Music, Mental Health & Finding Your Voice: A Conversation with Amelia Moore

Amelia Moore—speaker, consultant, and former Ruff Ryders executive—joins Nikki to share how women can step into leadership without losing themselves. From the music industry to mentorship, Amelia opens up about her journey from “She” to “CEO.” This episode is packed with actionable insights: the 4 steps to success, why boundaries matter, how to spot unhealthy collaborations, and how communication style impacts every relationship. They also explore how music shapes healing and why your passion should always lead your mission. Real talk, real growth—don’t miss it.

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[00:00:00] Thank you so much, Nikki. This is such an honor to be here today, everybody. My name is Amelia Moore, but everybody calls me Amelia is Moore because I'm your host at the most and more than when you're back and forth. So I'm a public speaker, I'm a consultant, former record executive, and most importantly, I'm a woman and child advocate.

I feel like if we wanna change the nature of society, it must start with us, the nurturers of the world. So succinctly. I call myself a she EO because whenever a woman walks into a business environment, the first thing the men see is that she's a woman. So by defining myself as a CEO, that lets them know I'm a female boss.

I'm not just a woman. I'm a boss. I'm a CEO and equal to you because I love to tell guys, women were built from the rib, not the foot. And I remind them of that. Sue. Today. Right now women and particularly African American [00:01:00] women are like succeeding in the business world. We're leading in the startup world as far as new businesses.

And so I felt very, compelled to start talking about the men, the multitude of lessons I learned as general manager of Ruff Rider. That's why I always wear my r proudly and president of Ruff Rider Lifestyle. That was the biggest music industry position that I had and literally was me and about a hundred dudes, no lie.

So I became one of the boys real fast and I love my brothers, and I noticed the difference. And in that evolution I wrote a book, CEO versus CEO that helps women understand men better and communicate with them more effectively and more importantly, position themselves so that they can transition from a she to a CEO.

So in that transition, one of the things I'd like to talk about today is the four steps to [00:02:00] success because we don't do this as women. Women are nurturers. So we take things as we go. We don't really have some do, but on the average, most just go with the flow. But that's contradictory to a lot of guides.

So the four steps simply are vision, meaning what do you see for yourself mission? What is that mission of the vision that you saw? Whether it's purpose, profitability, credibility, visibility. What is that mission? The third thing is the directions. How do you get there? And then the last thing is collaborations.

Who are the people that you want to make certain that you connect with to elevate your purpose or whatever your mission is? So I love to articulate on some of the mistakes people make, [00:03:00] right? Because it's so easy to observe the successes, but what you don't know is what happens behind closed doors that's equally important for the success or for the growth potential that you may have.

So in the vision, let's talk about the vision. Sometimes, people get into something, right, but they don't necessarily, it's not necessarily their passion. So I always tell people, find what your passion is first. Because if you do what you love and love what you do, you'll ultimately, the byproduct of that is loving life, loving yourself, and loving living because so many of us do a job because it pays us well, or it's because what we got offered and we can't stand it.

And that wholeness stays with us. Almost like a stain on your shirt that can't come out. You love the shirt, so you wear it and somehow you hide [00:04:00] it, whether it's with your hair or whatever, just because you love the shirt, but you know in your heart of hearts where that stain is and becomes self conscientious of it.

So that's the same thing as it relates to your job, and it directly affects the forte that you know, Nikki, which is your mental health, your mental capacity. And so that's the first thing. Visualize your passion. My passion is educating and helping people. So when it came to my mission, it was about eradicating gender bias because of the mere fact that I see that's a pinnacle problem that women entering into business have.

And how do you do that? So my passion, because it's helping and my mission because it's eradicating gender bias, I winded up writing a book, CEO versus CEO, and my direction C, so that was the vision, [00:05:00] then it's the mission. And now the direction was A, writing a book, B, appearing on podcasts, C, doing public speaking and workshops in masterclass and D doing consulting.

And inadvertently, all of those things generate money for me. So life is great. I'm living on purpose. I'm loving what I'm doing, and consequently, for the first time in my life, I'm really loving life. And one of the things that I definitely want to share with people when you start looking at your vision is really being honest with yourself.

Dare to peel that onion of denial. You ever see an onion and you get to the middle of an onion, and that's where the seed is, but it's got layers and layers and layers, so you can't get to the seed until you peel the layers. Well, that's the same thing that relates to your life. When [00:06:00] you actually dig deep enough within you and actually ask yourself and face the real things that are dealing with you from childhood trauma, because I love to say childhood trauma leads to adult drama.

Succinctly. And so consequently have, don't be fearful of that. I always love to give my clients this saying that a redefinition of fear is face everything and rise. And so if you could imagine yourself sitting in a, the basket of a hard air balloon and a hard air balloon is on the floor, right? And it starts getting in the heat and it starts rising, and then all of a sudden you've got this beautiful big balloon ready to fly.

But it doesn't fly until you take the dead weights out the basket. So make certain that you take those things that you know cognitively, spiritually, innately, that is holding you back and remove it. Mm-hmm. Free [00:07:00] yourself from it and you will succeed. And that is part of the direction because it can't start, if you don't press go.

So the goal is to really start within. And then exude outward. And the more you exude outward, your energy is going to galvanize others because you are a different example. And I know a lot of my friends have told me how they've just been surprised at how much I've changed over the years. I was a tough cookie when I was a GM and president.

But succinctly, after I did all this personal introspection, I realized I don't gotta be that rough. I don't gotta be that tough. I shouldn't be that judgmental and I should listen more. That was something that I didn't do enough. So now I've taught myself to listen more. I've taught myself to not pass judgment, get all the facts before you come to [00:08:00] a conclusion.

And that has helped me tremendously. So I share that with you. The other thing that I feel like sometimes we as women don't do that prohibits us from the four steps of success is actually putting ourselves as the priority. Many times women, yeah, many times women, here's the whole list and we're down here.

Uhuh flip it. It's God, you and everyone else, you know? That's how I feel. And then I teach that even when you have children, they fall in between because you do as a nurturer, have a responsibility to the life you brought into this world. And that consequently helps the perpetuation of healthy people because when you put that time in, you get the rewards out and that person, that baby, that child starts developing correctly to the point where they live by example and they learn from your example.

