leadership means that you help people, allow them to walk beside you rather than behind you.

And when people say, we love to walk, I'm always behind like my husband one day he told me, don't worry, I'm always behind you. And I said, sorry, you are beside me, not behind me. [01:17:00] You both. You are my daughter, our daughter, and you are beside me. You are my wings not behind me. And same I said to my clients when they say, za, we are behind you following your footstep.

I said, no, you are beside me walking with me, not behind me. I want to see you evolve in your life. I don't want to see you behind me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want to see you ahead of me. So if something happen, I am here to support you. I will not let you fall. This is leadership. And this, I learned [01:18:00] from my country's prime minister, Imran Han.

You, you remember? And yeah, that's better. Imran Khan, he, I love him as a leader because he walk with the people. He walk with the people and people love to be beside him. And he always mention to them that I'm here watching you. Keep going. And that is why I love Wolf. Wolf, Nikki, the quality of Wolf is the leader of the herd.

Never, ever walk [01:19:00] in. He is not the one who lead. He always choose those who are little bit, who have little bit experience then. The senior wolf and that wolf want other fellows to lead. And they divide their hood in three parts. First one is the one who is experienced. Then in the middle they have another experience.

People, a group of a wolf. And behind that herd, the main leader, the head of the group is walking behind. So [01:20:00] keep an eye on every single person that they are going in the right direction. And if somebody lost the way, he's the one to look after and walk with them.

Did you get what I mean? Yes. Yep. This is leadership. Leadership is not to control, not to dictate not to impose things. Leadership is to walk together by listening to everyone's point of view. Created a common platform, sacred platform where people feel safe. Feel heard, important and understood.

And they come to that platform without any fear of judgment. And that platform is light of humanity's platform. [01:21:00] And that's my platform. I totally believe that leadership can be inborn, but I also think it can be taught. So yes, you do have people. So one of my guilty things that I do is when I'm working, I turn my music up real loud and have that going.

And then I go to YouTube and I pick these, usually AI stories where somebody's, one brother's treated way better than the other, or sister or whatever, those kind of stories. And I just have those playing as background noise so that I can work and just focus on work. I am somebody who needs a lot of input to be able to output something seen.

It's a thing. But, those stories are always like, my brother was always treated better than me. He got everything he ever wanted. And now he's useless. He stays at home and he does, he plays video. Why did everybody blame video games for lazy people? Not the video games fault. 

[01:22:00] And then the other kid who got no attention, who got none of the time, none of the love, none of that. They grow up to be the responsible one. They're the ones who have the good jobs and stuff like that. And so I have noticed that you can be born as a leader and then due to letting somebody stifle your light by, giving you everything under the moon, you could become somebody who is somebody nobody should follow.

Because, there are leaders right in the most backwards parts of communities. Those gang members have a leader. It's not like they don't have a leader. They just, they do. It's just not somebody who you would want leading the town or anything. You're right. But yeah.

And then you have people like me. I don't think I was born to lead, but I do think that I am leading people and I have led people because of the skills I've gotten through my lifetime of, my parental neglect and all that good [01:23:00] junk, you know, just things that happen over your life.

You become, your callouses are in different parts of you than other people's. And so you can kind of help people understand things a little bit better. Like me telling you at the beginning of this, that I didn't think that therapist was trying to say anything bad. They were just, trying to get you to see that you came, you went to Australia for a purpose.

Like you had a reason, no matter what it is for that move. And going back obviously in your mind wasn't, oh yeah, well why don't I just go back? You know, like some people would say that, oh yeah, I hate it here, I'm going back. And then they rush back to that safety, whether it's real or imagined. So they run back to the safety net, right?

And then they can no longer move forward again because they've trapped themselves that way. Because, oh, I always have to go back to safety when it's hard. And so now I can't get a job because it's too hard, [01:24:00] or I can't be in a relationship because that's too much work, or I can't do this because it's too much.

You've crippled yourself before you even got started going. And exactly. I think that, when you jump out of your comfort zone, Nikki, then you realize that how talented, how skillful you are. And if you don't have leadership qualities, if it's not inborn, however your circumstances 

or it's better to say time. Time is a good teacher. Yeah. And some people they own that, own it and decide to be a leader of their own life first. And some people they don't. And it's okay. It's okay. I went to Tony Robbins, unleashed the power within that was [01:25:00] the game changer. I lead, not follow, I am the voice.

I lead, not follow. Yeah. Yeah. From there I was like, whoa, I lead, not follow. You also have to be careful 'cause I've been in, I've been in different training, like with Eric Worry or, that 10 x guy. Oh yeah. Not trying to offend anybody. Names are just bad for me. Cordone Cardone is the 10 X guy.

