Manifesting with Purpose: The Truth About Vibes, Action & Alignment

In this powerful episode, Nikki sits down with Victoria Gallagher—hypnotist, coach, and author of Practical Law of Attraction—to explore the real work behind manifesting your dream life. They cut through the fluff to discuss what truly brings change: aligned action, not just positive thinking. In the second half, Nikki and Victoria hold space for hard days—those anniversaries of trauma, grief, or loss—and share real-world strategies for staying grounded, supported, and whole when everything hurts.

Whether you're stuck, seeking alignment, or surviving a bad day—you’re not alone.

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Victoria
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[00:00:00] Well, hello, I am Victoria Gallagher. I am the Law of Attraction hypnotist. I've been a hypnotherapist last 25 years, and a manifestation, law of attraction coach, bestselling author, speaker, all those things.

Okay, so I know what manifesting is. Well, I know two types of it. I know the granola bar response and I know the other response where it's just, I have these things that I want to have happen. So I say I am a CEO of a large company and stuff like that. And then there's the granola bar people where they sit and do the Kumbaya thing and they're manifesting, I don't know what, but they're manifesting something.

And I probably offended somebody and, but your big girl panties on. It's not the first time it's gonna happen, but, those are the two I know it as, is there a third that I'm not, that I don't [00:01:00] know or. There might be more than three. The way I teach manifesting is it's all about getting into alignment and embodying the thoughts, the feelings, the vibration, the actions, of the person who, wants whatever it is that you want.

It's just getting yourself into alignment. I wrote a book about it, and in the book I talk about eight manifesting conditions. And those are the conditions that, you would need to line up with in order to bring about, whatever it is that you desire. Okay. So actually I just saw, I think it's a bear.

Maybe behind you. The white wall. Oh, up there? Yeah. That's a meditating Cat. Cat. But he looks like the kumbaya state of [00:02:00] people. Yeah, so when you say the Kumbaya, I take that to mean, you mean the person who's sort of sitting around meditating all day and they're doing the mental aligning.

Maybe they're doing the spiritual and the, emotional aligning, but the, problem with that person that I think you're defining or describing is they're not actually doing and taking the aligned actions. And when I say aligned actions, you have the other kind of manifester who is not checking in with their, vibrational state who's not checking in with, oh, am I thinking?

In, the right way. Am I clear on what exactly it is that I want? But they're just all out there just taking action, action, action, and saying, oh, I'm just putting all this [00:03:00] stuff out there and nothing's really sticking and nothing's really working. And so the way I describe it as it's really a culmination of, doing the meditation or whatever it is that you do to find your center and to get in touch with your deeper desire and your purpose and what it is that you're really meant to give to this world.

And it is a giving, it's like a giving and a receiving. When you're really in alignment, you're usually like. Wanting to make a difference in some way, in the world. Absolutely. It's okay to want the big house, want to manifest millions dollars, want to manifest your soulmate, lots of money, whatever it is.

But usually those things kind of come about because you're in touch with a larger purpose and you're. Making a contribution to society in some way, just like [00:04:00] you are. You're making a contribution through your podcast and, as a result of you making that contribution to the world through your podcast, you receive, some sort of reciprocal gifts as a result of that.

You get to, have the good feelings you get, maybe some business, comes about as a result of that and on. Yeah, mostly when I say the granola bar, people are the ones that are doing, the kumbaya is, they say they want to change the world and good on ya.

Right. Have your goal and they buy all natural foods and all that good stuff because that's the only way you should eat apparently. And then. They don't actually do anything. They're not giving back to any place. They're not volunteering in any place. They're not working a regular job at, they're just [00:05:00] not.

And, but somehow they get through life and I don't understand that part of things, but yeah, mostly when I think of, a lot of the people who are like mindset, I think of that, of the, okay, I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna get my chakras in a line or whatever, but they don't actually ever do anything, you know?

Yeah. You don't ever actually see them working or doing anything, but like, I have to get my stuff in line. Like, okay, well, it's been five years since I've known you. Maybe you should have had them in line by now. I don't know. How hard is that to do? Yeah. I, honestly, I can't say that I've met too many people that are like that, but I can imagine, who you're talking about and, it does, you know that is, something that, it does.

It takes action. It takes actually, that action is part [00:06:00] of the word law of attraction. You can attract, but what you are actually attracting, what you're lining up with is you're lining up with the guidance. I believe that you're lining up with ideas, inspired ideas to come to you.

It doesn't just come about by sitting on your beanbag chair and meditating and then hoping for something to arrive on your front door. How it actually arrives is it goes through a process. First, you get really crystal clear on what actually it is that you really want.