But if you don't share that time, it, their learning [00:09:00] is with other areas that you may or may not. Want them to learn at a time where cognitively they can't help. So all of that leads into the direction, right? But let's talk about that last step. That last step is the collaboration. And this is where the distraction occurs when you start becoming someone that becomes something right through the perception of everybody else.

'cause let's un, let's be very clear, when you start positioning yourself, position equals perception. I'm gonna say that again. Position the way you position yourself determines the perception others have of you. So stay cognizant of that. One of the biggest lessons that I learned was, and I just did it this year, and I can't believe how long it's taken me to learn this, but I'm a giver, [00:10:00] so I always wanna help people.

I always wanna make things better than where they were and be the difference that makes a difference. But consequently, by not prioritizing me and not having the necessary focus, and most importantly, not having the necessary discipline to say, no, I don't achieve my goals. Mm-hmm. 'cause I'm easily distracted by everything else.

So when you incorporate focus and discipline within your cognitive mindset and your daily operational attitude and methodology, you'll watch yourself skyrocket. And ever since January, I mean, part of me meeting you was because of that. You know, and look at what we're doing today. So that is equally important.

So how do you ascertain the collaboratives that are right for you? The [00:11:00] most important thing that you must do within your evaluation is what are your standards? What are your trigger points? What are your boundaries? And most important, what are your deal breakers? Meaning, if they do this, there's absolutely no way because it's contrary to what I believe or where I'm trying to achieve, et cetera.

And take the time to inquire. When you start understanding the value of yourself, you begin to understand that your valuation is not for everyone, and that's okay. We as women are nurtured to always wanna, help everybody and be that likable person and worry and think about what others say about you.

But the answer to that is if it's not relevant, it is irrelevant relevant. And use that as one of your mantras and ask [00:12:00] yourself, is this relevant to me? So some of the things that I help women understand as well as anyone that's really going up that ladder of success is that pinnacle for questions.

Whenever somebody questions you for your opinion, your attitudes, your professional critique, et cetera. Number one, why are they asking me this? Make sure you ask why, because lots of times people wanna use you instead of them. And so they use you to do whatever derogatory thing they wanna do and it hurts you, but they use you because you said it.

So first of all, why are you asking me this? Second of all, who gains from the information that I give? Because lots of times you can give advice on something which is something everybody's working on, or maybe a company problem. You just gave the answer and now that person's the first one to bat saying, this [00:13:00] is what we need to do.

When in actuality was your answer, and this is not to degrade men, but they're great at that. They're great at that. Because we as women, when we walk into, I love this example that I give all the time when we walk into an office, right? We'll see the desk, the chair, I. You know, the computer, the phone, but we'll also see the chandelier, the curtains, the rug, what type of wood was the furniture, et cetera, et cetera.

Men, when they walk into the office, they see the desk and the chair and maybe the phone. And that's the pinnacle difference between us. So, second question, how are they use? What, how are they using? Who gains from that information? The third one is how are they going to use the information that you're going to give them?

Prime example is, let's just say a boss is a pain in the ass, right? Excuse me if I said that bad word, but pain in the neck, right? Mm-hmm. [00:14:00] And then what happens is Michael comes over to you and says, Amelia, isn't Paul a pain in the neck? And you're like, oh, he drives me crazy. He just does this and he does that.

And I rant on, right? Because I'm thinking comradery, I'm thinking this is a mutual conversation. Ah. Next thing I know, Michael's going to Paul and saying, Hey, just wanna give you a heads up, Amelia. I just had a conversation, Amelia said, and in actuality it's the things he wanted to say, but because he doesn't have the balls enough to say it, he's going to use you.

So how are they going to use the information that you give? And then the last question is the most important question, should I even answer it? Mm-hmm. And when you start understanding that, then you start understanding who to collaborate with. Because if they're coming to you with things that [00:15:00] is going to manipulate your position, then there's no need for collaboration.

You just politely say, listen, I would love to talk to you, but it's a little too busy and I need to stay focused again, focus and discipline. Mm-hmm. And nobody can argue that. So these are some of the things that, you know, and I can go on forever on the subject matter, but I know it's a conversation, so I don't wanna be monolith, unidirectional in our conversation, but I just wanted to kind of give a short synopsis so that people can really, and particularly women, can really understand how to move.

Mm-hmm. And understand that your reputation reps you when you are not in the room. So your opinion and your reputation are the two most important things you hold close to your vest so that you can succeed utilizing the four steps of success. Okay? That was the most fullest [00:16:00] synopsis of, somebody's business ever.

But I also learned a lot from it. So it was not, it was not unwelcome, but,

I'm trying to think back. My brain is a little weird sometimes, so That's okay. So the beginning steps, what was one and two again? Yeah. The first one is vision and the second one is mission. Yes. So in those two, what are some of the steps you do to help somebody get those two down? Because sometimes somebody will come to me and they don't exactly know what they need, but they know they need something.

So what is, like, how do you get somebody started with and helping them to get on the right foot? Great question. First of all, it should be as a consultant, I love to have a general conversation with my clients. Understanding the person you can't. Help a person if you don't know a person. So the [00:17:00] first conversation is just really, who are you?

What have you done? What are your likes? What are your dislikes? What are some of your challenges? What are some of your fears? And then we lead into what are some of your passions? You'd be surprised how many people don't know what they're passionate about. Mm-hmm. And so that becomes the first hurdle, the first challenge, the first homework assignment, the first revelation of yourself.

Where's your passion lie? Mm-hmm. If you didn't have to do anything else but one thing, what is that one thing? For me, it's helping people. Mm-hmm. I don't care if I'm getting paid or not getting paid. I love to help people. So that's my passion. And I've been that ever since I've been little. Right. And I've learned how to navigate that.

Because sometimes, I call myself a giver, but in this world there's takers, and takers pray on givers because all [00:18:00] they want. So if you envision a hand and the first person's a giver and the ring finger's a giver, but the middle finger is a taker, nobody else receives. The cycle is stopped.