I've been in those trainings online. And you've got, so if you're trying to learn to be a leader, the thing for me is that means you're not asking everybody and their brother to tell you what to do. Or anything like that. Right? So here you're in this training to become a leader. Wait, he [01:26:00] said to turn to page two.

Do we really turn to page two? I don't know. How about listening to instructions? That should be a leadership quality. You have to be able to listen, right? So if you're not listening to what's being said in order to learn, how are you gonna listen to the people you're leading down the road? Exactly. You're annoying me.

Learn to listen, learn to. So there's reading comprehension, right? 

It was fine. But some people can have college level comprehension when it comes to reading, but they don't do the same thing when it comes to listening. Because I can hear somebody say, go take the garbage out. And if I just don't get up and go, oh, what do you mean take the trash out? 

They said, go take the trash. How is that up for interpretation? But take the D home, trash out. Why do I keep doing chores in this today? I don't know. But in [01:27:00] these things. It was pretty simple. Go to this link that it was given and, sign up for this thing. Oh, how do I sign up for that?

Does he want us to click on this? Now? Do we do the thing? Do we have to do the thing? He said, Nicky, the linky, how far do I have to dumb this down for you to understand? You need to click on the link and fill it out. Oh wait, does that mean I have to put my email address in? 

Like, what does that even mean? Does it have to be my email? Yes, it has to be your email address.

I've seen some of the stupidest steps in those conversations, and I'm sitting there the whole time going, y'all are supposed to be leaders. Y'all ain't leaving. You're, you're not leading cabbage into an egg roll. Like, what are you doing? How can you not listen to like plain English? Like this is not rocket [01:28:00] science.

So take the skills you have when you're reading and going, okay, the red fox and the blue toad. Okay, now down in the questions, find the, find the answers to those questions. You know, when you attend leadership programs.

The first thing is learn to understand, not to comprehend and perceive from your mind. Learn to understand. And if you don't understand, ask questions. Good leaders always ask questions. Can we put the caveat on there that they're not about clicking a link that you were told to click? Click like, yes, [01:29:00] ask questions.

I'm not saying don't ask questions, but at the same time, if somebody says, okay, for this part of the training, you need to click on this link and fill in the form, you don't automatically start going, does he want us to click on it? Now? I don't know. When are you supposed to, I mean, so there are stupid questions.

I know that they have that thing and some people believe with all their heart, there are no stupid questions. And I can tell you now, that is a stupid question

and I've seen it. No, is no question is a stupid question, but yes, there is something called common sense, which mostly people don't have. They have it in their knees. Not here. No. Some days they have it in their toenails that it's getting clipped off. Man, I don't understand it at all some days, but[01:30:00] 

love it because you know what they want. They, they, they intentionally ask to get attention. Mm-hmm. These are the simple things, to be honest, because they get confused. They want someone to pay attention and make them understand what they mean. That's why they say that. But there is something, because I went to one, uh, uh, conference, uh, not, not conference, three days training.

And there was one guy, I swear to God, every single person during break went to that person and he's, and ask him, Hey, are you okay? Are you okay? Because the question that he was [01:31:00] asking is told full of crap crap in a sense that it shows that he is not present here in the room. Mm-hmm. His mind was somewhere else.

That's why he's not grasping or allowing his mind to observe the simple things. Mm-hmm. And then our trainer, I noticed that he took him to another room and he had a conversation and we all looked at him when he was taking him to the room because he realized that he's not present in the room. Mm-hmm.

It's, it is, yes, it is. It is proven That no question is a stupid question. However, when you keep on asking and [01:32:00] asking and asking and inter interfering every single person in the room by asking the small bit of things, which is written here in that word book mm-hmm. It means you are not mentally present here.

You are not paying attention. Mm-hmm. In that situation, the question that you ask as a stupid question. Mm-hmm. Do you understand what I mean? It depends on the situations. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, those people were proving that they weren't paying attention by then turning around and going, wait, do I have to click on the link now?

Well, when do you wanna clink on it? Genius. Like, come on now you're airtime me. Um, and so it's alright. I stress out. Don't worry. Because if the [01:33:00] pe if imagine Tony Robbins, Russell Bronson, Pedro Richmond, and who else, who else, who else, who else? Louis and who else? Oprah Winfrey. Who else? Lisa. Nicole. They are talking on the stage.

Yeah. And thousands and thousands of people are there. And when they have q and a session, if somebody asks them, I don't, can you repeat? What did you say in our last session? What do you think? Do they remember what they said in the last session? They're gonna laugh at 'em because like, how are you not paying attention to these people?

Like, they're not gonna tell you exactly what they just [01:34:00] said in an entire session. All over them. Yeah. Yeah. And they, they will say, I said so many things. I don't know which one you are looking for, which you did not understand. Did you take notes? No, I did not. Well, then you're an idiot. That's your fault.