And, whether it is that you wanna make a difference in the world or you want, when you want to make a difference in the world, you are part of that world. So you're making a difference in not just. What's out there, but you're making a difference on what's in here. And ultimately you want to, put [00:07:00] yourself in a position.

It's all kind of leading, the thought, the desire, the clear desire, lining up with your thoughts, lining up with your feelings and your emotions, lining up with, getting your beliefs, what you believe is ultimately, what you are going to put out there. And then, when you're all in alignment with all of that, it, then it's about like really receiving the intuitive guidance and receiving the ideas, the inspirations, the insights, the like lucky coincidences, the running into the right people, the resources, showing up.

And, if you don't do anything with that guidance. Then, it just stops flowing and you're not really going to get anywhere. So it is about taking action on that guidance. I'm a big fan of taking action. I am a big [00:08:00] fan of getting up and doing Because you can't always stay stuck.

Nope. If you're always stuck, then maybe you are the problem and therapy and something else will help, but there's a reason you're always stuck and maybe it's because you haven't figured out something that's going on in your own head. Well, usually I think stuck is you already kind of know the answer.

You already know what you need to do, and you're just refusing to take action on it. That's usually why people, they're doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Which is the definition of insanity, by the way. It is, absolutely. So you said that you wrote a book.

I've written a few books. It's called Practical Law of Attraction. And the reason, why I call it practical, there's so [00:09:00] much BS Law of Attraction out there, which is kind of like what you were alluding to earlier.

The BS Law of Attraction is basically where you sit and you. Put something out there. You write your affirmations about it. You say your affirmations, you say your kumbayas, you meditate every day. Ladi, dodi da, you, use your crystals. You nothing against any of those things. They're all tools.

They're all tools to that are designed to help you to, feel good and those good feelings, but. So this is practical. And practical means like you're committing to a goal. You are calling yourself out on the negative thought patterns that may come about.

Most of the time people are, talking about what they don't want versus what they do want. And the more you, whatever [00:10:00] you're focused on, where wherever you're putting your energy, whatever you're feeling, that's generally whatever that predominant state is, that's generally what you're going to bring back to you.

So you said something a second ago before you said the law of attraction again. That I was like, yes, I have a point on this. And then you started talking about something else. I lost it. She's very unfortunate,

but okay. So to me, if no matter who you are, 'cause we had said something about being, feeling stuck, so some people will, that's what it was where you're trying to gather what you are, you're trying to put out in the universe. Right. To come back at you. Yeah. There are two examples that happen in religion [00:11:00] that I know most people who do that kind of are.

A lot of people, I don't know anyway, not gonna get into who believes what. Okay? But these are just two and they are non-denominational. Like anyone should agree. Maybe you have people who. Most, every church pays a tithing, right?

My church is 10% of your income. Your church, it might be different, but whatever the tithing is, right. And because of the Old Testament, we know that if we pay our tithing that we are guaranteed blessings. Except some people equate I pay my blessing and now they tell people, oh yeah, I paid my tithing and I got a check for the same amount the next day.

Interesting. Like, how many times did that actually happen? Did it happen at all? I don't know. Some of those stories [00:12:00] might have happened, right? But you get into a habit sometimes of hearing it so many times that you're, oh yeah, I had one of those happen. You didn't really, but you've heard it so much now that you think you have.

And so you're saying it. And so it's like, if you pay your tithing, you know this automatic blessing comes back of you getting a check for the same exact amount. Not true correlation does not mean causation. Like just because you pay your tithing doesn't mean that's why you got that check. You getting a refund on your tires just 'cause you got a refund on your tires.

I like that, or whatever happened. I like that term correlation doesn't necessarily mean causation. I love that. Because that can be applied to so many things in society. And so I absolutely believe in that. Tithing is something I personally haven't really, gotten into. I do want to, I think it is, I [00:13:00] think it's a great thing.

But I do think that. It's not necessarily that you, put out, $10,000 and then boom, you're gonna get $10,000 back or 20,000 or 30,000 or however much, you know? Yeah. Catherine, Pandora or Ponderosa or something like that, she's an older, famous author. She talks about that a lot in her financial prosperity books.

And, I do think that there is something, to the tithing, but I think it just goes much deeper. I think it, it really goes into having this extreme level of faith. And when you have that extreme level of faith, you are tapping into some deeper internal resources where your eyes are a little bit more open, your heart is a little bit more open.