The pointer finger and the thumb get nothing. And nobody else that gave receives anything 'cause the taker took it all. So it's important for you to make sure that you have a cycle or a circle, a social circle of people that are givers. If you are a giver, and if you are a taker, understand the consequences of being a taker because eventually it catches up to you.

Mm-hmm. Once somebody identifies you as that, you might've been the hottest thing since sliced bread. But once everybody starts identifying, oh, they don't care about nobody else but themselves, even though they say they care about everybody else, then nobody wants to deal with you. And now you have that reputation.

That rep team outside the room, so offers disappear. So you must be cognizant of that. And that's kind of like the first step, and it's not an [00:19:00] overnight thing. Lots of times I like to ask my clients, what is the one thing that gets your goat? Because when I can identify what gets your goat, I also start associating those actions to past experiences that has gotten you, that to youth experiences from, you know, negative learning, you know, or negative encouragement, or overzealous encouragement.

See, sometimes when we're kids we're like, oh, you're great. Oh, you pet, oh, you. And then you step into the real world and they're like, you ain't crap. But wait a minute. My whole life I've been great. How do I not be great? Because it was that negative lie. You know what I mean? It was the false encouragement that kind of hinders a person.

In adult life. So transparency and clairvoyancy, as far as really knowing how to present something to your child is critically important. And communication is that, and I had to learn [00:20:00] that, it's important and sometimes we underestimate that value. I think communication is one of the hardest things that, that people have to learn how to do.

And everybody thinks they have it back there in like middle school somewhere. But they don't actually get it until like they're way past my age and they're go, unless they're forced into a situation where they have to reevaluate it. But a lot of people think that if they yell at you, you're gonna do the best you can so that they don't yell at you again.

Well, that may be true for some people, but other people are gonna shut down and you're getting nothing from them. So, I mean there's, and I don't recommend yelling at anybody. That's just a stupid way to manage anything. It's mismanagement, not management. But it's also a learned behavior. Unfortunately, sometimes some children get attention through negative attention.

Mm-hmm. There is a such [00:21:00] creature where they just want your attention and yelling at them, they surmise as attention. So now that winds up transitioning into their relationship because that's what they learn to get the attention. So they provoke arguments. Because that's communication, but it's dysfunctional.

Yes. So do you have ways to help people learn how to communicate or is that separate? Absolutely. Yeah. So one of the things I love to do in my workshops is help people understand how to listen. When you learn how to listen properly, and this is something I had to teach myself. When you learn how to listen properly, you actually learn how a person communicates.

So for example, you know some of my boys that they're men, but I just call 'em my boys 'cause I'm one of the boys. But you know, they can't stand small [00:22:00] talk, don't ask them about their day or whatever they, so now when you are doing small talk with them, they're not hearing a word you say. And because you're doing the small talk, when it comes time for you to get to the conversation part that they wanted them to communicate on, they are completely lost.

'cause they shut you off. Charlie Brown teacher. So if you're listening to them and they're talking to you and they're like, Milia, I got this, that the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Boom. You know, listen, John. However, there are some people that love the conversational and if you jump right into, if you jump right into the task or whatever, they classify you as being rude.

Yes. And then they don't hear you. Yes. So the key is to just hear how people talk and then you'll know how to communicate. That's the first step. I am one of the first [00:23:00] group I for sure am just like, if I called you, I have a purpose to have called you. I don't wanna sit here for 10 minutes and talk about everything, but why I called you.

Could we just get to the point? But everybody, and like the people I work with are hilarious because some of them realized it and. So I will stop myself because I know I have to like, conversate on other people's levels and I'll be like, hi, how are you? And they're like, you have something important to say, don't you?

And I'm like, yes. Can we talk about it? Now I don't wanna do this.

But they appreciate the mere fact that you understood that there's somebody that likes pleasantries and they also are cognitive, that you're somebody that's direct and that's the amicable communication gap being closed. Yeah. And I do get, people who say that I'm rude, and it is wait, what?

I just told you what you need to do. How am I being [00:24:00] rude? Like what? Oh, I'm sorry. Hi, how are you? How are the kids?

'cause some people wanna be recognized. It's not enough to work with them. They wanna be recognized that you are working with them. And so that's where the pleasantries come into play. And I'm not somebody that I'm kind of like in the middle of both. I'm not really direct, but I'm not really the one that has a long dissertation, you know?

So I might stop with one or two questions and then go right into it and they're like, oh, she's so phony, she's so fake. And I'm like, no, I'm trying to meet you where you are at. But I can't stand redundant conversations like, Ooh, that drives me crazy. If somebody says, especially if I have to call somebody six times in one day.

I don't care how your kids are. By the third conversation can.

But I also can't stand when somebody says the same thing [00:25:00] six or seven times to make their point. You made it the first time. I got it the first time. I don't need to hear it again and again and again and again, and you won't I tune you out. And then what happens is when you get to the end of the point, I missed the whole conversation because I you out.

And then they go see, she's not paying attention. You know? She doesn't care. It's not that, it's not that I don't care, it's that you don't care. Let's be honest. And that, Nikki, that's the other side of it. You know what I mean? You as a person also have a responsibility to the person you're communicating with to let them understand your communication platform.

'Cause some people are not conscientious of that. They're so fixed in their world that when they come across somebody that's opposite to them, they don't listen. Yeah. They don't care. I do, I work with an accounting office for a co for my roofers. And so when I call in some days I'd [00:26:00] have to call in like six different times.

So six different fires that needed to be put out. And, I usually talk to the same person every single time. So I did not want to have to go through the, hi, how are you? Did you do lunch yet? Yeah. Did you have fun? Yeah. Okay. Can we get to the point now? And it got to the point that she realized that I wasn't being blunt and that I didn't care.

It was just that I like, after so many conversations, I don't wanna have to say hi again. Hey, this is me. This is the problem that we have at this moment. Can you fix it? Yes. Good. Here you go. This is the information you need to fix it. Boom. Boom. Shaka. I just like to be, don't know. I am methodical and the things that I do when I'm working, I am brains all over the place with the rest of the world.

But when I'm working, [00:27:00] I'm just like, okay, this is step one, this is step two to put out a fire. I have to give accounting this information. The project manager has to have this information and I need to do this.