Ah, okay. So I'm sorry, I, I don't want to misunderstood your question. I don't even remember because I share so many things. Mm-hmm. What do you think, I mean, like you share the same words you said for the first five minutes of just this podcast, and tell us what you said again. Like, no, I can't do that. I don't even know what I, my words.

I think my first words were something about how did you get started, but like, I don't even know if that's for real. Like now. Now you mentioned to me that Fiza, [01:35:00] maybe she mean she wanted you to make you realize that you are here Yeah. For a reason. You have a purpose to come to Australia, see? Mm-hmm. You perceive it in a different way, because I am describing it in a different way.

When I was in depression, anxiety, foggy mind with hopelessness, darkness. Mm-hmm. I took it in a different way. It's hard to see when all that's in your brain. Yes. When you're in the fog, there's no seeing anything. Clearly you're going to have problems with everything that comes up. Exactly. Nikki. One perspective, but two different way of explanation.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So it's okay. It's just a matter of, I look at that time because of my situation, I look at as six, and [01:36:00] when you listen to me, you look at S nine. Mm-hmm. It's okay. There is no right and wrong. Everyone perceive according to their own mindset the way that's going on here. And it is absolutely okay.

Mm-hmm. Please don't judge anyone. If you feel misunderstood, repeat it again because nobody read your mind. Mm-hmm. Nobody read what is here. And it is not justifying yourself. It is making to make someone understand you that I, uh, you know what? I ordered this thing that did this because of this, because of this.

It is not justification. [01:37:00] Mm-hmm. People label that you don't need to justify yourself. No, it's not just No, but when you grew up, everybody wanted you to explain yourself every step of the way. So now you're like, I have to explain. And they're like, you just have to explain yourself and you're going,

okay, you don't wanna listen to me. That's fine. And you know, I had, when I texting my cousin, he always mentioned to me, you don't need to justify yourself. Oh, are you serious? I'm not justifying it. He often mentioned to me, za, you don't need to justify yourself. Why you are justifying, oh man, you, I'm just trying to explain that we're having a Christmas party, or no, sorry, maybe Thanksgiving party or whatever.

I don't know. I go to holidays. Why you are, why you are [01:38:00] giving totally different meanings to my words. Mm-hmm. Why you are not going to understand it. I'm not justifying it. Mm-hmm. I'm making you understand my point of view. Mm-hmm. This is not justification. And when somebody say, you don't need to justify yourself.

Oh, bloody hell. Stop it. Okay. So, so, um, it's all good. Mm-hmm. To doubt yourself is for a moment, is okay. To stuck there to spoil your whole life. Destroy your whole life, while losing confidence and disconnecting with your true self is not okay. Mm-hmm. Because you are destroying your own life for the sake of pleasing others.

Nobody even care. [01:39:00] Mm-hmm. And those who you are pleasing, when you call them, when you need them, they don't have a time for you. Mm-hmm. Because their mission, their goals, their family, their life is more important than you. Mm-hmm. So why, why you are giving permission and dependent on someone to control your life.

How about you will take the control of your life by saying, I am responsible. Hundred, I take a hundred percent responsibility of my life, whether it's good or bad, right or wrong, ugly or beautiful, I am responsible for that. Mm-hmm. And I make it the way I feel like to, I'm going to make this happen. And I'm going [01:40:00] to design it by adding colors or keep it black and white.

This is my choice. Mm-hmm. And that is only possible when we know, when we connect with our true self by saying to ourself that this is my life. I'm going to make it black and white, or add colors. This is my choice because my, our choices make our life, and this is my mantra, be you. The rest will adjust.

And I mean it because I'm the living example of it. Okay. I have another appointment in five minutes. 

And before we wrap up, I would like to say to the listeners that whoever is listening to me, and if they are going through rough phase of [01:41:00] life, so. This time shall pass too. This too shall pass. And take the good learnings. I know it's very easy to say. I know that, but it's very challenging to make it fail.

But you are not alone. You're not alone. Because being a relationship coach, it is, I'm going to say it with conviction. Thousand percent. The relationship that we have with people around us is the reflection of the relationship that we have with ourself. We attract the same demon what we [01:42:00] have within us.

And if you are going through a breakup, or if you get separated or divorce, or you marry second time and then you divorce again, it means that you attract the same demon and form of another person. Please heal yourself. Take help. To create a new space by releasing all the pasta stories and refresh your mind, re allow your mind to restart, to attract new people in your life.

Otherwise, you keep on attracting toxic people again and again. Not only in your relationship at what you will attract in your relationship, sorry, at your workplace, in your social circle. [01:43:00] So it's very important to heal, change the pain into pleasure and evolve with ease, joy, and glory. Okay. Thank you for coming and I will see you soon maybe.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for having me, Nikki. You're welcome. Thank you for coming. No worries. Bye-bye. Bye.