You are, allow, you're in a state where it's like, okay, you've put something out there [00:14:00] energetically and physically and psychologically, and as a result of putting that out there, I do believe in the law of reciprocity that, when you, give, people have a tendency to want to give back and,

I do believe in that, but I just think it's. It goes deeper. It's a little wild to be in a meeting where people are giving their testimonies and have six or seven different people going, yeah, I paid my tithing when I was struggling very hard. And the next, I put it in my mailbox and it went out, and the next day I had a check for that exact same number or a little bit more money than what I paid in my tithing because, God is good and God is good.

I'm not denying that. I'm not denying that didn't happen to somebody at some point. Right. Right. But then you hear it [00:15:00] and some people, because they're in the thing, they're like, well, I've given my test. Yeah. That's gonna be, I don't think they go out there and are like, yeah, I'm gonna lie about this.

I think sometimes you pay something and then you get a, and you get. A refund from something. Oh, yeah. And some people automatically inflate that. I don't believe that Every time I pay my tithing, I'm going to get a check in that amount. Right. I don't believe that at all. I also believe that if I do want to have good things come to me, it's not the tithing that matters.

It's me going out and helping people without, cameras and such so that my blessings happen in heaven and not on earth. Yeah. I had a, an interesting, that brings up a story. So it was a number of years ago. It was like I wanted to, go and do kind of like a little bit of a world tour on, a three day, two day.

It was two days at the time, but it became a [00:16:00] three day seminar called, the, law of Attraction Intensive. And I just, I really, really wanted to do that. And, the way that I was going about it was a little bit. Stupid. Let's just say, I wish, I knew what I know now, but all that to say, I had to put down all these down payments on all the hotels I had to pay for, my travel.

I had to pay for all my, hotel stays and all that amount came to about $6,000. And it was like the kind of money that at that time, makes your stomach, what did I just do? And, so literally within a week several things happened where that money just came back to me. You mentioned the IRS refund.

We somehow manage. I never get refunds from the IRS ever and somehow managed to get a [00:17:00] $3,000 refund from the IRS. That was half of it there. And then the other half came from, somebody just signed up out of the blue for, one of my coaching packages and boom, like within a week I manifested that $6,000 back.

And it was just, to me, it was like the sign from the universe that like, wow, this, I just made a great decision and I did. It just didn't have to be quite that expensive. There's other ways to do that, you don't have to invest that kind of money. But it was great because it was like everything was already paid for it.

Now anybody who's signed up for the class, that was gonna be gravy over and above my expenses. Yeah. And see that type of thing does really happen. I'm not saying it doesn't really happen, but I'm also saying it doesn't happen to everybody every time, if that makes sense. Absolutely makes sense.

Bring your [00:18:00] goodness and all that stuff, but also maybe be a little bit humble and acknowledge if that really happened or if you just, that didn't happen to you, you just heard enough stories that it felt like it happened to you. Some people don't really look at that too much once it gets scrambled in their brain, they're like, oh yeah, that happened this one time.

No, it didn't. That wasn't you. The other point that I was gonna make is if for people being stuck Yeah. In Matthew in the New Testament, one of, look, I'm the one bringing the Bible into this thing, and I don't even usually do that, so please excuse me for that much. But in, I think it's Matthew somewhere, it says, ask and you shall receive.

Yeah. So basically you're supposed to be praying all the time. You're supposed to have a running commentary in your mind of prayer or Thanksgiving there's nothing wrong with it. I do it. It's fine. It's whatever. My problem comes because I've actually heard people [00:19:00] go, yeah, I pray for pray to know which cereal to eat.

Okay? God doesn't give two craps about what cereal you eat. He really does it. That's a you choice. You have to make that, that nobody cares. Absolutely nobody, but you cares what goes in your mouth. Or sometimes if you're praying for, do I stay in this job or do I go to this other job?

Right? There are people who are doing that, and they're doing the to and fro, which one's better, but they're kind of even and they pray about it and they kind of get a, doesn't matter. Either one of them is good, right? So again, it's on you to make that decision. You'll, you get prompting Sure.

Of different paths you're supposed to take when that time is coming so that you can do it properly. Especially if you're praying properly, not properly, but praying at all maybe. [00:20:00] And yeah, did not mean to make that a sermon was not the point. The point is like, if you're going to ask somebody. For something, for help understanding whatever.

Maybe don't start with asking them what with cereal help, like I need you to tell me what cereal to eat because you're probably gonna get a, I don't care. Try to just stay out of what people are praying for. That's their business, no, I'm not saying don't pray for whatever.

Pray for whatever you want. But I'm just saying that some choices we have to make, they are not a, he's going to make it for us. Type deal. Right. All I'm saying, so cereal usually isn't going to affect your life enough for God to get involved. Probably not. Probably not. Job, yes. Pray. Pray about going to a new job.