So if I get hung up with accounting for 15 minutes, saying, hi, how are you for the 20th on today, I'm a little annoyed. And then, because I have to do the same thing when I call the project manager, okay, how are you? Yeah, you're doing good. No accidents great. You know, keep the conversation like, can I just tell you what I need to tell you because you screwed something up.

Right, exactly. It's like, come on, man. We've been here, we've done this. And the other part is, I know when I was GM and when I was president, also when I ran my own company, I needed people to understand, I have a list of things I need to get done today. Mm-hmm. Not tomorrow, not next [00:28:00] week.

You don't know that list. So you might think that I'm being rude when in actuality I'm executing time management. I know that I only have X amount of time to get X amount of problem done before I gotta get to the next thing on my list of things to do. That elaborate conversation that takes 20 minutes to get a two minute answer is counterproductive to my day.

And when I finally communicated to people started getting it. Oh yeah. Yeah. Because my job and your job are different. Yeah. So there are two ways to be blunt. There is the way where you're just like, Hey, here are the thing. Here's the thing that's wrong. Here's this. Are we good? Yeah. Okay, bye. That's blunt.

Sure. But you're just getting something done and you're not saying hi for the 20th time. Like the person knows who you are, they see the caller id. They know who you are. They know that this is the hundredth time you've called them today. We do not need to do [00:29:00] pleasantries for 20 minutes. So you hurry up, you give 'em the information, and then you keep going.

But so that's kind of blunt. But then you have the other blunt that makes the first blunt look bad because then everybody puts you in the same category because then there's the blunt that makes everybody feel bad because they're like, oh, I'm just blunt. But in reality, they are talking down to you or they're making front of you in a way that is.

Not blunt, it's just hurtful. But they say that they're blunt, and I don't really mean to hurt your feelings, so why do you, what's the problem? And then the other people who are blunt are just like, we don't do that. We just want to have an end of this conversation before a half hour is up. You know? So, but you, everybody gets put painted with the same brush.

Oh, but you're blunt. And they say they're blunt. That's two different horses. Yes, it is. And here's the thing, I [00:30:00] love that you brought that up because that's a very, very good point. Some people are facetious. They're mean people. And so they use it as a tool to either make you unbalanced or to create a diversion because you need a couple of minutes to get yourself back in pocket.

And so while you are out of pocket, they're talking about how out of pocket you are for whatever leverage that they want to use. Mm-hmm. So, lots of times I explain to people that are not really confident and secure within themselves to look in a mirror and establish a game face, establish it. So that what happens is anytime you get a trigger, you go to the game face.

Now they can't figure you out. And, or sometimes, I'll give an example of mean girls. 'cause they're notorious for this. They might be wearing a thousand dollars dress, a $2,000 dress. You might have came in and they [00:31:00] saw where you got it, and it might be a hundred dollars dress. Right. And they'll come up to you and they'll say, oh, I love your dress.

And you know what you should do? You look at back at them and you say, oh, thank you. I love yours too. Now they're like, holy crap. Did she just do to me what I just did to her? Or is she sincere? It knocks them off their base. Mm-hmm. And so what happens is they'll now, it's like the bullying law.

They'll pick somebody else that they can bully because they just got trumped. And these are different strategies for people that are not strong in communication that has resolved because you sit there trying to figure out is she being nice? Is she being mean? But if you make that a natural, response, then everybody says, oh no, Amelia always says that.

The conversation always becomes, is she being mean? But when you say that, you are exposing yourself and so other people [00:32:00] see that you are the mean one. And I didn't have to do nothing. I just had to continue to do and be me. Thank you. So, yeah, it's very important to understand that because that's all part of communication.

Yeah. I don't like people who are mean blunt, but I would like to not be, packed in with them because yes, I can be blunt because I want this conversation to end now, but it's not, I'm not digging at you. If I say, Hey, I like your tattoo, it's because, haha, guess what? I like your stupid tattoo, whatever it is.

If I don't told you I liked it, that doesn't mean you have to like, go hunting for motive in your head. I will. We were out to lunch one day at a pizza place and this woman had one of those very colorful tattoos with the, like the pastel colors and stuff. Splotched on looked really cool. So as we're leaving, I was like, nice [00:33:00] ta as I walked faster and I just kept going and then.

Her father, I think it was, I think she was sitting with her mom and dad. But the guy said, what did she just say? And she was like, I think she likes my tattoo.

What do you mean you think I dust un said it look cool. I just kept walking though. 'cause I wasn't gonna get in an argument with nobody. But like, if I say something, I mean it. I am one of those people who says what I mean, you know, do what I say what I do type person. And I've stopped people and said, oh, I love that shirt.

And it's genuinely because I'm like, Ooh, if I could wear that style, I might actually want it myself. The sad part about it is just society overall is negative. If you look at the way we're talking in today's world, it is always a negative aspect and we're gravitating to this negativity.

So unfortunately, when you pay [00:34:00] somebody a compliment, they think you're being sarcastic. When in actuality you're being genuine. Mm-hmm. And so sometimes the way I resolve that, 'cause I'm like you, if I see something I like, I'm gonna say, oh girl, you wearing that dress? And I'm not being, I'm being sincere.

And so I say to them, and I'm being sincere. So now that takes that question right out of their head before it starts going down that spiral. And they're like, oh, thank you. And then you get the smile, and then you get all the rest and saying, and sometimes if they're still on the picket fence.

I let them understand who I am. I'm somebody that when I see something I like, I feel like you should be complimented. You took the time to look fly. I'm recognizing you look fly. So I'm complimenting you based on the time you took to invest in yourself, reap the rewards. Yeah. I've seen people with the braids.

I like braids. Obviously my hair is in French braids 24 7. And I'll compliment them and they [00:35:00] just look at me look, I wear braids. I think they're cool. You have a lot of braids. I wish I could do that, but I cannot. So I love what you did. I love the design that you have, the colors that you put in your hair.

Like I think those are cool. But I do understand that French phrase is as far as I'm going with the brains.

Yeah. But you know, again, too, the other aspect of that is understanding culturalism. Sometimes I refrain because I understand the culture, or sometimes I know that I can, because I understand the culture. So that's another thing within the aspect of communication that you must stay conscientious of.

It's not only how do they talk, but who am I talking to? Because some, and you know, I keep on gravitating to the men because I deal in a male dominated world. Some cultures of men [00:36:00] is not, they don't wanna have a conversation with you. You are a woman.

Your secondary, and so there lies the challenge. To let them understand that, although that may be your culture, that is not our corporate DNA. And so you need to adjust to the corporate DNA. When you step outside these doors, I won't talk to you. While we're in these doors, you must communicate with me.

And that's again, a cultural thing. So sometimes a way to break that ice is, I notice sometimes when I speak to you, you are a little standoffish. Is it something I'm doing that's prohibiting our communication to be effective? And nine times outta 10, that question takes them back. They can't even answer it because, A, you blew up this spot.

It's that, you know that I know that, you know that. So, but at the same time, it causes reflection and that's all you wanna do whenever. Whenever I find the [00:37:00] most. Effective method of social change is to make that person think, not to give an order, not to make a demand, but to pose something that makes them evaluate them.

Because at a certain point they're gonna have to do it because you've already brought it to the their attention. So now it's like, oh snap. How do I deal with this? Am I being exposed? Am I not being exposed, yada, yada, yada. So it's very effective.

Hey everyone. Thanks for sticking with us. Before we dive into our next topic, I just wanna take a quick moment to remind you two who like this video, subscribe to our channel and hit that notification bell. That way you'll always be the first to know when a new episode drops, and we want to hear from you.

What topics are you most excited about? Drop your thoughts in. The comments below. Your feedback helps us create content that you love. We've got some exciting [00:38:00] stuff coming your way, so don't miss out. Now let's switch gears and jump into our next discussion.

I did not know that when I picked my topic for today. Just, to be completely honest and forthright because the power of music therapy kind of like, was like, oh yeah, I love music and it's helped me through so much. So let me do this topic. And then at the beginning you said that you were in music for years.

And I was like, how did I do that? That's the universe. That's the universe always working. So music therapy helps, either by listening to it or by, learning to play an instrument. Some people do better by learning to play an instrument. Some people can't play an instrument. I have tried, to play music, but there's this little thing called being able to read music.

So you need to be able to do in order to play a [00:39:00] music instrument. And I cannot pick up on how to play, on how to read music. Like I know when to go up in music and when to come down, but like, I don't know anything besides that. So I couldn't do the music. I tried to play, the French horn and the trumpet.

Oh, okay. You can't do that if you don't know what, note means what on the buttons, right? Mm-hmm. So there was that. And I couldn't do the drums because my left, I am extremely right hand dominant. I'm slightly ambidextrous, meaning I can hold my fork in my left hand and still eat, but that's about it.

My left hand is very not the same, so I couldn't. I can't drum. 'cause I couldn't drum. It was very upsetting for me. I love a drum line. Very upsetting. I love the drums [00:40:00] too. I was in a drum and bugle corps for a couple years when I was like fourth, fifth, sixth grade. And obviously the people who were in that drum vehicle corps were obviously very much older than me, but they tried to get me to play instruments and it didn't happen.

I just, I couldn't learn. So I ended up being, in the guard. I was one of the people who twirled the flags and stuff and that worked for me. The German and Bugle corps I was in was from the Northeast, so we did not do the jazzy dancing like they do in the south, which is good 'cause my white self don't tor like that.

I don't. I can't, I'm good. Like, let me just march. That's hilarious.

So, for me, music has been one of those things that I could use [00:41:00] to get me out of any situation if I was overly angry, if I was overly upset, if I was happy, if I was sad, if I was, whatever I was in that moment, I could turn on the radio, you put some headphones on and turn 'em up because y'all listen to music loud.

And I would be able to, get back to a point where I was okay, where I was not angry, where I could, stop punching the wall, that kind of thing. And it teleported me to a place where, the bad emotions they couldn't reach me there. So it helped me in that way.

Right. I personally know that, not personally, I know from things that I've read that people who have a stutter can usually overcome it by singing instead of speaking. Like they [00:42:00] end up with this kinda sing songy voice to be able to talk, but it helps them be able to talk instead of stutter. It takes a lot of work.

I am not saying it's easy. I am not discounting it. I think that it works for you. That is amazing. I know that they play music a lot for people with disabilities, at different levels to try to stimulate activity and try to help them do things. If you look at any kid centered TV show, they are singing some songs that end up earworms in the adults that like, you can't stop singing.

So sorry about your luck. I am still stuck on the song that never ends. I am forever in that song. Okay. Being able to memorize the words and sing along for young kids helps them be able to learn their ABCs and different things like [00:43:00] that. I know I have, there's a 2-year-old in the house at the moment who she liked to come in here when I was playing the game and watch me fly around, right?

Because for her that was awesome. And I was like, cool, I don't mind. And so I ended up starting to do every time she said, let's go fly. I would go, let's go fly a kite. Right? Like that part of the song. And she ended up singing that song herself as she was walking in here. Some, as she walks in here sometimes to go fly, so let's go fly a kite up to high height, you know?

That's so adorable. And she too, she learned it like the third time I sang it and I was just kinda like, oops. Didn't mean to do that. But now it's like an auto response for her. If someone, oh, do you wanna go fly? Let's go fly Kite up to high kite, you know? [00:44:00] Well, they're sponges, they're really sponge and music helps to absorb that just a little bit easier.

They take some, you know, they learn science and math and stuff with the music and it just makes it more interesting and it's easier to digest because if. You set pretty much anything to music and you can, learn, I don't know about you, but I can't remember Jack, but I remember lyrics to songs I wasn't even alive to hear when they first came out.

Okay. Jingles man. Remember all the commercial jingles, they don't really do it as much now, but back in the day, and you could to all be bad special sauce, let cheese pickles on own says, see Bun, like I got screwed over with that song. I got screwed over with that song. My, chorus teacher in ninth grade, he was actually the band teacher.

They hadn't like hired a chorus teacher yet. So his idea of warming up was to sing that over and over again at the [00:45:00] beginning of class. So you can't this, and I can sing the heck outta that song. I'm not going.