If he does the, I don't know, either one, then you have more thinking to [00:21:00] do. Or he could say, go to the other one. So you were, whatever you were originally asking about. Some being stuck. Yeah. So sometimes when we're stuck, we're asking for the wrong thing. We're asking about breakfast when breakfast isn't what has us stuck.

Yeah. Yeah. I haven't really experienced too many people that, that's why they're stuck most of the time. The reason why people are stuck, I mean it could definitely be that they are asking the wrong questions and whether that's to themselves, whether it's to somebody they call God, whether it's to their subconscious mind, whatever it is.

Yes, absolutely. They could be asking the wrong questions, but usually they're probably, stuck. Because they down deep inside know what they need to do. They're just not acting on that because usually it's because they're [00:22:00] afraid, of making a wrong decision and, so if somebody's asking, I think for frivolous things, I.

That's just an, a sign of, that's just where they're at. Who am I to judge? What is a right or wrong question? For them to be asking. It's just where they're at. So I really just try to honor people, in where they're at and guide them when they come to me, for help.

And, everybody has their own answers. All the answers are really within. So it's just about gently, kindly guiding them, to a place inside, where they know what they need to do, but they're maybe a afraid of something. They're afraid of making mistake. They have a fear of success, fear of failure.

Something in their past happened, we all have these inner child wounds. Everyone, every, no one escapes, this life without being wounded in some way. And so, if somebody is acting in such a way that, [00:23:00] it seems like they're asking the wrong questions, I just honor the fact that they've, they're hurt in some way.

They're afraid in some way. They have pain in some way that they're dealing with and we all do. And so they just need guidance and support to, find their way. Find their own way. Okay. I would hope I didn't come across as saying that those people don't need help, but they shouldn't get help or any of that kind of thing.

I'm just saying, in my experience, I have probably run around with a group that you haven't seen. Probably. It sounds like we've definitely, probably not. You seem like you're in a whole different playing field. Do I still run around with those people? No. Am I never ran around with them in the first place.

I just saw them from the sidelines type deal. I've met a few through different events, but you do have them. I'm not saying that they're wrong. They can pray for you can pray for whatever you want. You [00:24:00] can ask the universe for whatever you want, however you're putting yourself out there, right?

You can ask for whatever you want, for whatever help you feel you need. But I have seen people that are stuck because they know which way to go, and yet they don't feel comfortable doing it because of whatever reason. But I've also seen those people who are stuck because they're asking the wrong questions and I say they're wrong.

They may be what they need to ask themselves now to get to where they're going later. That's perfectly fine. Yeah. So how can we help? How can we help your audience today to get the information that they need to move forward in their lives? So for this part, I think that everybody has to remember, including myself sometimes, that everybody has their own path in life.

Yeah. The people who are not so smart, the people who are smart and the [00:25:00] people who we don't even know because they're in a different stratosphere than we are in, it doesn't matter. We all have our path, we all have the actions that we are taking that we believe are the correct ones to make for our situation.

And if you want to change that, you have that book that might be able to help them. And there's other ways to change as well. Yeah, absolutely. And you made a really great, great point. I wanna repeat that. That. No one, is out there deliberately making wrong or bad choices for their selves.

We're all making the best choice that we have based on our present level of awareness. And so everyone has like different life. They've grew up in different ways. They have had different levels of support, and they've met, either the right people or the [00:26:00] wrong people, or they've had, they've just had.

And so we are all like, I've made some really bad choices in my life. And, but I forgive myself because at that time I did not know any better. I knew what I knew and I made the choices that I. I made the best choice. Do you ever say, I'm gonna make, I'm gonna make a bad choice today.

Like, no, we don't. No. And no one does, and that's what I always try to keep in mind, when it comes to, and, can be a little difficult because some things seem more obvious than others. Yeah. And yet for that person, it's not obvious and, unfortunately, or fortunately, and they will wake up when they're ready to wake up and we all do at some point.

Maybe it's not even in this lifetime. Yeah. It's if or when. [00:27:00] 'cause some people never wake up. They make that one wrong choice that they thought was the good choice. And they end up. N in a path they didn't predict for themselves. Yeah. So, but once you're on the path, not, there's many paths.

Okay, look, I'm making excuses for people if you choose to make changes in your life, because you can see that you may have gone off the beaten path and into the weeds because your choices were wrong, or you thought something was the best idea ever and it turned to run you into a tree. So maybe not the best I idea ever.