They play music for people who are in a coma to try to see if it will help them, respond, come out of it or just do enough activities so that they are alive and nobody's threatening to pull plugs and stuff. Music is everywhere. I know there are some people who say they don't like music.

I don't understand them at all. But, it takes every kind, I guess. But, I don't understand people who don't like music. So there's a wide range, right? I'm not gonna listen to jazz. I think that's about the only one. I don't know why, but it sets my anxiety into the stratosphere for some reason. I listen to like three seconds of that and I'll read, I'm like, oh my God, I gotta go.

I gotta go.[00:46:00] 

Well, you know, I dunno. Why? Well, here's the thing. Music has frequencies and the frequencies either resonate with your body or they don't. And the lower frequencies bring in the lower emotions, depression, you know what I mean? I understand why some jazz music, especially avant-garde music, heightens your anxiety because of the syncopation of it.

It's not rhythmic, it's not, it reflects what an anxious emotion will be, which is ah, and that's exactly what that music does. So it makes ultimate sense, for you to say that given what your honesty on yourself is. I mean, for me, music has always been my savior. I can remember as a young, as a little girl, I'll tell you a funny story.

So my [00:47:00] mom, sometimes parents get on your nerves, right? So my mom and dad bought me this little organ. I might have been two, three years old. And as long, my mother's rule was, as long as I'm singing, I can say whatever I wanted to say. And that was part of communication. So I'd be like, my mother gets on my nerves

and as long as I was singing, I could do it. So it is over years, it's been an expression of me. And only now am I starting to tap into my writing capabilities. I didn't realize how much of a writer I actually am because it's been nurtured ever since I was left. So I understand the frequency, the science.

The science behind music, because ultimately we as humans, we're energy. Yep. I listen to pretty much everything else. I don't listen to folk or ulca [00:48:00] or, the weird ones that I don't listen to them. I listen to rap r and b usually when I'm pissed off. Usually when I've got a good anger in me that I've gotta, express and cussing along to the, that music helps a lot, you know?

Pop, I like rock hard, rock metal, all that stuff. All of it. Even, in my worst moments they, you know, 'cause I could put my Pandora on shuffle and, you might catch something from the sixties, but you're also gonna catch Eminem or something else because, you know, I, that's the kind of stuff I listen to.

I listen to everything. I have no idea why everybody got mad at Nickelback, but I still listen to them too. Yeah. That hit, I don't care. Well, you know, for me, I like all forms of music with the exception of like what I call the death music. You know, if it's, [00:49:00] yeah. That's about to say don't scream at me. Yeah.

I can't hear, but I'll listen to the red, like metal, heavy metal rock, all that stuff. I'll listen to all that. But the second a song starts going, yeah, well, like, I'm like, no, I won't. Yeah. Down that stuff. And then also the music that has messages that is counter to my value system.

I won't listen to that music, even if the melody is fly. It's just, I understand how the mind works in this subliminal messaging that my mind is receiving and I refuse to receive it. So I'm like, no, reject skip next. So, yeah. Other than that, I like everything and then there's certain country music that gives me anxiety only because the pace is like not quite fast and not quite slow.

It's kind of like this middle thewy, old fashioned stuff. Yeah. It's not, I, yeah. There I find it [00:50:00] hard to find the melodic value in it. Like I wanna sing it before they sing it because they so slow. Yeah. I like the eighties and nineties countrys, some of today's country is too pop music for me, I like the eighties and nineties where it was still country.

Yeah. And still sounded kind of country. Right. But it wasn't slower than molasses in January. Yeah. Yeah. And that's very slow 'cause it's frozen. But I like the storytelling. So like Reba did, fancy love her, love Reba Reba's the best. Yeah. I love the storytelling and stuff like that.

The jugs. Yeah. But I also like Kelly Clarkson and I like pink and they have been through it, but still Yeah. You said it right. She's been through it. I like the evolution of pink. Yeah. It was a phase that [00:51:00] I was like, what are you doing? Get out. No, she had some anger she had to get out at one point.

Okay. Yeah. Boy, she did one song about family that, I saw the first like 20 times I listened to that song. Mm-hmm. Um. Yeah. Just because that was family and that, that got me. And I admittedly, I am not the first person who's like sobbing at songs. No, but that one got me, that one got me on a level that I didn't know was there.

And I think one of the reasons why that record hit people so real was because she was so authentic. Like you felt her emotion in every word she sang in that song. And I was like, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Yeah. And that's another thing, that's another thing that music does. It conveys ocean. You know what I mean?

So if you look at movies since they began [00:52:00] to have sound, they can make you cry by just changing. The background music, you always know when something bad is going to happen because they change the background music, it's coming. Example of that, you know, it's coming.

You don't see it. Yeah, you don't see it coming. You can't tell what's coming, something's changing because they changed the music. There are movies that would absolutely, I am not an emotional person. I'm not somebody who just sobs for the fun of it. I don't like doing that. But there are some movies that just sneak up on you and punch you in the face and it's just like, love story.

I don't know if you've ever seen it a couple in, I think they, they're living in Boston at the time and Yeah. Not gonna ruin that for people. But that book, I mean, that movie had me [00:53:00] sobbing. Yeah. And of course my stepdad was like, oh, I have to write this movie 10 out 10, because it made Nikki cry and he had his whole system based on if a movie made me cry or not.

So take that would well, wow. But music helps people with emotional problems, with physical problems, like people who can't, who are having trouble walking and stuff, you get a certain beat going and they can start to move their body a little bit differently and they're able to do the exercise that they're trying to do.

People who are getting out of a relationship, they use music to help them by listening to those songs where people are breaking up with somebody and you're yelling those lyrics out into the world because you want to be over that pain. But. Music helps on so many different levels to people.

It just continues to change [00:54:00] people with its messages. Some messages, I don't believe should be out there just to save my peace, but I love music. I cannot say that I will stalk one singer over another because I don't do any of that. I like pink. She's been around since I was a teenager. That does not mean I know anything about her other than the fact that I know she has a daughter and that she's married to some dude.