So that kind of thing, you just walk your path, make your choices, and if you want to make more intentional choices, get with somebody like you. And if you want to learn why you're not making the intentional choices, because you [00:28:00] can't scramble it out of your own, egg brain, go to a therapist, they can help you.

Even short term, even on for a couple of, sessions or whatever, figure out why you are always choosing the wrong choice. Thinking it's the best choice. 'cause there may be something in there. Therapy can also help with that, because most of the choices that we're making, are buried and are because of beliefs that we have and patterns, that are, that exist in our subconscious mind.

So many of the things that we do, the decisions that we make are because our subconscious mind, is running the show. I mean, our subconscious mind is over 90% of our mind. And so most people are just not even. Able to, see past certain choices that they're making because, they have, limiting beliefs and patterns that are preventing them to, [00:29:00] from actually seeing what to do.

Okay. Mention your book again and then we're gonna switch topics. Absolutely. So my book is called Practical Law of Attraction and yeah. And it's about lining up with the eight manifesting conditions, to help you to manifest success and your dreams and your goals. Okay. And is that on Amazon? It is available on Amazon.

Will you get me the link so that I can put that in the show notes? Absolutely. Case people wanna go buy it. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So in the second half we're going to be talking about some. The hard days. How do we get through them? Kinda, what are some steps we can do to make sure that they're not as bad as we think they're going to be?

That type thing. But as a caveat, I have not had the easiest of lives. If you listen to any of my other podcasts, you will [00:30:00] have seen that I kind of overshare a bit. It's the thing that happens when you're talking to people and they mention a scenario in which you have actually been through. In this case, I have a very bad day coming up and I know that for a lot of people, Christmas is a bright and wonderful day.

It is a lovely day to be with family and friends. For some people it is a day of remembrance of the family. They used to have the family that could have been, and it's very emotional for those people. Now, am I saying that if you are upset around Christmastime, that you get to ruin everybody else's Christmas?

Absolutely not. That is not anywhere in my handbook. Just because you are upset doesn't mean we go and try to destroy everybody else's happiness. They are allowed to be happy even if we are not. One of the things that I believe, like I said [00:31:00] earlier, is that we need to get up and do, because staying in bed is not the option.

That is a one-way ticket to a place that nobody should go, that nobody should ever make the decision to go to. And I say that as somebody with actively passively suicidal thoughts. So I have the suicidal thoughts and my brain goes, oh, maybe that's the way I die. Oh, maybe that is, it's not because I'm not doing it.

I have a big firm wall that I have placed between me and that option. And so it's never going to happen. Good. So while listening to this part, obviously you may be upset at some of the things that I say because they're different from how you believe they are or whatever. Just know that I am talking from my experience and my experience alone.

I'm not a [00:32:00] therapist. Have never stated that I was a therapist, would not like to be a therapist. 'cause don't come whining at me. I'm, I know that I whine at my therapist sometimes and she is very graceful enough not to tell me to go away. I don't have that kind of patience. I like people as long as they don't touch me.

But in this case, because we're talking about hard days, you have to realize that I am talking more to people who have some di distance from the event that is making the hard day. You don't just ha, we're not talking about right after it happens and all that entails that yes, that is a bad day.

That's probably a bad year or two depending on how soon you get into therapy that yes, that's bad. Not taking anything away from that. What I am saying is that maybe at the five year mark when you can talk to somebody about the problem [00:33:00] without sobbing and you start growing in that way, getting more and more distance from it that your bad days, the day that the event happened, the week that Christmas falls on the whatever the next holiday was, for whatever reason that you can still.

Maybe put boundaries around yourself, but you can still make sure that you stay in touch and do the things you need to come out the other side still you, because very easy to dismiss everybody around you. And when you finally come out of the bat cave, you're not Batman, you're the moth eaten rodent or whatever because you've allowed the rot to settle.

Not that anybody's a rat. My for stances are wild. Okay, now that I've gotten that extremely awkward, PSA out of the way, let's talk about [00:34:00] bad days. Now, in my experience, for me bad days are the anniversaries to events, holidays around that type of event. So like Christmas is all about the family. If you've lost a child no longer have custody of a child, you've lost your parent recently, you've lost grandparents recently.

It all changes how you look at family. And so you begin to kind of have it a little, it's not quite as sunshiny roses as it used to be. So how do you handle that? How do you handle that bad day? That knowing that it's coming up? If you know it's coming up, which you should. Some days, some bad days you don't know because, you know, random Tuesday and you're just having a bad day.

That's a bad day. You deal with it as it is and keep going. You have to have a couple things in place for a bad day. [00:35:00] You have to have your, grounding techniques in order. So you have either doing the five things, the things that you can see, things you can feel, things you can hear, things you can smell, things you can taste that things you can taste.

Thing is really hard for me sometimes 'cause I don't go around things that smell enough to make me taste them. I try not to, that's an asthma attack, but I don't try 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 of each thing, right? Try one at a time. If you are that bad off. I do cherry pickers and the more upset I am, the faster my fingers will go and the more I can't do something else because I'm concentrating on making sure that the hips of my fingers touch the thumb because it looks stupid when you start missing fingers and stuff.

So it makes you concentrate, if you live [00:36:00] alone. And this is a anniversary date. Maybe see if a friend will stay with you for the day. And that way you're not alone all day. It's very bad for you if you are having like a pre-planned bad day. That sounds like we just get to decide, oh, January 1st is a bad day.

'cause I don't like January 1st. No, that's not it at all.

Those anniversary days and stuff like these are in, some people in your life will automatically know what some of them are, right? Because they get it. And so making sure you have somebody around so that you can't go too far down the deep dark cave that has become your brain on that day.

Because it happens. You can have a bad day at work and have the deep, dark cave open up in your mind and you're deep in it going, I don't even know why I would do this job. I can't do it. See, I screwed up totally today. I don't know why I even tried to do this job, [00:37:00] which is a false fallacy. It's one of those things where just because you mess up once doesn't mean you're always going to mess up or that you don't know what you're doing.

I can know exactly what I'm doing and still not copy the thing I wanted to copy to paste over to somewhere else. Because I didn't quite hit the button quick enough. So it happens. You're going to want to make sure that like you do a checklist for each day for like at least three days before and three days after to make sure that you are eating at least the three times a day mm-hmm.

That you have showered at least once in those three days before and the three days after. Make sure you're drinking water. So set a goal of how much water you want to drink on those days. Being realistic that you're probably going to sleep some, so don't stack stacking on.

And here's the biggest thing ever, if you're a gamer, if you [00:38:00] like playing games any kind of games, I don't care if they're board games, you and your friend can play, right? Do that because you know what's happening while you're playing that game. You're not remembering. Yeah. If you read read, because while you're reading that, if you're reading it right and it's a good enough book, your brain can't remember.

So it's just about can't share both. It's about practicing some self-care is what I'm hearing you say. A lot of self-care, but also staying connected with your support network, even though your first instinct is to be like, no, I don't want anybody around me. It's gonna be a bad day. I don't wanna, yeah. So what we want to do on the bad days is self-care and distract.

Because maybe it's a Saturday that your day is on, you're not always going to be able to go to the therapist that day. And maybe what they've said at the beginning of the last week isn't really helping you [00:39:00] cope to get through the end of this week. Right? Yeah. So you want to be able to have things that distract your mind so that you're not look 24 hours of thinking about one thing that has absolutely gone wrong.

One thing that has absolutely happened to you and created some of the most uncomfortable situations after it, they're valid. Sure. Do you want to be thinking of every single detail of those events? No, absolutely not. That is not what you want your mind to go. That's a really good point. And so I wanna ask you, so we're talking about five years or so after the event has happened.

Mm-hmm. Does there get to be a point, say in year six or year seven or year eight, where we get to relabel that it, where it's not necessarily labeled and anticipated as a [00:40:00] bad day. Does there get to be a point where you get to, lessen that? Impact, impact that had on you. So you're not necessarily having to always relive that.

Now, I've experienced some loss. I've experienced some things that happened may not seem like the biggest deal to some people. To me, this freaking cat that I lost three months ago was everything. Like, like literally. We spent every waking moment together, just me and this cat.

Sit behind my, and lost him unexpectedly. I'm pretty sure that right now, a year from now when, you know, I re I remember, I am sad. Mm-hmm. I'm very, very sad and I know that there will come a time because I've lost other pets. Mm-hmm. I know there will come a time where that day.

[00:41:00] Feels less and less, impactful. And I get to be happy. I get to be like grateful for the fact that I had that, and not to compare animals to children because there's, I get that there's a huge difference between that. But I think, at some point does there get to be where I'm at peace with this?

I think that it completely depends on the person. Mm-hmm. Some people, five years out, they may have, 5, 6, 7 years they have that bad day. Yeah. And then they're fine. Yeah. And then they're fine. They can, they kind of stop on that day, maybe for a minute, but they keep going. Mm-hmm. Because life has moved on.

I think that for people who have had a lot of trauma in their life. Yeah. One more thing that happened is just the Jenga. Stupidest Jenga party ever. Right? Yeah. Because you're playing with saw [00:42:00] blades and not bricks. And so it doesn't cushion. Mm-hmm. I know that the event that is going to have me, out of commission on Saturday happened 17 years ago.