Okay. Yeah. I don't know these people. I don't pretend to know these people. I don't pretend to try to invade their lives because that's none of my business. You're in the minority. 'cause unfortunately, they wanna buy products dealing with so many celebrities. So when you go into public life, some people.

And it always astounds me, but some people, their whole life is about learning about your life. Really? That is not healthy. No. No. And I don't, [00:55:00] for me, look, the only album I have ever listened to front to Back all from First Song All the Way to Last and Liked them All was an evanescence cd. But I think I own that was only for like the one of them and not, however, I think she did two or three, you can't remember, but like it was only the first one where I liked every single song.

Excuse me. Most cd. Most people that I listen to, it's, oh yeah, I like this song. Oh no, I don't like that song. Thumbs down, that one you. When you talk about, I'm sorry to cut you off, but I just wanted to say this, because I wanna be clear on what I'm saying. There is a line between a healthy infatuation and then a stalking infatuation.

Mm-hmm. And those are the ones that you need to identify and really pay attention to. And public people deal with that because of the mere fact that [00:56:00] person has committed their whole life, like their whole energy, their whole time, their whole everything to every last detail about that person. And I personally feel, I've never really gone down the rabbit hole to find out why.

And after this conversation, I probably will. But I feel like it's to allude the ineptness that they feel about their life. And so they live vicariously through this other person's life. And they get a certain sense of social status by knowing so much information about that, in particular public figure.

But when you really peel the onion, you realize, nah, this is not really healthy. Because when you ask, and the way that you ascertain if a person is you ask them about themselves. If they can't talk about themselves with the same zealousness as they did about that public figure, [00:57:00] it's time for problem.

Yeah. It's time for you to really evaluate what this person is, and if you can't help them because it's not healthy. I know that, if I'm working, I can, if I turn my music on and I have my headset on and I have, something else talking in the background, I can focus in on my work and just fire out the things that I need to do because I am in Zen mode, right?

I'm listening to the music, I'm singing along, I'm typing, deleting some words because I just typed what I was singing.

Music has helped me be able to process some of the things from my childhood. I did not have a happy hunky dory childhood. I had a very trauma filled childhood and music had, I didn't even find music until late. I didn't even find music until I was almost out of high school.

I think my senior year I finally found music and. And realize, hey, this is exactly what is [00:58:00] happening in my head.

And then going from there and listening to more and finding more. And I just kind of grew from there because, I think if I hadn't have found music, I wouldn't be in the place I'm at now. Amen. Because I was a very, very angry teenager, as you would be if you grew up with my mother, and had to deal with her every day being the black sheep of the family.

But, kudos to you for healing, resolving, working it out and understanding you. I salute you for that because a lot of people don't take that step. So kudos to you. If you have those things, if you have problems from your childhood, maybe music helps, but maybe you need a therapist too. Don't discount therapy.

It can help. I work with two therapists. They work in two different ways, [00:59:00] and it helps me tremendously to be able to work with them. Music helps me in the moment be able to get through the things that maybe I wouldn't react as well to if I didn't have music. I am an adult who doesn't know how to deal with certain things because I wasn't able to, when I was a kid, I was always told to be quiet.

Go sit down, go, you're being too much, you're not enough. That kind of stuff. And so I have emotions that come along sometimes that having the music on and raging with it, right, with the heavy metal on today, it does its job. It helps me. To function and I will never not be appreciative of music.

It's so funny that you say that. When I was working at G Street, it was, there were some challenges that I had to deal with and they, I didn't realize that I was doing it because again, music is [01:00:00] therapy for me. And Mob Deep has this record about shook once. Right. And basically it's just saying, don't step, don't start none.

It won't be none. But if you start it, I'm gonna be the one to finish. Yep. And I realized they all, they knew the days that I was frustrated and aggravated and annoyed because in my office I would play that record and I didn't even realize I was doing it. And then one of the receptionist, one of my dear friends, she was like, girl, you all right?

I said, why do you say that? She says, because anytime I hear the shook ones, I know somebody's working your last nerve. And I started laughing because I was like, Ooh, she's right, because it was my way of saying what I wanted to say without saying it. Yeah, I agree with you. Music is very therapeutic.

They even have done studies about, playing classical music around plants to help them grow bigger or faster. I don't know where [01:01:00] the results of those, because I'm not into that kind of thing. I kill plants. I don't help them live longer. My mom, there's no live long and prosper in my world.

I have two black thumbs and plants die around me for absolutely no reason. Well, you know what I learned, again, going back to. The universe and melody and rhythm and energy. When I started caring about the plants that I was caring for, talking to them and just making sure that I was watering them, they flourished.

When I made it like a routine, like, ah, I gotta water the plant. Ah, I gotta, you know what I mean? I like having plants around for the oxygen and everything else that they offer and just the beauty of them, you know, 'cause it's solace for me. I like looking at pretty things. That's when I realized, oh my god, like their things too.

And then one of my friends is a tree hugger and she got me to [01:02:00] hug a tree and I didn't realize that there really is energy in these trees. Like, you actually feel it. And I was like, whoa. So that's what made me go from a brown thumb to a green thumb when I really understood the connectivity and how to.

Connect with them because they are living things. Yeah. I don't know. Last time I had a plant, I was told that if I watered it once a week, it would live. And I was like, fine. And when I went to water it the next week, it was already dead. Well, you might have drowned it. See that's the other thing that's, I didn't even water it yet.

My mother, the store, oh, it probably needed water. It probably needed water at the top of the week. But my mother has a habit of drowning plants and I'm like, ma, you gave it too much water. Like some of the things that you can do with plants is make sure that the top is moist and then [01:03:00] have a bowl underneath and put the water there because the roots go all the way down to the bottom.

So then the roots will suck up the water and you'll see the water disappear. It's pretty cool. You know what I mean? So I have those bulb things now with a lung stem on them that you fill it and then you jab it into the water and it slowly disappears in. Yeah. And another thing that, one of my friends that's, she's really great with plants, when she goes away for two or three days, she takes ice cubes and puts it on the top of her plants.

And as the ice cubes melt, the plant gets water. And I was like, wow, that's pretty smart. So, yeah. So there's many different ways. It's, I guess it's just with plants just showing that you care and then they care. So for, to go back to the topic, music helps everything and anything.