Has it made that bad day any better? Mm-hmm. Since it's that long out? No. Mm-hmm. Because, no, because of the type of event it was. Absolutely not. Now, if, and usually, especially if we're talking about kids, it's less likely. Even in somebody who's healthy they're still gonna have that,

my baby died today type thing. Yeah. It's not going to be okay with them ever because, it's a thing and it happened. Obviously that depends on age because if it's in [00:43:00] utero, I'm not saying that it, to have a miscarriage doesn't upset people, but it's less than if the person was older. Yeah. And a full being on their own that you got to meet type thing.

Yeah. Not putting anything that says this was worse than that's not how I'm playing it. Anybody else can, somebody else can do that fight for all you want. I don't care. But, I think the more normal you are, the more likely you're going to be able to put things on the shelf and maybe bring them out sometimes.

Mm-hmm. When you want to look at them and still be okay with them. Yeah. And put them back when they just need to make the pretty picture. That is the colorful spines of the books of your life, right? But

I didn't grow up normal. I don't know who grows up normal because normal isn't a thing, [00:44:00] but I grew, no, there's no such thing as that grew up so far. I grew up so far from what most people think you should grow up, how you should grow up that. I have a lot of trauma behind me, so yes, after 17 years, I am still very upset.

So the, here's a couple things you wanna remember to set realist realistic expectations. You are not going to a party on a bad day if you are still having those, if it's that bad for you, right? If it's an, if you're okay and you kind of like, you just pause for a second on that day, then yes, go.

You can have, you could probably go to a party mm-hmm. But somebody who fronted like a couple days before starts to get upset and can feel themselves changing and being more upset as it goes. You're not going to a party, you're not going out to dinner. You're probably not getting out of your pajamas.

[00:45:00] Even if you are participating with people in your house, you're going to be a little bit more relaxed in what you do. You're not putting on a full face of makeup. You're not curling your hair. You're suffering. Like it's not, I'm not saying this is a bad day, it's probably should be labeled different.

But a bad day for somebody who has gone through something is not the same as a bad day from somebody going to work, or who's nail broke or something like that, where they think that the world has come to an end. This is an actual event that did happen that had a lot of trauma around it. Death of any kind has trauma around it because now you're cut off from that person or animal.

And so there's trauma there. Am I saying that's on the same as other traumas? I don't know. That's not for me to decide. I'm not the one who just lost a cat. I'm not the one who just lost a dog. My mom died in [00:46:00] 2011, so that's very distant memory for me and doesn't bother me at all. Yeah, especially. Well, and that's, and that is the thing.

It's our perspective on what happened. It's always our perspective on what happened. I just lost my mom. I had actually a pretty traumatic start to 2025. I had, first my cat died. I knew I was getting ready to have hip surgery, and I knew that my mom was getting ready to die.

But I did not know any of that at the beginning of this year. And so it was just kind of like one thing after another. And so, yeah. I've definitely had my share of trauma, this year and, I know all about, definitely having the days of like staying in bed and, you know, just not wanting to deal with the world and not wanting to face the world, not wanting to put on any makeup or go out or do anything.

And, I think, it's about [00:47:00] ultimately just honoring the space that you are in. Now am I going to, as traumatic as the day that I lost my cat was, which honestly, out of all the events that happened, it was just because of the way that happened so unexpectedly and so traumatically.

I can't even, I don't even wanna go into the details of how he died. But, it was like, I had an, I anticipated that my mom, she was going downhill for a number of years, so for her it was like, she's at peace now, you know? And, that, was kind of how that went.

For my, so am I going to anticipate every year, okay, this was the day that my cat died. It's definitely no, is, it definitely has a significance. But, I'm gonna go into that day hoping to get through that day pretty, pretty easily, and, again, no [00:48:00] disrespect to anybody who's lost a child or a parent or, a spouse or, a human being.

And I get it. We're all at different place. Like everyone's at different places, you know? Yeah. That's why I said it depends on how it affects you, how much trauma you have behind it Yeah. As to how your bad day is going to be. Yeah. And it's more of a grief day. Yeah.

Because you're grieving. And for me, it's not that I'm grieving that one day because of the one person. It's that whole two years of events that happened. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. That into that one day. I get it. So. That's basically what you're doing on those days is you're grieving. If you had something personal happen to your body, you're grieving who you were before it happened.