And, I'm telling you, if you're pissed off, go put an M song on. Or a Biggie [01:04:00] song or a Tupac song or whatever, like listen to something that is kind of angry but still, you know, you can, mess with 'cause I don't know what you like, but I will listen to them and be fine. There's also people who listen to classical music when they're studying and they swear that it helps them learn more information.

Classical has a tendency to put me to sleep, so not as helpful. But I can't play it at night to go to sleep because I can't have sound when I'm trying to sleep. It is the stupidest thing. I don't even know.

You gotta fake yourself out. You know? For me, I think the reason why I love classical music is because I love instruments. See, I'm not so keen on modern day [01:05:00] music because most of it is synthetic. You know what I mean? It's processed music. It's not the authentic horn or the authentic, piano or listen that listen to a marching band.

Or a drumming people core like competition. Like you'll hear those thorn, those horns and stuff, but you get the drum line.

I don't know, for me awesome sauce, I love me a drum line, but, drums is one of the most primitive forms of communication, whether it's aesthetic or real talk, but also you have to understand too, that drums actually coincides with your heartbeat. So it's drive, you know?

It actually pumps you. You know what I mean? So that's the other, that's the other signature. 'cause a lot of people love the drums. And it's because we have our own rhythm. We, everybody has their own rhythm. [01:06:00] 'cause their heart is the point of their rhythm. Some are fast, some are slow, some are skipped, but that's why they'll gravitate.

I like the quads, I like the quad thing because then, they're, it's faster. Yeah. True. Very true.

But like I said earlier, music can help with your mental health, your emotional health, your physical health. If you know if there's anything wrong. Like you can get back to yourself more if you're listening to music that you enjoy. If you have babies, they sleep better. Usually if you play some light music and you get them in the habit of being able to listen to that music as they go to sleep, it will help them stay asleep if noise happens in the house, because we do not wanna have the tiptoe around our house when the baby's sleeping.

So the just kind of that, having that [01:07:00] music, some people start, don't believe in it. My family, we keep it loud. We keep it crazy, and the kids a adjust because you're right. If you tiptoe around, it makes it harder for them as adults to sleep. There are some people who, while they're pregnant, will put, headphones or some kind of music maker on their belly so that the baby can listen to the music, which is great because it's said that they can hear stuff as, as young as like.

Two or three months in the womb. Listen, I have testimony to that. When I was pregnant, I would read my son books, and as he was getting older, he would, more mature like seven, eight months, he would start kicking at certain parts that he liked, right? Mm-hmm. And I used to laugh because in the same part of the book, he would kick, right?

Mm-hmm. When he finally was born and I would read the same books, he would giggle and I was like, oh my, in the same [01:08:00] spot. And I was like, oh my God. He was communicating with me while he was in my stomach. Yeah, I totally believe in that. I totally believe in that people who are deaf, like listening to things with more of a drum sound, heavy on the bass and stuff like that because they can feel that.

And so that connects them again, that's music. They're enjoying it and they're, they're gro into music. People who are blind, you like music and everybody likes music. If they're a normal person, I don't know about the outliers that don't know, don't like music. I think you should listen to some music to find what you like, because there's gotta be music out there, you like, but you know what, here's the thing with that too, because, you know, as a music industry person, you find people that don't like music.

And I wind up finding out that sometimes some people don't like music because it was used as a form of discipline or a [01:09:00] form of, something in their life. You know what I mean? Either or. The house was always noisy with music, and so when they wanted solace it, it became this nemesis. So they are biased towards it because they equate it.

To noise. They don't equate it to anything else other than noise. Yeah. And lack of relaxation. So sometimes when people don't like music, I always ask them why. And there's that thing. Don't use for punishment. Things that people should be able to enjoy. Don't use for punishment. Music. Don't use reading as punishment, writing as punishment, drawing as punishment.

None of that stuff should be a punishment because those are things that the person should enjoy doing and should enjoy practicing. And it shouldn't be a punishment, it shouldn't be a forced action. It should be something that they want to do and, they want to listen to. Because if you're forcing them all the time to read as a punishment, when [01:10:00] they get older, they're not gonna wanna read anything.

And that a reader is like unconscionable to me. Somebody who loves music and who loves reading, using those as punishments and stealing somebody's joy in them. I'm sorry. You should go to jail now.

My mom is an avid reader. And it's funny because when she doesn't have a book, she's like, Ugh, what am I gonna do? You know? So I saw that my son read when he was like three years old. So reading, I have, yeah, I have over 5,000 books. I think it's getting closer to 6,000 books on my Kindle. Wow. That's, so I've given this advice before, but if you go into whatever your favorite genre is, a book on a, on the Kindle store, and you switch [01:11:00] the, you know how they're giving them to you to lowest, to highest, they'll be at least 20 pages worth of free books.

And I would go back often to find new ones. That's dope. That's how I have so many books because I didn't, until recently, I didn't have any money. And now I have money, but not enough money to feed my book habit. Very upset with me while I was buying was books and books are not cheap. No, no, they're not cheap.

I have Kindle Unlimited now, so they started very easy. Yeah. The physical books. Yes. So yeah. But even the Kindle books are like 10, $15. Yeah. So 9 99, that's fine. Okay. Do you have any final thoughts today? No, not really. I think I. The final thought that I would love to, and I always try to [01:12:00] encourage people, do you be you, love you, grow you.

And most importantly, be honest with you because in that honesty is growth. Like one of my mentors always said, get comfortable being uncomfortable because when you're uncomfortable and getting comfortable, you learn something about yourself. And so I take on challenges gladly. Like I just got an acting role to play, Spanish, Hispanic, and although I'm pretty good at Spanish, it's going to be a challenge to personify that.

You know what I mean? I'm welcoming it. I'm welcoming it. And so these are some of the things, attitude is everything towards life. Approach is everything towards life. And, I love to share. So like I tell people, if you wanna continue this conversation, feel free to hit me up.

Because I love it. And it's actually my business, so Yeah. Amelia is more, give you more than what you're bargaining [01:13:00] for.