Mm-hmm. You're grieving how trusting you were, you're grieving the scars you have now, you're grieving everything to deal with that. It is not just, oh, that one thing hap no. There were [00:49:00] days where, you have to go to the hospital. If you did that, you had to go to the cops and talk about it.

Like all of that is more trauma onto that situation. Absolutely. Does that mean I don't believe you should go to the cops? No. You absolutely should go get the help and take down that person so that they don't do it again. Yeah. But again, everybody deals with things differently. Mm-hmm. I can say for a hundred percent, if something like that happened to me again, I would go to the cops.

Did I do that in the past? No, because

I didn't have the oomph in me. I didn't have the knowledge that I am a person that does, that can make their own choices. Yeah. I wasn't raised that way. I wasn't raised to make my own choices. Right. So I ended up in situations I shouldn't have been. Should I have called the cops on some of them? Yes.

Did I? No. Well, it was like we were talking about earlier, you were [00:50:00] operating with the present level of awareness that you had at the time. And hindsight's 2020, now you are in a different level of awareness and you know how you would handle that. Today. So for your listeners who are, approaching, having, the anniversary of something traumatic that they have experienced in their lives and, they're ready to feel, they just wanna feel good.

They just wanna feel good. So what would you, what I would say is remember who you are. Because sometimes when you go down that deep dark path in your head, you forget who you are. Mm-hmm. And you only remember the pain that is. And you make decisions that you wouldn't make if you remembered who you were.

Yeah. So remember who you are. Yeah. Yes. There's pain. Yes, there is. Struggle. Yes, there is a hardship That's part of [00:51:00] life. It's a part of growth. You can't grow if you're comfortable. Right. That's absolutely true. So if, when you're going through your grief day or your bad day, however you wanna call it, I think that most people just need to take hold of something in their mind, in their hand.

I don't really care of a rope that says, I'm not going anywhere. This is a bad day. Or this is a grief day. I will do my grieving. I will have my bad day and then I will let it go again. Because as much as hurts. So give yourself permission to grieve. Mm-hmm. Yes. As much as it hurts, as much as you want to just stay and cry and do whatever, there's life still to live.

Mm-hmm. That person, whoever, or if it was done to you, whatever, you don't need to give them any more power if it was done to you and if [00:52:00] it's somebody who you miss because they're on the other side, they wouldn't want you like this. That's true. They wouldn't want you so broken up that you've joined them before it was time to be joining anybody.

Absolutely. So remember who you are. Remember that hardships are a part of life and stay because you can get through this. That's good advice. You can get through this and, remembering who you are, that's a wonderful, way to, honor yourself, because you've gotten through every other time.

You've made it this far. You can remember that you're strong and, that, if you have been choosing to be happy every other day. Today, you can also [00:53:00] choose, you can choose to allow this day to just kind of be a day of remembrance. It's kind of the way that I am, interpreting what you're referring to when you're talking about, this is a day of remembrance, just like our country's suffered, a horrible day, nine 11, and so many people, remember that day in different ways, you know?

Mm-hmm. And depending on where you were that day or how close you were to that scene, and a lot of people, remember it very deeply, other people. It starts to become a little bit of a distant memory, don't remember it as much, just depending on where you were. And I think that that's what you're saying is essentially is just let that day, that.

Is special to you, has significance, maybe not special, but it's significant to you. Mm-hmm. Something significant took place in your life. And you are allowing yourself a day of remembrance, a day of remembrance, and you get to reremember that [00:54:00] day. However it feels, most soothing to you.

And if, and soothing can mean, crying all day, staying in bed all day. And soothing can also mean, Hey, you know what, this time I'm going to go for a walk, I'm gonna, I'm gonna allow myself to, to have 12 hours of grieving and not necessarily 16 hours of grieving. And you can start to soothe yourself that way.

It's just. It's different for everyone and yeah. Whatever you need to do to get through it. Some people never have the grief day or a bad day. Yeah. Some people, are able to process because they've had a life where that was allowed and encouraged and all that good stuff. And I'm not knocking it, if you are raising a child, raise them like that so that they are resilient and they can walk through fires and not get lit on because [00:55:00] there are those of us out here who were raised and on a battlefield field who can't get away from it because it's where we are, it's where we've always been kind of more comfortable there than anywhere else.

So to ends on a better note. If you are having a grief day, if that is the day that you are watching this, then I hope that this episode encourages you to stay and to make new choices each day that will lead you where you want to go and probably being away from where you're at.

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I would like to just, wish, any of your listeners who are experiencing a bad day, I just wanna wish you, peace and comfort and resilience and strength [00:56:00] and, know that, you can get through anything. Just be gentle with yourself and, allow yourself to, honor and be where you're at.